I cannot believe there is four weeks left of production.

I was ready to leave two weeks ago when Justin stood up for me and Valora stormed off the set.

But I’m still here, still head of makeup, and still sick of Valora Francis and Justin Timberlake.

I know I have no reason to be upset with Justin; he was only trying to help. And our working relationship is taking a strain because I refuse to give in to the myriad of his apologies. I don’t know why, I used to be so easy going and forgiving when it came to making mistakes.

I don’t know if it’s Valora or the fact that she’s made me memorize the entire script of Southern Sunrise, done repetition work with her in her trailer, or the fact that her character Lucy and her story has completely taken over not only my professional life but my personal as well. I just don’t know.

Thank God I have Jude or else I would be going absolutely mental.

The two weeks of being upset with Justin and walking on eggshells around Valora has really brought the two of us closer together. We’ve been hanging out offset as friends, I’ve met his adorable kids, we’ve grabbed lunch, we even went and saw a movie the other day, but that is the extent of our relationship.

But that’s not what the tabloids would have you believe.

I don’t read the trash, but Pepper, for some strange reason, cannot get enough of them. So of course I was shocked when he came over to visit during the weekend and showed me and Elle a picture of me and Jude walking through Santa Monica with his kids in tow.

Who is Jude’s New Mystery Woman?

I really had a good laugh about it and even brought it in to work to show Jude. The article is now hanging up at his usual makeup station.

But of course there are other articles in the gossip rags and of course there’s something about Valora in every issue. Right now it’s all about her insane diva behavior on the set of her latest movie.

Guess US Weekly can get something right every once in a while.

Things seem to be winding down, however, and I’m grateful for that. All I have to do is keep my head down for another month and it will be smooth sailing.

“Come on everyone,” I smile cheerfully at my makeup team. We’re all hanging about in the trailer, but I know that we need to be heading to the soundstage so we can be on call for when David Kinney calls for a break. Everyone is on set today and they’re going to need all the help they can get.

We grab our array of makeup cases and saunter over to the set, laughing about a story Corbin is retelling with great gusto. I absolutely adore Corbin and hope that once this ends we can continue to be friends. Maybe I can sign him on as a co-creator of my makeup line when this is all said and done.

“And then the fish literally leapt up into our boat and of course Dale was like, ‘What the fuck?’”

Raven, Holly, and I erupt into peals of laughter and I quickly try to silence them as we’re nearing the soundstage door. The light isn’t on above the door so I know they’re not filming right now, but they could be rehearsing.

After a few more giggles are subsided, I pull the door open.

And I’m met with a tidal wave.

--

Valora has gone bat shit insane.

I have never seen anyone this upset before and quite frankly, I’m concerned about everyone’s safety.

“What do you mean there have been rewrites to this scene? Don’t you understand that I have a process, David? I need at least two days’ notice before a rewrite! They tried to do this to me on the set of Warriors, but even they knew it was a bad idea and that was Michael Bay, David. Michael Fucking Bay!”

“Valora, please calm down.” I feel really bad for David. It seems like he spends more time trying to calm down Valora than directing her in his actual film.

“No I will not calm down! Get the screenwriter on the phone. Or a producer? Can someone call Harvey Weinstein for me, dammit?”

I turn to look at the rest of the cast. We’re still sitting in the living room of the Talbot house and I can tell that most of the veteran actors wish they were anywhere but here. I would have to agree with them. This is so embarrassing.

Two weeks ago we all sat down and put in a formal complaint to David, the production company, and the studio about Valora’s behavior. The fact that the film is getting more press because of her antics is not sitting well with the more serious actors, and it is definitely taking it’s toll on the quality of the picture.

But we’re just lowly actors, of course, and we were reassured by the production company that they would speak with Valora and try to get her to calm down.

A lot of good that did. She’s now throwing her director’s chair across the floor in a fit of rage over rewrites.

“I cannot believe this,” William Macy mutters under his breath and I find that most of us are nodding in agreement.

I notice a group of people standing by the soundstage door and I realize it’s the makeup team. They’re watching Valora’s tantrum with a collective look of shock and awe. I really hope they manage to keep away from her hissy fit – she almost hit a grip with her script.

“I’m going to tell the union about this, David. I swear to God. You’re going to have SAG come down on your ass so fast for your maltreatment of your actors that you’ll never work in this town again!”

“You know Valora?” David begins and we all know that he’s just going to lie on his back and take it. “You can go tell SAG whatever the hell you want. You’re fired.”

And for the second time during this production, the set goes silent as the grave.

“Excuse me?” Valora asks incredulously.

“You’re fired, Valora. We’ve had enough of your shit and your constant bitching. You’re out.”

I have never seen someone go that shade of scarlet so fast in my entire life.

“You can’t do that! You have no right! You’re the director! Fuck you, David!”

And now things are getting thrown about the set in rapid fire. Valora has a pretty decent arm on her. Too bad her aim sucks because she’s not hitting her intended target, which is Academy Award nominated director, David Kinney.

“I have every right in the world when the integrity of my film and the safety of my crew is at risk. Do not make me call security, Valora. You can either leave of your own free will, or we’ll force you out.”

A production assistant behind David gets on his headset and is muttering something quickly into his microphone. Within two minutes, the stage door opens and two burly men in the studio’s uniform enter.

Valora looks from the security guards, to David, and back around to us. I’m really hoping she puts up a fight because that is something I will store in my memory vault and pull out when I’m having a particularly shitty day.

“Fuck you,” she growls at David before she turns to us, “Fuck all of you! You’ll so regret doing this. Your film is fucked! Good luck finding someone to replace me!”

She walks with the grace of a ballerina towards the security guards, her head held high. She’s poised as she makes her exit from the set, but the look of fury plastered on her face is unmistakable.

Her exit is punctuated with the slamming of the soundstage door. The set is quiet for a few more seconds and then someone in the shadows begins to clap. And suddenly everyone is cheering, ready to celebrate the demise of Valora Franics.

The only person who isn’t celebrating is David. He’s sat slumped over in his director’s chair, head in his hands looking totally defeated. The applause dies away and he still looks like someone has killed his firstborn.

“She’s right, you know,” he says quietly, but everyone can hear him in the cavernous room. “Where the hell are we going to find someone to shoot this entire film when we only have four weeks left? We can’t get another person in. We don’t have the budget. The studio is going to shelf this film. Fuck. Where are we going to find someone?”

And the set goes completely silent for the third time that day.

I can feel the sense of defeat amongst my fellow actors and it looks like the crew is feeling pretty low too. We’re all going to be out of a job, and I know the crew is feeling that more than the actors. I look at all the familiar faces surrounding me and realize that even though it’s great to have Valora gone, we’re all completely screwed.

But then my eyes land on Penny and everything becomes perfectly clear.

“Penny,” I say quietly and all of my cast mates turn to look at me with bemused expressions.

“What?” Melissa asks me.

“Penny,” I say, a bit louder. This time, everyone close enough to the set has heard me, including David and Penny as well.

“Who, the makeup girl?” David asks in bewilderment.

“Yeah. Have Penny read.”

--

What the fuck?

No, seriously, what the fuck is Justin snorting because I want some.

Everyone in the soundstage is looking at me like I’ve grown an extra head. I feel like I have. Is he really serious? Justin is suggesting I read, or audition, or whatever, for Valora’s place?

He is nuts.

My team is looking at me like I’m mental and the rest of the cast is, too.

 “And why would Penny read for this part?” David asks and I find myself asking the same question.

“I know she’s been helping Valora with her lines, and I read with her a few weeks back and seriously, David. She’s amazing. Better than Valora.”

“Well, we’ve got nothing else to do. Penny?” David turns to look at me and I find myself frozen to the spot.

And suddenly Justin has leapt off the couch and is walking straight towards me. I want to back away and run out of here and never come back. I’ll go work at a cosmetology school for the rest of my life. But this? This is insane.

“Come on Penny, just try it. Read the scene you did with me.”

“Justin, are you crazy?” I whisper to him ferociously, “I’m not an actor! I can’t do this kind of stuff. Why should I embarrass myself in front of all these people?”

“Well then, you have nothing to worry about. People will forget about it and if you aren’t good enough then Kinney won’t pick you. But it’s better than letting Valora win and putting everyone out of a job.”

I look at him for what seems like hours but really can only be a few seconds. I know that he’s right and I might as well give it a go, if only for shits and giggles. There isn’t a chance in hell that David will even consider me. He’s just doing this because he’s desperate and doesn’t want to shelf this production. I get it. I don’t want it to end either because that means I won’t get paid in full and Corbin, Raven, and Holly are screwed, too.

“Fine. But if I get laughed at, I’m kicking your ass.”

My heart is leaping into my throat as Justin grabs my hand and pulls me in the direction of the set, which is now being vacated by the rest of the cast. I don’t blame the dumbfounded looks they’re giving Justin and I as we stand in the middle of the living room. I feel like the biggest fool on the planet for letting him talk me into this.

“Just like in the trailer; you’ve got this, Lucy.”

I take a few deep breaths and suddenly I feel like I’m looking at Nathan and there aren’t a bunch of people watching us yell and cry at one another.

It feels like an out of body experience, like the Penny part of me is getting shoved into the background while this tornado comes forward and uses my body for its own purposes. It is the strangest feeling in the world, but somehow it just feels right.

Our words finally die away and I come rushing back, tears itching my cheeks and my breathing labored. Justin looks to be in the same shape and I feel like I’ve just run a marathon in five minutes.

And the soundstage is bathed in silence for the fourth time today.

I look over towards the crew and the rest of the actors who are deathly quiet.

Well, I gave it my best shot. I was obviously horrible. I shrug my shoulders at Justin and give him a half smile. I guess I need to start looking for another job.

But David Kinney is out of his chair and staring at the two of us like he just caught us having sex or something. I’m a little perturbed by his expression and I hope he doesn’t start yelling at me for wasting everyone’s time.

“She’s in.”