I am your brother
Your best friend forever
Singing the songs
The music that you love
Brothers til the end of time

Together or not
You're always in my heart
You hurt your feelings
And you will rain on mine
I love you brother

My cell phone was ringing for the 80th time in a matter of five minutes, and thanks to an awful yet hilarious American Idol audition I knew without even looking at the caller ID that it was Trace so I didn't even have to move from my spot in front of the mirror in the bathroom putting make up on. Apparently me ignoring him for the past week didn't really get the point across to him that I didn't want to talk to him or see him, so when I heard his voice behind me I nearly put a hole in the ceiling from jumping so high.

"I can hear the phone ringing so apparently my screaming phone call to AT&T was unwarranted. Remind me to call them later and apologize since in reality my sister has just been ignoring my fucking calls for no reason...what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? Where do you come off scaring the shit out of me? Don't you knock or at least let someone know that you're coming over?"

"Oh I'm sorry maybe I should have tried CALLING!" I shrugged my shoulders ignoring his statement and went back to my makeup. "HELLO! Are you in there?" he knocked on my head and stared at me in the mirror, "What the hell have you been doing for the past week besides ignoring me?"

"I've been busy," I replied flatly trying to pay more attention to my eyeliner then the ugly look on his face in the mirror.

"Doing what? And before you even try to say work I know you haven't been there so think of some other lame excuse to use on me."

"I didn't know I needed a personal keeper...and why are you checking up on me?"

"Because you've been MIA. What's going on Em?"

"I haven't been MIA, I've actually be quite busy--" My phone ringing cut me off and I ran into the bedroom to answer it.  I finalized my plans for the evening and was met back in the bathroom with a face from Trace that made me think he might actually attack me, "What?"

"Who was that?"

"My date."

"Your date? You're going on a date tonight? Is that what you've been doing this whole week? Ignoring everyone because you're seeing someone?"

"I'm not seeing anyone Trace," I replied throwing my mascara back in my makeup bag and pulling the zipper shut, "I'm going on a date, there's nothing wrong with that. I'm a grown woman, I can do what I want..."

"Does Justin know?"

"I'm sorry I hadn't realized I had to get Justin's permission to go on a date. What Justin doesn't know won't hurt him, and Justin won't know because you're not going to tell him."

"Seriously Emily...You're freaking me out--" he was interrupted by my phone buzzing on the sink,

I'm too sexy for my shirt

Too sexy for my shirt

So sexy it hurts--

I hit the ignore button, turned around and looked Trace in the eyes, "There's nothing to be worried about. I'm fine, promise," I said kissing him on the cheek before walking past him into my bedroom. "I'm alive and well, so you can go report back to whoever you report back to these days and then go home to Bri."

"Who did you just ignore?"

"Trace," I said now getting really annoyed, "Just go home."

"It was Justin wasn't it? Is this what all of this weirdness is about? You're pissed that he's gone aren't you?"

I took a deep breath trying to figure out a way to get this conversation to end and slip out of the house without it blowing up any more then it already has, "He's been gone for over a month and I'm just fine Trace. I'm going on my date, you can stay here or you can go home I really don't care, but I'm leaving," and with that I walked out of my bedroom and out the front door to the ride that was waiting for me.

***

Justin has been gone for 36 days. I'd be lying if I didn't say the first couple of days were like hell on earth. I tried to prepare myself in the days before he left for what it would be like with him gone by avoiding him as best as I could, and I thought that I was golden. That is until he actually left. Coming home to a quiet, empty house everyday left me with nothing to do except think, and thinking never leads to any good in my world. So after about a week I made it a point to go out every single night. It started off as dinner with my friend Samantha, which lead to drinks the next night with a few others, and then off to a club on Friday night which often lead into Saturday and sometimes Sunday morning. I was able to keep my mind off of everything, including but not limited to, Jake, work, Justin, and the responsibilities of life by focusing on rebuilding my friendships and meeting new people. The constant buzz off of the non-stop flow of alcohol didn't hurt either.

I did however always have the whole Butch situation in the back of my mind, and I'm proud to say that I never got to the point of no return. Last week after having a few drinks at a local pub with Samantha and Rachel, we met up with Sam's boyfriend and his best friend Cody at his house for a little late night movie watching. Once the movie started Sam and Kyle curled up in a tangled mess of a ball on the couch which left Cody and I on the loveseat making fun of them alone since Rachel went home before we got there. We ended up talking and getting to know each other while the two lovebirds practically had sex on the couch next to us, and before we knew it the movie was over. Much to my surprise he was quite the gentleman and walked me out to my car around midnight, and before he closed the door behind me he asked me out to dinner. I don't know if it was the wine talking or what, but it took all of 1 second for me to say yes.

That brings me to right now. I'm sitting across from Cody at a fancy restaurant in Memphis. We've been here for a couple of hours, and I'm on my fourth glass of wine. I've learned a lot about him since we got here, but if we're being honest he's done most of the talking. Not that I mind or anything, in fact I'd rather it this way so that I don't have to get into my confusing and somewhat sad and insane life. I feel like I've been laughing non-stop and we've realized we really do have a lot in common. We were sharing the most delicious piece of tiramisu when he decided it was time to start asking me the questions.

"So," he said before taking a bite off of his fork, "You've heard all about me, tell me about you..."

"What do you want to know?" I asked batting my eyelashes like a 12 year old.

"Well for starters, what do you do for work?"

"I work for a record label. It based out of LA but they have an office here in Memphis."

"What's your title there? I've always heard it's hard to get jobs at labels. I've got a few friends out in LA that have been trying for years and they've got a resume to back it but can't find anything."

"Well," I replied putting a piece of tiramisu in my mouth, "I guess you can say I kind of just fell into it. It's really hard work, but it's in an industry that I love and always dreamed of working in so I don't really mind the whole hard work aspect of it," I said ignoring his first question.

"So what? Do you work in the mailroom or something, is that why you're avoiding the question?"

"No I don't work in the mailroom," I laughed.

"So what do you do?"

I looked up at him not really wanting to tell him but figured there was no point in lying, "I'm the President," I said in a low voice not really knowing what kind of reaction to expect from him, but was shocked when he started hysterically laughing.

"Come on now," he said banging the table with his right hand, "You are too funny Emily. Seriously now...just tell me what you do, I won't make fun of you I promise."

"I'm the President," I said now annoyed, "I get how that could be kind of intimidating but it's the truth."

He put his fork down and stopped laughing the minute he saw that my face was serious, and took a sip of wine before saying anything. "I...I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you or anything Emmy I--"

"Don't call me that," I nearly screamed cutting him off. I closed my eyes and shook my head willing the image that was now in my head of Jake to go away, "Please don't call me that," I said softer a minute later.

"Sorry," he replied fiddling with his napkin unable to look at me, "Bad breakup or something?"

I didn't know how to respond. I hadn't told Cody about Jake, or Justin, or about anything really for that matter because if I did it would involve me thinking about them which was something I didn't want to do. "You could say that. It wasn't so much a break up..."

"Did he just up and leave? I hate when men don't even have the balls to break up with a woman. It's one of my pet peeves."

"He didn't really have a choice." I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes and I finished off the glass of wine that was in front of me before pouring another one for me and topping his off.

"You don't have to defend the guy Emily. I'll be the first to admit that most men are assholes. How long were you guys together?"

"About 7 years, and he wasn't an asshole. Can we talk about something else?" I asked in an attempt to save what was a good night before this was brought to the table.

"Sure," he said before clearing his throat knowing that the date was going downhill.

We sat in silence for a bit, which gave me a minute to reflect and realize that I absolutely was not ready for this date, or any date in the near future. After the other day at Kyle's I thought maybe the butterflies in my stomach was a sign but I know now I was wrong. It wasn't really Cody's fault he didn't know about any of the goings on in my life the past few months, so I couldn't blame him but I needed to find a way out of this, and fast.

"So..." I said before attempting to down my glass of wine in hopes that the waitress would see we were done and bring the check. Luckily she took the hint when I looked at her, and Cody wasted no time in pulling out his credit card to pay.

"So...how crazy is it that they still haven't found the driver from the hit and run back in October," he said attempting to make small talk as the waitress ran his credit card.

My heart dropped further and further down into my stomach after each word came out of his mouth. I couldn't respond to that because if I did it would be waterworks central in the middle of this restaurant, but I couldn't just leave him hanging. "Want to come back to my place?" I asked knowing that it was the stupidest thing for me to say, and also knowing that it was really the last thing I wanted.

"Sure," he replied looking really surprised.

The car ride back was practically silent the entire way except for the soft music coming out of the stereo. I let out a small chuckle when I heard the first few notes to one of Justin's songs, and Cody scoffed at the radio and changed the station almost immediately mumbling something under his breath about auto tuned pieces of shit. I didn't know how to approach the fact that I didn't actually want Cody coming inside, so I decided the best way to get around it was pretend like I wasn't feeling well. I started making faces and taking deep breaths until he asked me if I was okay, and when I said I wasn't feeling well he told me that unless I wanted him to make sure I was okay he didn't have to come in. We pulled up to the house and he got out to open the car door for me and stood with me while I unlocked the door.

"Sorry about this," I said pulling the key out of the lock, "I had a great time tonight, thanks for dinner."

"I had fun too," he replied putting his hand on my arm. "Maybe we could do it again sometime..."

Not a chance buddy, "Maybe," I said with a fake smile, "I should probably go in..."

"Feel better Emily."

"Thanks." I reached for the doorknob and felt his hand squeeze my arm and pull me close to him. He was going in for a kiss and I couldn't let that happen, so right before his lips hit mine I turned my head 2 inches to the right and he got my cheek instead. I'm sure he was surprised, but not nearly as surprised as I was when I saw what was standing in the doorway. I don't really know why but I felt caught. Like my father just opened the door on a 13 year old me about to kiss the boy that he forbid her to go out with. The look on his face was disappointed? No, it actually looked more angry and upset. I turned my body so that I was standing in front of him, forgetting that I had just left Cody hanging, "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I should have known," he replied, his hand slipping off the doorknob and hitting the side of his leg.

"Did Trace make you come home?"

"No, I made that decision all by myself..."

"Wait, is this your boyfriend?" Cody asked from behind me, his voice now not so pleased.

"N..No," I stuttered. "No...I just...I live with him. This is Justin my...this is Justin. Justin this is Cody."

"You live with Justin Timberlake?" he asked shocked.

"It appears to be that way," I replied letting out a huge breath and feeling utterly defeated in every way possible. I could tell Justin was pissed, I'm not entirely sure why, but he was. And Cody...who really gives a shit about Cody at this point, I just wanted to walk away from both of them, curl up in a ball and sleep the rest of my life away.

"I'm a huge fan of your music," I heard Cody say to Justin, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. It wasn't five minutes ago that he was calling his music an auto-tuned piece of shit. I could feel my heart rate and my blood pressure rising and I knew I had to get out of there before I spontaneously combusted.

"Goodnight Cody," I said with a smile and walked past Justin into the house directly to my bedroom. I heard the front door close a few minutes later and I knew that I was about to get bitched at for the rest of the night by Justin. What the fuck was he even doing here? He wasn't supposed to be back for another two months. If I find out that Trace called him and made him come home just because I was ignoring him, I will take it upon myself to personally murder him. I heard a knock on my door and I knew I had no choice but to get screamed at, "Come in..." I flopped on my bed and threw my face in a pillow in hopes that the screaming might be muffled if I had it over my head.

"I don't know why I try sometimes."

"Neither do I."

"You're not ready Em..."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do."

"You're not an expert on me Justin. I'm the only one who knows if I'm ready and if I'm not."

"You're not ready..."

"SHUT UP!" I yelled sitting up to look at him. "Don't tell me how I feel! If I feel like I'm ready then I'm ready."

"How'd your date go then?" he asked giving me a side-glance.

"It went just great! In fact, I think I'm going to go out with him again," I lied, "You're not my boyfriend Justin, you can't get mad at me for going out on a fucking date."

"Damn fucking straight I'm not your boyfriend, and I never will be," he replied with his eyes bugging out of his head, "I am however your boss and I do get to be mad at the fact that you haven't shown up to work in well over a week and you've had no good explanation as to why. So tell me Emily Logan, have you been deathly ill? Because that's about the only good excuse for your actions."

"Oh give me a break Justin. You're ridiculous."

"I won't give you a break. I've given you plenty of breaks and this is where they end Emily. You have zero sick days left to take. You have zero vacation days, and when everyone else is home for a holiday you WILL be in the office working. How's that for not giving you a break?"

"You're a fucking asshole Justin you know that right?"

"I'm a fucking asshole? Me?" he asked pointing to himself, and I just stared at him, "You know what, you're right. I am an asshole. I'm an asshole for actually trying to help you. I'm an asshole for being there for you when you had no one else. I'm an asshole for letting you live in my house. And I'm the asshole that came home from LA so that I could celebrate your goddamn birthday with you tomorrow. You are so fucking right, I am an asshole. Happy fucking birthday Emily, I hope you enjoy it by yourself," and with that he threw a small box at me walked out and slammed the door behind him.

Who's the asshole now?