I, I can't promise you

that I won't let you down

And I, I can't promise you

that I will be the only one around

when your hope falls down

                  “Hold On to What You Believe” – Mumford & Sons

Shelby was distracted, that much was obvious.  Justin would bet that her distraction came from her father’s earlier phone call, but no matter the cause, her attention was elsewhere.  It was only a little frustrating.

“You all right?”  He asked, perhaps for the hundredth time that evening, causing Shelby to jump a little, grinning at him sheepishly.

“I’m so sorry.  I’m horrible company tonight.”  She gently laid her napkin down on the table, her food hardly touched.  Justin had ordered take-out, and they were seated on the floor in the living room, enjoying the crackle of the fireplace.  Physically, she was right there with him…mentally, she couldn’t help but wonder if her father were right.  “I can’t turn off his voice,” she admitted quietly.

Justin settled back against the edge of the couch, motioning for Shelby to join him.  When she’d moved herself into the circle of his arms, he relaxed and held her closely.  “He’s not right, Shelby.”  His voice was low, serious, and the tone held an authority that left no room for Shelby to argue.  “I don’t quite know where he’s coming from, but he’s wrong.  You’re incredibly smart, you’re focused on your goals, and you’re almost done getting a degree that can take you wherever you want it to.  You causing me trouble is the least of my worries.  In fact, getting caught making out with you is a step up for me.”  This earned a small grin from the girl in his arms.

Shelby shrugged a little, staring into the flames as they danced, her thoughts far away.  “I think he means my depression, Justin.”  She took a deep breath, preparing to share things he should know.  “Before my mom died, I’d been having a really tough time with things.  Even before I left L.A., I knew I was fighting depression.  I was just…never happy, ever.  It was like I constantly had this dark cloud over my life, and I couldn’t find a way out.  I started acting really irresponsibly.  I drank heavily, partied all the time…it was bad.” 

Justin just listened, pulling her tighter against his chest.

“My parents were lost about what to do with me.  My dad thought I just needed focus and work, so he pushed the music thing…constantly.  My mom knew that that wasn’t it, but we still couldn’t really figure out what was going on in my head.  I saw a lot of counselors, and I spent years searching for the parts of me that needed healing.”  She licked her lips, taking a breath before continuing with her story.  “It was during that process that I discovered a love for psychology.  If I could figure out how other people worked, maybe I could figure out me.  I enrolled in classes and left for New York, against my father’s wishes.”

She gave him a sad look, twisting her fingers together.  “Dad didn’t understand what was going on.  He really didn’t believe that depression was a problem, and he thought I just needed to snap out of it.  It was something he and my Mom fought about all the time.  I think he blames me for that.” 

Clearing his throat, Justin shifted a little.  “When the guys and I first started touring over in Europe, before anyone even knew who we were, I went through something similar.  The schedule was so exhausting and I was so scared about the future of things…I often had panic attacks.  It was one of the scariest things I’ve faced in my life.”  Shelby turned her head so she could look at him.  “It got better for a while, but after Britney…”

“You don’t have to do this, Jus.”  She placed a warm hand on his cheek, smiling at him.

He shrugged, attempting a smile back.  “I just want you to know that you’re not alone, B.  This isn’t some demon that you have to face by yourself.  I get it.  And I think that you’ve come a lot farther than you realize.”

“I know.”  She let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding.  “I just think my Dad only sees the broken pieces of me.  Of course, it doesn’t help that I seem to constantly be drunk in his presence.”  Her laugh was harsh.  “I don’t want to be a problem for you, Justin.  I won’t do that to you.”

He shook his head, adamant.  “You’re not a problem.  I swear.” 

“What did he say to you?”

“It doesn’t really matter, B.  He can’t tell me who to be with, and you’re not going to interfere with my career, so I’m not worried.”  His blue eyes met her browns.  “I like being with you.  You…you have this way of making me feel alive.  I feel lighter, happier, and all of the shit that stresses me out doesn’t seem to matter quite as much when you’re around.” 

She grinned.

“You seem to understand me, and I like that.  I don’t have to pretend or explain myself with you.  I can just be.”

Gently, Shelby placed a kiss on Justin’s cheek.  “I feel the same way with you, Jus.”

This time, when their eyes met, it was filled with something neither could quite explain.  Carefully, with a tender caress, Justin brought Shelby’s face to his own, melting into the kiss slowly.  He could lose himself in this girl, and he liked who he was when he was found again.  She reminded him of home.

“Thank you.”  Her breath was warm against his lips, her words pinned between kisses.

Instead of answering, Justin stood from his spot, helping Shelby to her feet and leading her down the hall to his bedroom.  He led her over to the bed, taking a seat and pulling her down into his lap.  His caresses were slow, gentle, and his lips were soft against her skin.  Shelby could feel herself melting into his touch and getting lost in his embrace.  This was a healing moment for the both of them, and it felt so good to be taken care of.

With no apparent rush, they laid down next to each other, letting their fingers and hands do the communicating.  Justin’s fingers brushed over Shelby’s shoulder, pulling the tank top strap down her arm.  With the other hand, he reached for the hem, his knuckles brushing against the warm skin of her stomach which quivered at his touch.  His own shirt came off soon after, and he pulled her in close.  There was something completely erotic about skin touching skin, but it somehow felt safe, too.  His hands spanned her back, dipping into her curves and holding her tightly against him.

Shelby could hardly catch her breath.

She wasn’t sure when the rest of their clothing had been removed, but she soon found that she could feel all of him pressed against her.  With applied patience, she let her hands explore his skin, stopping to savor ever part of him that she could.  This moment wasn’t about the sex, at least, not yet.  It was entirely more intimate.  Of course, desire and need won out over patience, and Justin settled himself over Shelby.

He wasn’t sure he wanted this moment to end.  Right now the world felt different.  He couldn’t remember things that had been worrying him earlier.  He wasn’t sure why he’d been stressed or feeling pressure.  He knew, though, that as soon as this spell was broken, the rest of the world would come crashing back onto their shoulders with a heavy weight.

Right now…though…she was his.

~*~

The next two weeks fell into a routine of sorts.  Shelby continued to go to classes and focus on school, while Justin holed up in the studio during the day and sometimes into the night.  Most evenings they spent together, just enjoying the comfort of each other’s company.  It was easy and it was just what they needed.  There wasn’t much talk of Shelby’s father, and that was just fine by them. 

“I can’t believe you don’t love this movie.”  Shelby stole a handful of popcorn from the bowl, giving Justin a wide-eyed look.  “It’s…it’s like the best romance ever!”

Justin shrugged.  “I just don’t think it’s as epic as everyone else does.  I have other movies I like better.”  Shelby scoffed, still not believing he was being serious.  “Ryan is one of my good friends, I can’t see past that.  It’s a good movie, I just don’t love it.”

The movie in question was The Notebook, which had Shelby’s rapt attention.  The story was incredible, and it never failed to make her cry and long for something as passionate and lasting as what Noah and Ally had.  She should’ve know that Justin wouldn’t be as excited about the movie as she was, simply because he’s a man, but still. 

“Can I meet Ryan sometime?”  There was a glint in her eyes as she asked.

Justin seemed to ponder for a minute before shaking his head.  “Nope, not a chance.”

“Why not?!” 

Carefully setting the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table, Justin moved over on the couch and pulled Shelby into his arms.  “Because you’re mine, B, that’s why.”  She giggled as his hands tickled her sides.  She managed to grab the pillow behind her, smacking Justin in the face.  “This means war!”  He cried, grabbing the pillow from her hands and attacking relentlessly, laughter spilling from both of them.

“Stop!” Shelby panted, holding up her hands to cover her face.  “Justin, stop!”  Her laughter made her words nearly inaudible.

“Not until you say I’m sexier than Ryan Gosling.”  Another blow landed across Shelby’s cheek.  “Say it!”

She struggled to get the pillow out of his hands, reaching over his head to grab at it.  This earned another hit to the head.  “Okay!  Okay!  You’re sexier than Ryan Gosling.”  Just like that, the pillow fell from Justin’s hands and Shelby snatched it quickly.  With a grin, she tucked it behind her back and well out of Justin’s reach.  “He does have really nice abs, though.” 

In response, he stuck his tongue out.

Deciding it was time to broach a more serious subject, Shelby turned her body toward Justin.  “When are you heading back to L.A.?”

“I’m leaving Thursday.” 

That was three days away, and Shelby could feel her joy deflate a little. “Do you know when you’re coming back?”

Justin had been worrying over that fact for a while now, and after wearing a path into his floor pondering what to do, he decided it was best to leave it open ended.  For now.  “I’m not sure yet.  I have to meet with the record executives on Friday.  I’m not sure what else I have to do, so it all depends on my schedule.”

Shelby gave him a small smile.  “You better come back to me, Timberlake.”  She was joking, but there was worry and fear behind her light words. 

“Of course I will.”  He promised. 

But even that felt strained.

~*~

Justin slipped his sun glasses down over his face as he stepped out of the building into the bright L.A. sunlight.  He rolled his shoulders, trying to rid himself of the tension in his neck.  The meeting with Peter had been strained, to say the least, but it had stayed professional.  There was no mention of Shelby, but the looks that Peter had sent Justin’s way were less than friendly.  It was also obvious that the executives were concerned with Justin’s focus and drive for this album, and they had set a timeframe.  He now had one more month to get his project finished, and they made it clear that an extension would not be granted. 

He felt as if he were being scolded like a little boy.

Not wanting to linger on the sidewalk long, Justin slid into the seat of his car, cursing at the hot leather that seared his skin through his shorts.  He needed perspective, and he needed someone to listen and offer unbiased advice.

It was time he paid a visit to Johnny. 

Despite the direction his career had taken, Johnny had stayed on with Justin through everything.  He was a mentor, a father figure, and a great friend.  He was also extremely smart with situations like this and he would always offer Justin thoughtful and practical advice.  Just what he needed.

The drive to Johnny’s house was quiet.  Justin was lost in his thoughts, not sure how he felt about everything.  The album felt forced to begin with.  He was happy dabbling in the movie world, and he felt that most of his movies were successful.  There was definitely resentment towards the label for pushing him into another album when he didn’t feel ready yet.  And then there was Shelby.  He’d found her, and she gave him inspiration he hadn’t know was hiding inside of him.  Now, though, he was being told that he needed to distance himself because she was bad for him.

It was like being sixteen all over again.

Justin rolled his car to a stop, stepping out to grin up at Johnny’s house.  He loved this place, and he loved this man.  The door opened a moment later, and Johnny was standing there, hands on his hips and a grin on his face.

“Justin, man, how the hell are you?”  He met Justin halfway down the steps, embracing the younger man in a hug. 

Justin shrugged in response.  “Just got a lot on my mind, J.  I was hoping we could catch up some.”

“Yeah, and I could tell you what to do to get your ass out of whatever jam you’re in.”  Johnny laughed, ushering Justin inside.

“Well…you know me.”  His grin was sheepish.  Justin followed Johnny inside, through the living room and kitchen and out back towards the office.  It was a quite place, peaceful, and Justin had spent quite a few hours in this space, figuring out life.

Once they were seated in the plush leather chairs, Johnny got right to business.  “So the grapevine tells me you’ve pissed off Peter Edge.”

A long sigh seeped from Justin’s lips.  “Which grapevine would this be?”

“I heard it from your mother, who talked to Rachel.”  There was laughter in Johnny’s response.

“Well, I’ve hooked up with his daughter Shelby.”

“Justin…” 

Justin held up a hand to pause Johnny.  “But wait, it’s not because we’ve been spending time together that he’s upset.  He doesn’t seem to care who Shelby shacks up with.  He’s pissed at me because he thinks his daughter is some self-destructing mess that’s going to ruin my career.”

“And you don’t agree.”  It wasn’t a question, it was a statement.

Justin shook his head.  “No, I don’t agree.  She’s got her shit together, Johnny.  She’s almost done with school and she’s getting her degree in Child Psychology.  She’s smart, funny, cool as hell, and she understands me.”

Johnny settled deeper into his chair.  “You’ve got a fine line to walk, Justin.”

The younger man slumped.  “I know.”  Blue eyes looked up pleadingly.  “I have no idea what to do.  I don’t think Shelby is going to affect my music or my career at all, but I also know it’s pretty stupid to piss off my boss.”

“She’s already affecting your career, Justin.  Simply because you’re here and you’re in this mess shows that.  You should’ve known that getting involved with her was going to rile up Peter, no matter how he feels about his daughter.”

“I know.”  He was whining.

“Is she in L.A. with you?”

Justin shook his head, sitting up a little more.  “No.  We figured that bringing her here was a bad idea.”

“Well, that was a smart thought.”  Johnny was teasing, but it really had the wheels turning in Justin’s head.

“Am I making a mistake being with her?  Should I just cut it off, come back to L.A. to finish the album, and grovel at Edge’s feet?”

Johnny’s cool eyes regarded the young man in front of him.  He could see the stress in Justin’s frame, the fatigue in his eyes, and the worry etched onto his young face.  It was obvious that this was causing Justin a lot of stress and anxiety, but he wasn’t sure he had the magic answer.  “Does she make you happy?”

“Absolutely.”

“And she knows you’re in New York to work on music, not to play house?”  Justin nodded yes.  “Then I would say this;  Peter can’t tell you who to date as your boss, but as her father he has quite a bit of say.  If I were you, I would put all of your energy into making this album and making Peter the CEO happy first.  You and Shelby should stay out of the public eye, don’t get caught doing anything that could upset Peter the Daddy.”

Justin’s shoulders sagged visibly, and he ran a hand over his tired face.  “That’s what I was thinking…it’s just…”

“Justin, you are the only person who can make this decision.  There can be a balance between personal and professional lives, you know that.  You know that better than anyone, really.  You have to find that balance or you have to choose.  But no one else can do that for you.”

A pout formed on Justin’s lips.  “You’re supposed to fix this for me, J.”  Suddenly, the man morphed into the little boy Johnny had known for so long.

He laughed.  “Fuck no.  I’m all set on cleaning up your messes, Justin Timberlake.  Now come on, let’s get some food and some beer and talk about anything but work.”

“Sounds perfect.”