Tell 14
Another week and treatment passed by. The side effects (nausea, fatigue and sore throats) were manageable for the time being. However, he knew not to get complacent; he’d read the side effects could get worse later on. He didn’t like the idea of regurgitating his guts several times a day, but that’s what he signed up for. He had to do this to have a prayer at singing again.
Roy and Karen found a small apartment for a six month lease about two miles from JC’s house. The place was furnished, so they didn’t have to worry about lugging their furniture cross country. The house in Maryland was paid off, so they could afford to temporarily relocate. JC hated that they had to make such a change, but Roy reassured him it wasn’t any different from when Karen moved with him to Florida.
He’d also batted back and forth about shaving his head. The prospect of a significant alteration to his look scared him. What’s so different between that and what you’re going through? It was the visual change. At the moment the cancer was invisible at first glance. A shaved head would be a palatable reminder that things had changed. An especially thin spot near the temple facilitated a phone with Devon, his hair stylist. They agreed on 10 p.m. the next evening, long after the salon was closed and they had less likelihood of being overheard and discovered. JC wasn’t ready to deal with cancer in the public eye. He’d have to say something eventually, but now wasn’t that time.
He sent out a few texts asking friends if they wanted to go with him to the appointment. Lance and Matt ended up with the most availability. They both agreed to meet him at eight for dinner and drinks. Maybe a little buzz in my system will make this easier. No amount of drinking could erase pain; it could only temporarily numb it. He had periods of binge drinking in his lifetime and it usually created the opposite effect from what he wanted.
A few minutes later, his phone vibrated again. He picked it up and noticed Jenna’s name on the screen. Oh, it’s her. His heart warmed slightly; he enjoyed getting her texts. “Hey, how are you today?” It read.
“I’m hanging in there,” he typed. “Can’t complain. How are you?”
“Relieved to actually have a chance to breathe. Do you need help with anything?”
Why is she concerned about me when she should take time for herself? He and Jenna had been texting back and forth since the surgery about his general progress. A defined boundary existed between them. If he invited her over, that line would immediately blur. I can’t risk that right now. That’s uncharted territory and not what I should be dealing with. I could get attached and she screws me over like every other woman I’ve dated. I could die and she would get hurt. No, I shouldn’t. It’s not worth it.
But you like being with her. JC sighed. That doesn’t mean I should put myself in a vulnerable position. What if she doesn’t follow up on her offers? What if it’s an act? I can’t see what good it would be for her if she was dating a cancer patient. She doesn’t strike me as fake, but I still wonder. No, I can’t let her get close. “I’m fine right now,” he typed. “Thank you for the offer, though.”
I hope she doesn’t take that personally. I do appreciate her kindness. She’s more attentive than people who have known me for years. Oh, how it would be nice to have a warm body next to me. No, you’re just thinking that because you’re lonely. Sex would open another can of worms. Keep your distance; it’s for the best. Oh sure, Chasez. Keep telling yourself that.
“You’re welcome. Just offering,” she replied. “I’m sorry if I’m pushing on you.”
You’re the furthest thing from pushy. If that was true, you wouldn’t respect my answer. You’d find any reason to get around this and make this situation about you. “Oh, no. You’re totally fine.”
Speaking of, I don’t know much about her. They mainly talked about his problems. While they were significant, sometimes all he wanted was an escape route. She could provide that for you, you know. But it also opens me up. I thought I settled this. Again, what is it about you, Jenna Timbrook? Why do I want to get to know you better? Why do I want to pursue a closer friendship with you? She elicited emotions he hadn’t had in years. Even the mere mention of her name prompted a boyish grin. He sighed and rubbed his chin. Curse you, Jenna. I have a feeling you’re not going away any time soon.
The trio met for dinner about eight. The three of them had only hung out together once; nonetheless, the conversation was light hearted and pleasant overall. JC ordered an appetizer and took his time to digest. Lance was surprised; JC had a reputation of being the fastest eater in NSYNC. He shrugged and said his nerves were slowing him down tonight.
They arrived at the salon around ten minutes before ten. Devon was already there, preparing his station. “Hey man, how are you?” he asked with a smile.
“Hanging in there, yourself?” They hugged quickly.
“Not bad. You brought some friends with you?”
“Yeah. Matt and Lance are here for moral support. Guys, this is Devon, my hairstylist.”
Devon shook hands with both of them. “So you two are here to make sure he doesn’t run the other way?”
“I wouldn’t put it past him. He ran away from an ear thermometer once,” Lance replied.
JC rolled his eyes as everyone else laughed. “I was a teenager then!”
“Sorry, Shazaam. You’re not going to live that one down as long as I’m alive!”
“Oh wow, that one’s a blast from the past.” JC sat down in the leather chair. He took in a few deep breaths as Devon prepped him for the haircut. You can do this. It’s just hair and will grow back. This is only a temporary solution and will be a blip in the grand scheme. Relax and wnjoy this time with your friends.
“Alright, ready?”
“Turn me around,” JC instructed. “I don’t want to watch.”
“Are you sure?” Devon asked. “It might be easier to see the progress so it’s not so shocking when I’m done.”
JC waved his hand. “Just do it, man. I’ve had enough sugarcoating. I rather get this over with.”
“You got it.” Devon spun the chair around.
“You’re so calm, C.” Matt remarked.
They’re more nervous than I am. “Hey, this is what I have to do. The anxious energy is out of my system now.”
Devon flipped the switch. JC shuddered internally at the low hum of the razor. It wasn’t the object itself he was afraid of. It was the completion of his new reality as a cancer patient. Now he couldn’t hide; it was time to tackle this once and for all.
Clumps of ebony hair landed on his shoulders as Devon glided the tool across his scalp. I haven’t seen that much hair at one time.
No one spoke for a moment. I can’t stand the silence. It’s like I’m attending my own funeral. “What’s with the silence, guys? It’s not like I’m dying right now!”
“I’m glad you have this haircut,” Devon said. “The Jesus haircut would have been a pain and half to shave.”
All three laughed, while JC shook his head. “Oh, man that was a pretty bad one, wasn’t it? I was just too lazy to get a haircut, evidently.”
“It was not one of your shining fashion moments, dude.” Lance stated.
JC scoffed playfully. “Like you had any better, with your silky satin shirts and frosted tips.”
“Hey! I own up to that shit. We all wore those shirts, don’t even lie!”
“But I looked better!” JC stuck his tongue out.
“Your skinny ass could make anything look good! Even those gaudy glitter suits from Rolling Stone.”
Those suits would give that guy from Twilight a run for his money. “I can’t help that I was born with astronomical metabolism.”
“Well, that’s about to end. You won’t keep anything down during treatment.” Matt said.
That was buzzkill. For a moment I forgot about what’s going on. Awkward silence ensued for a few moments as Devon put the finishing touches on his new look.
“You’re done,” his stylist finally said.
JC rubbed his scalp. The skin was rough and ragged. Wow, it’s really gone. I’m not sure I’m ready to see this. “It’s gone.”
“I just did what you asked me to. Are you ready to see yourself?”
“I don’t have a choice, do I? Just do it.”
Devon turned his chair around. JC gasped. He was almost unrecognizable sans hair. His forehead wrinkles were more prominent. I feel naked right now. This is the most drastic appearance change I’ve ever made. Wetness bordered his eyes. I’m speechless. There’s no words that can do justice to what I feel right now. He sighed and buried his face in his hands.
Matt came over and silently rubbed his back. “Thank you.” JC whispered.
After a few minutes, JC looked over at Lance. His friend’s teeth gently bit his bottom lip as he frowned. Tears also glistened in his emerald eyes.
“What’s wrong, bro?”
He cleared his throat. “This is really staggering. I’ve known you for so long… I never thought I’d have to see you like this.”
“It’s still me. I haven’t changed inside.” JC reassured him.
“I know… but it’s not the same.” He sighed and wiped his eye.
JC couldn’t remember if he’d seen Lance cry. Nonetheless, guilt retuned, as it always did when he saw anyone upset because of his circumstances. “I’m sorry.”
Lance shook his head. “It’s fine. It’s not your fault.”
“But you’re sad.” JC replied. “And I don’t want you to be sad because of me.”
He chuckled. “You haven’t changed a bit. Still as selfless as the day I met you.”
JC shrugged. “I don’t see any reason to change.” He stood up and hugged Matt first. Then he moved over to Lance. They wrapped each other in the closest embrace of their lives.
“I love you, bro. I’m always here for you.” Lance whispered.
“I love you, too. Thank you for coming with me.”
“Not at all.” They broke away.
Finally JC turned to Devon, who had stepped aside momentarily. “Thank you, Dev. I really appreciate you making the effort to do this on my schedule.”
The stylist nodded. “You’re welcome. I’m happy to help you in any way I can. You don’t owe me any money.”
JC’s jaw dropped. He usually paid 50 dollars for cut and color. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah. You already have a lot of expenses with the chemotherapy. It’s not a big deal.”
He doesn’t have to do that. He went above and beyond to meet my request. JC shook Devon’s hand. “I appreciate it, man. You did a good job.”
“You’re welcome. I’ll be in touch with you. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.”
“Thank you. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Have a good evening.” Devon headed back to the staff longue.
I’ll pay anyway. He needs the money. JC then took a 50 dollar bill out of his wallet and put it in the tip jar.
“You didn’t need to do that.” Matt said.
JC shrugged. “I’d feel bad if I didn’t pay. He needs it more than I do.”
“Here, you want your hat?” Matt asked.
“Yeah. Hopefully people won’t notice a difference.” JC placed the baseball cap on his head.
“Now that looks like you,” Lance remarked with a wan smile.
“Do you think people will notice if I’m wearing a hat? And I want an honest answer. Don’t bullshit me,” JC stated.
“I don’t think so,” Lance replied. “The hat pretty much covers your head. There’s going to be at least one publication that’ll make up rumors, but so what else is new in this business?”
JC chuckled. “Nothing. It’s changed so much since our heyday, hasn’t it?”
“I know. Hey, once you get better, come on my radio show. I’ve had Joey and Chris as guests. I’d love to have you visit.”
He’d listened to Dirty Pop a few times. Lance was in his element; No subject was off limits and he fed off the energy of his co-hosts. “I’ll keep that in mind. Let’s go, guys. Time for the next phase in this chapter.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Stoiry is fiction; original characters are mine.
I'm up for 4 awards if y'all would like to check that out. I appreciate your support SO MUCH! It keeps me going in writing this story. I did some more outlining today (more ideas keep coming!) So I hope you all like this installment. Please enjoy and feel free to leave feedback.
Story Tags: postsync jc cancer tearjerker
