Addison sat on the porch swing in her back yard, staring into space. She had tried to piece together how the night had gone – and how any of it suggested that a kiss would be the way to end it – but it was no use. She couldn’t figure out how things had gone down that road yet again.

She didn’t blame JC for the kiss; he had asked for a hug, which she gladly gave. The kiss though…she couldn’t tell which of them initiated it. Either way, both of them had fallen into the kiss, and both of them had been willing participants. She couldn’t blame JC when she hadn’t wanted to stop the kiss after his lips touched hers.

She had felt that familiar connection – that “spark” – that had been there from the very beginning, and she hated that she still felt it. Things would be so much easier if that spark had magically disappeared, but it hadn’t. Now, she was stuck. She still wanted to be friends with JC, but could she do that when it was obvious feelings still existed on both sides?

"Well. At least you made it home before you had a meltdown." Grace’s appearance in the backyard startled Addison, and Addison shot Grace a glare to let her know. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you,” Grace added as she sat down beside Addison on the swing. “Saw my roll in the fridge. Thanks.”

“Thank Josh – he paid for it.” Grace raised her eyebrows.

“Josh paid for it? What? Did he pay for the entire dinner? I thought tonight was a friend affair…” Grace trailed off as she narrowed her eyes at Addison. “Is there something you’re not telling me Addison?” She huffed and leaned back against the swing, rocking it with her movement.

“No Grace,” she said sternly. “It was supposed to be a dutch friend thing. He just paid for dinner before I could get my wallet out. Trust me, that wasn’t intentional.”

“So…how’d it go?” Grace turned to face Addison and folded a leg underneath her, ready to listen. Addison sighed as she shrugged nonchalantly.

“It went relatively OK. We talked about a lot of stuff. He apologized for the way things went before, but I wasn’t convinced that his reasoning was solid. I’m still not convinced. It just sounded like he was making things up and trying to convince me that he broke up with me because he was stupid. I just…I don’t know.” Addison rubbed her forehead in frustration, not sure how to put into words how she felt. The reasons JC had thrown at her were valid, she guessed….but it just felt like some part of the truth was missing. His reasoning was off in her brain.

"That sounds like a typical guy excuse, honestly. I've heard it plenty of times before. It might be a cop-out of some sort, but it's a legitimate reason in his mind. If you think he's hiding more, keep badgering him. He'll give eventually. If you think he's being as open as he can about the situation, leave it alone and work on your friendship. I know you want him back in your life, but you need to get to know him again first." Addison nodded at her friend's advice, knowing she was more than likely right.

“There's something else - we kissed.” Addison added it in a rush and closed her eyes tight, not wanting to see Grace’s reaction. When a few seconds went by and the world didn’t implode, Addison slowly opened her eyes and looked over at Grace, an apologetic smile on her face.

“What the hell Addison.” Grace’s voice had a hard edge to it, and her eyes were narrowed. Yeah, she was pissed. “What would possess you to do something like that?!”

“It just happened!” Addison said defensively, trying to keep eye contact with Grace. “Honestly Grace. Do you think I walked into tonight thinking, ‘Oh, I’ll just have sushi with my ex and then kiss him for good measure’?”

“I wouldn’t put it past you. I knew that Heather moving back here would spell trouble for you.” It was Addison’s turn to narrow her eyes.

“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Grace ran her hand through her hair and shook her head.

“That boy has been out of your life for years…and you’re still caught up Addison. If you had the chance, you’d be all over that boy in a heartbeat.”

“That’s not true,” Addison muttered, not sure if she could faithfully counter that argument. The kiss was still on her mind – and until it left, she wouldn’t be able to deny Grace’s statement. Grace crossed her arms over her chest and shot Addison an “I told you so” look.

“You need some distance from him Addison. You have got to get your emotions in check before he comes back in and fucks things up again like he did the last time.” Anger bubbled in Addison’s veins as she played Grace’s words back in her head. Why was she always so defensive when it came to JC?

“God Grace – why do you hate Josh so much? What the hell did he do to you?” Instead of Grace firing back, she sighed and leaned back against the arm of the swing, shrugging.

“He didn’t do anything to me Addison. But he hurt you. I was there when he hurt you, and I never want that to happen to you again. I can’t handle another year like that…it sucked. Big time.” Addison’s glare softened. So that was why Grace didn’t care for JC…and Addison couldn’t even be mad at that reasoning. Grace had stuck by her side while she got over the break-up and had been the best friend a girl could have in her life. Addison was surprised she hadn’t considered that reasoning earlier.

“I never thought of it that way,” she admitted softly, looking down at her hands. She heard Grace sigh heavily.

"Look Addy. As someone who loves you like the sister my parents decided I didn't need since I was handful enough, I'm going to tell you something that may make you mad. Do not get caught up in the past Addy. Don't. I know that may be hard for you, but you have to focus on the now and not the then. Forget what happened before."

It was Addison’s turn to sigh heavily as she shifted uneasily on the swing. "It isn't as easy as that Grace. But I’ll try. I have to try.” Addison sighed again and refocused her attention on the backyard, wanting some silence to re-gather her thoughts as she let the night flash through her mind one more time. She did feel uneasy about JC's explanation - she felt something was missing. But that kiss…God that kiss…it had taken her back. Made her feel like everything would be OK, like she was meant to be with JC. She forced herself to push it all out of her mind; if she was going to sort her feelings out and settle things, she had to forget the past. Forget the date. Focus on the now.

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"How'd it go?" JC settled onto a couch near the pool, stretching across it. He loved fall LA nights like this.

"It went OK," he told former bandmate and close friend Justin Timberlake, who had called just to say hi as he was pulling in from dinner with Addison. "I think it went OK, at least. I had a good time."

"Did you tell her?" JC pinched the bridge of his nose as he contemplated lying. "You didn't, did you?"

"I don't even know how to approach the topic man. What am I supposed to say?"

"Um, just tell her the truth! She's a smart girl. Now that she's in your life again, do you think she won't find out?"

"She hasn't figured it out so far J. Why should she now?"

"I don't get why you can't just tell her the truth. I'm sure she knows you're partially bullshittin' her anyway." As JC looked up at the stars, he knew that what Justin was saying was true. Addison deserved the full truth, not some half-ass lie that didn't even partially cover why they had to end.  "Look dude. Do you want to be the one to tell her, or do you want someone else to tell her?"

"You wouldn't," JC growled, bolting up on the couch.

"No no no," Justin said quicky. "I would never do that man! But even though LA is a big town, Addison's cupcakes are taking off. It's only a matter of time before she's working for someone who will know you and what happened back then. Might even recognize her."

"The chances of that happening are slim to none. You've got a better shot at getting married than her finding out from some random acquaintance." Justin laughed, which didn't make JC feel any better. His friend's words had his brain spinning. What if Addison found out the truth? Why was it so hard for JC to be honest with her?

"That won't be happening anytime soon. TELL HER JACE." JC sighed as he stretched back out across the couch.

"She'll know. Eventually."

Maybe.
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Addison spent the next week busying herself with work. She hadn't talked to JC since their dinner date, which was good and bad for her. She had decided not to reach out to him for a bit until she felt confident she could keep her emotions in check around him, but it was also driving her a little crazy. It was a relief not to have to face him again, but she was almost dying to talk to him and see him again. She knew it was better for her not to see him though, which is why she tried not to think about him. So when Heather and Grace decided to hit the clubs that Friday night, Addison was all for it.

"This is going to be so fun!" Heather squealed as they finished their glasses of wine and fixed their make-up. Since Addison had to show up to work the next day, she was playing DD - but that didn't mean she couldn't have a little fun. She drank some water to balance out the two glasses of wine she'd had before applying her lipstick, giving herself a once-over in the mirror and a satisfactory nod. Tonight, she felt sexy - and her black mini, white halter and black boots reflected that. Her hair was perfect, her make-up was perfect...she was the perfect package.

"Someone looks like she's trying to get laid tonight," Grace commented matter-of-factly as she adjusted her tube top dress and gave Addison a glance.

"Am not!" Addison retorted quickly, subconsciously pulling down her skirt just a little. Grace giggled as she slid a pair of silver hoops into her ears.

"Yes. You do. But you look hot, so rock it. Maybe some random dude will get your mind off of - "

"Off of who?!" Heather, who had left the room to put their wine glasses in the sink, asked excitedly as she walked back in. "Who are you seeing?!" Addison swallowed hard as her eyes met Grace's, the panic in them evident.

"She's not seeing anyone," Grace added quickly as Addison struggled to bring her heart rate down. "I was just saying that a random guy could take her mind off work for awhile - we both know she works too much." Heather nodded quickly in agreement.

"I agree Addy. You work too much. Tonight, no talk about work; we're just going to dance and party all night." Addison mouthed a "thank you" to Grace, grateful she didn't have to explain anything. Grace shot her a glare, but Addison could see the smile playing at the corners of her lips.

The girls made one last trip before a mirror before heading out, piling into Addison's Civic and heading to the nearest club. Even though Heather hadn't been in town long, she'd already made friends with lots of people and got them into VIP, which made going through the ridiculously long line a breeze. As they stepped into the packed club and the music hit Addison's ears, she couldn't help but smile. She knew she needed a night like this to forget about everything - and even if she wasn't drinking, she sure as hell was going to shake her ass on the floor.

They made their way to the VIP area reserved for them off to the side of the main dance floor, a bottle of champagne open and ready for them. Heather poured each of them a glass before holding hers up, clearing her throat loudly. "To us - best friends for life!" The girls cheered as they toasted and drank up, Addison enjoying the tickling of the bubbles on her tongue. She surveyed the dance floor as a big group of people was being led through the crowd by security, others turning to watch. As the lights hit the group, Addison didn't recognize any of them.

Well, except for one.

Her heart dropped and hands became clammy as she squinted to get a better look. When the person she was looking at made it to his VIP section across from hers and looked out over the dance floor, Addison huffed. What the hell was he doing here?!

"Let's dance!" Heather shouted as the song went from Lady Gaga to Ludacris. Addison shook her head quickly and scrambled to come up with an excuse to stay put.

"You guys go - I'm gonna head to the bathroom and will meet you guys on the floor." Grace and Heather nodded as they linked arms and strutted to the floor. Addison gave one last glance in JC's direction before heading to the bathroom to calm her nerves. How was she supposed to have a good night when the one man she wanted to get her mind off of was in the same vicinity? She forced herself to breathe as she wove through the crowd to the bathroom. As she neared the privacy of the bathroom, she felt a hand tap her on the shoulder. Her heart skipped a beat as she spun around.

“I thought that was you! Didn’t expect to see you here…” Addison inhaled and exhaled quickly to calm her racing heart as she realized the tapper wasn’t JC. Instead, it was her overzealous admirer from Heather’s party. “Andrew…remember? Heather’s party?” Addison nodded quickly, realizing her startled look must’ve made admirer guy think she didn’t remember him.

“Oh! Of course! I remember who you are Andrew. How are you?” A devilish grin crossed his face as he stepped closer to Addison. The music was muffled since they were in the hallway leading to the bathrooms, so Andrew’s steps forward were not necessary. And, Addison realized, not wanted.

“Better now that you’re here. Want a drink?” Before Addison could find a way to politely turn him down, she felt arms wrap around her waist. She tried not to tense as the familiar scent of cologne and aftershave hit her nose.

“She’s with me tonight. Maybe next time?” Addison managed a weak smile as Andrew scowled and walked quickly in the opposite direction. Addison huffed and spun around quickly, a glare on her face.

“Are you kidding me Josh? What the hell are you doing here?” He held his hands up and took a step back, trying to look serious but a smirk playing at his lips.

“Hey. You’re lucky I had to pee. I saved you from a long night of boring-ass Andrew.” He said Andrew’s name in a mocking tone, which irritated Addison.

“What – there’s not a golden toilet in some magical bathroom in VIP?” The smirk took over JC’s face as he shook his head.

“Nope. Have to use the bathroom with the common folk. Tragedy, I know.” Instead of giving in to the teasing, Addison simply turned around and started walking towards the women’s bathroom. She was relieved that JC was acting the way he was, though – it had changed her nervousness to anger and irritation.

Before she could reach the door, she felt JC’s hand on her arm. She refused to turn around but did stop in her tracks. “Let go of me Josh,” she said through clenched teeth, wanting nothing more than to leave him behind. Even if he looked like the hottest piece of eye candy in the place with his sandblasted jeans and white button-up, she wanted to leave him behind. Badly.

“Don’t be mad Ads. Look. I just came down to say hi. I saw you from VIP and didn’t want to avoid you all night, especially since you came with my sister. I know you’re avoiding me Ads – and it’s my fault. I’m sorry.” Addison knew he was apologizing for the kiss, but she didn’t want to acknowledge it. She had come to have a good time, and seeing JC was blowing it. She didn’t want to think tonight; she just wanted to dance.

“Josh, can we talk about this later? I came here to have a good time and dance, not think about that damn kiss.” She turned then to face him, wiping her face of any emotion. “I kissed you back. It’s not just on you. But please – let’s deal with this later.” JC shook his head as he tightened his grip on her arm.

“Addison. The whole point of that dinner was to not make things awkward. Instead, we made things worse. Well, I did, really. Can we just be friends?” Addison yanked her arm out of JC’s grip and squared him up, putting her hands on her hips.

“No Josh. It’s obvious we can’t just be friends. You and I can’t be just friends right now. I just…I need time to pull away and regroup.” Before JC could protest or talk her out of it, she walked quickly to the bathroom and shut the door behind her. She found an open stall and softly let the tears fall. Why was it so hard to regroup and make this thing a “just friends” relationship? Would they ever be just friends?

Deep down, Addison knew that it would be very, very hard to be just friends with JC. Their history still ran deep, and it wasn’t something they could just drop to the wayside. Deep down, she knew she still had feelings for him – strong feelings. She had spent years convincing herself that if she ever saw JC again, she would be able to face him and just be friends. Now that he had pretty much been thrown back into her life, it wasn’t as easy as it looked – and she hated that she couldn’t keep the old in check long enough to establish a new.

“You have to do it Addison,” she whispered to herself as she dried her tears. “Do this for yourself.” She took in a deep breath and nodded firmly, telling herself that she could do this. She had to do this. For her, for her sanity, for her future. When she left the stall and headed back into the club, she didn’t take a second glance at JC’s section. She was there for her, and that was all that mattered.