A soft sigh escaped from Charisse’s lips as she took one final look around her son’s nursery. It had taken longer than she would have liked to get all the necessities together, but at last it was complete. The spacious room was painted a pastel blue that became darker as the color ascended up the walls, giving way to a ceiling decorated to resemble a brilliant night sky when the lights were shut off. Stars with friendly faces stared down from the border that ran then length of the room. The crib, changing table, and rocking chair all sported fabrics with the stellar theme. Though she wasn’t sure when Justin suggested a mural, Charisse had to admit that the depiction of the cow jumping over the moon did add a nice finishing touch.
Now all she had to do was wait.
It seemed like an easy task for her. After all, she had been waiting on Justin for four years now. He was always a star on the rise, the pride of their small town in Millington, TN. It made sense that the rest of the world fell in love with him too. Justin contained a sense of courage, drive and confidence that Charisse had always admired. That, along with his charm, was what made her notice the young boy who was three years her junior. And while she was proud of the amount of success he achieved, there was no denying that it had put a serious strain on their relationship.
Charisse sighed again, rubbing her round belly absentmindedly, before her cell phone jarred her back into reality. She pulled the phone out of her pocket and flipped it open without checking the ID. It was a call she’d been expecting.
“Go ahead, guys. I’ll catch up in a bit,” Justin’s jovial voice came from the phone, “How’s my Reese’s doing?” Charisse didn’t need to see him to envision the smile he was undoubtedly wearing as he spoke the words.
She grinned into the reciever, “I’m doing alright. How was your rehearsal?”
Justin chuckled lightly, “It wasn’t easy getting into character, but I think I nailed the role of myself just fine.”
Charisse rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help laughing. “C’mon, doing Sabrina is a pretty big deal.”
“Yeah, I guess…” his voice trailed off briefly, “It just doesn’t seem as important as other things.”
Knowing what other things he was referring to, Charisse began stroking her stomach again. She remained quiet for a moment. It was when Justin spoke like this that she felt her heart squeeze. She’d never wanted to come between him and his career. He’d worked hard and earned everything that he had gained, but there was still so much uncharted territory for him. At one time, she could say the same for herself. But months passed and she’d decided to keep the baby. She accepted that her life was now dictated by the needs of another life. It tore her apart to think that Justin would suffer the same fate, more than the fact that everything was such a heavily guarded secret.
As if reading her mind, Justin exhaled deeply, “Would you stop brooding already. I’m not going to throw my work to the side. I just wish that I could be there for you, especially with you being so close.”
Charisse scoffed. “I am not brooding. I just-,” she was cut off abruptly by a sharp jab in her abdomen. Her fingers clinched into a fist around her stomach and she groaned from the sudden pain.
“What’s wrong?” Justin’s tone was drenched with concern.
The pain seared up through her back as Charisse attempted to inhale. “It hurts,” was all she could whimper into the receiver. Her eyes watered and she had to grip onto the crib’s railing to remain upright.
And then, as suddenly as it had come, the pain receded. The effects still lingered; tears welling up in her eyes and her lungs still gasping for air. The phone had slipped from her fingers, into the crib and she could hear Justin frantically inquiring about her well being.
“I think I’m okay,” she sniffed.
But he wasn’t hearing it. “You’re going to the hospital and I’m catching the first flight home.”
Before she could protest, the affliction returned more pronounced. There was no disputing it. Charisse needed a hospital a.s.a.p.
-
It had been eight months since Justin found out he was going to be a father. The idea was as surreal to him then as it was now. Everything his mother had said about him being too young and that he shouldn’t take things so seriously with Charisse just yet came crashing down on him. Age had never mattered to him before. It was just something he teased his girlfriend about. Now, in the moments before another life was brought into the world, Justin couldn’t help feeling like his own life was coming to an untimely close.
He would never share these feelings with Charisse. The need to prove that he was man enough to take responsibility for his actions was too great. As the hallway to her hospital room drew near, Justin swallowed the utter terror that festered inside him. He would be strong for her.
Their moms were already seated on either side of the bed. Justin smiled at the sight of Charisse, suddenly realizing how much he’d missed her. Her caramel skin was washed out and her eyes were puffy, but she was still the most beautiful woman in his mind. She returned his smile, causing his mom to look up.
“Honey,” she greeted, rising from her seat and opening her arms to embrace him.
Justin pecked his mother’s cheek lightly and reciprocated the hug, his eyes trained on Charisse. “Did I miss anything?”
Mrs. Taylor spoke up, “She’s not dilated enough just yet. Congrats, you’ll actually get to see the birth of your son.”
The hint of resentment wasn’t lost on anyone in the room, and Justin had to gently grip his mom’s arms to prevent her from coming to his defense. He knew she was upset that her daughter had given up school over the pregnancy, while he seemingly sacrificed nothing. It was no use reminding her that he maintained his lifestyle at Charisse’s request.
Justin took his mother’s seat beside the bed. “How are you feeling, Reese’s?” he inquired, reaching up to hold Charisse’s hand.
“Better,” she grinned weakly, “Now that you’re here.”
He raised her hand and kissed the back of it. “I’m not going anywhere.”
-
Twelve hours, one epidural, and countless pushes later, Nathaniel William Taylor was born at 6 pounds, 8 ounces. It pained Charisse more to give him her name than it had to birth him. But, it was necessary. Despite promises to change it once they could come out into the open about their relationship, Mrs. Taylor had decided she could stand it no longer and left. The conversation Charisse had with her mother, however, resonated in her ears…
“Lynn, could you give me a moment with my daughter?” Carol Taylor asked. Her old friend merely nodded in response.
Charisse sighed deeply. The audacity her mother had in broaching a subject they’d gone over a million times right before she was to deliver a baby was astounding. “Are we really going to do this now?”
“The final month I thought I’d have to convince you that this is wrong has become nonexistent in case you haven’t noticed,” Carol huffed.
Charisse couldn’t resist rolling her eyes. “How can you say that about your grandchild?”
Carol didn’t rush to answer. “I would have hoped that at twenty-one, your mother wouldn’t still be spelling things out for you. I’ve been nothing but proud of you all through your life. The only thing that has ever bothered me is the compromises you make for that boy.”
“What are you talking about?” She didn’t bother masking the irritation in her voice. “You like Justin. You’ve been friends with Lynn since before I can even remember. Why can’t you just be happy for me?”
“Because you are miserable!” Carol whispered shrilly. “It was one thing to keep your relationship with him a secret, but a child?! The fact that you made it this far without anyone getting any notion…And I know you think that one day everything will be out in the open, but what happens then? Can you imagine the backlash he will have? And you’ll be the girl that ruined him. I don’t want that for you and I don’t want that for my grandson. The way things are you’ll be practically raising this child alone. Why not get out now while no one suspects a thing?”
Charisse tried not to look affected by her mother’s words, but there was nothing said that she hadn’t already thought of. She knew that they were only digging themselves into a deeper hold. A child was just the nail in the coffin.
Carol rubbed her hand down her child’s arm. “I know it’s hard, sweetie. But one of you has to be the strong one in this situation. You aren’t just making choices for yourself. What you do affects this baby.”
More valid points. But Charisse wasn’t ready to listen. “How is my child being fatherless a good thing?” It was a question draped with a hardness that ended the conversation.
Justin leaned over Charisse’s shoulder, beaming down at the son he’d helped create. He glanced over at her, but she didn’t seem to be present. “Where’s your head at, momma?” He prodded.
Charisse stirred slightly. “I’m here,” she insisted, “Just tired.” She motioned for Justin to take the baby, but he shook his head. “C’mon. You’re gonna have to get used to it sometime.”
There was a moment’s hesitation, in which Justin peered into his baby boy’s face. Golden brown eyes sat beneath a head covered with little blonde curls, which were currently pressed against Nathaniel’s scalp. Justin knew it wouldn’t be long before they would poke out wildly in every direction, refusing to be tamed. He was filled with an overwhelming sense of pride at the thought of teaching his little boy to walk and dance. Finally, he felt confident enough to receive the small bundle in his arms, cradling his head.
“He’s so tiny,” Justin marveled. Nathaniel cooed faintly, regarding the man holding him with eyes of wonder. “Hey there little guy. I’m your daddy.”
Charisse leaned back in her bed wearing an expression of total contentment. “I think he likes you,” she observed.
Justin’s smile lit up his whole face. “I didn’t think I could love anyone this much. I never wanna leave him.” His face fell a bit at the thought of being separated from the miracle in his arms.
“You don’t really have much of a choice…,” Charisse trailed with a soft hum.
Silence filled the space between them for a few moments, both lost in their own thoughts. Each weighing their newfound obligations and contemplating the best way to proceed.
It was Justin who spoke first. “I don’t have to-.”
“Don’t even suggest it,” Charisse interjected, “Your path is littered with opportunities to take you places that you’ve never even imagined. I wouldn’t allow it.”
He wanted to argue, but even Lynn would be opposed to him abandoning his career. Music was his lifeblood and the best way for him to support his new family.
“We could come out about everything.” It was a truly terrifying thought when considering the damage it could, and most likely would do to his reputation. But, staring down into the eyes of his son, Justin felt like he could deal with it. “He’s more than worth that,” he completed his thought aloud.
Carol’s words reverberated through Charisse’s mind again, making her cringe slightly. The thought of Justin’s popularity being flushed down the drain wasn’t her only concern. What people thought of her wasn’t even the most important thing. But, the way it would affect her son…She didn’t want a microscopic life for him. Her first instinct was to take him and hide away.
“I can’t do this,” she muttered. Justin opened his mouth to speak, but she shook her head. “Think about it J, we’ll be attacked from every angle. Ripped to shreds. And he’s the one who will suffer the most.”
Justin’s face twisted into a look of confusion. “What are you proposing we do?”
Charisse heaved a heavy sigh before she answered. “I think,” she started slowly; “I think that you should let us live a normal life…while no one knows who we are.”
The words floated around him before sinking through his skin, worming their way into his heart. It was unthinkable. Justin stared incredulously at Charisse, but she kept her gaze straight ahead.
“You aren’t serious,” he stammered. But she was. Some part of him believed she could be right. If only they would have been honest with the world a long time ago. Now, they were so far in. There wasn’t any way out without severe consequences. He knew that she was just looking for the best possible solution, the one with the least damage. But his heart shattered at his slightest attempt to fathom a world where he wasn’t in Nathaniel’s life. Anger coursed through him, and he shook trying to control himself. “He needs both of us Char. I want to be in his life. I need to be there.”
“But you won’t be there!” Charisse expressed through clenched teeth. “I’ll be alone for most of the time and if I have to be alone then I don’t want to be worrying about who might be following you when you make your way back home. It’s not fair for us.”
Us. There was that word again, but without including him. It bit at Justin like the coldest day of winter. Tears formed behind his eyes, but he sucked them down. He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.
“Of all the people to make decisions for me, I never thought you’d be one of them,” Justin said, bitterness hanging on every word. He leaned forward and kissed Nathaniel’s forehead gently. “My son…” He somehow managed to position the baby back into Charisse’s arms without looking directly at her. If she’d already made up her mind, there wasn’t any way he could stop her. Her tear-filled apology fell on deaf ears, as Justin walked out of the room, weighted down at the thought of never seeing them again.
