I think that everyone expects it to be easier to sleep when there is complete silence, especially when you're surrounded by chaos for so long. For months I'd practically been begging for silence because between the dogs and Justin's disgustingly loud snoring it was nearly impossible for me to sleep for more then two hours straight. What I realize now is that I'd give anything to hear a dog sigh really loud or jiggle the tags on its collar, and I'd kill to hear Justin snoring next to me. The silence is almost unnerving, and apparently I've gotten use to falling asleep to noise, which has now made me unable to fall asleep when there is deafening silence.

The clock read 2:13am when I rolled over for the last time and realized that sleep wasn't going to happen tonight. I counted back 3 hours in my head, 11:13pm; he's working another night so there goes that option. The TV did me absolutely no good since all that was on were infomercials and just as I was about to get up and clean the entire house I thought of what I use to do when I was little when I couldn't fall asleep. I lunged over to the nightstand to grab my glasses, not even deeming it necessary to put contacts in before throwing on one of my old college sweatshirts, grabbing the keys to my car and hitting the road.

It only took me 10 minutes to get to the house, and it wasn't until I put the key in the door that I realized some might deem this a little creepy, but at this point I didn't care. Walking up the familiar steps and turning left instead of right was something that most people would overlook but in my head I made a mental note of how strange it felt. I knocked lightly on what use to be my guest bedroom door and when I didn't hear a response come from the other side I turned the gold knob slowly as to not make too much noise. After a few seconds of my eyes adjusting to the darkness I tiptoed over to the left side of the bed making sure that I was about to wake up my brother and not the psychopath.

"Trace," I whispered after seeing his shaved head sticking out from under the covers. He didn't move, so I put my hand on his shoulder calling his name again a little bit louder this time. Again, nothing. "Trace Face!" I said in an almost normal tone of voice while shaking his arm.

"What the...."

"Shhh," I said putting my pointer finger over my lips when he was about to yell, "It's just me."

"What the hell Em! It's almost 3 in the morning," he said in a tone of voice that was by no means a whisper, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Would you shut up, you're going to wake her up..."

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He asked again whispering this time.

"Get up," I said putting my hand over my mouth when I saw Attila the Hun move next to him.

"It's three in the morning!"

"Come on," I pointed to the beast who was about to arise, "We're going on the roof."

"Emily, we are not 10 anymore."

"But I can't sleep Trace..."

He looked down at Bri who had curled back up into a ball and fallen back into a deep sleep before giving me a look of death. I pleaded with him by giving him a sad puppy dog face and knew I won when he let out a deep sigh before rolling his eyes, throwing back the covers and putting a T-Shirt on. I turned on my heel walking out the door and halfway down the hall where I pulled the string hanging from the ceiling to release the ladder leading up to the attic. I felt him step on the ladder after me once I was halfway up and I made my way to the sliding window and out onto the roof as he closed the attic door behind him. Once I heard him close the window and sit down next to me, I lay down on my back and waited for him to do the same. We didn't say anything for a while just lay there in silence listening to the crickets and every now and then hearing a car go by on the street below us. I knew he was waiting for me to start, so I looked up to see what I could find. "I see a penguin to the left of the north star."

"I see a house under the penguin's right foot."

"There's a baseball bat on the roof of the house."

"And a beach ball," he said quickly letting out a small chuckle. We stayed there on the roof finding objects hidden in the stars for a good hour until both of us were coming up empty handed. Once we were silent for a few minutes I heard him turn his head and look at me, "You tired yet?"

"Not really...you?"

"Not anymore..."

"Well," I said figuring now was as good a time as any to sort things out, "Good news...I'm not pregnant!"

"I never thought you were Em," he folded his hands behind his head and closed his eyes, "But I know you're dating him..."

I knew that the minute Trace and I actually talked this was going to come up, and Justin and I already agreed to tell him that we were dating but the whole Justin being sick part was up to him to tell. "I wasn't dating him when I talked to you Trace I swear."

"But you are now?"

"Yes," I answered proudly so that he wouldn't think I had any second thoughts about being with him, because I didn't.

I turned to look at him as he took his hands out from under his head and ran them down his face, "Oh Emily, Emily, Emily. This is just not good."

"Why?" I asked pushing myself up and leaning on my elbows, "Why is it so wrong for me to date him?"

"How much time do you have? Because I don't think it's enough for me to list all of the reasons why it's a bad idea."

"Give me five reasons why..."

"Okay," he said sitting up crossing his legs at his ankles, "Number one he's your boss, so when you break up if he doesn't fire you I'm sure he'll probably make your life miserable. Number two you live with him, so when you break up that'll be one hell of an awkward living situation...although you'll probably spend most of your time apart since he's constantly working. Point C, he's my best friend so when you guys break up that's going to leave me the middle man and I'm going to have to have a falling out with one of you which is not really beneficial to me, then--"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, time out," I cut in waving my arms in the air like a mad woman. "Why does your reason always have to include, 'so when you break up'? What if we don't break up Trace?"

"Because it's bound to happen Emily. Not sure if you've noticed yet, but Justin is a workaholic. His work always comes first whether he's doing music, acting, buying fucking golf courses or whatever else he does. You will never be number one. That's nothing against you it's just how Justin is. Why do you think none of his other relationships worked? People got sick of coming second fiddle to a fucking record or a movie."

"Maybe it's different with me," I said getting defensive, trying to convince myself that it actually was.

"So if you called him right now he'd answer?"

"He's working a night..."

"I rest my case," he leaned back with his hands behind his head and closed his eyes.

"He's at work! If I was busy at work I wouldn't answer the phone either..."

"So tell me this, what happens if say you get hit by a car and there's only time to call one person before you fucking die and you choose Justin who doesn't answer because he's on set, then what?"

"That's a fucking low blow and you know it," I stood up tears filling my eyes. "You don't have to support this, I'm not asking you to and you are under no obligation to just like I don't support your relationship with that gold digging slutbag downstairs. I told you because you are my brother and we are suppose to be able to tell each other everything. I'm happy again Trace. He makes me smile, and I feel safe with him. If you can't see that, then that's not my problem. I was hoping that for once you'd look past your friendship with Justin and the possible problems that could occur and just be happy for me, but I understand if you can't do that."

"This is what you don't get Em!" he screamed standing up in front of me, "This isn't about my friendship with Justin it's about you! I don't want to see you get hurt, and I can't bear to see you have to go through everything that happened with Jake again. And I don't want to see your life get bombarded with paparazzi and the media that's going to turn your world upside down. If you're happy with Justin, that's great...but I'm never going to be okay with you having to deal with all of the extra shit just because he is who he is. I know Justin," he was pointing at himself now, his face turning red in the darkness, "I've seen Justin in relationships and he tries...he tries so hard to love someone and put them first, but it's just not in his blood. He won't be different with you. I'm sorry, but he won't."

"Maybe," I said after a few minutes of staring at him blinking back tears, "Maybe it's not about him being different. Maybe it's about me not being the other girls that he's dated. Look, I don't know if we're going to work out. For all I know we could break up tomorrow, but that's a chance I'm willing to take." I walked towards the window sliding it open before turning back to him, "You are my brother, I love you and I appreciate your concern, but I'm dating Justin whether you like it or not. I just hope that it won't effect our relationship because it's been hell not talking to you for the past month and a half." I threw my legs over the window sill turning around again to see Trace still standing in the same spot on the roof, "Thanks for coming out here with me...Sometimes it's nice to put all this bullshit to the side and feel like we're kids again..."

I walked directly out of the house getting into my car and pulling out of the driveway without any hesitation. I got about half way down the street when I stopped to turn around and I saw Trace sitting down on the roof. I knew that I was secure in my relationship with Justin, but there was something nagging me about what Trace said.

After taking a right and losing sight of my brother in the rearview mirror I slipped my hand in the pocket of my sweatshirt and took out my cell phone scrolling down to J in my contacts and hitting send on Justin's name. It was 2 in the morning LA time and I knew he was still on set. The chances of him answering the phone were slim to none, which I knew and understood, but for some reason I felt the need to test him.

I listened to the phone ring 5 times as I drove down the street and felt my heart sink a little bit on the 6th ring knowing that I was about to get his voicemail. Could I live with this? Am I really okay knowing that I'm always going to come second? What if I needed him...Would he actually come? I snapped back to reality when I heard a voice coming from the phone that I didn't turn off that was now sitting on my lap that didn't sound like Justin's machine. I put the phone back up to my ear, "Em...Are you there?"

"Justin?" I asked as if I didn't just call him 20 seconds ago.

"Hey...are you okay?" A hint of worry was present in his voice.

"You answered," I said after a few seconds, feeling the worry that was in the pit of my stomach suddenly disappear.

"Of course I answered. Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"I'm fine I just...I didn't think you'd answer."

"What are you doing up at 5 in the morning?"

"I couldn't sleep, so I went to Trace's and sat on the roof with him."

"Some things never change...Did you tell him about us?"

"Yeah," a smile crept up on my face liking the way he asked about 'us' as I turned into my driveway, "He's not happy about it but he'll get over it."

"He always does." He didn't say anything for a while but just knowing that he was on the other end of the phone made me feel a million times better about our situation. "Hey Em?"

"Mmm," I replied getting back into bed closing my eyes as my head hit the pillow.

"If I tell you something, do you promise you won't go run and tell US Weekly?"

"Depends on what it is and how much money I can make off of it."

"Well, I guess it's worth the risk..."

"Tell me..."

"I kind of miss you already," he said with sadness in his voice.

"I miss you too Justin," I said with a smile on my face curling up in a ball under the covers.

"Go get some rest. I'll talk to you in the morning."

"Goodnight Justin..."

"Goodnight Emmy."