I don't think anyone realizes how sheltered your life could be living in the sin capital of the world until you no longer live there. I knew my life wasn't as exciting as one would think it would be in Vegas, but I didn't realize how much more exciting it could have been. I moved to LA at the end of August to start school, and by the middle of September there was no looking back. Life in California was like a little piece of heaven on earth. There was always something to do, a party to attend, work to get to, homework to procrastinate doing, and to top it off there were things like trees and grass here. Like real grass, not the fake stuff that people in Vegas have because it's so damn hot the grass has no chance of surviving.

Some days I felt like all I did was work. I went to school in the morning and I'd make my way to my internship right after and sometimes wouldn't get home until close to midnight. I never ended up with that car and it would probably get me home at least an hour sooner then the bus would but at this point there was nothing I could do but save money and buy one for myself. Other days though I was living the dream. I managed to make a ton of friends right off the bat at school and at my internship and there were some nights that my head never saw the pillow. Along with the good friends came some bad ones that tried to get everyone else in the group mixed up in the wrong stuff. I lost a few friends pretty quickly having to cut them out of my life when they started using drugs.

I always said I wouldn't drink. Not before I was 21 and not after I was 21. I watched my dad die from drug and alcohol addiction and I swore to myself that I would never be that person. The girl that's walking out of a club underage holding onto the walls so that she can stand up straight with her shoes in her hands and her bare feet all over the nasty street. The one that slurs her words and can't form full sentences that make any kind of sense whatsoever. I promised myself that that would never be me, but unlike all of the other promises I made to myself before I got to LA, that was the one promise that I broke after about a month of living the good life.

I lived in a pretty nice apartment with three roommates and if I'm being honest our humble abode was the best out of all of our friends so the parties usually happened at our place. I would never be one to tell someone what they should and should not do so I usually sat around and played drinking games with everyone else with my red cup full of ice water or ginger ale. Tonight however, was a different story.

There was this kid named Jay in my intro to journalism class that I had the biggest crush on ever. The first day I walked into class and saw him sitting there with his tight button down shirt hugging the muscles in his arms I was head over heels in lust with him. The first couple of weeks we didn't speak a word to each other but just this afternoon he dropped his pencil and asked me to pick it up for him as he couldn't reach it and that's when it all started. He was leaning over the desk when I bent down to get it and as I shot back up to hand it to him our heads crashed into one another. I quickly drew my hand up to the back of my head rubbing the bump that was quickly forming and looked up to see him doing the same to his forehead. My hazel eyes met his brown ones and we just started laughing, quietly at first, then loud enough to be scolded by the professor for interrupting class. We both apologized and attempted to draw our attention back to the front of the room, but every so often I'd turn around when I'd feel his eyes digging into the back of my head and he'd wink at me or jokingly rub his head and fake pain. After class ended I gathered my books and made my way out the door only to stop in my tracks after hearing him call my name. I turned around to find him running after me, his sweatshirt hanging over one arm and his book cuddled under his other one.

"Hey," I whispered, shocked that he'd actually want to talk to little old me outside of class.

"Hey Sophie...umm...I was wondering if maybe...Maybe I could buy you a coffee or something, you know as a thank you for getting my pencil for me..."

He was stuttering. Could he actually be nervous to talk to me too? My first instinct was to say yes immediately but then I realized that I had to head to my internship right after class today, so I settled for second best, "I'm actually off to work right after class, but my roommates and I are having a party tonight if you want to come."

"Yeah, that'd be cool," he smiled and I noticed for the first time how perfectly straight his teeth were.

Quickly shaking my head to snap back to reality I ripped a piece of paper out of my notebook to scribble down my address and handed it to him, "So I'll see you tonight around 9?"

"I'll see you then," we locked eyes for a few seconds too long before I nodded and turned away, "Oh and Soph...Thanks for getting my pencil."

"No problem," I smiled feeling my cheeks turn red.

And that was all it took. He showed up at my apartment that night and I was hooked. Even though the house was full of loud people with even louder music we managed to find a spot on the couch in the corner and talk for hours on end. Every so often he'd get up to refill his beer and I'd sneak off into the kitchen to fill my cup with water, not wanting him to know I was the only pansy that wasn't actually drinking. After what seemed like 5 minutes but was actually 5 hours later I realized that the music had stopped and we were the only ones left in the room. His arm was resting around my shoulders and he motioned with his head to see if I wanted a refill. By then I was so infatuated with him I had forgotten that I'd been sneaking off to get water on the rocks with a lime all night and simply nodded at him.

"What are you drinking?" Suddenly it felt like his eyes were daggers stabbing me over and over again waiting for a response. I should just say water...I mean if the guy really likes me it shouldn't matter if I don't drink right? But at the same time, I don't think I'll ever be able to find someone like him again and what harm could one drink do?

"Tequila and Sprite." I regretted it the minute I said it, but I took the glass anyway and drank it, along with four others as the night turned into early morning. And I regret it even more now as I wake up next to Jay in my bed with a pounding headache naked, not knowing what exactly happened after my lips hit the first glass.

Jus,

Please don't kill me! I don't even know how I feel about this right now. I mean I'm happy, I really am but at the same time I know I probably fucked up. So that Jay guy I was telling you about in my Journalism class...well we had an encounter with a pencil and it all ended up with me inviting him back to my place for a party a couple of nights ago and that all ended with me waking up in my bed the next morning naked with him next to me. Now don't get me wrong it's not like I've never had sex before but the kicker to this fuck up is that I was drunk and I don't remember any of it. I don't even know why I drank...Half the night I was drinking water and then he asked me what I was drinking and I didn't want to sound like a freak. I know what you're going to say...why did you conform Soph?...if you didn't want to drink why did you drink? I get it I'm an idiot but I really like this guy so I don't even know if I regret it. I mean I feel regret for drinking because I promised myself I never would but I don't think I regret sleeping with him.

I know I'm rambling and this probably doesn't make any sense but I just...I needed to tell you because I need to sort this out in my head and the only person that will actually look at this with some sense of normalcy and not just pat me on the back and congratulate me is you.

He's doing all the right things though. I mean I woke up and we cuddled for a few hours and after he left he called me to make sure I was okay, and we've pretty much been in constant contact since then. I mean I really like this guy and to think that for once he likes me back kind of boosts my confidence. But why did I drink for him? There have been guys in the past and I didn't budge but I did for him and it's driving me crazy. What the fuck is wrong with me? Maybe I should go back to Vegas and get my head on straight...

I'm so fucking dumb.

***

Vacation was upon us. Well, not the kids but my husband and me. We're calling it a second honeymoon when in reality it's really our first. When we got married both of us were so busy with work and Lily there was no way we were going to be able to take a week off to anoint our marriage. We always said once we had a break we'd slip away but our first break came when I was 8 months pregnant with Tyler so I wasn't really able to vacation then either. Luck was upon us however when my mom called to tell me she wanted to visit with her grandbabies so I promptly called a travel agent and booked a flight out to Hawaii the day after she arrived and informed her she'd be babysitting for a week once our itinerary was in place. As excited as I was about leaving in the morning for paradise I was stressed as all hell trying to prepare a weeks worth of dinner and lunches for the kids so that they wouldn't feel like they were too far away from their routine when we got back.

I heard the school bus pull up to the corner and waited patiently for the screaming and fighting to start once the kids walked in the door, but was shocked when they both came in quietly throwing their lunch boxes on the counter and took off for the living room. I chalked it up to their grandmother being here and my newfound luck but was soon proven wrong when Lily sat down on the stool in front of me. It was then I learned that it wasn't my luck, but just their grandmother being here.

"How'd you and Daddy meet?"

I stopped putting peanut butter on the piece of bread in front of me and looked up at her. She knows the answer to this question so I don't understand why she's asking it. I squint at her and cock my head to the side, "We met in college, you know this..."

"I know where you met Mom I'm asking HOW you met. We have to do a project about the day our parents met so I need to know details. I mean I'm talking I need to do a poster board and everything so pictures and things of that nature would be useful too."

Oh this will be nice maybe I'll just send her to school with a pencil and a bottle of tequila because that pretty much sums up how we met. I shook my head out of the daze I was in and got back to the sandwich in front of me. "I really think you should probably do this project on how me and Dad met Lily and not how me and Daddy met. It really is a much better story, plus he raised you."

"That would work if I didn't already tell my teacher that you met in college and what his name was, but since I already did that and since technically he is my father I don't think that would work."

"Okay," I said trying to quickly come up with a solution, "Well why don't we just pretend that the story of how me and Dad met is the story of how me and Daddy met. Since technically we met in college too. It'll be our little secret..."

"MOM! This is not that hard, just tell me the story. I don't even need pictures I'll draw them or something but you need to tell me the story tonight because my project is due in three days and since you two are leaving us here with Grandma to fend for ourselves I'm going to need this information ASAP! Do you really want me to fail 5th grade?"

"You won't fail 5th grade....and we are not leaving you to fend for yourselves! Grandma is here!"

"Look...all I know is my friends parents would not go to Hawaii without their children because that is just mean, HOWEVER," she raised her finger like she was 40 in a boardroom telling all of her employees what to do, "the point of this discussion is not to fight about you guys going to Hawaii to have the best time ever and never come back to your kids, it's about how you and Daddy met. So spill!"

"We are coming back in a week!"

"GOD MOM! Just...You know what I'll just ask Dad, he'll know."

"Just ask Dad what?" I turned around to see him walking into the kitchen with a toothpick hanging out of his mouth.

"How did Mom and Daddy meet?" she asked pulling a pencil and notebook out from her backpack that was sitting on the stool next to her. He started hysterically laughing and I turned sharply eyeing him to let him know if he told her the real story I'd murder him in his sleep.

"Here's what I know," he said leaning on the counter next to me after he was able to control his laughter.

"Mmhmm," she looked up at him excited that she was finally going to get this story and be able to hold something over my head.

"I got nothin'," he smacked the counter and started laughing again as I watched her smile turn into a straight line of frustration. Is it wrong to laugh right now? I mean clearly my child is annoyed but her reaction was pretty priceless.

"Just write your project on me and Dad Lily, I promise the teacher will understand," I said patting her hand and trying to contain the smile that kept forming on my face.

"You guys suck!"

"This girl just loves to be grounded," I said looking up at my husband, "Room...NOW!"

The stomping up the steps informed me that I was currently in the right house and my luck had worn out, but tomorrow I'll be in paradise. With silence and the only voice I'll be hearing is my husbands and if that doesn't scream vacation I don't know what does.

***

Soph,

I really don't know what you want me to say to you. You know what you did was stupid and now you're trying to make it right by saying he's doing all the right things. This isn't even about you drinking or how much you like him or the pencil (which I would really like to know how a pencil turned into you getting drunk and having sex with some guy you don't even know.) This just isn't you. The Soph I know is a strong person and doesn't care what other people think and would never just throw away something she believes in for a guy. I mean what do you even know about him? And how do you know he really likes you? Just because he's calling doesn't mean he feels the same way about you as you do for him. Trust me I know...I'm a guy. I also know that you don't just regret drinking, you regret sleeping with him too and you're coming up with a thousand excuses to make yourself believe that you don't.

You don't even remember it! Are you sure you slept with him willingly or did he maybe I don't know slip a date rape drug in your drink and pretend like everything was fine and dandy the next morning. Here's a good question...did you use protection? Wouldn't that be awesome if in a month you're writing me an E-Mail saying your 18, a freshman in college and pregnant? Then what Soph? I've joked with you before and called you dumb but I never meant it until now...what you did was dumb and I don't care how many people think its cool or how hot you think he is. It was dumb and you're better then that. What happened to you? And how do I get Sophie back?

Justin

After a month of not writing back, but reading this stupid E-Mail over and over again I've realized that he's right. I'm dumb and now I have to figure out a way to tell him that he's right. That I don't even know this guy even though I guess you can say we've been dating since that night. I was mad at Justin for a long time but I'm not sure why since I knew exactly what he was going to say. I told him about what happened because I needed someone to be honest with me and smarten me up. He was certainly honest but unfortunately I didn't smarten up. And now not only do I have to suck up my pride and tell him he's right and listen to him tell me I told you so, but I have to figure out how to make these two lines on the pregnancy test turn into only one so that I don't have to tell him that I'm pregnant too.