“Fuck...Jesus...”

She pulls away from me, and doesn’t hesitate to tuck the covers all around my body before she yanks some clothes on.  

I stare at her, at a loss for words.

Are we saved?

She darts to the tent opening and throws it aside.  I don’t move.  I can’t.  I know if I’m exposed to any amount of the bitter cold, even for a few moments, all the work Fiona did to regulate my temp will have been for nothing.  It takes several gut wrenching moments of staring at the tent flap, before she reemerges, looking grim.

“What? What is it?” I sit up just slightly and cough again.  My chest is aching, and I know that’s bad.  It means my cold is going into my chest...which can lead into my lungs.

I know I’m getting worse every minute we’re stuck here.

“I don’t see anything.  I just hear them, but there’s no light or anything.  I wish we could radio...but I’ve tried to use that cell phone to fix the hand link.  It just..doesn’t work.”

I nod a little.  “At least...at least you tried.”

The helicopter blades draw closer still, like the thing is right on top of us, and we both freeze.

“What the fuck are they doing?” I mutter, and cough harshly again.  It’s a deep, hacking cough this time.  

She opens the flap again, and this time, there’s a difference.  The night has been suddenly lit up by a brilliant spotlight.  They must have discovered our tent.  There’s no other explanation.  “Fi?”

“They’ve...they’ve seen us!” She calls back to me.  “They’re getting closer!”

“Fuck yes!”

I cough and it makes me stop cheering.  It lasts so much longer this time.  So much that I have to lean back again, and catch my breath.

She frowns.

We both know I need a hospital.

“Hang on,” she says, soothingly.  “Just hang on for me.”

I nod, and a moment later she’s standing over me, forcing me to lay back down again.  The helicopter is right there, right outside, and I know...I know this means I might wake up in the warm comfort of a hospital bed.  I’ll see my mom, my best friends again...

I’ll get to go back to my life.

I’ll get that second chance, and fuck, I will never take my life for granted again.  I’m going to live, I’m going to treasure every moment, no matter how insignificant.

I’m going to make a record.

I have to make a record.  I have to tour.  I have to let that part of me live again, too.  I think...I’ve missed it, more than I realized, and when I let it slip away from me, I lost a part of myself.  It’s why I turned to the alcohol.  It was a comfort.

A comfort that I’ll never rely on again.

It takes just moments, before two men burst through the tent flap. They’re dressed in red and white snow gear, gigantic first aid kits slung over their shoulders, and I know they’re part of that rescue team we heard about on the radio.

My head hits the soft blankets underneath me again.

We’re saved.

“I’m fine...” I hear Fiona’s voice come after a moment.  “I’m fine just...just take care of him.”

Naturally, her first thought is for me.  It’s always been, from the moment I stepped out of the little cart on the tarmac that night.  She’s selfless, even though I know she’s dehydrated, half starved, and freezing as much as I am.  

“Justin.”  One of the men crouches down next to me and starts to shine a flashlight in my eyes.  “Justin, can you hear me?”

I nod.  “Fiona,” I rasp.

Then she’s there, looking down on me while the other man continues to fuss with a tiny cut just above her eyebrow.  She can’t seem to stop staring at me, and she won’t let her small smile fade away as the other medic begins to insert an IV into my arm.  

“It’s okay,” she nods.  “You’re okay now.”

“He needs to be airlifted to the hospital,” the medic speaks up after carefully examining my chest with a stethoscope.  “The fluid has gotten into his lungs.  We’ll only have room for one in the chopper with a stretcher.  Miss Carmicale, you’ll have to head back with the rescue force.  Do you think you can handle that?”

“Yes...”

“No!”  I shake my head roughly, and try to sit up, but I’m gently forced back down by the medic.  “No! She has to come...she has to come with us!”

“Justin it’s fine.” She crouches down, and gently strokes my face.  “You need to see a doctor.  I’ll be right behind you.”

I feel my bottom lip trembling, and damn it, I hate it so much, but I know...I know I’m on the very brink of my sanity right now.  I need her.  I need her to just...be next to me, reassure me that everything will be okay.  I can’t make it without her.  “Please, Fiona.”

“You have to go.” She nods, and I know how hard she’s trying to hold back her tears from me.  “You have to, Justin.”

“Will...will you end up at the same hospital as me?”

“I...yes...”

She doesn’t really know.

And that means that there’s a possibility that we won’t see each other again after today.

I don’t know if I can handle that, and so, I reach out desperately for her hand, which she gives me.  “I need you in my life, Fi,” I whisper.  “I...I know it’s only been a few days, but I know that I do.  I don’t want to lose you.”

“Miss Carmicale,” the medic speaks up.  “We need to get him out.”

She kisses my forehead then, so desperately, knowing...just knowing, that this could be the last time she sees me for a very long time.

Fuck...damn it.  Why?

“I’ll...I’ll come see you, Justin.  Even if we’re separated.  I promise.”

I squeeze her hand.  “I don’t want to go with them,” I whisper.  “I want to...stay with you.”

“You have to.”  She forces a small smile.  “You know you have to, and so do I.  Please do it, and don’t be stubborn about it.  Promise me.”

“I...I promise.”

She nods, and then steps aside, letting the other medic in so they can start to prepare me for the flight.  They have some fresh clothing for me, and help me change into it, before I’m moved to a stretcher, covered with new, thicker blankets, and strapped down so I can’t fall off the thing.  Something begins to pump into my veins, giving me energy, calming me down, and it helps me to relax some more as I’m carried out of the tent, back into the black, bitter cold night.  The helicopter is there, on the ground, waiting for me to board, and I look all around as I’m carried up a small ramp that leads into it.  For seconds only, I’m able to catch a glimpse of her, sitting on the back of some kind of snow mobile, finally being examined properly by somebody.

She’ll be okay.  We’ll both be okay, but that doesn’t mean things are going the way we both hoped.

She’s the reason I’m alive.  I owe her everything, and I want to be there for her.

But I know how my life works, what will happen the second I’m able to see my parents, my friends, and family again.  I’ll be smothered, and then the work will start, overwhelming me to the point where I won’t be able to think straight.

Fiona will just...be pushed to the back of my mind.

I won’t have time to search for her, and with her daughter the way she is, I know Fiona won’t have time to come see me either.

It’s not fair.

But that’s life, and I need to be thankful that I still have mine.

It’s the last thing I think about as the medics get me into the helicopter, and secure my stretcher in place.  I cough a lot, start to feel even worse, and one of the medics prepares shot, tells me it will help me rest until we get to the hospital.  I don’t try to fight it off.  I know Fiona wouldn’t want me to, and I promised her I wouldn’t be stubborn.  I let them stick me, and after a few minutes, when we’re airborne, my mind starts to get all fuzzy.  I feel warm, and safe, and relaxed.

And it’s only then, that I’m able to fall asleep.
*******************
“Where’d she end up?”

“They brought her to a clinic over in the next county.  Doctor Flannigan came to me this morning and wanted us to know that she broke her ankle, and developed a slight case of the flu, but that was the extent of her injuries.”

“Well, you tell them that I want to talk to her.  It’s ridiculous.  She should have gotten the same treatment as Justin, after everything she did.”

“Well, they said there was only so much room...”

“That’s not good enough, Paul.  You know it’s not.  They could have brought her here.”

“Lynn, the point is, Justin is here with us.  He’s safe, and once the doctors take care of him, he’ll be back to normal. That’s all we could have asked for.  We’re lucky things didn’t go the other way.”

“They would have gone the other way, if it wasn’t for the things she did.  I want somebody to get that girl over here, and into a private room with her own nurse.  She’s in a hole in the wall clinic for crying out loud, and she saved our son’s life.  I won’t stand for it Paul! I won’t!”

My eyes drift open, slowly.  Everything is throbbing, aching, and my chest is tight, my throat is dry. There are tubes everywhere, in my arms, up my nose, and I feel like I’ll never be able to sit up, or do anything else for that matter, ever again.  It’s hit me all at once, the crash, all the crap that my body endured out there in the elements for all those days.  I guess I was able to suck it up for a while there, but now, pampered and spoiled with heat and a comfortable bed, my body is letting loose, allowing me to be weak and helpless.

I guess because I’m safe.

My eyes float toward the voices.  My mom and dad are there of course, right by my bedside.  It feels good to see them again, and I’m sure when they realize I’m finally awake, my mom will get a little emotional and my dad will shove his hands in his pockets and ask me how I’m doing.  Normal.  

I’m so glad that I’m able to be with them again.

“Mom.”

She gasps, and stops freaking out on my dad for two seconds so she can look over at me.  “Oh...Justin.”  

She leans in and wraps her arms around me tenderly, and I immediately return the embrace, burying my face between her neck and shoulder, breathing in her familiar perfume, and it gets me to smile wider than I have in days.  “It’s good to see you, momma.”

She pulls back and sniffles back her emotions.  She hates getting teary eyed in front of me.  “It’s good to see you too, baby.”

“How you doing, son?” My father smirks slightly and shoves his hands in his pockets.

I should feel great, normal, be asking when I can see my friends...go the fuck home.  But I don’t feel that way.

Because I know she isn’t here, and I won’t be seeing her anytime soon.  

“I...ache, everywhere,” I laugh, and cough a little.  It doesn’t hurt as much now, and I know I’m slightly better than I was before we were rescued.  “Has it been long?”

“You slept all day yesterday,” my mom tells me, with a small smile as she strokes my forehead and face.  “You had hypothermia, and you still have pneumonia.  You’ll be here about a week, and I don’t want to hear that you’ve been trying to get out of bed, you hear?”

I chuckle softly.  “Yes ma’am.”

She nods.  “Trace and Sam said they’ll come in a while.  We had them stay away yesterday.  There’s been too much press outside, you know?”

I roll my eyes.  “Christ.”

“We’re handling it, son,” my dad reassures me.  “Nobody is going to get in here.  Eric and Tiny flew up from Miami, and they’re handling the mob.”

“You mean they cut their vacation short?  I’m going to get pulverized.”

“Well, your momma got on the phone with them,” my dad smiles.

“Momma...”

“Don’t momma me.” She crosses her arms stubbornly, like I always do.  “There was a crisis going on.  We couldn’t afford to be without their help.  A little overtime won’t kill them.”

I shake my head.

“I don’t want you to worry about a thing.”  She leans down and kisses my cheek.  “Just relax.  Do you need anything?”

“I guess some water would be good.”

She nods and pats my hand.  “I’ll send a nurse to get some for you then.  We’ll see you a little later, all right?”

I see her glance at my dad, and I know they’re about to take their argument outside.

But I want answers before that can happen.

“Is she...Fiona...is she okay?”

She nods gently.  “She’ll be okay.  We’re going to try to get her in here instead of where she is now, aren’t we Paul?”

He sighs.  I know how he is.  He wants to keep the focus on us, not on someone who he considers a complete stranger.  He’s so used to people trying to invade my life, our families life, that he’s cautious about who is welcomed into it.  But, Fiona is harmless. She doesn’t care who I am.  She never has.  

“Yeah, I guess we are.”  He smiles, but it’s forced.

I scoff a bit.  “She won’t come.”

My mom shakes her head.  “Why would you say that?”

“Because I know how she is.” I don’t look at her as I say it.  “She doesn’t want help from anyone.”

“Well that’s just silly.  I want to meet the girl who saved your life, and that’s final.”

And I know she won’t back down, because she never has, my entire life.  “Then...go ahead and try.  I’d like to see her too.”

“I’ll let you know,” she smiles.  “Should I call Trace and tell him to come?”

I shrug.  “I guess so.”

“See you later baby.”  She kisses me one more time, and walks out of the room.

My dad sighs, and shakes my hand.  “Good to have you back, son.”  He gives me a tight lipped smile, before he follows my mother out of the room too.

Then I’m alone again.  All alone in this hospital room, and I realize I have no clue what’s even going on outside, back home, or with my friends.  I know I need Trace to come, to reassure me, to listen to all the crazy shit that I’ve been through.  Maybe I can talk to him about Fiona, about the strange, fucked up way I’ve come to feel about her.  it's an emotional feeling...like I need her so bad.  Maybe it’s just a phase...

But deep down I know it’s not.  I know it’s more than that.

A nurse brings me in some water, and after I drink half of it, I doze off for a while.  When I wake up again, I hear the soft blaring of the television, and when I glance to my left, I see Trace sitting next to the bed, smirking at the show he’s watching.  “Hey faggot.”

He immediately looks over, and flashes me his infamous, playful grin.  “Hey asshole.”

I laugh, and do my best to sit up without wincing.  “When did you get here?”

“Like an hour ago.  Your mom practically begged me to come.  Sam was tired, so I left her back at the cabin, but she’ll be by tomorrow.”

“She must like...hate me for ruining her weekend getaway.”

“Nah, she’s just glad you’re okay.”

It’s quiet for a while.  He flicks the TV off, and we sit there, in awkward silence.  Nothing this crazy has ever happened to either one of us.  Sure, Trace fell off his bike when we were kids and fractured his elbow, and I’ve had my share of broken bones and stupid accidents in the past.

But neither one of us has ever come so close to death.

It’s gotta be weird for him to deal with it, because he’s not the most emotional person, and neither am I.

“So you’re trapped here for a week, huh?”

I sigh.  “That’s what they told my mom, and you know how she is.”

“Oh, do I ever.”

We laugh.

“Justin I...” He pauses, sighs, and runs a hand through his scraggly hair.  “I’m glad you made it.  For a while...I didn’t know what to think, and I felt like...you couldn’t have survived a crash like that.”

“I didn’t think I was going to.  I wouldn’t have...but...”

“Yeah, her.” He nods.  “I heard.”

I laugh.  “I’m asleep one day and all I’m hearing about is how wonderful Fiona is.  My mom wants to steal her away and get her a room here.  It’s crazy.  She’s never like that.  Is Fiona the media spectacle of the moment?”

He lets out a long breath.  “You have no idea.”

My smile fades to nothing.  Naturally, they can’t get to me, so they’re bombarding Fiona, because she doesn’t have anybody around to push them away from her.  “What’s going on?”

“She’s been all over the news, Justin.  They took footage of her going into the clinic she was taken to...cameras were shoved in her face, the whole nine, but she hasn't said much, just that she's thankful it's all over.  They can’t get answers from you so they went to the next best person.  Paul’s told your mom and so have I...it’s a bad idea to bring her here.  You know how they are.  They’ll twist things around and make it look like you’re hung up on this girl.  Right now, you don’t need that.”

I lick my lips, and glance out the window.  It’s wrong.  It’s not her fault.  We crashed and she did what she had to do, what she was trained to do, and now she’s dealing with all the bullshit on her own.  “She deserves to be left alone, or at least shielded from the press, don’t you think?”r32;

He shrugs.  “I hate the press.  So do you.  Why would you want to draw more attention to yourself right now? I mean, I’m really thankful that she helped you, I am, and when this whole thing blows over, I’d definitely like to meet her.  But right now, you need to get through this, and hell, I want to hang out and let Sam get to know you better. Let Fiona deal with the press for now.”

“That’s a little selfish.”

He laughs.  “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“She saved my life, that’s all.”

“Yeah but...I mean, you guys were up there alone for a few days, right?”

“Oh come on.”

“Well hey...I mean, stranger things have happened,” he smirks.  “And I know your type.  She’s not bad looking, J, and after Jess...hell, I’d be hurting for a rebound too.”

“Fuck that.  Nothing...nothing happened.”  

“Whatever you say.  I’ll get the truth from you eventually.”  He’s laughing as he gets up, and turns back to me before he heads to the door.  “I’ll come back in the morning, with Sam.  We have some news.”

I give him a weird look.  “News?”

“In the morning.”

“You’re not leaving me wondering all night.  Are you marrying the girl or something?”

“Eventually.”

His eyes have a playful little spark inside of them.

“Trace?”

“Well she...she’s pregnant,” he smiles.  “We just found out last week.  Two months.”

My mouth hangs open slightly.  “You’re serious?”

“Yeah,” he laughs, and rubs the back of his neck.  “Fuckin crazy right?”

I’m happy for him.  I really am.  The last time I saw the two of them together, they seemed so happy, so in love, and I was glad he had finally found somebody a little more low key who wouldn’t bring so much drama into his life.  Now, a kid, and everyone knows that Trace has always wanted to be a father.  Me? Not so much.  I’m too busy...

I mean, Trace is busy too...but he’s different.  He’ll drop everything if it means he’ll be able to have a family.  He’s come close so many times, been shot down too many times, to pass it up now.  “Well shit.  Congrats, man.”

“Yeah.”

He’s silent again.  There’s more he’s not telling me, I know there is, and if things had gone differently when I got on that plane three days ago, I would already know everything he intended on telling me. “What is it?”

He sighs, and sits down again.  “I shouldn’t be telling you any of this right now.  I mean...crazy shit happened and you’re recovering.  It can wait, you know?”

“I’m not dead,” I laugh.  “Not yet at least.  I’ll have to see what Eric and Tiny do to me for cutting their vacay short.”

“Somehow I think they’ll forgive you for this one.”

“Yeah.”

“Look, Justin...” he sighs.  “I have a real chance with Sam, you know?  I love her.  We’ll probably get married once the baby is a couple of months old and...we’ve talked about certain things.  I want to be around for them, always.  I can’t...I can’t really take a lot of business trips anymore for our thing, as much as I’d love to.  The baby has to come first.”

I know what it means.  He’s backing down, not going to work as much.  It’s not like he’s hurting for money.  He’s invested in my franchise for so many years, and in other things too, allowed his financial portfolio to grow and made tens of millions of dollars.  He can settle down now, without regret, keep making money off his investments in Southern Hospitality and William Rast, run the line from Los Angeles, but as far as helping me run the behind the scenes operations of my career goes...he’s done with all of that.  Rachael is my personal assistant of course, took that spot from him a long time ago, but Trace is the financial wiz, the operational one, who always makes sure everything we decide to put our money into, makes an impact.

He’s half the reason I’ve lasted so long in the business.

Now I’m going to lose most of that part of him.  It’s finally happened, but I knew it would one day.  Everybody who knows us has always said, he would be the first one to settle down.

They were right.

“I get it. You know I get it, Trace.  I wouldn’t hold it against you.”

“Maybe that’s just the morphine talking,” he laughs

“No...really.” I force a smile for him, because it’s the right thing to do.  “I’m okay with it.”

“You’d tell me, right?”

I narrow my eyes at him.  “C’mon man.”

“Fine...fine, then we’re all good.  I have a bunch of people I’ve been considering to take over for me.  I’ll run them by you and your mom when you finally get out of this bed.  We’ll figure it out, I promise...before the baby is born.”

“Right.”

“So I’ll see you in the morning?”

“Yeah...yeah you know I’ll be here.”

He smiles once more for me.  “It’s great to see you man.  I’m really...glad...it all worked out for the best.”

“Me too.”

We slap hands, and he leaves.  It’s only then that I’m able to let out the huge breath I was holding in.  Fuck, that was a lot to take...after everything else, but I know I could have prevented it.  It’s my fault for pushing him into telling me, but I guess it wouldn’t have mattered if he told me today, or tomorrow, or when I was able to fly home again.  The only thing that really matters now, is how I’m going to get a handle on my career without him once I get back to my life.  

But I can barely think about all of it right now.  Too much has happened, and the only thing I can really focus on, is how Fiona is doing, and if she’s going to be able to get her daughter the help she needs before it’s too late.

That part, I know, is something I can control.  So I reach over, and pick up the phone, dialing my lawyers number from memory...determined to do the one thing that will make us even, and repay her for her sacrifices.

Even if she doesn’t want me to.