He kisses my cheek as the airplane taxis to the gate, and the stewardess gives us the okay to take our seat belts off, once it comes to a complete stop.
God, that was terrifying.
But I’m here now, alive, in one piece. There was no crash this time around, and I didn’t have to pull out my survival tactics, or use the emergency supply pack that I put into my carry on despite how much Wayne made fun of me for it.
Yeah, he’s here too.
And I still have no fucking clue why.
“See? Nothing to be afraid of, Fi.” He squeezes my hand and smiles for me. “Up in the air and back down on the ground without a hiccup. Now you’ll be able to do it, anytime.”
I just nod.
Why am I with him? It’s something I debate about, over and over, each night as he holds me close to him, oblivious to my feelings as he dreams. Being with him is the very reason why I told Justin I couldn’t give him an answer for another couple of weeks. So much happened between the time I saw him and now, that I know I really needed the time. I had to sell my house...
I had to...pack up Kenz’s things and...and do something with them.
It’s all in storage, every single thing. There’s no way I could have sold or donated anything that used to belong to her. I packed her favorite bear and her baby blanket in my luggage. Those are the only things I decided to keep...the two things she treasured more than anything else. The blanket still smells like her too. The first time I picked it up, I broke down and fell to the floor, curled up and cried like a baby.
Wayne was there. Wayne held me and let me cry for as long as I needed to.
Then he told me he was in love with me, and couldn’t bare it if I left him behind to move to Los Angeles. He said he’d make the move with me, so we could be together. That he could work from anyplace, even if I was on the road, traveling with Justin for my new “job.”
We’re moving into a place together. Wayne gained a huge boost in his business the last few months, and now he has the finances to live in Los Angeles, despite how insanely expensive it is. He found us a high rise condo in West Hollywood, which, conveniently enough, is close to Justin’s place. About fifteen minutes away. I looked into it on the internet. He told me I’ll be going to his house for the first couple of weeks, so he can get me acclimated, get to know his mother, manager, and assistant better before we start getting down to business.
I’m still not sure about this.
But I am sure about one thing.
I don’t love Wayne. I know I don’t love him, but he loves me. He makes me feel secure and protected too, so...I’m going with this thing, for the time being. Whether or not thats healthy, doesn’t matter at this point, even though my sister told me I shouldn’t drag Wayne into my drama if I didn’t think I was going to be committed to our relationship.
She likes him too much, that’s her problem.
I left her back in New York. It was a tearful goodbye, because we’d never been separated before this. I promised I would send for her when her breaks came up, and she promised to fly out to see me. She’s still in school, so making the move with us wouldn’t have been sensible. Wayne, of course, made sure to get her settled into the dorms at school, and is paying the fees for her too.
He takes such good care of us, without a second thought.
I feel like a terrible person, but it’s too late to do anything about my current situation.
I just have to go with it.
We’re one of the first off the plane, thanks to our first class airline tickets, and Wayne puts his arm around me as we walk through the gate. We make our way to baggage claim, silently. I look up at him from time to time, see him smiling, and it makes me feel even worse. I hope the feeling will pass after today, that I’ll end up being so busy with so many things that I’ll barely have time to focus on the relationship. I told him from the beginning when he begged to move out here with me, that I was going to get busy. He said he didn’t care though, that I was it for him and he could deal with me getting busy.
Yeah, that helped a lot.
He’s so desperate, and he’ll do anything to make this work.
We find our baggage claim area thanks to the screen posted at the bottom of the escalator, but before we can walk over, a man rushes over to us, a sign that reads Carmicale in his arms. A younger girl about my age is at his side, looking slightly disheveled.
“Please tell me you’re Fiona,” she pants.
“Uh...yeah...”
“Great.” She sticks out her hand and flashes me a tired smile. “I”m Rachael, Justin’s personal assistant slash cousin, slash whatever else. Your boss neglected to give me a picture of you, so I’ve been walking up to every brunette girl about my age I’ve seen.”
I raise an eyebrow and force a smile as I shake her hand. “Well, here I am. This is Wayne...” I motion to him. “My um...my boyfriend.”
“Oh.” She perks up slightly, and shakes his hand too. “Justin didn’t tell me.”
I shrug. “I didn’t tell him.”
She looks at me long and hard, like I’m hiding something from her.
I guess I am. She doesn’t know what happened in the mountains.
No one does. At least, I’m pretty sure.
“It’s good to meet you,” he says, flashing her a nice, sincere smile.
“Likewise. Well, lets get your bags, and then we can head out. We were going to have lunch at Justin’s. I hope that’s all right. There will be plenty of room for one more.”
“Sure,” I say.
It’ll be awkward as hell with Wayne next to me, but I guess it’ll be better introducing them now rather than later.
Our baggage comes quickly, and the chauffeur ditches his sign so he can help us with the luggage. Naturally, Wayne won’t let me carry a thing, and Rachael makes a comment about how great of a guy he is.
And he is a great guy.
That’s why I feel so guilty.
A limo is waiting for us outside the terminal, and Rachael has us get inside first, before she slides into the seat across from us. The chauffeur loads our baggage before he gets into the drivers seat and we get on the road. The traffic, I can already tell, is completely insane. It takes us a good half hour just to get away from LAX.
“Is it always this bad?” I ask.
“Oh yeah,” Rachael giggles. “This is nothing. You should see what it’s like on a heavy day. Justin sent the limo, because he didn’t want you to have to drive and let the traffic to scare you the first day.”
“Smart guy,” Wayne says, nodding his head as he pulls me closer to him.
“Don’t tell him that.” Rachael rolls his eyes. “You’ll boost his ego, and then I’ll have to slap him back into reality. That’s my job, unfortunately. You’re so lucky, Fiona. If I ever leave and he offers you my position, take my advice and turn it down, because that boy is crazy high maintenance.”
I try to laugh, I do, but it sounds more like a pathetic groan, and I look down at my lap while Wayne gives me a reassuring rub on the shoulder.
Rachael is silent, probably thinks I’m crazy.
“She’s a little nervous,” I hear Wayne speak up after a moment. “The move hasn’t been easy...you know? She had to leave a lot behind.”
“Yeah... I’ve heard,” Rachael says. “I really am, sorry to hear about your daughter, Fiona. But we’re all happy you’re here. You did an amazing thing for Justin and the way he tells it, you’re going to do amazing things for our team too.”
I nod. I hate that Wayne spilled the beans about my emotions, and that Rachael seems to know my whole life story while I know nothing about her at all.
It makes me want to get back on that plane and go back to Long Island.
But it’s too late for that.
“I hope so,” I whisper.
I’m silent for the rest of the trip. Wayne and Rachael make small talk of course. That’s how he is...the guy can talk to anybody and find something in common with them. It’s why he’s such a successful entrepreneur, why he can hold his head high and take care of me when I’m such a damn mess all the time.
At least I’ve stopped drinking, but that’s mostly thanks to Wayne, who went through the house and got rid of every single bottle, and made sure I didn’t bring any home. He would check, every day, every night, in my bed and underneath, all over the house too, until he felt I was better.
I’m thankful, I guess, even though I have no other vice besides him now, nothing else I can indulge in that will take my pain away, besides him.
I think he knows that too. He knows, and he likes that I depend on him for so much.
It’s that added security. He knows I won’t leave him now.
I guess I’m trapped...but it’s not like he’s a bad guy. I shouldn’t be so down about it.
But I am.
Because...because I know I feel a certain way about somebody else, even though...it’s impossible to ever follow through with those feelings.
Justin isn’t available. Yeah, I read the tabloids in line at the supermarket. I know he’s back with his ex. Even if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t try to be with him. Not when I’m going to be working for him. There’s too much at stake for that.
r32;I’ll just do my job well, and hang out with my boyfriend after work, pray that it will be enough to keep me from losing my mind again.
It was so hard, walking away from her grave that last day, knowing I wouldn't be able to visit it again for a long time. Cass has promised to keep it up, put fresh flowers in the pots and make sure no weeds start to grow. She says she’ll send me pictures when she changes the landscaping. I guess I’m thankful.
But my stomach hurts, still. The loss of my baby...it stays with me constantly. There isn’t a day that goes by that my stomachache doesn’t flare up.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to rid myself of it.
It takes another hour, battling the traffic, before we’re able to get up into the hills of West Hollywood. These houses are huge, hidden behind big iron gates and stone walls. I’ve never seen anything quite like this. I’ve just been average, my whole life, and I was fine with that. Being around the wealthy and famous taught me how to conduct myself in these type of situations though, and I’m thankful for that. I don’t gawk, when we pull up to the gate. I treat it like I’m going to any other house, even though the grounds...are breathtaking, when the gates part and the limo pulls onto the property. Everything is so massive and beautiful.
This is Justin’s life, and I’m quickly reminded how different we are.
“How much does a place like this run, Rachael?” Wayne asks the question as the door is opened up for us.
“You know...I’m not sure about right now. I think Justin might have paid upwards of four million. You can ask him. He doesn’t mind.”
“What do you think, babe,” Wayne smiles and helps me out of the limo. “Maybe we can start to house hunt in a few months? Ditch the condo for a bigger place, since we’re going to be staying. Business is good, and your salary will help out a lot too.”
I can’t even imagine living in a place like this, and it’s only now that I realize just how much money Wayne really has recently made. “Maybe.”
“Well, Justin has a great realtor. She helped him with the apartment in New York. I’m sure she’d be willing to show you around too,” Rachael smiles. “Santa Monica is really nice too, if you want to get away from Hollywood. That’s where Trace lives. He’s one of my best friends and practically Justin’s brother. He should be in the house...you can ask him about housing there.”
“Sounds great.” Wayne smiles.
I don’t say a word, just continue to walk along as he grips my hand and we follow Rachael up to the front door. The minute it’s opened, this white and black cat walks out, purrs, and rubs itself around my legs.
“Wow, Nestle likes you,” Rachael laughs. “That cat hates everyone. That’s why Jess leaves her here. Justin is the only one that can tolerate her. I guess the dogs decided not to chase her around today.”
I smile for the first time, and pick the cat up, stroking its head and back. It purrs louder, and rubs it’s head against my chest.
Well, I guess I’ve made a friend.
“Come on, I think they’re all out back. You might want to leave Nestle here, Fiona. The dogs are probably out there, and it’s hell on earth when they spot her.”
“Sure.” I put Nestle down on the floor, and she meows loudly. “I’ll be back later,” I whisper.
“I can get you a cat,” Wayne whispers as we start to follow Rachael through the massive mansion. “You want a cat?”
I roll my eyes. “Wayne...”
He stops me in my tracks, and glances at a retreating Rachael, before planting a long kiss on my lips. “Whatever you want Fi.”
I tug away from him. “I don’t want anything from you.”
He stares at me. He doesn’t get it.
I’m not materialistic. Not at all.
“I just want you to be happy.”
“Then back off.” I mutter it, and walk away from him.
I have no fucking idea why he stays with me, but sure enough, there he is a moment later, right next to me. He’s just hopelessly in love, and that won’t change, unless something drastic happens.
But I couldn’t hurt him. It wouldn’t be fair, because he’s made sacrifices...for my sake.
Heads turn in our direction when we emerge onto a large back patio. There’ s a pool and jacuzzi attached to the deck, and there are comfortable looking couches and chairs everywhere. Right now, everybody has gathered around the large table with an umbrella in the center, which is positioned next to the grill and deluxe granite topped bar off to the right. The only people I recognize are Justin’s mother, and of course Justin himself. His other guests eyes are on me, questioning me, but I ignore them.
I ignore them because Justin’s eyes have locked onto mine, and I feel that...that electricity. The kind I felt that night in the mountains, and it hits me so damn hard.
This is bad.
“Hey, Fi.” Justin smirks, and gets up so he can come over and greet me. He doesn’t hesitate when he reaches me, but he wouldn’t. He wraps his arms around me in a tight, warm embrace, and I return it. It feels wonderful to be in his arms again, but all too soon the feeling is gone. He’s pulled away and now he’s just standing in front of me, smiling, like he’s so glad I’m finally here.
And I guess now, I’m glad I’m here too.
“I’m so glad you came out,” he tells me gently. “You get in okay?”r32;
“Yeah...yeah it was fine.”
“Hey boss.” Wayne steps in before Justin can say another word, and sticks his hand out. “Nice to meet you finally.”
Justin gives him a confused smile, but shakes his hand anyway. “Hey...I think we’ve met before, right?”
“Just for a second. I was on my way out that day.”
“Oh.”
“Justin this is Wayne Pryor,” I speak up.
He looks at me.
“My boyfriend.”
“Oh...”
He knows. He knows I gave in. That I don’t really care about Wayne. Something is telling me that he’s not with anybody at the moment, either, despite the cat thats lingering in the house.
We need to talk.
But we can’t talk right now.
“Well it’s really nice to meet you. Thanks for coming out.”
“Anything for Fi.”
They stare at each other, for a very long time. There’s a warning gaze in Wayne’s eyes, telling him to look, but not touch.
Great.
“Oh its so nice to see you again.” Justin’s mother pulls me into a hug as we make our way to the table, not allowing me to sit down for about ten minutes. Then, she makes sure I get a seat right next to her, and Wayne makes sure he takes the seat on the other side of me.
Justin looks at me, as if to say, you seriously brought your boyfriend? Now?
I guess I should have told him, but honestly, I didn’t think he would care.r32;*********
She has a boyfriend. I didn’t think it was possible, that she was too hell bent on pushing people away to make room for a relationship.
It shouldn’t bother me.
I’m working things out with Jess.
At least, I’m trying to.
The cat is still here and that’s the only sign that she’s not completely done yet. Naturally, she’s been giving me the cold shoulder since yesterday. I called her more than a dozen times that night, we would fight, hang up on each other, and then one of us would call the other back. I’m tired of explaining myself though, and I told her that this morning. What happened...it is what it is. I can’t change it, and I was honest with her. After all of that, after how close I came to death, she shouldn’t be so angry with me. It’s only natural that I lose my mind once in a while, although, it happened at the worst fucking time.
She’s coming for dinner tonight. Says she wants to meet Fiona in person, and then she wants to ‘talk’ to me.
I guess I’ll find out the status of our relationship by the end of the night, but thats fine with me. Do I want to be with her still? Maybe. I mean, I thought I loved her, but if she’s going to hold this thing with Fiona over my head, I know it won’t work out.
I guess I’ll see what happens.
Right now, I can’t focus on that issue. There’s too many people here, and...well, I can’t stop staring at her.
It’s bad, because her boyfriend is here, and I have issues of my own. I look at the guy for a few moments, and I can tell that he’s really deep into Fiona. He just stares at he while she eats, smiles at her every time she looks up at him, and doesn’t hesitate to drape his arm over her shoulders when she sits back in her chair. I can tell straight off that he’s a lot more into her than she is into him.
In fact, I doubt she really loves him at all.
She’s using him, and it’s bad, but it’s not my place to interfere in that. As long as he doesn’t get in the way of her job, that’s all that should matter to me.
Only, there’s more to my feelings. I don’t want her to be in a relationship like that. I want her to get better, focus on herself, before she can focus on him. She’s not giving herself a chance, she’s just covering up her own feelings with the relationship, hoping it’s the answer to the loss she’s dealing with.
But it’s not.
My mom is so busy talking Fiona’s ear off about the job and my career I can’t even get a word in. Trace glances at me from time to time, trying to tell me how he feels about having her here. I introduced them after she sat down, and Trace forced his smile, said hello, but that was the extent of it. The rest of the time he’s been sitting here, his arm around his girl, he’s been watching her intently, waiting for her to make a mistake so he can tell me that I made the wrong choice. It’s childish, completely childish, and I wish he would snap out of it. After all, he’s the one that’s decided to throw in the towel, stop working for me full time so he can be a family man. It shouldn’t matter who I hire to take his place, but...he cares about me, about my career and doesn’t want me to be sabotaged by the wrong person. I’ve known him so long that I understand...
But right now I wish he would back the hell off.
The rest of the people gathered around the table don’t seem to have a problem with Fiona. My trainer, Jason, my choreographer, Marty. My publicist, Sonya, Johnny, my mom, and Rachael...they’ve all been trying to get to know the woman that saved my life, and are excited to make her a part of my team. Still, she seems nervous, but I can’t blame her. She must feel bombarded with all the new faces, and questions, and the intimidating looks Trace is giving her. I want to take her away from it all, give her a few hours of peace and quiet, but I feel like I if I say anything, they’ll all condemn me. So I continue to let them all bombard her, promising to kick Trace’s ass later on.
“So, Fiona...” Trace speaks up after my mom has finished telling us all some embarrassing story about me. “Have you ever done anything in the music business before?”
I glare at him. “Trace...”
Fiona straightens herself, and looks at him, the small smirk on her face telling me that she’s been on to him since the beginning. But of course she has been. Fiona isn’t stupid, she can read people, know exactly what they need, and what they’re feeling. It’s why she was such a good stewardess. “No, but I’m a fast learner.”
“Well it’s not the easiest job in the world, you know?” He laughs. “Keeping up with Justin’s career.”
I shrug. “I’m sure I can manage.”
“I guess I’m just concerned, that’s all.”
The rest of the table falls silent. Everybody stares at him, wondering what the hell is going to come out of his mouth next.
“Trace don’t start in,” my mom speaks out. “I swear boy, sometimes I think you still need a beatin’.”
“Lynn, come on,” he laughs. “I’m just saying...she doesn’t have any experience. I’m not so sure she’s the right one for the job.”
“You do need a beating,” Sam swats him. “Stop it babe.”
Trace, naturally, shuts his mouth after that, but the damage has been done. Fiona’s face has turned bright red, and she’s looking down at her lap. Wayne, naturally, hasn’t noticed a thing. He’s been too busy looking at his iPhone, texting somebody for the last few minutes. I don’t have to ask, I can tell it’s work related.
“Where’s the bathroom?” Fiona finally asks.
“You can go right through the kitchen. It’s the first room on the right, honey,” my mom smiles, and rubs her shoulder. “Don’t you pay him any mind.” She shoots a mean glare at Trace. “We’re all glad you’re here.”
She nods quickly, and then she gets up and races back inside the house. I stare after her for several moments, and when my guests start to talk amongst themselves again, my mom gives me this look that tells me I should go check up on her.
So I do, feeling Trace’s eyes on me as I get up from the table and go inside.
He can be so fucking stubborn, but then again, I can too.
“Fi.” I knock on the bathroom door when I reach it, and wait for a response. “Hey, it’s me.”
The toilet flushes, and a few moments later, the door is wrenched open. She looks like hell, the tears are running down her cheeks, and her face is pale, like she just got sick. “You okay?”
“Fine.” She brushes past me.
“Come on, I know Trace pissed you off.”
She whirls around. “So what? It’s not like it matters. He’s already formed his opinions about me. I’m not some drone from the depths of the music business so that means I must be an idiot, right?”
“No...he’s just...”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have came,” she sighs. “I should have stayed back in Long Island. At least there, I fit in.”
“You were miserable.”
She shrugs. “I had Wayne. I still have him. If I go back, I’ll be okay.”
“I thought he was just a friend?”
She stares at me long and hard, like she wants to tell me something, but she just...can’t. “I thought he was too, and then...it grew into something more.”
“So you’re really with him...all the way?”
She laughs. “Yeah we’re boyfriend and girlfriend, Justin. We’re going steady.”
“I was just asking.”
“Well, what am I supposed to do? I can’t be single forever.”
“Yeah, but are you with him because you care? Or just so you won’t be alone?”
She’s silent for several moments. “We should get back.”
I step up to her. “You know, I want you here, Fi. I need you here, but I can’t...I can’t watch you throw yourself into a relationship that’s not making you happy. That’s cause for disaster.”
She pulls back from me. “It’s really none of your business, Justin. I’m working for you now. What I do outside of that...really doesn’t concern you.”
“I guess not.”
She brushes past me, but I can’t help but feel like...there’s more behind her feelings. Only, she knows exactly what to do, to push people away, to get them to back off, especially me.
But this time, I don’t want to back off, even if my girlfriend is coming for dinner, even if that asshole Wayne is sitting next to her, keeping her right by his side so she can’t escape.
I know there’s no getting around it...my feelings for Fiona. I have to be honest with myself, and with her, before it’s too late. I care about her. In fact, I feel like I could be with her, if given the chance. That’s fucking crazy too. I was ready to propose to Jessica in a couple of months, and now...that’s the farthest thing from my mind. She’s coming tonight, but I don’t even care. The only person I want to talk to is Fi, and I feel like....like if I could just get her alone...
That’s it. That’s the solution. Even if it’s fucking crazy.
I have to get her out of here.
I go back outside. She’s sitting there again, smiling for my mom as her boyfriend continues to snuggle up against her. “C’mon.”
Everybody looks at me, including her, but she’s not as bewildered as they all are.
“What?”
Wayne looks at me too, as if to say, ‘back off.’
“I need to talk to you.”
I hold my hand out for her.
She looks all around, and I know she’s uncomfortable. I know I’ve embarrassed her, but I don’t really care.
“Please, Fiona.”
It takes her a few more moments of looking into my eyes, before she finally gets up, takes my hand, and lets me lead her away, despite the looks we’re both getting from everybody else. I take her through the house, out the door, and into the front.
“What the hell are you doing!” She yanks away from me. “You seriously just...made a scene...”
I stop her when I press my lips to hers, and for a few minutes ,she loses herself in the kiss too. She grabs my lips back with hers, harshly, pulling me closer to her, as I run my hands through her hair and down her body.
It feels right, even though, I know how confusing it is at the same time.
Then we stop. We stop, panting harshly, as we stare back at each other. My heart is thudding heavily inside my chest, but I can’t deny that...that I care about this woman. That I’ve always cared about her, from the moment she stitched that cut on my forehead.
“What the fuck are you doing, Justin?” She pants.
“I want a shot.”
She shakes her head. “You’re...you’re fucking crazy. I just...I’m with somebody and...”
I pull her back to me again, and brush my lips lightly against hers. “Fi.”
She stares back at me, her eyes wide, but filled with tears too. “I’m so fucking confused.”
“It’s not that complicated,” I tell her, gently. “You either have feelings for me, or you don’t.”
“I...” She trails off, sniffles, and stares deeply into my eyes. “I know I do.”
I smile, slightly. “Then nothing else matters. Not even them, not even my mom. I just...I want to try this thing, with you.”
She shakes her head. “But what if...”
“That’s a chance we can take,” I nod. “We can.”
She shakes her head.
“Give me a day,” I plead. “The rest of tonight, and all day tomorrow.”
She stares at me. “What’s one day going to do?”
“Prove that I love you.”
“Justin...” she shakes her head roughly. “You don’t love me.”
“That’s the thing,” I whisper. “I think I do. I think I fell in love with you...that last night.”
“That night was intense. It confused you. Hell, it confused me...”
“I don’t think it did. I think it showed us how we really felt, and...that we connected on that level, you know?”
“You’re not this sappy,” she laughs. “You’re not.”
“I can be,” I smile. “When I feel a certain way about a woman.”
“So what...what are you going to do with your one day?”
“Are you saying you’re giving it to me?”
“I must be nuts,” she sighs. “But yeah.”
“I’ll figure that out later. Let’s just go.” I pull her hand, and she follows me. I get us into my car, before anybody can come out of my house and stop us from leaving. Before Wayne can come out and kick my ass for trying to steal his supposed girlfriend. Before my mom can come out and start asking us a million questions. I start the engine and race away from the house. Where we’re going, I haven’t decided yet...
But I know the world is at our disposal, and by tomorrow afternoon, I’m determined to prove to Fiona Carmicale that I really do love her, even if it is one of the craziest things I’ve ever done. For the first time in my life, I’ve literally said fuck it all, for a chance at something that definitely isn’t certain.
I guess Jessica will be taking Nestle home after today, but for the first time in years, I don’t care if she’s gone.
Fiona is the only person that matters to me.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry it's been a few days. I've been busy at work and had a sort of lapse with the muse. I'm also working on my Fall Challenge story, so I don't know when I'll have another update. It might not be until after I complete the fall challenge. Thanks for reading!
Story Tags: enemiesturnedlovers
