I’m in the middle of a nice dream.  One about, floating through the air on my best snowboard, landing on the smooth white powder, feeling the wind whipping across my face, and being able to hear the excited yells of my best friend somewhere behind me.

But when my eyes float open again, I know that’s not my reality anymore.

This is.

I can’t believe I made it through a crash like that, without breaking a bone, or hell, dying.  It was fucking intense, I could tell just by the condition of the interior of the jet, and I’m glad I passed out for the worst parts of the crash.  When I bought the jet, the salesman told me it was the first of its kind, with state of the art built in safety features that hadn’t been put out on the market yet.  Maybe it’s why we made it to the ground in one piece...although, Joe wasn’t so lucky.

It’s fucking crazy.  I haven’t looked at the body, at the advice of Fiona, but I know...it’s intense, that he died the way he did.  I don’t know if I should blame myself or blame the watch towers for not alerting us about an ice storm.  Or maybe they did, and Joe felt he could fly through it.

I guess I won’t be able to find out the truth.  Not until we get back home.

If we get back home.

No...I can’t think that way.

We’ll get back home.  Fiona has a good head on her shoulders, knows what she’s doing, and it seems like she’s been through similar situations before.  She got me through the night, concussion and all, even though my stubborn ass complained the entire time.  If my mom were around, she would have been quick to slap me.

But she wasn’t around, and she’s still not.

I need her right now, so bad, as lame as that makes me feel.

It’s morning.  She woke me up about an hour ago, gave me some water, and a package of crackers, told me to eat them all, drink the whole bottle of water, and I listened to her.  I feel okay.  Not the greatest, my head is still aching a lot, but I know I have enough in my system to get me through the morning, and that’s the important thing.  She told me to stay put, while she went outside.  She’s trying to get the luggage out of the bottom of the plane, keeps telling me I need my snowboarding gear, and I guess it’s a good idea.  I’ll be a lot warmer in that stuff than I will be in three sweaters and a pair of jeans.  

It takes me a few moments, but I’m finally able to get up, and shuffle over to the corner so I can pee.  The emergency lights that were on last night are out now, so the only light I have in here, is the little bit of daylight seeping in through the porthole windows.  It makes the interior of the cabin look slightly eerie, like a ghost town.  There’s still debris everywhere, and parts of the ceiling are still falling to the ground every few minutes.  I check all around me before I prepare myself to pee, ensuring nothing will fall on my head, and that Fiona is nowhere around.  Then, I unzip, and let out a soft groan as the liquid leaves my body.  It warms me slightly, and I shudder at the feeling, because it feels so good.  

It’s the most comfort I’ve had since we crashed, and I know, it might be the most I’ll get for a long time.

My mind drifts to the emergency radio.  Fiona hasn’t told me if she found it yet, and I’m not sure what to think.  Maybe it’s broken, and she’s too afraid to tell me, or maybe...it’s not.  Yeah, maybe we just don’t have any reception around here..we’ll have to walk a little ways where we can retain it, and then we’ll call for help.  By tonight a helicopter will be flying in and...and we’ll be saved.

I try to make myself believe it, I do.

But it seems too damn good to be true.

I know this is a desperate situation, even if she won’t admit that to me.  I may not be nature savvy like she seems to be, but I know a bad thing when I see it.  I have this intuition, I guess.  It prevents me from making foolish business decisions, and befriending the wrong people.  Right now, that intuition is telling me that we’re hopelessly lost out here, miles and miles from civilization...

It will be a miracle if anybody finds us before we freeze to death, or run out of food and water, whichever comes first.

I’m not prepared to die though.  I’m really fucking not.  Christ, I mean, I just spent half a year in rehab.  That’s a lot of work...so much work, that I put into myself, to make my life better, and now here I am...days away from death unless we get lucky, or Fiona comes up with some kind of amazing plan, neither of which I have any faith in right now.  

I’m just...so hopeless.

I shake my head roughly, tuck back in and zip up.  No, I have to think.  I have to try to help out with a plan too.  I mean, I think I’m resourceful enough.  Right?

“Do you think you can help me pull?”

I look over my shoulder and find her standing there in the doorway.  She has a coil of rope in her hand, and is slightly out of breath.  “Pull?”

“The luggage door is jammed.  I need some more muscle to get it open.  Do you feel up to it?”

“I...yeah.”  I know there is no other choice.  My thermals are locked inside of there right now, along with a bunch more of my stuff that may or may not help us.  Whether or not my head is pounding, isn’t a factor right now.  “I’m coming.”

She nods, and goes back outside.  I follow soon after, but once I step all the way outside, the bitter cold nearly knocks me on my ass.  It’s so white, everywhere I look, and when I look out into the distance, all I can see are snow covered mountains and miles and miles of desolate, barren, snow covered land.  It’s freezing, still, even though it’s light out.  The wind is blowing too, so hard, sending mists of snow into my face and eyes.  My teeth chatter, and I hug my arms to my chest as I slowly make my way over to where Fiona is standing, waiting for me to help her.  I’ve never been so miserable outside with powder all around me.  But then again, when I come up here, I’m half a mile away from a warm cabin, and there are rangers stationed all around me.  I’m safe then.

But I’m not safe now.

“Are you sure you’re up to this?”

I suck in a breath, and cough a little when I stop and stand beside her.  “Just tell me what to do,” I say, miserably.  “I want my clothes.”

“Take one end, and I’ll take the other.  Pull as hard as you can, and if luck is on our side, the door will fly open.”

I don’t hesistate, or complain, despite how shitty I feel.  I just take one part of the rope that’s been wrapped around the door handle and pull with all my might.  It’s jammed up really bad, but I don’t give up.  I won’t.  I can’t...because those thermals are so important right now.

“Hang on.”

She’s out of breath, and I know I have to rest for a minute too.  I bend over, put my hands on my knees, and curse fate for putting me in this situation.  “Fucking...damn it.”

She doesn’t say a word, and I simply wait...wait for her to get herself together again.

“How about another try?”

I nod, and then we start in again.  This time I pull even harder, force my adrenaline to kick in, and grunt harshly as I use every last bit of stamina in my body to get the door open.

Then it comes, harshly, forcing me to fall backwards into the snow.  For a moment, I just sit there, stunned, as Fiona lets out a large sigh.

“Good work,” she tells me, breathlessly, walking over to me and holding her hand out so she can help me up.

I stare up at her for a few moments, squinting as the sun peeks out from behind the clouds and shines down on my face.  It feels good...familiar, like Los Angeles briefly, before it goes back into hiding again.  “Thanks.”  I take her hand, and slowly get to my feet again.  Then we plunge into the cornucopia, grabbing suitcases and tossing them out onto the snow covered ground.  I have three, and she has two.  

“Yes...perfect,” she smiles, once all the luggage is out, and the bottom of the compartment is revealed.  

I stare down at what she’s looking at, and see it, feeling my smile grow a little too.  It’s bright red, and will attract attention if somebody is looking for us by air. “An emergency tent.”

“Your people thought of everything.”  She chuckles.  “Good thing, I guess.”

“Yeah...great.”

She pulls it out and tosses it onto the big pile of crap.  “Let’s get started,” she tells me.  

I nod.

We open them all up, and I pull out my thermals, my North Face snow suit, and my goggles, practically hugging them, because I’m so thankful for them.  Fiona finds my snow boots a minute later, and tosses them at me too.  

I’m set, and thankfully so.

“Change in the plane,” she orders me as she hands me three pairs of socks.  “Try to be fast, okay? I’m going to make us supply backpacks.”

I hug my stuff closer to my body, and give her a confused look.  “What for?”

“Well we...we have to get to higher ground.  It’s not safe here.”r32;
“Why not?  The plane is here.  That’s what they’re going to be searching for...what if they miss us because we aren’t here?”

“They’ll be searching the general area, Justin.  Don’t worry about why...I have my reasons.”

“You can’t just keep everything a damn secret, you know?  I need to be in the loop too.”

“I’m trying to keep your panic level to a minimum,” she informs me, as she crosses her arms and narrows her eyes at me.  “You need to trust me, Justin.  I know what I’m doing, and right now, moving on from here is the safest play.”

“Well then you go,” I mutter.  “I’ll stay here and wait for them to show up.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Well, then I guess you’re stuck here too, aren’t you?” I flash her a sarcastic smirk, and turn back toward the cabins entrance.

“The gas in the tank is going to expand as the weather gets warmer.  That means the plane could explode anytime...even right now,” she calls back to me.  “Unless you want to take that chance, I suggest you change, and get ready to walk a little bit today.”

I swallow hard.  No, she’s trying to scare me.  That’s all it is.  I look back at her.  “You’re just saying that to scare me.”

“Do you really think I would fucking play around right now?”

No I don’t, but the idea of leaving my jet behind, the landmark for our rescue site, doesn’t make me feel any better.  What if they pass over us? What if they miss us, and we die because we walked away?  I don’t want to take that chance either.

But...but I know...I know she has a point.

Fuck.

“Whatever, fine.  I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Good.  Make sure you use all three pairs of socks, and put your hat and gloves back on.  Don’t touch the bandage, either.”

I don’t say anything, just go in, and change into my warm, dry layers.  It feels great, so much better than those sweat shirts and jeans.

Maybe I can do this, survive this.

Yeah.  

I feel that good right now.  

Hell, maybe this will be a piece of cake after all.  With that in mind, I scour the cabin for any other essentials I might want to take with me before we begin our journey.  I find my cell phone after awhile, and surprisingly enough it’s in tact, aside from a small crack across the screen.  Naturally, it’s dead, but I decide to keep it anyway.  I have too many contacts that I’ll lose if I leave it behind, and I know they can transfer all the information from my sim card to my new phone when I get home.  I also grab my laptop in its case, which also has sustained minimal damage.  There’s months of work and information stored on it that I would hate to lose, and so, it’s coming with me.

Now, I’m good to go.

I venture back outside, and find that Fiona has gone through the rest of the luggage on her own, throwing everything we can’t bring with us off to the side, leaving two bulky camping backpacks resting at her feet, along with the tent.  There’s a few jeans and articles of clothing I can already make out in the junk pile, that I know are a few of my favorite things, but I can’t dwell on them.  I know how unimportant they are compared to food and water, so I won’t complain.

“What is that?”  She sighs out the words and points to the laptop bag slung over my shoulder.

I glance down at it for a moment.  “My computer."

“Were you planning on finding a wireless signal out here in the wilderness, Justin?”

I give her a weird look, and laugh a little.  “No I...just have a lot of stuff on here.  It wasn’t damaged much.  When we get home they can fix it for me.”

“Your backpack weights a little over eleven pounds.  Once we start walking for a few hours, it will feel more like fifty.  You can’t have the additional weight of that case on your person.  Your energy will be lost that much faster, and we don’t have the rations to compensate.”

“I can’t leave it behind,” I scoff.  “You can’t expect me to.”

“You’re going to have to.”

She reaches out with a regretful expression to take it from me, but I quickly yank away from her.  “It’s coming with me,” I grunt.

“It’s not.”  Her voice is deep and dark this time, stone cold serious.  “Put it down, now.”

“Just how far are you expecting us to walk, Fiona? I mean, a couple of miles won’t kill me.”

“Damn it!”

She yells at me, and it’s the first time she’s lost her composure, at all, since I first laid eyes on her yesterday.  I feel my eyes grow wide, and I just stare at her.  

“I’m doing my best...my damn...best for you! I’m trying to lay the hard shit on you as gently as I can, so you won’t have a panic attack or something! You have no conception...of any of this!”

“I understand...”

“You don’t understand!” She reaches forward, and rips the laptop case off of my shoulder.  “We can either carry the supply of bottled water between us or your computer, and I’m definitely not sacrificing my life so you can retrieve some kind of document later on!”

I don’t try stop her this time, not even when she throws it into the pile of “junk” she compiled earlier.  I’m too shocked I think, seeing this side of her come out.  It’s obvious to me that she doesn’t take any shit.  It’s her way or the highway, and while I hate that, I know...she’s the more knowledgeable one right now.

“Prove your point?” I mutter.  “Did that make you feel like...self righteous or something? You feel in control now?”

“Fuck...do you even know why I was on that jet in the first place?”

“To flush a tip out of me so you could go shopping?”

She laughs, and it’s a bitter one, a resentful one.  “Oh totally...shopping.  Are you really that...warped, to think I would...God, of course you are.  I’m so lucky, you know?  I was given the opportunity to spend an entire weekend on a plane, shuttling your spoiled ass across the country, hoping and praying that if I kissed your ass hard enough, you might have tipped me a little extra...so my seven year old wouldn’t die from a heart defect.  Complain about your stupid problems all you want, Justin, but understand that I don’t give a fuck, about any of them from this point on.  They’re petty and so are you.”

She grabs my pack off the ground and tosses at me next.  I catch it, roughly, and stare at her, at a loss for words.

I mean, I had no idea.

I feel shitty.  Shitty, but still a little angry at her too.  How was I supposed to know? But then again, if I hadn’t been acting like a fucking asshole a minute ago, she wouldn’t have had a reason to divulge that to me.

Great.  Now I feel like my entire life is completely insignificant.  She was never in this for spending money.  Her kid is dying.  She needed it.  Hell, she still needs it.

Now we’re here, and she might not get back, not even to say goodbye, and I’m worried about a damn lap top.

I’m a fucking asshole.

“Put it on.”r32;

I do it.  “I didn’t...I didn’t know about your kid...”

“Forget it,” she cuts me off.  “Subject dropped.”  She shrugs into her backpack once she’s secured the emergency tent to the top of it.  “How does your head feel?”

I shrug.  “As good as it’s going to get.”

“Then let’s go.”

She turns quickly, and starts to trudge through the snow.  In what direction and to where, I have no idea, but I follow her anyway, because I know it’s my only hope of getting out of this alive.  I look back over my shoulder every few seconds, seeing the jet getting further and further away from us, and my heart sinks deeper in my chest with each step, knowing I’ll never see it again after today.

Never see Joe again.

And maybe I’ll never see another human being again, besides Fiona.  Not the best way to go, but at this point, I really don’t have a choice.  I’m stuck with her, whether I like it or not, and whether she hates me or not.  She’s got a job to do, to get me home, and that’s as far as her feelings for me will ever go.  She has one goal, to get back to her son or daughter, and from here on out I know I need to keep my head together a little better, separate what’s vital, from what just...isn’t, and help her guide us back to civilization.

Before it’s too late.