Chapter 23

“Haven’t I made myself obvious? I have feelings for you, too.”

“Um, not exactly. The words might’ve been on the tip of your tongue, but they never came out.” Jenna sat up straighter and looked into his eyes. “Then, I’m spelling it out for you. I knew something would be different this time. Call it intuition, sixth sense, spirituality. Whatever it was, I was compelled to follow that feeling. I thought it was nuts at first. Even so, something told me you needed someone genuine; for some crazy reason I thought I would fit that role perfectly.”

JC smiled lightly. “You have. What I can’t wrap my mind around is how you give so much away yet want nothing in return.”

“Pbbbtt. That’s not it; I long to be appreciated by a non-familial male figure. Truth is though, I’m used to my needs getting stomped on that I stopped considering them valid.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way. Still, it’s an outright lie. It’s okay to accept support and let others take care of you.”

Her lips met his. Whoa, where did this come from? He closed his eyes and returned the motion while steadying himself with the chair’s arms. She tastes like mint but there’s something sweeter as well. Her lips are just as soft as I hoped they would be. I shouldn't be enjoying this. His bottom lip tensed up. She’ll get into even more trouble than she already is.

Jenna backed off and scooted down the couch slightly. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

JC shook his head. “Don’t apologize. I enjoyed that kiss. But I’m feeling a little guilty for doing so. Your boss could hurt you that much more if he found out."

She shrugged. "I'll deal with him. Don’t worry."

He groaned and slapped his thigh. That’s the second time tonight she’s done that. "Dammit, Jenna! Will you please stop with that spiel! When I pursue a romantic relationship, it's because I care. I care about what happens to you and how what I say and do impacts your life. It's isn't a one way thing; I want to be there for you, but you have to be willing to let me in."

She turned her face the other direction. His heart sank and stomach twisted. Shit, now I’ve probably hurt her further. This could slide downhill REAL fast. Then again I can’t keep offering my affections only to hit a stone wall. It won’t work like that.

She met his gaze again with tears in her eyes. “You're right. I've wanted to open up to you but I got scared for different reasons.” She sighed. “I’m sorry I frustrated you. I was trying to protect you from Derek and myself at the same time.”

JC moved over to the couch and grasped her hand. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m not mad at you, I promise.”

Jenna raised her free hand. “No, I totally get it. Your energy is limited; it should be spent working toward recovery. And I’ll help you if you want me to.”

“Of course I want you to! Otherwise I wouldn't have invited you back. Why do you hesitate, Jenna?”

She took a deep breath before answering. “Derek’s almost ruined my trust of new men.”

“How has he done that?” He swept his thumb across her palm.

“He degraded every move or decision I made. When I tried to call him out, he’d blame me.  Then he’d apologize and promise he’d never say or do that again. It never lasted; by the next day the promise didn't exist. Now, I recognize his abusive behavior and won’t tolerate the bullshit anymore. That’s why he wants to get rid of me.”

“What a piece of work," JC growled.

“I know. He is. I hate how much he’s affected me. Yet something about you broke through. What is it about you, Joshua Chasez? What's causing me to trust you and let my guard down?"

“I've asked myself the same question about you.  Nevertheless, whatever fall out that comes from this, I’m here to catch you.” He caressed her cheek with his hand. “I won’t let anything happen to you, okay?”

She sighed. “I put off dealing with the pain for too long. Now I realize how much this hurt me.”

“Come here,” JC closed his eyes and kissed her. She responded as he brushed hair away from her face. Their noses mushed against their cheeks from the close proximity. He caught another whiff of mint as their lips drifted between the top and bottom section. What is that? It’s different. I like it. She moaned slightly and he a sensed a smile starting breakthrough. That’s what I like to see.

They broke away and she grinned. “I had forgotten how reassuring a kiss can feel.”

“You haven’t had one recently?”

She blushed. “No. I could get used to this, though. Maybe I can survive what’s about to happen.”

“Of course you can. You've had tough stretches before; this will be one more. Think about the support you already have in your life. You must have at least a few.”

She nodded. “Derek’s the exception, not the rule. Several have told me to leave on numerous occasions. I should’ve listened.”

“Can’t change that, sweetie.  Constantly wondering ‘what if’ can drive anyone insane. All that matters is you’re supported and you’re loved.”

“So are you in your battle. I've seen the way your parents look at you. They’d take a bullet for you if they had to.”

“On that note, may I ask you something?”

“Sure. What’s up?”

JC cleared this throat. "Do you have any reservations about dating a cancer patient?"

She shook her head. "I'm not scared. My mom had an episode when I was a teen. I see no reason why you can't survive like she did."

"You think I can beat this?"

"Yes."

Wish I was as confident about that as you are. "Well, as far as this goes, it's going to go slow. For now, I need a companion more than anything. Someone to comfort me when I'm hurting, keep me company while I'm at treatment, a warm body to lie with me at night."

"I already do two of those things," she replied.

"That you do. But I want to be upfront about my needs so you know what you're getting into. My main priority is to get better. Nothing will deter me from that."

She nodded.

He sipped some more water. "But I'd like your help in making this ordeal easier."

Jenna furrowed her brows. "I'm willing to do that whether we’re dating or not. What’s going to change? I'm confused."

"More kissing and cuddling are involved. How's that for an answer?" He replied.

She chuckled. "I'm okay with that. I truly want to be there for you. So you don't have to suffer in loneliness."

JC smiled sadly and laced her hands with his. "I appreciate it. I'll need your strength because I'm broken.

"In case you haven't noticed, so am I. Sorry, babbling all over the place tonight.” She reached for a tissue in her purse.

“It’s okay. I understand why you’re showing emotion. Even if you were crying you face off, I won’t think any less of you. You’ve been so strong throughout this ordeal.”

“Tell that to my brain. At night it relives every mistake I've made.”

“Come here, Jenna.” JC opened his arms.

She laid her head on his shoulder and draped her arms around his neck. The tension from the first kiss had disappeared.  He wrapped her in his embrace; she sighed contentedly as he did so. She’s starting to trust me. I can’t let her down.

They held each other in silence for a few minutes. She stroked her fingers across the nape of his neck. The remainder of stiffened muscles relaxed with her touch. She could do that all night and I wouldn't complain. Nor would I mind if we stayed like this.  He kissed her forehead. “It’ll be alright, Jen. We can handle this together.”

She nodded. “Thank you for giving me a second chance.”

“Nah, it was I who messed up. You were going to come clean and my emotions blocked your way. You know how I knew I had serious feelings for you?”

She looked up at him. “How?”

“I cared more about scaring and hurting you more than my own emotions. I thought, damn you really are in deep, Chasez. But I don’t care because you don’t judge me by my disease.”

“That’s because you can’t let what happens to you steal your identity. It’s a war through the trenches to get it back. So I don’t entertain that option. To me, you’re JC, my… partner. Boyfriend sounds so childish.”

“Partner is the best you could come up with?” He teased.

“We’re together. Anyway, my thought is if I don’t define you by cancer, maybe someday you won’t either and that will lead you to recovery.”

JC snorted. “You have a lofty goal to attain there, Jenna.”

Jenna shrugged. “Who says it can’t be done?”

A monstrous depression that’s haunted me for months now, perhaps? “Listen, I don’t have the strength for that kind of talk right now. All I need is you beside me.”

She kissed his lips again. “That’s fine.”

“Have you been tempted to kiss me before tonight?”

She blushed again. “A few times. You?”

“Same. Especially the day you held me while I was crying.”

Jenna nodded. “That was one of them. My heart broke for you. I wanted to kiss your forehead to show you that you weren’t alone. I talked myself out of it. Now I don’t have to.”

He smiled. “No, you don’t. You can kiss me whenever you like.”

“Like now.” Jenna kissed him. God I could get used to this, too. Her kiss rouses emotions I haven’t felt in a long time. They beamed at each other before meeting lips once more.

Finally, they broke away. “This turned out much better than I expected,” she said.

“I had no idea how this conversation would go,” he replied. “However, it couldn't have turned out any lovelier.”

“Lovelier, eh? That’s a fancy word.”

“Again speaking of, I’ll take you out on a proper first date when I feel better.”

Jenna shook her head. “Dates aren’t necessary. I’m enjoying myself right now.”

“It’s the least I can do, after you've been here for me.” He kissed her forehead once more.

“So, do I get a tour of the digs?”

His hands tightened into fists. That could lead to questions about subjects I’m not ready to delve into yet. We’ve barely made up and aired out our true feelings towards one another. My heart’s had enough tonight. “Not now. Another night maybe.”

“Are you going to address the rumors publicly?”

He groaned. Way to bring me back to reality, Jenna. “Haven’t thought about it.  I don’t like my private life splattered across the headlines for the public to criticize.”

“Well, like it or not, people are spreading blatant lies to the masses. It’ll only get worse the longer you ignore it. So called writers from those sad excuses for publications will call wanting conformation. I’m surprised they haven’t done so already.”

“They probably have. I haven’t checked because my phone has stayed in my room most of the day.”

“I’ve met a few people from TMZ and US Weekly. They’re relentless. Derek forced me into lunch with TMZ’s editor once and he was answering texts and emails left and right about bothering this or that celebrity.”

JC tossed his head back on the couch. “Do we have to talk about this now? Can’t we simply enjoy what’s developing between us?”

“Honey, you can’t hide from them forever.”

“Maybe I’d like to put it off at least a little while longer. Is that too much to ask?”

Jenna turned red. “No, it’s not. I’m sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up.”

“You’re right; ignoring the situation isn’t an option. However, we’ve started a romantic relationship and I’d like to enjoy that without any distractions.”

“So would I, to be honest. But my thoughts rarely shut down completely.”

“Can you please tell them to fuck off for the time being?”

She laughed. “I think you just did!” She placed her hands on his fists. “Why don’t you release these? That’ll help you relax.”

He took a deep breath and slowly started uncurling his fingers. About halfway through, Jenna folded hers about the same angle and joined his. He smiled. “I see what you did.”

She did as well. “Isn't that better?”

“Much. Here, let’s do the same for you.” He let go.

They repeated the exercise, which resulted in a contented sigh from Jenna. “You have nice hands.”

No one’s told me that before. “Why do you say that?”

“They grip mine perfectly. It’s sturdy, not harsh. Yet they’re gentle enough to wipe my tears.”

JC flushed slightly. She likes my touch, too. That’s a good sign.

“Why are you blushing?”

“It’s a nice compliment, that’s all. Touch is an important component.”

“I like hand holding. It’s simple and intimate at the same time. Hands are built for a variety of tasks: cooking, cleaning, driving building and bathing. When two hands meet, it creates an energy that didn’t exist before. And that energy sends the warm through the body and soul.”

JC kissed her hand. “You make it sound so extraordinary.”

She smiled. “I notice the small things in life. There’s always something good about your day even if overall it went to hell in a hand basket. Holding onto those positive thoughts got me through the hard days.”

It’s not that easy, Jen. If you only knew what I’ve lived through the past few months. “Here you go again with your positive tangents.”

“If you want to date me, you’ll have to get used to it. I’m a relatively optimistic person.”

“Hopefully it’ll rub off on me,” he whispered. “I don’t have any trace of optimism in my body at the moment.”

“I can help you with that, sweetie.” She kissed his cheek.

JC smiled coyly. “Thank you, Jen.”

She swept her thumbs across his hands. “You’re welcome. Like you said, we’ll get through this together.”

Time passed by in silence as they continued to hold each other. How much, neither was aware nor did they care. Holding Jenna in his arms was as blissful as he had hoped. And her embrace made him feel safe as well. A sense of comfort overwhelmed him. He didn’t have to fight any thoughts right now. He could just be with her and not have to worry about anything else. For the first time in months or maybe even years, his mind was quiet, at least for the moment. It was heavenly.

Finally Jenna sat up again. “I think I better go.”

JC gave her puppy eyes. “Do you have to?”

Jenna half groaned. “Do you have to give me that look? I can handle myself out there.”

“It’s nice having you here, babe.  I’ll miss you when you leave.”

“Missing the other person makes seeing them again more special. Isn't that how it’s supposed to work?”

He loosened his grip. “Fair enough. I haven’t had anyone to miss in a while.”

She playfully frowned. “Aren't I worth missing?”

He smiled. “Of course you are. I’ll walk you to the front door.”

Jenna stood up. “You don’t have to.”

He followed suit. “Just because I have cancer doesn't mean I can’t escort you to the door and kiss you goodnight.”

“Ever the gentleman, aren’t you?”

“I’m old fashioned that way.”

The couple arrived at the door about a minute later. “Thanks for coming over. I’m glad that we sorted this out.”

Jenna nodded. “Me, too. Not needing to keep a secret is such a weight off my shoulders.”

“No more of those, okay?”

She responded by kissing him. He closed his eyes and puckered his lips forward. I’ll never tire of this.

They broke away. “Will you please text me when you get home?”

“What are you trying to do, Chasez? Kick me out?”
“Hey! You’re the one who said she should be going.”

She shrugged. “I did. Sorry, I can be snarky sometimes.”

“Good to know.”  They kissed again.

She smiled. “And yes, I’ll text you. Thanks for the great night, babe.”

“You’re welcome. Talk to you soon.” He kissed her forehead.

“Goodnight, handsome.” She scarcely brushed the edge of his lips before pulling away and walked to her car. He watched her get in. She blew one final kiss through the windshield and he kissed his middle and index finger towards her. She beamed and started the car ignition. The engine’s rattle made him cringe inwardly. Ugh, she needs a new car. That’s not safe. She’d never let me do it, though.

After she left, he stroked his lips with his pinky finger.  Remnants of her kiss still remained. I can’t remember the last time a kiss lingered this much. What have you done to me, Jen? He exhaled. What is the matter with me? She’s barely been gone a few minutes and I miss her already.

“Everything go well?” Roy asked.

JC turned around with his hand on the doorknob. “Yeah. Everything’s out in the open.”

“Was your theory correct?”

He nodded as he closed the door. “Yep. It doesn’t surprise me. She said that her boss threatened to fire her if she didn’t do what he wanted. But she hasn’t.”

“Wow. That’s pretty brave of her.”

“She’s a brave woman for taking on this situation, period.”

“You look happy.”

He smiled. “I am. At least I have another bright spot with all the crap that’s going on.” He yawned.

“I was just going to ask you if you were tired. Are you going to turn in?”

He nodded. “I think so. It’s been a good day, though. Thanks for taking me to the beach.”

“You’re welcome. Anything I can do to help you. Can you make it up the stairs tonight?”

JC nodded. “I’ll holler if I need anything.”

Like it or not, people are spreading blatant lies to the masses… Jenna’s words echoed in his mind as he walked up the stairs to his bedroom. It’ll only get worse the longer you ignore it. He groaned. Why does she have to be right? I honestly don’t want to deal with it. Then again, turning a blind eye will most likely cause an even greater headache than I’m willing put up with. He picked up the device from his bedside table and tapped the phone screen. 20 voicemails. Fuck my life. He typed in his security code and looked at the list. All except one were from numbers he didn’t recognize. The other was from Eric. What does he want? I’ll listen to his first.

Listen, shithead. I’m not fucking dealing with this situation anyone. I’ve set up a message informing anyone who wants information on your condition can call you personally. Yes, you heard that right. I included your cell phone number. They can call you a hundred times a day for all I care. It’s your fault it came to this. I tried to warn you. You shouldn’t have gotten involved with that slut Jenna. Any attempts to reach me will be blocked.