Chapter 24

 “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” JC roared. “HOW DARE YOU ERIC? FUCK YOU!”

He tossed his phone across the room. It landed on the carpet some 10 feet away from where he stood. His head and neck muscles started throbbing once again.

Roy arrived upstairs a moment later. “Is everything alright?”

No, Dad it isn’t. Would I have just yelled for someone to fuck themselves if I was happy?  “Eric betrayed me,” he grunted.

“How could he do that? You’re not on speaking terms anymore.”

“Oh he found a way.”

“Take a deep breath and then tell me what’s wrong.”

JC did so. “There was a ‘news’ report on this morning that I’m dying. Obviously, that’s false. Eric left me a message stating that he wouldn’t answer any more phone calls on my condition.  He then left my personal cell number on a voice message. Now I have 20 fucking reporters breathing down my neck.”

Roy grunted. “That fiend.”

“You’re telling me.”

“Think of it this way. At least you don’t have that negative influence chaining you to the concrete You broke free from that shackle. While the aftermath isn’t ideal, you truly don’t have to worry about his involvement.”

JC sighed and shook his head. “I envy you, Dad.”

“Why?”

“You can find the bright side so quickly. I can’t do that.”

“Sure, you can Josh. Look, I know it’s hard to see the good in this while you’re so emotional. But one day you’ll be thankful this so called friendship ended. You don’t need people like him in your life. You’ve got many others who will support, encourage and comfort you. Focus on those folks. They make your life worth living.”

“You’re certainly one of them, Dad. Sorry if I scared you.”

“That’s alright. Now you can move forward and break away from the other burdens, too.”

“Like the cancer?”

Roy nodded and smiled. “Exactly. You can beat this, Josh. I have no doubt in my mind.”

JC sighed. “I wish I believed in myself the way others believe in me.”

“You will. Maybe not tonight but in time.” His father patted his son’s shoulder. “Why don’t you get some rest?”

“Not a bad idea.” JC hugged his dad. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, son. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay.”

After he left, JC picked up his phone from the other side of the room. It survived its trip across the room unscathed. That was effing stupid of me to do. But I was so pissed. Still am, actually. Does he not have any regard for the hardships I’m going through in life right now? That the last thing I need is another headache that distracts me from dealing with this horrible disease? No, of course not. I’ve known that answer for a long time. And then Derek trying to capitalize on my pain? Doesn’t he realize I’m a person, too, with REAL FEELINGS? Not to mention he wants to jeopardize someone’s career just because she won’t do what he wants? All while exploiting her vulnerability and destroying her self-worth. God, my fellow males can be such dicks sometimes, can’t they? No wonder women have a hard time trusting us.

His neck muscles flared up once again as he flopped on his bed. Why does this hurt every time I’m angry? I wish Jenna was still here so she could ease the tension. He closed his eyes, remembering how her fingers had caressed his skin merely hours ago. When was the last time he’d been that relaxed in a woman’s presence? He couldn’t remember and it didn’t matter. Her embrace took away the pain, if only for a few moments.

You’ve put yourself in an awfully vulnerable position, Chasez. She could’ve sold you out just like Eva did. But she didn’t. That has to count for something, doesn’t it? That doesn’t mean she might change her mind behind your back and stab it at the last second. His nails dug into his palms. God, will you stop it brain? Why do you have to come up with every conspiracy theory known to man? Maybe I liked holding her close and kissing her lips. I feel safe with her. If that’s not right, then damn. It’s not like I haven’t been the fool before. JC shook his head. Look at me, I’m a fucking nutcase. Having arguments with myself in my head. Really? Who does that?

He glanced at the time. 10:30 and no calls or messages from her. She left about an hour ago. I need to check if she got home okay. Not to mention just hearing her voice again. He clicked her name on his contact list and waited.

“Hello?”

“Hey Jenna, it’s JC. Did you make it home?”

“I did, darling. Sorry if you’ve tried to call me already. My phone battery died out and I didn’t realize it until I walked in the door.”

“This is the first since you left so you’re in luck,” He groaned. “I want to break something or a certain someone’s neck.”
“What happened?”

“I checked my voicemail.” His nails clinched into his palm again. “Eric told me that he’s set up a message giving out my personal cell phone number. So now I have 20 different calls to answer about my imminent death.”

Jenna gasped. “That... schmuck.”

“And then he blamed it all on you. Said I shouldn’t have gotten involved and that you don’t have good intentions for me.”

She scoffed. “As if. Pardon my French JC, but he doesn’t know jack shit about me or the situation Derek put me in. Damn, I knew Eric was a weasel, but not that much of one.”

JC snorted. “Tell me about it. What did I do to deserve this?”

“Nothing. He simply doesn’t have any concept of how his actions affect others.”

“I’ve never hated someone more in my life. And people have done some awfully shitty things to me.”

Jenna didn’t respond.

He groaned. “I don’t want to deal with this shit, Jenna.”

“You don’t have to tonight, necessarily.”

“Why?”

“Sweetie, you’re angry, tired and might say something you’ll regret later. Why don’t you get some rest?”

JC took another deep breath. She’s got a point, you know. Why am I more inclined to do that when she tells me to? “Okay. Sorry, Jen. I’m really pissed right now.”

“You have every right to be. I’d kiss it away if I could.”

“See, this is why you should've stayed!” He teased.

She chuckled. “True, but you’d be paying attention to me if I was still there. Reality has to resurface eventually.”

“Touché. “I just wish the fall wasn’t so jarring.” JC rubbed his neck.

“Well, I enjoyed talking with you tonight, if that means anything. It was therapeutic in a way.”

Therapeutic, huh?   I wonder what she means by that. JC half smiled. “It does. Thanks for everything.”

“You’re welcome. Do you feel better now?”

 “Yeah. Can’t you tell?”

“Wanted to make sure. So, talk tomorrow?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for world, baby. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, sweets.”

JC shook his head as they hung up. In fifteen minutes I’ve gone from throwing my phone across the room in anger to thinking straight and semi calm. And it’s all due to one person. Her speech had a legato type feel, creating smooth lines that caressed his inflamed senses. Paired with an even mid tone alto, it was the combination JC needed right then.

He yawned unexpectedly. Suppose I should take her and Dad’s advice. Emotions had fueled him the past few hours. Now that everyone had retired for the night, he realized how much of his own energy was drained. Today’s been a good day, though. I felt like a normal human being, not a soulless zombie devoured by cancer. The sunlight on my face never seemed more invigorating. Maybe light should peek into my consciousness more often. Slumber found him a few moments later with a smile drawn on his face.

Dull, colorless beams peaked through his window the next morning. Oh, is it time to resume regularly scheduled misery again, universe? That yesterday was a brief reprieve and now you’ll throw all you got at me again? He groaned as he buried his face in his pillow. Many mornings before this one had begun with the same conditions. Dark landscapes usually prompted a disgruntled response as JC would roll over and go back to sleep; the world seemed too arduous to bear then.

Time to wake up, bro. You had a good day yesterday; maybe today will be another. He glanced at the window out of the corner of his eye. These sheets are so comfortable, though.

Just as he was drifting off, his ringtone startled him back awake. Shit I forgot to put it back on silent last night. You better someone I like or you’ll hear my wrath. He reached over to his night stand grabbed the device. The number began with a 1-800. He immediately clicked ‘ignore’ and sighed loudly. Thanks for the rude awakening. I really appreciate it. Might as well check if my inbox is flooded, too.

His inclination was right; countless emails demanded more details about his condition. He deleted every one, his frustration with the situation elevating each time. Damn, I need to do something about this. Let’s go to Twitter.  He opened the app on his phone. One of the first tweets on his timeline said:

Please keep @JCChasez and his family in your prayers. Love is what they need, not judgment and speculation #prayers4jc

-Matt Morrison, 7:45 a.m.

The edges of his lips turned upward slightly. You’re a true friend, Matt. I really appreciate that.

He hit reply and typed: “thanks buddy. Means a lot coming from you.”

Is that for me, though? Not many other public figures go by their initials like I do.  JC tapped the link. Over 100,000 results, the proceeding page read. His jaw dropped. That many people took time to write something nice to me? I’m not anyone special. He scrolled through the messages. Some were well wishes, some were prayers, and some were their own cancer related stories. The overall theme was the same: he was being supported and thought of. Examples included:

-I never was a boyband fan but cancer is no joke! Wish you all the best @JCChasez.

-Say it isn’t so! The world would be a duller place without your talents. My prayers are with you and your loved ones during this time #prayers4jc

-I lost my brother to childhood cancer. Don’t wish it on anyone. Thinking of you JC! #prayers4jc

-That moment when you realize your childhood idol is human and could die #prayers4jc

-Please know your fans love you and are here for you JC! #prayers4jc

Tears snuck through his eyes after a few moments. I had no idea. All this time complete strangers have been praying for me and believing in me. I’m not worthy of such overwhelming kindness. I wish I could thank them all personally but I’d be here for days. Still, they deserve some kind of response. I don’t want to write just one tweet. That doesn’t begin to address the gratitude I feel right now. Then again I could talk for hours, even days and not do it justice either.  

A text tone broke his train of thought. The message was from Jenna:

“Heading to work. Dreading what could happen. Ah well. It’s a new day. Hope you were able to rest last night, sweetie. Talk to you soon <3

8:45 a.m".

I hope that dickbag doesn’t fire her. I’d love to give him a piece of my mind. But the end result wouldn’t produce positive results. Nonetheless, he smiled. Its nice knowing you’re the first person someone thinks of in the morning. I’d forgotten about this feeling.

“Good luck, babe.” He typed. “Let me know how it goes.”

Within 30 seconds, she’d typed a response. “Will do, JC. Have a great day”

“You too, beautiful.”

He set his phone aside. Lord, what is this stupid grin on my face right now?  What is this warm and fuzzy feeling that everyone talks about when you’re in the new phase of a relationship? I must admit, this is a nice change from the overwhelming gloom and doom I’ve experienced recently. Maybe it truly will be okay like Jenna says it will be. Wow, a positive thought. That’s a first. What the hell? I didn’t think I was capable of thinking in those terms anymore. He sighed. You’re sneaking into the depths of my being, Jenna Timbrook. He stretched his arms and legs, awakening the slumbering muscles. For now I need to figure how to go about this response. I’m sure as hell not repeating myself to 20 different reporters who don’t give a shit about me anyway. His phone buzzed. As another one calls right on cue. Sorry, not catering to your selfish agenda.

After a brief shower, he decided to write in his studio. He’d done a great deal of writing there in the past. Considering it was in the corner of his basement, it was the most private room in the house. No distractions were allowed while he worked on this; he knew it would be scrupulously critiqued. Therefore it had to be the best he could come up with.

My anger has choice words about this situation. Maybe I should write that version first so it’s out of my system before writing the real one. He snorted. Who am I kidding? We all paint pictures of ourselves to look like perfect beings when that’s FAR from the truth. He started typing.

“Recent claims have stated…”

God, that sounds so pretentious. He deleted that sentence.

“Erroneous reports that I’m on my deathbed…”

Don’t like that either.

“Sources say…”

The next couple hours consisted of starting and deleting a million statements. Each pompous entry angered him further. “God, what’s the point of this?” He finally shouted. Everything I’m writing is straight up bullshit anyway. No one will believe this. I’ve always said I want to be authentic both as an artist and as a person. And this isn’t it. I guess I could keep ignoring the media’s phone calls. However, some people are nosey ass pricks who won’t leave me alone until they get a heated reaction. That leads to further ridicule.

He sat back in his office chair and folded his arms with his hands on his neck. I want to release something, though. Maybe a short video would do the trick. On the other hand, my fans will see me at one the most vulnerable times in my life. That’s scary as hell. He stroked his head. I’ll definitely wear some kind of hat. I’m not ready for those closest to me, let alone strangers on the Internet, see me bald.  Luckily, he’d left one of his LA Dodgers caps behind a few days ago. He put it on and took a deep breath. Just get it over with. People will dissect this no matter what you say. All you can control is how you react to others actions. And publicly dissing Eric and Derek would escalate an already emotional situation. Yeah, the last thing I want to do is air your dirty laundry for the whole world to see. He cleared his throat and turned on the camera.

“Hey everyone. Despite what you might have heard, I’m not an inch from death. Those claims are false and being spread by someone who isn’t close to my situation. I had surgery to remove the tumor soon after my diagnosis. I’m currently undergoing chemotherapy once a week to eradicate any remaining cells. My doctor is hopeful that I will fully recover. I can’t predict what I’ll feel on a day to day basis but overall I’d say I’m stable.

I tried to prepare a statement, but it sounded disgustingly fabricated. That’s not my style. This is real life, man. It’s happening all around us every day. Not going to lie, this journey has been hard. I’ve wondered why I should continue. But I do. Sometimes my biggest victory is sitting up in bed despite how the illness had wrecked my body. That’s okay. I’m still breathing. And there are people in my life who make that worthwhile.

“Which brings me to you, the person who’s watching. Thank you for your support. I opened up Twitter this morning….” He shook his head “You guys floored me with all your kind words and prayers. Seriously, I never thought in a million years that so many people still took time to think of me. Some of you shared your stories of both loss and survival. Thank you for sharing those with me. Cancer can be isolating but having support to carry you through the storm is priceless.

“So, in closing, please be kind to one another. You truly never know what others are going through. An uplifting word may be what someone needs. Thank you again so much for your kindness. Sending you love back tenfold and beyond. I love you guys and will keep you updated as often as I can on my condition. Have a great day.” He clicked ‘off’ on the webcam software.

He watched the footage back. Not bad. That’s diplomatic without revealing too much information. I sound pretty positive in this clip. Now if only I actually believed that. Although I am surrounded by good people now. Speaking of, I want to show this to Jenna the next time she’s here. I want her approval before I release the video. Hopefully she’ll think it’s an appropriate response.

Subsequently, his phone buzzed and displayed Jenna’s name on the screen. His stomach dropped ten stories. He fired her, didn’t he? Oh, God please let that not be the case. Please don’t. I couldn’t live with that kind of guilt.

“Hey Jenna,” he answered.

“Hey. How are you?” She replied curtly.

This isn’t a good sign. “Eh, I’m making it. You?”

She cleared her throat. “I’ve just experienced one of the most humiliating times of my life.”

His heart lurched in his chest. Please oh please let it not be what I think it is. “What happened?”

“He fired me, JC.”