Birthdays stop counting after 25. There's nothing to look forward to after all. You've already passed all the big ones. At 16 you can get your learners permit and 6 months after that you can start driving. Once you turn 18 you're allowed to buy scratch tickets, and fill your lungs with tobacco if you so choose. The big 2-1 brings you alcohol, more alcohol, and probably leads you to a really bad decision at the end of the night. A decision that you will however remember for the rest of your life if you were sober enough to take it all in. Last but not least, you can finally rent a car without have to pay the extra three to four hundred dollars for the insurance they make you take out once you hit 25. After that, the next big birthday is 30...and 30 is just old.

My birthdays were always acknowledged and for some of the big ones we even went out to celebrate, but for the most part it was just another day for me. My parents died on my third birthday. It's one thing that I'll always remember, though there isn't much else that I do twenty three years later. Ma and Pa were visiting us in Florida with Trace and they left me with them in their hotel room so that they could go pick up the special cake they had made for me. I was obsessed with the show "Alf" at the tender age of three and I can remember begging my parents to get me an Alf cake for my birthday, and right before they left my Momma told me that they granted my wish. We didn't have a lot of money, and even though I was really young I knew that it was a special treat to actually have a cake made for me. I'd see my friends in preschool come in every week with new clothes or a new toy, and I'd often flock to the corner because I didn't have anything new to show off, so I was excited to be able to go to school the next day and tell my friends all about my special cake.

I was playing with Lincoln Logs on the floor in front of the TV with Trace when the phone rang. It wasn't too long after they had left, and to this day I can sometimes still hear Ma's gasp when she answered the phone, and how fast Pa ran out the door when she whispered what had happened to him. She started hysterically crying soon after and I can remember it taking her a very, very long time to be able to calm down enough to tell Trace and I what had happened. She and Pa didn't go into details, but they explained as best they could to a three year old that both of her parents had died. They didn't say how or why, but they told me how much they loved me and that they wouldn't be coming home anymore. I didn't cry because I guess I just didn't really understand what it really meant, but I knew it was something really bad because Ma and Pa, or at that time, just Mr. and Mrs. A, couldn't hold back there tears.

Trace asked if they were in heaven, which lead to Ma scooping him up in her arms and telling him that they were in heaven watching down on us. She then asked if I had any questions, so I asked if I'd still be getting my Alf cake. Pa assured me that my Alf cake would come at some point that day, and I can remember feeling so happy that I'd still be able to tell my friends at school about it. My parents were dead, and all I cared about was my fucking Alf cake. Some daughter I was.

I can honestly tell you that I don't remember anything about their wake and funeral. I knew that they were gone and that I wouldn't be seeing them again, but I couldn't understand why everyone was crying and I wasn't. I know now that I just didn't get it. Ma and Pa explained heaven to me and I thought that I could go to heaven whenever I wanted to see them on a plane or something. It wasn't until we packed the last of my stuff in their car before I moved to Tennessee that I realized heaven wasn't really attainable yet. I sat on the sidewalk of the apartment complex that was now my former home and cried for a good two hours before Trace, the tiny 3 year old midget, told me it would be okay because I could go to his house and play with his GI Joe's. The rest is history I guess.

I got my Alf cake that year, and every year thereafter until I was 10. We celebrated that night as best as we could with me losing my parents and Ma loosing her best friend and all. I opened all of the presents that my parents had gotten me, not really knowing at the time that it would be the last time I opened anything from them. I'd hold up the gifts smiling at my onlookers, and I know now it took everything in Ma to actually smile back at me, but she did after every single gift.

My fourth birthday was hard for everyone. I'd been living in Tennessee for about a year, and it was really hard for me to make friends at my new preschool since Trace and Justin picked on me the whole time. Ma and Pa tried to make it a really great birthday. They rented a hall, invited my whole class, and all the neighbors, but I know that what was really on their minds that day was that awful phone call they got the year before. Each year after that we all tried to celebrate, but after my second birthday the day was never and will never be the same.

The day before my 11th birthday, Trace and I were watching Justin on that stupid show when I overheard Ma on the phone in the kitchen. I left Trace in front of the TV by himself and walked towards her voice, excitement running through my blood in hopes that today she'd show me the picture of my cake since they always made sure to get my approval before bringing it to the bakery. It was as I sat down on the chair behind an unknowing Ma that I found out how my parents really died.

Supposedly they were leaving the hotel to go pick up my cake in Ma and Pa's rented Mustang when four people, one on each side of the car shot at them. The shots weren't meant for them though, they were meant for someone else in a black Mustang with tinted windows. Ma told whoever she was talking to that the hardest thing for her to do was celebrate my birthday when all she could think about was how her best friend died that day. She also mentioned that it was like being stabbed over and over again in the heart every time she went to pick up my Alf cake, because they died doing just that. At almost 11, I now understood it all. My parents died because of me and my stupid Alf cake. They died so that I could go to school the next day and brag. It was all my fault.

I got off the chair and went into my bedroom to cry without Ma knowing I over heard her. When she came in my room a couple of hours later with a picture of what would have been my cake, I screamed at her about how I hated Alf and never wanted an Alf cake or any cake for that matter ever again. She was taken aback, but she sat with me while I cried some more even though she didn't know the reason why I was. The next day for my 11th birthday there were 11 cupcakes sitting on the kitchen table when Trace and I came home from school. I haven't had an Alf cake, or any cake for my birthday since then.

Today, on the morning of my 26th birthday I layed in bed thinking about what I now had to look forward to. My parents were dead 23 years to the day, and the love of my life has now been dead for six months exactly. My next milestone was 30, which made me old, and the only person that's been there for me every step of the way for the last half year hates my guts. And to no ones surprise, all of it, was all my fault.

I knew I had to fix things with Justin. He came home from LA to celebrate my birthday and all I did was bitch at him. I've been taking advantage of him for the past six months, and he didn't deserve any of it. I looked over at the clock and my eye got caught on the silver box that he threw at me last night. I picked it up and threw it back and forth from one hand to the other before setting it down on the bed in front of me. After a few minutes I pulled the blue bow on top of the shiny holder apart pulling the top off with it. Inside the box was a silver necklace with a diamond encrusted M&M charm hanging off of it. Just recently he'd taken to calling me M&M, and apparently he was really listening when I mentioned to him how much I loved that all of Jake's gifts to me had meaning. I closed my hand around the charm and put it up to my chest where my heart was beating inside. I sat here last night calling him an asshole, when in reality the only person that's been an asshole this whole time was me.

I got out of bed immediately walking up the long staircase and down the hall to his bedroom. His door was closed so I knocked lightly in an attempt to not scare him if he was in a deep sleep. When he didn't answer I knocked on the white wood a little bit harder, but again was met with no response. Opening the door just a crack with the gold handle, I stuck my head in to see his extra long king size bed empty. The black comforter was pulled up to the top, and the pillows were set up neatly at the head of the bed. I closed the door hoping that he didn't go back to LA already and practically ran back down the stairs to the empty living room. I settled on a stool at the breakfast bar when I noticed something different about the island in the middle of the kitchen. I got up off the seat still holding the necklace in my hand to find a large pink box on the island with a note written in Justin's messy writing.

Em,

It was already ordered before last night so I figured I might as well let you enjoy it instead of letting it go to waste. See you in the office no later then 9am. Happy Birthday.

J

I put the note back on the island and let out a sigh. He hated me, and it was going to be painfully difficult to get him to forgive me. With my free hand I pulled the top of the large pink box off and instantly lost my breath when I saw what was inside. Looking back at me was an Alf cake with "Happy 26th M&M" written just below his long nose. He didn't know about my parents getting murdered while going to pick up that cake, and I know he was just trying to do something nice because he knew that at every party as a kid I had this cake, but I couldn't help but let out the loudest scream in my life when I saw it.

***

"Hey Casey is Justin here?" I asked the girl behind the reception desk at exactly 9am.

"Mr. Timberlake is in his office," she replied not looking up at me.

"Mr. Timberlake...right," I rolled my eyes and patted the desk before walking the length of the building back to Justin's office. I opened the door without waiting for a response from my knock and was greeted by one of his assistants who practically jumped out of her seat when I walked in.

"I'm sorry Ms. Logan but Mr. Timberlake is busy and won't be seeing any visitor's today."

"It's Emily, and he'll be seeing me..." I walked past her without giving her a second glance and I could feel her eyes glaring into the back of my head as I opened the door without even knocking. "Justin I--"

"9:04am. Your pay will be docked," he cut me off not looking up from the paperwork on his desk.

"I was in the building at 9."

"It was actually 9:02, I was watching on the security cameras."

"Are you being serious right now? You know what, never mind dock my pay that's fine that's not what I came here to talk to you about," I said shaking my head, "Look, about last night--"

"We have a meeting with the lawyers in 5 minutes."

"Okay, so I'll get this out in five minutes. I just came in here to tell you that I'm sorry. I know that I've been acting like an asshole and...God Justin I don't know what's wrong with me but--"

"I don't really have time for this right now, I have a meeting to prepare for. I'll be speaking with Janelle and reprimanding her for letting anyone back here since I gave her strict orders not to."

"She tried to stop me but I mean, it's me Justin."

"I'll see you in the meeting Ms. Logan," he said finally looking up at me with fire in his now dark eyes.

"Fine," I replied trying to hold back the tears that I could feel forming in my eyes, "We'll talk about this tonight at home then."

"I'm afraid that can't happen. I have a date tonight right after I leave the office..." he trailed off.

I felt like the wind got knocked out of me, and I had to put my hand on the chair next to me in order to stay on my feet. It was a feeling I never thought I'd feel when Justin told me he was going on a date, and I'm not sure if I felt like this because of that or because he was treating me like this person that he didn't even know. "You...Why didn't you tell me you were going on a date?" I nearly whispered.

"Last time I checked your name wasn't Lynn Harless, and I don't discuss my personal life with my employees."

"Justin come on I--"

"I'll see you in the meeting Ms. Logan," he deadpanned.

I stood there looking at him with my mouth wide open, unable to comprehend exactly what was happening. I knew he would be pissed and it would take a lot to get him to forgive me, but I never thought he would react like this. He wasn't even giving me a chance to apologize for God's sake. As we stared silently at each other I could see hurt in his eyes, and it killed me to know that I put it there. He looked away after a few seconds and got back to his paperwork and a few moments later I turned around and walked out the door down the hall to my own office. Closing the door behind me I slid my back down the wall behind me and let the tears flow out of my eyes.

"Em?" A soft voice called behind the door a few minutes later, "Are you in there?"

I stood up instantaneously and wiped my eyes dry trying my best to not let any more tears fall from them, "Yeah," I replied clearing my throat, "One second Jules..." I sat behind my desk taking the mirror out of my top drawer, and attempted to salvage what I could of my makeup. My eyes were a red puffy mess, but it was nothing a little concealer couldn't fix. After trying my best to hide behind a mask I called for Julie to come in.

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know they're waiting for you in Conference Room 1...are you okay?" she asked probably realizing I looked like shit the minute she looked up from her blackberry.

"Yeah," I coughed trying to make it sound like I was sick, "Just allergies. Starting early this year. Can you let them know I'll be there in a minute?"

"Sure," she replied hesitantly. "Let me know if you need anything okay?"

"I will, thanks," I smiled.

She turned around and left closing the door behind her. I fixed my hair in the small mirror before placing it back in its spot in my top drawer. I needed help...lots of help, but unfortunately the only person that could help me right now was acting like I didn't even exist.