I can't really describe what was going through my head from the moment I hung up the phone to the minute the plane landed at LAX and a car dropped me off at Cedar Sinai. It's crazy to me how you can go from being so mad at someone one second, and the next second need to be at there side or else your entire body might explode. But in some weird twisted way I guess that's what love really is.

Walking through the doors of this hospital was something I never wanted to do again unless it was to deliver a child or go see someone who just had. At the front desk I was met with Leanne's face, and unlike the last time I didn't have to fight with her or give her a fake name to get her to tell me where to find him. What came as a shock to me though was the fact that she didn't tell me to go to the fifth floor, but to wait there for Justin's security guard to come get me and escort me back to ICU.

When Lynn said the words 'It's Justin' I pretty much hung up on her and floored it all the way to the airport, just assuming that the leukemia was back. He had been working himself too hard, not getting enough sleep, and losing weight by the minute. I didn't even imagine the possibility that it could be anything else, but apparently I was dead wrong. I leaned my back against the wall of the waiting room, not even wanting to waste time by having to get up when Eric came out to get me and tried to think positively which was pretty much impossible to do. When the doors opened and he came walking towards me I ran as fast as I could to him letting him scoop me up in a hug before examining his face for any indication of what I was about to get myself into. He put his hands on my shoulders and shook his head.

"What happened? What's wrong? You know what I don't even want to know just take me back to see him."

"Emily why don't you sit down for a second," he pointed to the chairs back in the waiting room.

"No, I don't want to sit. I need to go see Justin."

"He's not in good shape," he blurted out which caused me to stop pushing him towards the door. Staring up at him I finally let it settle in that this wasn't just going to be two weeks of chemo and back to normal. Something really bad has happened. "Go sit." I nodded walking back to the waiting room and sat down next to him on one of the couches. "He was riding his motorcycle down La Cienaga--"

"I told him a million times to get rid of that thing, they're not safe damnit!"

"He had a green light and went but a drunk driver went barreling through the red light on Sunset and smashed into him."

My hand went directly over my mouth as I let out a gasp seeing the scene play out in my head. "Smashed into him how? He fell off the bike and hit his head smashed into him, or he's in a million different pieces smashed into him?"

"He's in a million different pieces smashed into him, but Em," he said quickly not allowing me to breakdown, "He's alive. And he's stable, and he asked for you before they..."

"Before they what?"

"They had to put him in a medically induced coma because he kept having seizures. He broke a lot of bones, has a concussion and needed stitches pretty much everywhere."

"Jesus Eric..."

"Look, the worst part is pretty much over. He had to have surgery to repair his leg and his arm but that's done and over with now. Once they wake him up he should be out of ICU."

"His leg...But will he be able to--"

"They don't know," he said cutting me of knowing what I was going to ask.

"Can I see him now?" I asked after I took a few minutes to let everything sink in. 

"Sure," he said taking my hand in his, and we started walking towards the doors, "Just prepare yourself because it's not a pretty sight."

***

Not a pretty sight was putting it lightly. Two days later Justin was still in a medically induced coma, and if someone didn't tell me that it was him lying in that hospital bed I would have never known. Since everything went down on one of the busiest streets in LA the paparazzi were there to catch it all, and it was all over every news station and on the cover of every magazine. I managed to get to Trace before the news did and he made his way here as fast as possible making sure to leave Bri at home.

I haven't moved from his bedside in 48 hours. I listened so intently to the beeping of all the machines he was hooked up to that the minute one beeped a little off kilter I'd flip out. To call what I was going through hard was the understatement of the year, and even though all signs were pointing in the right direction it was taking everything out of me to see him lying there like this. I don't think I'd wish this on my worst enemy.

Trace, Lynn, and Paul had just left for the night and I was half asleep with my head resting on the side of the bed when I felt someone put their hand on my shoulder. Jumping a little bit I looked behind me and saw Robin holding up a bag of Skittles. "I figured you might need a little pick me up..."

"Aww Robin! You do love me!" I said with a smile getting up to give her a hug.

"How's the superstar doing?"

"He's doing. They just stopped giving him the drug to keep him knocked out, so they said he should wake up by morning and they'll go from there..."

"This may sound really bad, but honestly...I'd rather see him here then back up on my unit."

"You think he'll pull through?" I asked sitting back down on the chair next to his bed.

"This guy? He wouldn't die even if he wanted to just so that he'd be alive to piss everyone off and get a laugh out of it."

"I guess you're right..."

"Get some rest," she said rubbing my back, "I'll be back to check on him tomorrow."

"I'll try," I said watching her walk away, "Oh and Robin?"

"Yes?"

"How's Chloe?"

"I was hoping you wouldn't ask me that..."

"That bad?"

"Let's just say he's in better shape then she is."

I put my head in my hands knowing what that meant. I hadn't come to visit Chloe in a long time but I knew Justin tried to make it here at least once a week to see her. She was in remission soon after Justin and doing really well, but about a month and a half ago we got word that she was back in the hospital and Justin told me it wasn't looking too good. "Can I go see her?"

"Maybe tomorrow," she answered her face scrunching up in an attempt not to lose her cool. "Get some rest," and with that she walked out leaving me alone for the third night in a row with Justin and Nick at Nite.

Even though my favorite episode of The Cosby Show was on it didn't take me more then 15 minutes to fall asleep sitting in my chair with my head on the side of the bed. I was pretty sure I was dreaming when I felt something moving around me, but shot up suddenly when I realized I was awake and that something moving was Justin. I immediately looked at his face and I saw that his eyes were still closed, but he kept opening and closing his fists, and his right leg was moving back and forth on top of the bed. I stood up keeping my hand in his moving as close to the bed as possible.

"Justin?" I whispered using my free hand to brush over the bandages on his cheek, relief setting into my body. He opened his mouth to say something but instead of words coming out he started coughing. I reached over to the side table that held the only personal belongings I took with me from Tennessee as well as a bottle of water that I had been sipping on earlier. I twisted the cap off and the straw I was using popped up. His eyes were still closed when I brought the straw over to his mouth, "Take a sip," I said and he brought his lips down to suck on the straw. He tried to bring his hand up to push the bottle away after he was done, but winced when he lifted it about 2 inches in the air and put it back down. I took the bottle back, quickly putting it down on the table and squeezed his hand, wishing he would just open his eyes. "I have to go get the doctor okay? I'll be right back."

"Em," his voice was scratchy, like someone had been digging their nails into his throat for the past 3 days.

"Yeah?"

He coughed again, but motioned for me with his hand to go back over to him. I sat down on the edge of the bed and put his hand in mine. "Thanks for coming..."

I didn't know how to respond and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I took a minute to look him over again while rubbing the back of his hand with my thumb. "You're welcome Justin I..." I took my gaze off of his hand and looked back up at his face, "Can you open your eyes Justin?"

He nodded but kept them closed, "The light," he said before clearing his throat, "The light hurts my head."

"I'll turn the lights off on my way out to get the doctor. Sit tight alright?"

I got up and walked towards the door flicking the light switch down on my way to the nurses' station. I was shocked that I wasn't crying or panicking or doing something besides staying composed. I told the nurse on duty that Justin had woken up and she got on the phone with the doctor on call. On my way back I sent a quick text to his mother before making my way back into his room. When I walked in he was trying to pick his arm up and reach for what looked like the water bottle. His eyes were open to just a squint and when I saw the pained look on his face I started walking a little bit faster. "I'll get it," I said making my way over to the water and putting the straw back in his mouth. "Do you remember what happened?" I asked after he finished most of the bottle.

"I remember being on my motorcycle, but after that...I'm assuming I crashed since I look like this." He spoke slowly, letting out a cough every now and then and squeezed his eyes shut every time he swallowed. "I can barely move."

"So don't try to move." He closed his eyes again and tilted his head to the side of the pillow trying to find a comfortable position. He was a stomach sleeper so I'd imagine he couldn't be anymore uncomfortable if he tried. Letting out a sigh when he realized this was his life at this point he gave up. "So...I took a couple of days off of work, I hope you don't mind," I said trying to lighten the mood and kill the awkward silence.

I saw a small smile appear on his face and he let out a soft chuckle, "I'll think about letting it slide."

"Thanks." I looked down at my phone that was vibrating on my lap seeing a text from Lynn, "Your parents are on their way. Trace is probably with them."

"Okay." We sat in silence for a while and I wasn't really sure where to go from here. We hadn't had a conversation about anything but work in a month, and here I was sitting with him alone in a hospital room not knowing what was appropriate to say to someone who was just in an awful accident. "Em I just want you to know that--"

"Well look who decided to wake up!" Justin's doctor came strolling in with a team of nurses and interns behind him, and I let out a sigh of relief knowing that I still had time to prepare myself for the conversation we were about to have before the doctor interrupted us. I quickly got up out of my seat making room for everyone that just came in and caught Justin's eye before starting to walk out.

"I'll leave you guys alone for a bit," I said as I hit the doorway.

"Come back okay?" Justin said attempting to raise his voice to more then a whisper.

"I will."

I made the short walk to the swinging doors leaving the intensive care unit and felt weak. Putting my hand against the wall to catch my balance I continued down the long hallway to the elevators where I made my way up to the fifth floor. The doors opened and I walked down the all to familiar hallway to the nurses' station where Robin and another nurse Diane were sitting eating breakfast. Diane saw me first and stood up quickly throwing the fork that was in her hand down on the desk, "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, yeah he's good," I said stopping to lean on the desk. "He's awake, the doctors are with him now. It's going to be a long road but at least he's awake you know?"

"Oh I'm so happy," Robin replied putting her hand on top of mine. "Are you okay? You look pretty pale..."

"Yeah...I mean I'm just kind of worn out. I'm tired and stressed, and not sure why I'm reacting so calmly."

"Things will work out with him," Robin said squeezing my hand, "Just give it time."

I nodded my head squeezing her hand back, "Can I go see Chloe?"

"Sure! She's having a good day today, but she doesn't know about Justin so keep that in mind."

Once I reached the door to room 521 I took a second to take a deep breath before I knocked and walked in. The room no longer had two chairs set up by the windows, but now it housed a hospital bed, monitors everywhere and a small TV hanging from the wall. Chloe was watching something on the Disney channel and all of the color was drained from her face, leaving her looking just really really sick. My heart broke for her when I saw a hick line coming out of her chest, and a basin next to her on the bed. "Hey Chloe!" I said trying to sound as cheerful as possible.

She turned her head looking over at me and her face lit up just a little bit, "EMILY! Where have you been?"

"I've been home in Tennessee, I'm sorry I haven't come to visit. How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling better today. Yesterday was a bad day though. The doctors said that they think the bad cells in my body are going to beat me but I'm 7 so I'm strong. Hey where's Justin? I wrote more words for our song!"

"I umm..." I couldn't really form any words. This little girl that isn't even as tall as my hip was told she's going to die and she followed that up with asking for Justin like it was no big deal. "Justin he...he's...Hey do you have the lyrics with you?"

"My mommy put them in the drawer over there, but they're top secret I can only show Justin until we're done with it."

"Oh well that's pretty cool! What else is new with you?"

"Well, I have to stay here all the time now, but Robin sneaks me in some food that my mommy won't let me have sometimes."

"Is she still a big meanie that Robin?"

"No," she laughed, well as much of a laugh that could come out of her little sick body, "She's only mean when Justin comes...is he coming today?"

"I don't think so Chlo...He's pretty busy working and stuff so it might be a little while before he comes again. But I'm sure he'll call you. And hey guess what!"

"What?"

"Look at what I brought with me," I said holding up the bag of Skittles Robin gave me last night. "Shh, don't tell Robin!

"Cool! Can I have the red ones?"

"GIRL! You know red is my favorite!"

"Come on Emily...I'm sick you know..."

"I think you've been hanging out with Justin a little too much," I said picking out the red skittles and putting them in her tiny hand.