Close my eyes for a while

Force from the world a patient smile

But I gave you all

                   Mumford & Sons – “I Gave You All”

“And I would like to propose a toast to Shelby, for all of the amazing work you’ve done and all of the amazing work you will do.  Congratulations!”  Delia raised her glass, clinking it against those closest to her and grinning over at Shelby. 

A small group of people were gathered around a table, celebrating Shelby’s graduation with dinner and drinks.  Shelby was seated next to Justin, nestled comfortably under his arm.  She was glowing.  Graduation had been long, but she was so excited and relieved to have the process over.  She was completely scared about the future, but her excitement was overriding the fear.  Having Justin there just made it all better, too.  He was able to make it to the ceremony and he’d been beaming like a proud boyfriend the entire time.  It was his suggestion to celebrate and he was the one to invite everyone along.  Tonight his entire focus was on Shelby, and she was on cloud nine.

“How are you doing?”  His breath tickled her ear as he leaned down to speak to her.

She turned slightly in his arms to smile up at him.  “I’m fantastic.  This night has been amazing.  Thank you.”  They shared a small kiss, smiles passing between them.

Justin had loved watching Shelby all day.  She had been aglow with happiness like he’d never seen before.  Even with the absence of her father, today had been one of the happiest days of her life.  He was proud to be a part of that.  Bringing her to L.A. wasn’t the best idea he’d ever had, and he knew that, but he couldn’t spend time away from her.  He would deal with Peter if he had to, but he wanted Shelby close to him.  It just felt right.

He ordered another round of drinks for the table, happy to be apart of this celebration.  Things were going to get a little hectic in his life as soon as they got to L.A., so he wanted to be sure to give all of his attention to Shelby now.  He wanted her to know that he was there for her. 

~*~

Justin smiled slightly at Shelby’s tangled limbs, and his smile stretched when she let out a loud snore.  It was early, but he couldn’t sleep anymore.  She was still passed out from the night before, happily sleeping off her hangover, he was sure.  While he enjoyed her company, he was happy to let her sleep some more.

Besides, he was lost in thoughts he wasn’t ready to share yet.

Normally Justin would have been sleeping peacefully next to Shelby, not ready to face last night’s liquor.  This morning, though, the message indicator on his phone wouldn’t stop chiming.  He had seven messages and twelve missed calls all from Peter Edge.  They started off pleasant enough, congratulating Justin on finishing up the tracks and complementing him on a great new record.  They progressively turned frustrated, questioning Justin on his decision to stay in New York, and the last two demanded his return to L.A. to finish mastering the album and begin promotion.  In every message he was reminded that he was under contract and this was his career. 

Justin sat at the kitchen table in his apartment, slowing rolling his coffee cup between his hands.  He knew it was in his best interest to head for Los Angeles as soon as possible, today even.  He knew that putting out an album that wasn’t up to par was not an option, and he also knew that every day he spent not focusing on his music was compromising what he’d been working on.  Truthfully, all of his focus should be on getting this album completed, promoted, and making sure it met all of his standards.  But the sleeping girl in his bedroom had taken precedence over everything else in his life, or so it felt. 

His normal focus and work ethic had been replaced by Shelby, and Justin knew that this was going to create problems.  He just hadn’t known how many problems he would be facing.

Peter Edge had never once mentioned Shelby in his messages.  Instead, he’d called into question Justin’s dedication to his music, the quality of this record, and Justin’s ability to carry this through promotions and appearances.  They were low blows, but Justin knew that Peter had a point. 

It was those comments that were on repeat in his head. 

His only choice was to book a flight and take responsibility for his career.  He needed to put a few other things on the back burner so he could focus on what needed to get done in order for this album to be successful.  But how could he do that to Shelby?  How could he suddenly step back and change the dynamic of their relationship when he was so happy?  He loved her; that much he knew.  And he also knew that sacrifices often had to be made in his line of business.  Shelby would understand, but that didn’t mean it would affect them.  Was he ready to handle all of that?

“Hey, you.  I can’t believe you let me sleep this late.”  Shelby stood in the doorway, a sleepy smile on her face.

He managed a smile for her, standing and ushering her into the seat he’d just vacated.  “I figured you needed it.”  Pouring another cup of coffee, Justin set the mug in front of Shelby and topped off his own.  “I was handling some phone calls, too.  I didn’t want to disturb you.”

She sipped at the coffee, letting out a sigh of appreciation.  “Phone calls, on a Sunday morning?  Must be business.”

Justin sat back in his chair so he could watch Shelby’s reaction.  “I need to head back to L.A.  Tomorrow.”  Her eyes widened at his words, and she gently set her coffee cup on the table.

“That’s soon.”

“Apparently I’ve been neglecting my duties as a JIVE artist and I need to finish the work on this album and focus on promotions.”  This time her gaze met his head on.

“Those sound like the words of Peter Edge.”  Her happy tone was now flat.

“Yeah, they are.”  Justin held up his phone, “Twelve missed calls and seven messages.”  He sighed and broke their eye contact.  “He’s partly right, though, B.  I haven’t been as focused as I should be, and that’s not like me.  I don’t want to put out music that I’m not one-hundred percent confident in.  So, I think I should head back to L.A. a little early so I can get to work.”

Shelby ran a hand through her hair, counting to herself in order to calm down.  “I can’t leave New York, yet, Justin.  I have things to take care of and some interviews.”

“I know.  I know.”  His voice was quiet.  “It’s not the end of the world, B.  We’ll figure something out.”

The laugh that pulled from Shelby’s throat was anything but mirthful.  “This is what he wants, you know.  He’s going to tie you up with all things music and business and you’re going to be so busy that you can’t see me anymore.”

“So I set a schedule.  I make my own appointments and make sure that I get the weekends off.  I’ll fly back out to New York for the weekend until you can make it out to L.A.”  His eyes pleaded with her for understanding.  “I have to work, B.  Even if I wasn’t quite ready to make this album that doesn’t mean I want the quality to be less than perfect.  It’s still my music.”

Shelby held up her hand to stop him, sending a sheepish smile his way.  “I know, I’m sorry.  I don’t mean to put all of this pressure on you.  It just pisses me off that he’s still trying to meddle in my life even though he wants nothing to do with me.”

Justin stood and made his way to Shelby, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and kissing her gently.  “This doesn’t have to be about Peter, B.  This is really about us.  Music is still my job, we’ll just have to figure out as we go along.”

“You’re right.”  She smiled, apologizing again.  “I can try to tie up some things early, too, so you don’t have to keep coming here to me.”

“See?  Everything will be fine.”  He kissed her again, suddenly feeling lighter.

~*~

A routine developed between them, slowly, after Justin had left for L.A. that next morning.  Their weeks were filled with work; Justin working on the album and Shelby trying to get everything settled in New York.  Their weekends were a whirlwind of flights, dinners, measured moments and stolen time.  Justin and Shelby tried to squeeze as much time together as possible, but it was taxing, to say the least.

“Thank you for the opportunity.  I appreciate your time.”  Shelby shook hands with the interviewer and walked from the room, her shoulders heavy with stress.  This had been her third interview this week, looking for positions as a child psychologist with different advocacy centers.  None of them felt like the right fit, though, and she’d only received disappointing calls.

She wanted to work in New York.  She knew it would only be a matter of time before she found a job and she just had to keep at it.  But she also knew that getting a job in New York meant not being able to see Justin in L.A. as much as they had discussed.  So, without telling anyone, Shelby had been contacting centers in Los Angeles and setting up interviews for when she went to visit Justin.

It was a step they hadn’t discussed, but she wasn’t sure she could live that far away from him.  The distance between them now had been difficult enough to navigate; she didn’t want to prolong this anymore.

She just wanted to be with Justin.

Checking her watch, Shelby slipped into a cab and headed for home.  It was Friday and Justin was scheduled to be getting in soon.  She wanted to get dinner ready before he got there so he could relax.  It was obvious that flying to New York every weekend was rough on him, but he refused to stop.  She’d even tried to come to L.A. instead, but he’d told her that he enjoyed getting away from things and he wanted her to stay put until she was ready to join him.  Still, though, Shelby knew that Justin wasn’t going to be able to keep this up much longer.

Even though she didn’t want to admit it, sometimes their relationship felt impossible.  Their lives existed in two different places and sacrifices would have to be made by one or the other if they wanted things to work.  Shelby didn’t want to be in L.A. and Justin couldn’t move to New York.  Travel was an option, but how long could they make it work like this?  She was scared that he would get too tired of the constant back and fourth, but she wasn’t sure that things would be better if she moved to him.  Her father was in L.A., too, and he seemed to be doing whatever he could to keep Justin from being with Shelby.  And, to be honest, moving scared her.  It was a huge life change.

And yet, she knew Justin was worth it all. 

He made her life feel complete in ways she didn’t think possible, and Shelby knew she was in love with him.  When they were together, she was happier than she’d ever been.  And when they were apart, she counted the days until they were together again.  He called daily and they talked for hours, when possible.  He put her first all the time, and she was happy to reciprocate.  It was the first time that Shelby wanted to think about someone other than herself.