“Pick one.”
“You’re nuts.”
“You knew that already.”
I glance at him. His arms are crossed and he’s smirking to himself as he stares up at the screen. Of all the places I thought he would take me...shopping, the movies, a hotel for sex...we ended up at the airport, staring at the departing flights for the day. I don’t get it, or get him. All I know, is that it’s the most sporadic I’ve ever been...being out with him like this.
He loves me. Or does he just love the idea of me? Of the woman he thought he got to know so well in the mountains.
That’s not me anymore. At least, I don’t think it is.
I can’t even think about it, because it scares me too much. It scares me because I know I could fall in love with him, if given the chance.
“If you could go anywhere...where would you go?”
“Have you forgotten that I used to be a stewardess?”r32;
“No, but you couldn’t have gone everywhere.”
“I’ve been to France, and the UK.”
“Then pick something more original. We can go to the African Congo.”
I snort. “And get Malaria.”
He smiles. “True. I haven’t had my shots. What about Prague? Been there?”
“No...”
“Cool. Let’s go.” He pulls on my hand, so I’ll follow him to the ticket counter.
“Justin...” I pull back and stop in my tracks.
He turns. “What?”
“We can’t just run off to Europe.”
“Why not?”
He says it like we don’t have any obligations or responsibilities. Like his family isn't waiting on him back home...like Wayne isn’t waiting on me. “What will everybody think?”
“In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t care, Fi.”
I should have realized that on the way here. He left, no explanation, and not an ounce of remorse. All he wants to do is spend time with me, fall deeper in love with me, and I promised him I’d give him his day. I just didn’t count on it being this extreme. “But...”
“Hey you promised me a day.” He points his index finger at me. “Right?”
I sigh harshly. “Yeah.”
“So lets go get the flight before we miss it.”
He walks off again, towards the counter and starts to talk to the clerk, obviously purchasing our tickets before I can stop him again. In the morning I’ll be in another country, with Justin, and I have no idea what to expect. It makes me want to run away, go back to his house, grab Wayne and beg him for forgiveness. I could tell him I’m having second thoughts about this whole thing and ask him to take me back to Long Island. I know he’d do it too, without a question, because he’d do anything to be able to say that I’m his girlfriend.
But I know he doesn’t really love me for me, he wants me to be with him so he can fulfill some pact he made with Michael.
“What do I do?” I whisper, eyes closed, like a fool...as if Michael can hear me. I’m convinced that even if he could, he’d just ignore me, consider me a train wreck that allowed our daughter to die.
God...
“Hey.”
My eyes snap open at his voice. He’s standing there with boarding passes in hand, smiling at me like nothing else matters but us.
He’s the one who loves me, deep down.
And God, God am I really letting myself fall for him? Now? I shouldn’t. I don’t deserve to be loved, or to love anybody, because I let my daughter go...I didn’t try hard enough.
“Ready?”
He extends out his hand to me, and I look him right in the eyes, ready to tell him of, tell him he has a hell of a nerve pulling me into his fucking scheme when I’m so mentally devastated.
But when I open my mouth to say it all to him, I find that I can’t do it. My throat seems to close up, and the tears sting my eyes. I start to shake, have a nervous breakdown right here in the middle of LAX, and I know how much of a fool I am.
“Fi.”
He seems to catch me in his arms, and I guess I almost fell to my knees for a moment there. I feel his arms around me, strong and supportive, like he’ll never let me go. There’s only been one other person in my life that held me like this, and made me feel this safe.
And he’s gone.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper as I sob against his chest. “I’m sorry.”
I feel his lips land on my forehead, and then he’s pushing me back slightly so he can look me in the eyes and gently wipe away my tears with his strong hands. “You don’t need to be sorry, Fi,” he whispers.
“Yes I do. It’s my fault.”
“It’s not your fault.” He shakes his head, a deep look of concern riddling his expression. “You couldn’t have prevented it.”
“I could have been there,” I grunt out. “I should have been there to say goodbye!”
“I wish you could have been. I really do, and if I could do something to change it...to make it right, I would do it for you, because I love you. But it just can’t be, Fi, and you can’t spend the rest of your life blaming yourself for it.”
“Stop saying that you love me.”
He licks his lips and takes in a harsh breath. I know how much he’s holding back, emotionally, for my sake. “I can’t.”
I yank away from him, and glare. “Don’t you realize that I’m not worth it, Justin!”
“Why?” His eyes are narrowed at me, and I know he’s angry this time. “Because your husband made you feel that way when he was still alive?”
“Screw you...”
“I’m not Michael. I’m not just going to let you push me away and be done with it. No matter what you do, or say, Fi...we have a connection. A really special one, and I’m not going to let it die so you can go off and pretend to love Wayne. Now lets go.”
I cross my arms and turn my back on him.
“You gave me your word, and I’m holding you to that.”
I’m not going.
I won’t.
“Here.”
He’s pulling me by the shoulder, and I try to ignore it, but when he doesn’t let up I give in and meet his gaze.
“I’ll be in the first class lounge.” He shoves the boarding pass in my hand, sighs, and walks off without me.
I guess he’s leaving the final decision up to me, which isn’t the best choice he could have made. I mean, I can just walk right out the door and never look back...
I take a couple of steps. The automatic door opens and closes, letting people in and out. It’s my chance to get away. It’s now or never.
But I just can’t do it. I can’t.
I can’t because I love him too, as much as I’ve tried so hard to fight the feelings off. It’s pointless to continue this way. He’s right...we do have a special connection, and I know that we always will.
“Shit.”
My shoulders slump in defeat, and I stalk off down the cooridor in search of the United first class lounge. I find it quickly, see him sitting in a leather chair with a beer, staring up at the flat panel television over by the bar. He looks content to the naked eye, but I know on the inside a storm of passionate is raging in that heart of his. He’s put himself out there completely, and now he’s hoping beyond hope that I hold up my end of the bargain.
“Hey.” I say it softly when I reach him, and gently tap him on the shoulder.
He looks up at me, his blue eyes going from sad to happy in a flash. “Hey.”
“I...” I look down at the ground, and then back at him again. “Back there I...”
“Shh.” He silences me and gives my hand a squeeze. “It’s not important.”
I nod a little and sit down in the chair beside him. “You know, people are going to think you went missing again.”
He smirks. “At least I’ll be able to decide my homecoming on my own this time.”
“You’re right.”
“Fi...”
“Look,” I huff. “This...emotional stuff, isn’t really my forte.”
“You’re kidding.”
I roll my eyes as he grins at me. “Can I get this out?”
He sits back and nods. “Yeah, absolutely.”
“I just...I guess I have feelings for you Justin. Strong ones. I’ve been trying to fight them off for a long time but...but now I realize that I can’t fight it anymore. I can’t fight the way I feel about you and I have to try and move past Kenz somehow.”
“Are you saying that you love me?” He smiles.
“Yeah,” I whisper. “I love you, Justin.”
He leans in, and kisses me again. It’s slower this time, he’s taking me all in and I’m taking him all in too. I like it, and I allow myself to fall deeper into him. I don’t think I ever want to let him go. It scares me, because I know how easy it is to lose somebody. I just want to keep him close, right here at my side always, but I know that’s impossible too. Justin is busy, and that’s something we haven’t even begun to explore yet.
“I’m gonna get you through this stuff with your daughter,” he says, when our lips part. He presses his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. “I promise.”
I know he means it. It gets me to smile, and kiss him once more as the boarding announcement for our flight is made. He takes my hand, and doesn’t say anything as he guides us to the gate, handing the boarding passes in for the both of us, before we board the plane. We’re escorted to our plush seats by a friendly stewardess who gives us both beverages right away.
“Ready?” I finally say it to him, once I’m relaxed and comfortable in my seat.
But he doesn’t answer. When I look over at him I can tell what the issue is right away. He’s trembling, gripping the arms of his seat for dear life. Obviously he’s terrified, and with good reason. “Justin.”
“I’ll be fine. Just...once we’re in the air...can you get me a beer or something?”
“You know you can’t,”I whisper.
He looks over at me. “It’s just a beer.”
“You don’t drink anymore,” I tell him. “Remember?”
He just nods. I know he’s not angry at me, just at the situation. “I’m...” he trails off and laughs sadly. “I’m fucking scared.”
I grasp his hand. “It won’t happen again. It’s not like before.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m...” I trail off because I don’t want to make that promise. When we flew in the jet together, I was sure nothing could go wrong then either...and it did. How I can I promise him it won’t happen again today? I can’t. “I’m here, Justin. That’s all you need to think about, all right?”
“Yeah, okay.”
The flight crew prepares for take off, and the only thing I can think about as Justin sits beside me, trembling with fear, is that he’s held so much back emotionally, since we were rescued in the mountains. That fear still lives inside of him, it’s never gone away, because I don’t think he’s ever really faced it, or tried to conquer it. Nobody else can really understand that about him, because they didn’t live through that traumatic experience with him.
No one except me, and I guess I know how badly he needs me now..how badly he’s always needed me, and how he always will.
And I need him too.
Author's Chapter Notes:
I have been having a wicked hard time with the direction of this story. I think i may have it down now, but I'm not completely sure. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter.
Incomplete
ialwayzbesingin is the author of 25 other stories.
This story is a favorite of 9 members. Members who liked Some You Give Away also liked 450 other stories.
This story is a favorite of 9 members. Members who liked Some You Give Away also liked 450 other stories.
Story Tags: enemiesturnedlovers
