It is the strangest thing to walk into the makeup trailer and sit down in the chair instead of attacking someone with brushes and powder. I told the production team and Kinney time and time again that I don’t need anyone to do my makeup, I can obviously do it on my own, but part of me feels like they need me around other people so I don’t have time to think about dropping out of this production.
I’ve thought about it a couple of time. I haven’t been getting much sleep because I can feel this pressure in my chest – so many people are counting on me to do this and do it well. If I didn’t have Pepper with my every day, cheering me on I would have probably dropped out already.
It doesn’t help that it’s getting harder and harder to leave my house every morning. The entire entertainment industry is interested in the girl who took over a role from the great Valora Francis and for some strange reason they want my picture and they want to know what I’m thinking every time I’m in their presence. I’m hoping that they’ll lose interest since I’m not talking to any of them.
Since taking the part of Lucy, Raven’s taken over as head of makeup and production pulled a girl named Krissy Hugh from one of the television shows that gets shot here every week. I haven’t really had much time to speak with her because at the moment I’m working twelve-hour days and I’m needed on set constantly.
We have to go back and film every single scene that Valora was in with the other actors and I feel absolutely terrible for making them go back and revisit scenes that were in the can over a month ago.
But the whole cast has been nothing but helpful. They keep telling me I’m a thousand times better to work with than Valora and they don’t mind redoing the scenes because they’re actually better.
I know they’re just humoring me. I still can’t believe Justin told me I should read for this part. I know he meant well, but I never expected in a million years that David Kinney would invest in me and trust me enough to take on this part.
And it seems like Justin feels guilty for throwing me in this predicament. I find him looking at me while we’re waiting for the crew to refigure the lighting for the next shot and it’s not contempt from when I yelled at him at that party a few weeks ago. It isn’t pity; if anything it’s concern and I find that to be very curious.
I try to push those thoughts away into the back of my mind as I step onto the set of Southern Sunrise. We’ve wrapped filming for the day and the cast and crew have gone home – except me. Pepper isn’t with me today because he found about a swell coming in around Manhattan Beach and took off this morning. Hopefully he’ll be back within the next couple of days; I miss having him around.
I’ve been filming for a few days and know the general layout of the house according to Lucy’s character, but I want to get a better feel of the place and I haven’t been able to do that with grips and best boys and cameramen running around and watching me like I’m the latest experiment gone wrong.
God, that camera. I was so nervous when it was being shoved in my face on the first day. I’ve never done camera acting before, just stage musicals and plays in high school. But I don’t know, to me it’s just like stage acting except you don’t need to project your voice or try to play to the last row since the microphone is right above you and at the end of the day, the audience is going to be staring at your giant face on some movie screen.
Oh Jesus, people are going to be seeing my face in extreme close up all across the country in a few months. God.
I walk through the set of the Talbot house, the kitchen, the living room, the dining room, and I finally come round the corner and find myself in Lucy’s room.
Art direction painted the room a deep purple and peppered the place with vintage rock concert posters. I smile at the Beatles poster that’s just off to the right of an iron wrought daybed. I wonder if someone put that there as a joke? The rest of the room is in a state of disarray. Clothes are littering the floor and peeking out of the dresser and nightstand. I wouldn’t be surprised if there wasn’t really anything stuffed in there, probably just a clever trick by the set dresser to make it seem like things are busting at the seams in this room.
I make my way over to the bed and sit down near the nightstand. I almost turn the lamp on but realize that the generator for the set is turned off. The only light I actually have is the work lamp that’s positioned where Lucy’s bedroom ends and the rest of the soundstage begins.
Looking over at the beat up nightstand, I open up the bottom drawer and notice that most of the drawer is stuffed with rags – filler for the majority of the drawer. But the top drawer is full of things Lucy would probably find useful. I wonder if Valora actually thought it would be good to put things in there to help her find the character…I doubt that. It was probably someone on the set dressing crew.
It looks like a junk drawer, with the exception of the makeshift crack pipe shoved in the back of the drawer.
I’ve seen them in the books back in my trailer, and even made a few just so I could get the hang of it in case I ever have to do it for the film. But to hold one in my hands in this room that screams Lucy is making it all the more real for me.
Someone clears their throat near the edge of the set making me jump about a foot in the air. I look up and see Jude leaning against the set watching me intently. I feel like I’ve been caught about to do drugs and I immediately place the pipe on the nightstand. How long has he been standing there?
“I thought I was the only one here,” I say with a smile as he walks over towards Lucy’s closet, inspecting the woodwork and chips in the paint.
“I was finishing up some phone calls in my trailer and saw your car was still here. You all right?”
I nod even though ‘all right’ is the last thing I’m feeling. But how do I explain that all I want to do is crawl under Lucy’s bed and fall down whatever vortex happens to be there?
God I really am going crazy. I’m talking about vortexes. I’ve been hanging out with Pepper too much – the incense he puts in my trailer is going to my head.
“As well as I can be, I guess,” I lie. Well, it isn’t exactly a lie, I’m trying to see the good in all of this – everyone keeps their jobs and gets paid in full, the production still gets to happen, I ended up getting Valora’s salary (which I guess is unheard of and I nearly fainted when I got half of the paycheck after I signed the contract), and I get to work with people who are fast becoming good friends. So it isn’t a total loss.
“I remember my first big film,” Jude says as he makes his way over towards me. I watch him intently as he sits down next to me, studying the posters above the nightstand, “I was scared shitless. I was waiting for the director to realize that I was absolute shit or for the other actors to discover that the only reason why I got cast was because I had a fluke screen test. But you’ll see Penny, every day gets a bit easier and soon all of this,” he gestures to the set, the soundstage, the mess on the floor, “will become second nature.”
“But I don’t want it to be second nature!” I exclaim and I can feel my breath quickening, “This isn’t something I want to do. This whole thing is just so completely insane that I can’t wrap my brain around this. Why did I even think to sign on to this? I can’t leave my house with a camera being shoved in my face and I can’t even act! I…”
Jude shifting his weight on the bed to face me interrupts my rant. He looks at me with a commiserating smile as he rests a hand on my knee.
“You need to stop freaking out about this, Penny. We wouldn’t have put you in this if we didn’t think you couldn’t handle it. And the thing is, you’re good Penny, you’re actually bloody fantastic! Why you never pursued this is beyond me.”
I roll my eyes at him; I know this is just to build up my confidence. Pepper has been doing it nonstop the past few days and he hasn’t left my pot smoke trailer once since we’ve been on set. So I’m pretty sure everyone around this production is high as a kite – including me for even signing on to do this shit in the first place!
“It was something I was never interested in,” I explain with a huge sigh, trying to calm myself down, “This whole acting thing is something I was never good at.”
I can feel the panic starting to rise in my chest again and I guess Jude is reading the terror in my face because before I know it his hands are on either side of my face, his thumb gently stroking my right cheek.
“But you are good,” his voice is soft and I feel like if this were being filmed it would be an extreme close up, “You’re brilliant Penny, so brilliant.”
And before Jude can say ‘brilliant’ in his suave accent one more time, his mouth is pressed against mine.
It takes my brain a moment to catch up with my body because before I can logically deduce what is happening, my arms are wrapped around his neck and I’m kissing him back.
Well, this is a new development.
I want to pull away and voice some concern as he shifts his weight on the bed some more and lowers me down onto the mattress. But it’s been such a long time since I’ve been this close with someone and there’s only so much of my brother’s stoned company I can take.
Smiling against Jude’s lips, I reach down and finger the hemline of his shirt. He chuckles in response and an involuntary shiver runs up my spine. Is this really happening right now? Am I about to christen Lucy’s bedroom?
His fingers untangle themselves from my hair and begin to work quickly on the buttons of my shirt. All I can do is run my hands across his stomach and kiss him. I have a feeling if he asked me to stand my knees wouldn’t work and I’d be on the floor in a heaving mass of I don’t even know.
God, he’s a good kisser.
“Penny, you’re so…” he mumbles against my lips and I’m about to tell him to shut the heck up and keep working on my shirt, but there’s a vibration in his pocket and we both stop what we’re doing.
I feel like a rabbit being caught in the middle of the road.
“Bloody hell, my fucking mobile,” Jude grumbles as he pulls himself off of me and digs his cell phone out of his pocket. He looks down at the screen and gives me an apologetic look. “It’s the nanny; I’m so sorry, Pen, I have to take this.”
I smile at him as he answers the call, hoping that he can make this a quick conversation and we can either continue here, or head off to one of our trailers.
“I understand. Yes. Thank you, Jessica.” He ends the call and places the phone on the bed, “Bollocks.”
“Is everything okay?” I ask as I sit up and lean against the wall of Lucy’s room.
“Everything’s fine, but I’m afraid I have to go. I completely forgot that the nanny requested time off tonight and I’m already thirty minutes late.”
“Well,” I begin with a wicked grin. What is going on with me? I am never like this, “You were a bit distracted.”
“I do believe you’re correct, Miss Asherbee. Are you going to stay here, or can I walk you to your car?”
I stand up and begin to button up my shirt. I turn around and watch Jude approach me, his eyes sparkling in the dim light.
“Please, allow me.” His voice is soft as he reaches out and begins to do up the buttons, pausing ever few seconds to kiss me lightly on the lips.
“You are making this very difficult,” I complain with a small laugh as he does up the last button and kisses me again.
“Well, you’ve been driving me mad for the past month, so consider this a light form of payback.”
I can feel myself smiling like an idiot as he reaches his hand out for me to take. We begin our stroll out of the soundstage and are soon walking down the rows and rows of stages heading towards the parking garage.
If I could make any walk last for forever it would be this one. Even though we’re not saying anything, I just can’t help but feel this insane connection that’s linked by our intertwined fingers. I don’t know if Pepper’s forced morning meditations are getting the better of me.
I almost groan in protest when we reach my car. I have never been less excited to see my Prius and I think Jude can sense something’s amiss because before I can register what’s going on, I’m being pressed against the driver’s side door having the life kissed out of me by a very attractive Englishman.
“Can I take you to dinner tomorrow night?” Jude asks after he pulls away. I’m trying to formulate a response, but he’s currently playing with a strand of my hair and I know if I don’t say anything this will continue for a little while longer.
Jude nudges me with his nose and I laugh before I nod in agreement. My stomach is doing flips as he beams and kisses me again.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, love,” he whispers and I reach up to kiss him again.
“Sure thing,” I respond before he pulls himself away and I unlock my car and get inside. I can see him walking away in the rearview mirror, still facing my car with his hands in his pocket and a boyish grin.
I know I made it a point not to get involved with actors romantically, and I know I definitely gave Justin a strong telling off a couple of weeks ago, but I think for Jude, I’ll have to make an exception.
