The tension on set can’t even be cut with a knife. I don’t think you can get a chain saw on the premises to alleviate the tightness that’s coursing through my body. My chest is heaving up and down and I can feel the tears prickling in the corners of my eyes. I’m staring at Will Macy who’s got this look on his face like he’s about to strangle me and Melissa Leo has her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Jude, looking like he wants to be anywhere but here, has his hand resting comfortingly on Rachel’s shoulder while she grips onto John Hammond’s hand. His face is a wonderful shade of scarlet and I think his beady little eyes are about to bug out of his head. Clark, ever the steadfast friend, is holding onto my hand and looking at me with pride while Valora has a mixture of confusion, acceptance, admiration, and disappointment all rolled into one.

 Why our director decided to film my character’s huge ‘coming out’ scene the fourth day of shooting is beyond me. The ringing of the bell signifies a short break and soon we’re surrounded by stagehands and the tension in the small living room set wanes. The veteran actors all stand up with smiles and praise for a job well done even though we’re probably going to have to return to this scene further on in production.

 “Remember, stay in character!” Jeff, the director, calls out as he leaps from behind the camera crane he was operating. The cool thing about Jeff Kinney is he likes to be as hands on as possible and yet allows the actors to have free reign. If it doesn’t go where he wants, he has no problem jumping right in there and assisting you. The one thing I hate is the fact that he wants us to stay in character when we’ve gotten into make-up and wardrobe. I’m not Daniel Day Lewis…I am not an other worldly god no matter how many times I hear it from my girls or the screaming fans I face almost every single day.

 “Make up!” someone screeches at the top of their lungs and soon the make-up crew is descending upon us with an army of brushes and foundation. Okay…time to think, what would Nathan do?

 I’m immediately taken care of by Raven Harris, a woman who looks like she should be working for MAC or Hot Topic rather than a movie set. She’s always in black no matter how bad the heat is outside and there’s always some shocking color blended into the skin of her eyelids followed by heavy eyeliner and mascara. She’s every boy who’s obsessed with Rocky Horror’s dream date.

 Everyone on the make up team steps aside from Valora who is patiently waiting for Penny to give her attention. Apparently Miss Valora Francis established on the first day that the only person who had permission to touch her face was the head of the make-up team. Apparently they sent the girl who poked Jude in the eye on the first day and Valora shat a Volvo. I can’t remember the girl’s name, but she’s touching up Jude right now…

 It started with an M, right?

 No, that doesn’t sound right. Hannah? Maybe it was Hannah.

 “What are you doing?” Valora’s voice cuts through the sharp noises coming up from all around us. “This isn’t the right color for my skin tone!”

 “Valora,” Penny’s voice comes out firm and confident, “This is what we used on you since the beginning of production. It looks different because of the stage lighting.”

 “Well, I don’t like it. Use a different shade,” she commands and I want nothing more than to tell her where to shove it, but of course the studious, wanting-to-impress-the-director-and-the-rest-of-the-cast boy in me is trying to think like Nathan.

 “Relax, girl,” I croon softly at Valora while Raven tugs on one of my short curls to let it fall a different way, “you look great.”

 “Oh shut up, Justin. Last time I checked you were here to act, not to do make-up,” Valora snaps back and she continues to berate Penny who is trying her best to ignore her and continue her job to the best of her abilities.

 I’m expecting Penny to get super pissed. I mean its what any of us would do. But, like the past three days, she just does her job, packs up, and moves on to John “Gramps” Hammond, who is shooting her looks of sympathy.

 But the girl doesn’t react at all. I can honestly say that if I was in her shoes, I would have pulled all my hair out already and given Valora a piece of my mind. The only reason why I haven’t done it yet is everyone is claiming she’s here as the star vehicle for the film and the executive producer of the show owed her a favor, or she fucked him on the casting couch or some shit like that.

 “All set?” Raven asks me as she steps back and takes in my face.

 “Yeah, thank you so much Raven,” I state with a huge smile. After all, it’s what Nathan would do.

 And soon we’re running the next scene. Valora, Clark, and I are all set up in the kitchen discussing the arrival of Rachel’s character and her fiancé. It’s supposed to be a comedic scene and it’s nice to see that despite her diva tendencies, Valora can deliver and put her outbursts behind her. She’s a natural at getting into the character and for a while it seems like we actually are Lucy, Andrew, and Nathan.

 “Cut! Take that to print and let’s break for lunch,” Jeff interrupts as the bells start to ring and everything on the other side of the cameras buzzes to life. I give Clark and Valora smiles of encouragement and congratulations before I head off towards my trailer.

 The soundstage is bustling with activity and I have to side step a number of crew hands who are rushing about trying to change things around for the scenes we’ll be shooting after lunch. I feel bad for the poor guys and while I wouldn’t necessarily pitch in and help, the Nathan in me wants to make sure they at least get a lunch break.

 Rounding the corner, I almost bump into Penny who is having a hushed conversation on her cell phone. She’s playing with a foundation brush in one hand while the other is pressing a tiny phone against her ear. Her hair is thrown into a careless pony tail and it looks like she’s been having a rough day. Granted her face doesn’t show it, but by the way her shoulders are rounded and how it looks like she’s trying to melt into the wall, I can’t help but pick up on the thought that she wants to be anywhere but here.

 “Hey Penny,” I say with a smile and a small wave. She waves her brush back and forth before she sticks it behind her ear that isn’t being assailed with a telephone.

 “Look, I have to go,” she says into the phone, “Don’t do anything stupid Pep,” she adds before her phone has been flipped shut and tossed into her jeans pocket, “Can I help you with something?” she asks me.

 “Oh man,” I start and I want nothing more than to flip back into Justin, but I want to impress everyone on this stupid crew and cast that I’m a serious actor and I can be just as good as the next singer turned thespian. So think like Nathan, Justin, “You didn’t have to get off of your phone just to talk to me. You seem busy. You okay?” This sort of rambling and putting people before myself is so something Nathan would do…I’m proud of myself.

 “It’s no problem. You just went on lunch break, right?”

 “Yes, indeed,” I respond, “have you already eaten yet?”

 “Yeah, I picked up some food while you guys were filming,” she explains before she bites her lip and looks away from me. There’s an awkward silence and I want nothing more than to just turn around and walk away, but something stops me. She turns to look at me again and she smiles furtively before shaking her head, “You know you don’t have to stay in character all the time. I know Jeff wants you to, but you can break while you guys are on lunch.”

 Really? Did Jeff say that or is she trying to play a trick on me? It would be just like me, the rookie on a film of this magnitude, to fall for something like that. But it seems to me that Penny wouldn’t lie and I can’t help but think that she’s got my best interest at heart.

 “Thank God,” I say finally letting go of Nathan, “I don’t think Nathan would like eating Philly Cheese-steaks for lunch and that’s what I want to scarf down.” She smiles good-naturedly and I can’t help but think that if Nathan were straight he would totally have a crush on Penny.

 “Just make sure you don’t lose your character completely,” she warns, “I’ve seen plenty of actors screw up the rest of a shoot because they can’t get back into character.”

 Shit, why did I just drop? Shit, shit, shit!

 “But it seems like you have a firm hold on him, so I wouldn’t be too concerned about you. Valora on the other hand….”

 “Don’t get me started on her,” I interject and she turns to look around the soundstage before sighing loudly.

 “I shouldn’t be saying those things. I mean I am working for her in a sense.”

 God can’t this girl just let go and say how much of a bitch she thinks Valora is being? Everyone says it, but I don’t know if I’ve ever heard her say a bad thing about Valora…

 “Hey, Justin!” a voice calls out behind me. I turn around to see Clark rushing towards me and I’m happy that he’s not in character right now either, “What time is cast and crew meeting at your place for the cook out?”

 I try to get him to shut up with a look, but Clark has about as much tact as a rubber duck so of course he would bring up the sort of exclusive barbeque I’m having for most of the cast and select members of the crew tomorrow. The barbeque I didn’t include Penny and the majority of her eclectic make up team to, but wardrobe is so invited…those crazy asses are so down with it.

 “Uh…” I falter hoping to God that Penny will take the hint and walk away. But she’s just standing there, leaning against the wall and checking her cell phone. Honestly, can the woman just leave? Then again, she was here first. “Around noon or so.” I chance a glance back at Penny and I know I have to do the right, and polite thing…my mama didn’t raise no jerk.

 “Hey Penny, what are you and the rest of your team doing tomorrow?” I ask as I turn around to face her. She looks at me with a dream like expression on her face and she shrugs, “I don’t know what they’re doing, but I’m really not busy…why?”

 And soon I’m sending out an invite to her and the rest of the make up staff to the barbeque. I really don’t want to do it, but the thought of Penny or Corbin, or dare I think it…the intimidating Raven getting upset at being left out and making my make up look like shit for the rest of the production has got me spooked. I’m not worried about Holly though…the girl is harmless; except when you give her an eye pencil.

 --

 I knock at the trailer door, hoping with all my might that Valora is somewhere else. I’ve only been working with this woman for four days and I already want to do more than just stab her with an eye pencil.

 The amount of times she’s berated me in private and in public over how I do my work is driving me to the brink of getting snippy. And I have never done that with an actor in my chair. Five years of being in this business and I have not once lost my temper with them.

 But I’ll be damned if I’m not getting close to doing it with Valora.

 “Come in!” a voice barks within the trailer and my heart sinks. The cast and crew had just finished lunch, Valora demanding that a PA deliver her craft services in her trailer. I know everyone on set wants to tell her to get it her damn self, but everyone was told in pre-production not to cross Valora.

 So we put up with it because we’re paid to.

 I open the door, holding my breath as a wave of perfume hits me. I would much rather take Pepper’s kush than the smell of a baby prostitute. Valora is sitting on a plush couch, a pair of Yorkies resting next to her. They bark incessantly as I enter and leave the safety of the couch to inspect me.

 “Well let’s hurry it up. I have a telephone meeting with my agent in five and then an interview with GQ. Don’t have all day,” Valora snips as she clicks her fingers and uncrosses her long legs.

 I rush forward with my makeup kit and set it on the couch next to her. Valora doesn’t offer me a chair to make the application process easier; she expects me to squat in front of her and deal with the discomfort of being in a squat.

 “You shouldn’t be using that brush,” Valora barks as I press it into a darker powder to enhance what should be dark circles under her eyes, “or that color for that matter. It’ll make me look like shit.”

 “Well,” I begin, “your character is addicted to crack, she’s supposed to look horrible.”

 “Not the way I’m playing her. Pick a better color or we’re going to have a big fucking issue.”

 I try not to sigh my frustration as I cap the powder and pull out another one. Valora nods slightly to show that she approves of this choice and I begin to apply it underneath her eyes.

 “Run lines with me,” she commands before she starts to shoot off a long speech her character has in the middle of the film. She stops abruptly when I don’t say anything.

 “Well?” she questions, her voice becoming higher pitched, “aren’t you going to interrupt me?”

 “I don’t know the script, Miss Francis.”

 “Well pick it up and help me run the fucking lines!”

 I stare at her incredulously as I lift my hands up. One is holding a powder brush, the other one of the many makeup capsules that incorporates Valora’s palate.  “My hands are kind of full.”

 “Don’t get fucking snippy with me, Penelope. If you can’t hold the script then learn the fucking lines. How can I be expected to know my lines when people won’t run them with me?” she whines. “Either learn the script or I’ll be sure to have the studio terminate your employment.”

 I barely nod my agreement when Valora’s phone starts to ring. She holds a hand up and waves me away quickly. I’m not even finished with her make up yet but I can tell when a prima donna bitch has dismissed me.

 I pack my things away and leave the trailer, the little dogs yipping at my heels. I am beginning to see red and want nothing more than to go back into Valora’s trailer and give her a piece of my mind.

 But I know I can’t. I need this job, need the experience, and I need the exposure. I can’t afford to really piss Valora off because she has so much swag in Hollywood at the moment. She is the new It Girl, and if I went ahead and got on her bad side, I can kiss any celebrity endorsement of a make up line goodbye.

 I make my way back to the make up trailer, trying to stop the tears of frustration from escaping the corner of my eyes. I hate it when people make me feel inferior and while I can brush it off as well as the next person, constant nitpicking and abuse can really take its toll on a person.

 When I enter the make up trailer I’m greeted with Corbin working on Justin and Raven applying finishing powder to William Macy. I don’t know where Holly is, but Jude is sitting in one of the chairs just staring in the mirror.

 “Have you been taken care of yet, Jude?” I ask him as I set Valora’s make up case down in front of him.

 “Yes, I’m good,” he smiles as he turns to look at me. I guess I have the weight of Valora’s recent tantrum in my face because he reaches out and places a comforting hand on my forearm, “How are you doing with Valora?”

 “Oh, you know,” I begin as I let out a huge breath of pent up frustration, “same old same old.”

 “Well, you’re doing great with her. There are not a lot of people who have the patience to deal with her personality. I hope you don’t mind my asking the Pope for your canonization once this process is finished?”

 I smile and shake my head at his joke, “That’s sweet. Thank you, but I’m not even Catholic so I doubt the Pope will be accepting of your suggestion.”

 “Well, perhaps a very big statue, then.”

 “That would be acceptable,” I return, my smile growing.

 “Are you going to Justin’s cook out tomorrow?” Jude inquires as he takes his hand off of my arm.

 “I think so – it seems like fun. And it’ll be good cast and crew bonding,” I respond. A runner throws the door to the trailer open and quickly spouts that he’ll need all actors on set. Jude gets to his feet and turns to me again.

 “Definitely. I’ll see you there,” he grins before he puts a hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze.

 A peaceful silence falls on the trailer with the actors’ exit. I sit down in the chair Jude had been occupying and let out another huge sigh of frustration.

 “Do you want to go to craft services and get some food?” Corbin asks me as he clears his station. He’s wearing the same multi-colored scarf but his nails are now a dark shade of green.

 “Cant,” I explain as I notice the script of Southern Sunrise sitting on the vanity counter. “I have lines to learn.”