I ran away

I could not take the burden of both me and you

It was too fast

Casting love on me as if it were a spell I could not break

When it was a promise I could not make

“Seriously, Bro, how long are you going to do this?”  Trace’s question met Justin as he slid into the passenger seat of the car.  LAX was packed and all he wanted to do was get home.  He wasn’t prepared to be given the third degree.

“As long as I have to,” was his curt reply.

Trace lifted his hands in surrender, placing them back on the wheel and speeding out of the pick up lane of the airport.  “Just wondering when you’ll actually be able to take a breath.”  He glanced over at his best friend, noting the dark circles and rumpled clothing.  “You look like shit and you’re constantly exhausted.  I’m just concerned.”

The sigh that came from Justin’s mouth was loud and long.  He slumped into the seat and closed his eyes, feeling the pressure build.  “I don’t know how else to make this work.  She’s coming to L.A. in a couple of weeks, but for right now, this is how I’m going to handle things.”

Trace sent a sidelong glance in Justin’s direction, not sure if he should keep his mouth shut or not.  Of course, when had he ever decided to keep his mouth shut before?

“You’re making this way more difficult than it has to be, J.”  His tone was casual, hoping he didn’t incite a temper tantrum.

Justin’s head fell back against the head rest, and he turned to give Trace an exhausted and withered look.  “And how do you suggest I handle this?” 

Trace sighed, hearing the sarcasm in his best friend’s voice.  “Fuck it, J.  If you want to fly across the country and wear yourself down before you even think about touring, go ahead.”  He briefly held up his hands in surrender, slapping them back down on the steering wheel.  “I just don’t want to see you burnt out over a chick that’s asking way too much of you.”

“She didn’t ask for me to do this; I wanted to.” 

Another side long glance was sent toward the passenger.  “And she’s not asking you to stop, either.  I’m sure she knows how stressful this is, why can’t she compromise?”

It was Justin’s turn to sigh.  “Because Peter would make our lives hell even without the traveling.  It’s best is she stays in New York as long as possible.”

Trace stayed silent for a minute, not sure if his next question was going to piss Justin off, but he was truly curious.  “Well shit.  Don’t you wish it were simple again?  I mean, any other chick and you wouldn’t have to do this all the time.”

Silence filled the car for the rest of the ride, but Justin was too lost in thought to notice.  He would be lying if he said the thought had never crossed his mind.  It would be easier if he were dating someone else.  Peter Edge wouldn’t be up his ass constantly; he wouldn’t be flying across the country on a weekly basis; and he could put all of his focus into this new album.  But he loved Shelby, and she was the one he wanted.  He knew that things were difficult and if he weren’t with Shelby he wouldn’t be dealing with all of this.  But he also knew that if he weren’t with Shelby he would be miserable.

So, his decision stayed.

He would keep this up for a couple more weeks and then when Shelby was able to get here, he could catch up on rest.

~*~

“Is this the last track to be mastered?”  Justin’s tired voice broke the near silence of the studio.  Both he and the producers had headphones on, and their communications were made with hand gestures and short sentences.  It had been a long day for everyone.

“Yeah, man, I think so.”  Chaz had come from New York for the week to help.

Justin ran a hand over his tired face, hoping to wipe away some of the fatigue.  His back ached and his head hurt, but he was relieved to be this close to being done.  One more song and his album would be complete.  He could send it off to the label and relax for the first time in weeks.  Shelby came tomorrow, too, which meant he didn’t have to fly anywhere.  He was elated.

“Well, let’s get this shit done, man.  I’m in need of a stiff drink when this is over.”  He rested the headphones on his ears one more time and focused all of his attention on the last song for his third album.  It was dizzying to think about.  He was relieved to be done with the recording, but he also knew that the higher ups had plans for him to do heavy promotions and probably a tour.  It made him want to pass out from sheer exhaustion; but this was his life.

He loved his job.

A half hour later, Chaz and Justin sat back in satisfaction, finally done with all of the tracks.  Now, it was out of their hands.  “Thank the fucking gods, man.  I need a break from this studio or I might go crazy.”

Justin chuckled at Chaz’s comment, knowing exactly how his friend was feeling.  “Well I say let’s go celebrate and get drunk.  I’ll call Trace and Tim and see what trouble we can get into.”

“I like your style, JT.  Let’s go.”

It didn’t take long for plans to form, and an hour later Justin found himself seated in a hazy corner of a bar, sipping on tequila and finally relaxing for the first time in months.  Shelby wouldn’t be in L.A. until later tomorrow, so he was free to get stupidly drunk and would still have time to sleep off his hangover.  He needed this night off in the worst way.

“Your drink is almost empty, Bro.  You need a refill.”  Trace slid a fresh glass in front of Justin, grinning from ear to ear.  It was good to have his friend back in L.A., and it was even better to be spending some time with him.  With all the traveling Justin was doing lately, they hardly had the chance to see one another.  “How are you doing, man?”

Justin shrugged, feeling the effects of the joint he smoked earlier relaxing his muscles.  “Now that I’ve got this fucking record done, I’m good.”

“Has the record label said anything about the promotions you’ll be doing yet?”  He wasn’t one to bring up business on a night out, but Trace was curious if Justin would actually be getting time to hang out, or if he was going to be swamped with a million things to do.

Justin’s head lolled toward Trace and he gave him a tired grin.  “I don’t want to think about that right now, dude.  I just want to get drunk and chill out.”  He took another long swallow of his drink.  “Shelby comes in tomorrow and I don’t want to be all stressed out when she gets here.”

Trace grinned.  “Being hung over is a much better deal.”

In response, Justin flipped him the bird.

The two men sat there for a while, taking in the scene and steadily pounding down drinks.  Justin was content to sit back, enjoying the buzz in his head.  He liked watching everyone else in the room, dancing, chatting, drinking.  It made him feel as if he’d faded into the background and he was just another guy out with his buddies.  He needed this night of anonymity. 

Trace bumped his shoulder, pointing toward someone in the crowd.  “Hey, do you see that chick over there?  She’s a dead ringer for Chrissy Marks.  Do you remember her?”

The name was a blast from the past, bringing Justin back to Tennessee.  Chrissy Marks had grown up just down the street from he and Trace, and they had run amok around Shelby Forest until Justin had shipped off to Orlando.  They’d kept in touch as best as possible, even attempting a relationship while *NSYNC was in its fledging days, but eventually they’d lost touch.  He hadn’t seen Chrissy in nearly ten years, but Trace was right, this girl looked just like her.

“Shit, you’re right.  Have you heard from her at all?”

Trace shook his head.  “Not since you two broke it off.”  There was a pause as both men remembered, lost in thoughts long forgotten.  “I think that’s her, dude.”

Justin finished off the last of his drink, suddenly feeling heavy and not enjoying it.  “I think I’m too drunk to think about anything right now.  I need to get out of here, man.  You coming with?”

Trace downed his glass, standing to pull out his phone.  He made a few quick texts, following Justin to the back of the bar so they could slip outside unnoticed.  The night was muggy, summer settling in to stay.  Justin’s head was swimming with thoughts and alcohol, and he was happy for the SUV that pulled up shortly after they’d stepped outside.  He wanted to go home, chug some water, and pass out as soon as possible. 

“What time is Shelby coming in tomorrow?”  Trace’s voice pulled Justin from his daze.

“Uh…I think her flight comes in around five.  She had some things to take care of in the morning, so she won’t be in until later.”

“I’m so crashing at your place, then.” 

Justin scoffed, turning to look at Trace with sleepy eyes.  “And where else would you go?”

“Touche.”  Trace’s head rested against the cool window as he watched L.A. roll by.  “We are going to be so hung over tomorrow.”

“I’m sleeping until my hang over goes away.  I have absolutely nothing planned until B comes in.  I plan to take advantage of that time.”

“I’ll be sure to have Rachel stock the house with junk food, then, and we can be lazy fuckers together.” 

Justin knew Trace was his best friend for a reason.

~*~

The incessant pounding near Justin’s head was driving him insane.  The pillow he’d stuffed over his ears was doing nothing to stop the sound, and Justin was about to flip out.  Flinging the pillow, he sat up, searching for the sound.  Buckley was lying on the floor, his head resting on his paws and his tail thumping rhythmically against the hard wood floor.  At the sight of Justin, the thumping increased.

“Christ, dog.  Who let you in here?”  He looked and found his bedroom door open, Brennan seated on the carpet with the same anticipatory look on her face.  “Fine, fine.  Give me a minute, will ya?”  Reluctantly, Justin pulled himself from his bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and adjusting himself through his boxers.  His mouth tasted like shit, and his head was pounding.  Stumbling into the bathroom, Justin brushed his teeth and splashed some hot water onto his face.  He was still too tired to attempt showering.

Buckley and Brennan preceded him down the stairs, jumping and whining as he let them out the back door and into the yard.  As soon as they were situated outside, Justin shuffled into the kitchen, happy to see Trace sitting and eating, the table full of all kinds of foods.

“You look like shit,” was the shorter man’s welcome, and Justin grunted in response.  He poured himself some coffee before stabbing at some bacon and filling his plate with eggs, toast, and a bowl of fruit. 

“I feel like shit, so I suppose it’s all good.” 

“You’ll never believe who I got in touch with today.”  Trace grabbed the last muffin, stuffing his face.  “Chrissy Marks was at that club last night.  I tracked her down and found out she’s been living in L.A. for the past three years.”  He slid his phone over the table, displaying a series of text messages.

“No shit.”  Justin felt odd at the mention of her name, vague memories from the night before passing through his addled mind.  “I haven’t seen her in years.”  Flashbacks of hazy summer days broke through his hang over.  “How the fuck is she?”

“Ask her yourself, dick wad.  She wants to have lunch today.”

Justin’s eyes wandered to the clock, noticing that it was nearly time for lunch right now.  “Lunch?”

“I told her it would be a late lunch, considering how shitty you got last night.  She said to just let her know when and where.”

Justin finished off his coffee, unsure of meeting up with someone he hadn’t seen in years.  Chrissy and Justin had been nearly inseparable as kids, and as teenagers they’d dated for a while.  They’d thought they would always be close, but life got in the way and they’d lost touch.  He wasn’t quite sure what meeting up would accomplish, other than bringing up a past he’d long forgotten.  But then again…

“Text her, tell her we can meet up at two.  Pick some place quiet.”  He stood, stretched his lanky frame, and padded back upstairs to shower and fight off the rest of his hang over.

~*~

“You haven’t changed one bit.”  Justin’s eyes roamed over Chrissy’s slight build, grinning from ear to ear before enveloping her in a hug.  “I swear you look just like you did when we were sixteen.”

Chrissy blushed, pulling away to grin up at Justin.  “Gee, thanks, I think.”  They took their seats, browsing the menu and making small talk before placing their orders.

“How the hell have you been, Chris?”  Justin sat back in his chair, taking in the sight of his long lost friend.

She shrugged, sipping her water.  “Busy, good.  I’ve been working on a clothing line, and just…living life, you know?” 

They slipped into easy conversation, fading back in time as they chatted about whatever came to mind.  Justin had been worried about their meeting, but this was easy.  It was easy and he was truly enjoying himself.  He needed this break from life for a minute, and it was really nice catching up with Chrissy.

It wasn’t until later that night, waiting for Shelby and hanging out with Trace, that Justin allowed himself to think about how much he missed hanging out with someone like Chrissy.

“So, was she as cool as I remember?”

Justin looked over at Trace, remembering the kids they used to be and wondering when they’d gotten so old.  “She’s awesome, dude.  It was great catching up with her again.  I’m glad you found her.”

Trace nodded his head, glancing at his best friend.  “Don’t you wish it were easy like that again?  I mean…shit, we used to rule the world and not give a shit about any of it.”

Justin let his thoughts wander with Trace’s rambling, his words eerily echoing Justin’s earlier thoughts.

Wouldn’t it be so much easier…?