Chapter 25

"He fired me, Jace.” She whimpered.

“He did not. Where are you?”

“I just walked in the door. Why?”

“If you want me to, I’ll come over.”

“Are you sure you feel well enough?”

“Don’t worry about that. If you need me, I’ll be there.”

Jenna didn’t respond. You sounded a little too forward there, Chasez. You shouldn’t force your company on her if she doesn’t want it.

“Please, hurry.” She replied a moment later with a tremor in her voice. “I’ll text you my address.”

She’s letting her guard down. I have to show her I have no intentions of hurting her. “Done. I’ll be over as soon as I can, sweetheart.”

“Fuck,” he growled after hanging up. “Fuck. He actually did it. It’s my fault. This shouldn’t be happening.” Get it together, bro. Jenna needs you. She just said so in not so many words. Now it’s time for you to live up to what you’ve been telling her. He took a deep breath and ran his hands over his bald head. I better get decent and find a way over there. I could drive but I’m not sure my body can handle it today. Dad’s probably here so I’ll ask him.

Sure enough, Roy was sitting at his kitchen table when he came upstairs. “Hey.

“Hey. I was hoping you’d be here.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“Jenna was fired by her boss.”

Roy frowned. “Such a shame. She shouldn’t have been in that position.”

“She wants me to come over for a little while. Will you take me?”

“Geez, you two aren’t wasting any time, are you?”

JC rolled his eyes. “I’m going over there as moral support, Dad. Nothing else will happen.” And even if it did, it’s none of his business.

“I couldn’t help giving you a hard time. But yes, I’ll be glad to take you over there.”

He changed in a black zip up jacket, beanie, jeans and sneakers. It wasn’t much of an improvement, but he felt more slightly more put together in that ensemble. He grabbed his laptop from the studio in case Jenna wanted to see his response to the recent media storm. She had sent him her address.  She lived in Inglewood, about a half hour from his place in Hollywood.

Roy dropped JC off midafternoon. He reassured his dad he’d call or text when he was ready to leave. He scanned the complex. Each unit was a split level condo, with a metal staircase on the side leading up to the upstairs number. Jenna’s text said hers was number 237. I seriously hope hers is the bottom one. I’ve already been up and down my stairs several times today. And how embarrassing would that be if I knocked on the wrong door? He wrapped on the door.

Jenna answered a minute later. Her blotchy face didn’t have a stitch of makeup and red tinted eyes. Her hair was soaking wet and uncombed. She was dressed in the biggest sweatshirt and pants she could find. This is a drastic change from what I’m used to. She’s usually so poised and put together. I wish I could kiss her pain away.

“Jenna?”

She snorted. “Yeah. Who were you expecting?”

“You look… different. That’s all.”

“Oh, I get it. I’m hideous now that the mask has stripped away.”

Smooth. Real smooth. JC shook his head. “Of course not! You are a beautiful being.”

She stepped aside to let him in. “Then why does it hurt so much when your boss berates you by calling you an ugly slut in front of the whole team?”

Dammit, he pulled a Jenkins on her. His blood boiled like molten lava. “It gives him some kind of sick satisfaction to hurt you.”

Jenna paced over to the couch. “It was like the boardroom all over again, only I was on the receiving end this time.” She flopped down. “I underestimated his ability to humiliate and destroy me.”

JC clenched his fists. What I could do to do him right now. But it’s not worth it. Jenna needs me. He sat down next to her. “What happened, sweetie?”

“Derek came by my desk around 11. I was in the middle of writing my next piece. He put his hands on the table and just glared at me for about thirty seconds. I asked him what he was doing. He’s like “Get up.” I asked why. He leaned closer and says it again. I asked him nicely, albeit with gritted teeth, to get out of my face. He smiled real sinister like “You know I own you, fame whore slut.”

“He doesn’t, Jenna. No one does. Your life, your dreams and your decisions belong to you.”

She nodded. “I know. Next I asked him if he was done insulting me. Boy, was that an understatement. He told me if I wasn’t in the conference room in five minutes he’d have me arrested. Not that I believed him, he’s made countless empty threats before. Still, I got up and went to the meeting room. It was a weird sense of déjà vu as I walked in there. Everyone I considered my work friends were there. They had nothing to do with the issue hand. Only there to add insult to injury. They gave me apologetic look, as if they knew what was about to happen but powerless to stop it. Did you feel that way?”

“Yeah I did. I knew being dropped was inevitable but not in the way it happened. I’d hoped they would tell me in private and then we’d part ways.” He shook his head. “I expected too much.

“This ‘meeting’ didn’t surprise me. It disappoints me more than anything. I should have known better. Anyway, that’s not the story you came here for today."  

“Nah, that’s okay. We can talk about whatever you want.”

“Thank you. So, Derek says I’m undergoing a ‘performance review’ ” She rolled her eyes. “He listed all the deadlines I missed recently. Most of them were on the project he wanted me to write about you. All I could think about was if he had minded his own business, we wouldn’t be having thus conversation. He turned to each of my coworkers and asked what my weakest quality was. Some tried to get out of it, but he threw a hissy fit and threatened their jobs if they didn’t obliterate me in the process. That lead to an onslaught of everything I‘ve done wrong in the past year.

JC’s eyes widened in horror. “I’m so sorry you had to listen to that, honey.”

She cleared her throat. “A girl can only take so much. Finally I told him to cut the bullshit and tell everyone why we were here. A few people gasped; as far as they knew I was mild mannered and well behaved. That comment pissed him off. We started arguing and then he said it. I was fired and was not to come back because I’m a talentless ugly slut who deserved what was happening.”

“That’s not true.”  He stroked her wet hair on her back. She froze at his touch.

“I knew it was a possibility all along. Yet I didn’t believe it. Like I said, he made countless empty threats before. I didn’t think he’d actually do it. Now that he has…” She sniffled as tears filled her eyes. “It hurts. That all I can say. It hurts.”

She’s crying. She’s crying and it’s my fault. JC extended his hand once more. This time she folded her fingers with his similar to the day before.

Her watery stare met his. “You aren’t going to hurt me, right?”

“Of course not, darling. I’m not going anywhere."

Jenna pressed her lips together and closed her eyes for a few seconds. He continued to stroke her hands with his thumbs. “I don’t want to be weak.”

“You’re not, Jenna. You just went through a painful and humiliating experience. “It’s okay. Your tears are safe with me.”

She attempted to stifle a few more sobs before realizing it was futile. She reached for him and he took her in his arms. He kissed her forehead. Damn him for putting her in that position.  Damn him for shattering her self-esteem. Damn me for having feelings for her and mentioning it out loud. Damn me for screwing up her life. It’s my fault.

He returned his gaze to Jenna’s shaking body. She clung to him for dear life, to prevent drowning in her own tears. They had started soaking through his shirt but he didn’t mind. She needed him. And he wasn’t about to let her down.

After some time had passed, she lifted her head to face him. “Sorry about that.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Jen. Are you feeling better?”

She nodded. “Thank you. I didn’t realize how much I missed being comforted like this.” She kissed his cheek.

He smiled. “You’re welcome.”

“Could you get me that tissue box over there?” She gestured towards one sitting by her TV stand. I’ll probably be hung over after this one.”

“Why do you say that?” He got up to get the box.

“Haven’t you cried so hard that you didn’t feel anything for hours, even days afterward?”

“I could count them on one hand.”

“Lucky.”

He handed her the tissues. “Here you go, sweetie.”

“Thanks, JC.” She took one and blew her nose. “Isn’t crying so disgusting?”

“Maybe the cleanup. But not the act itself,” he replied.

She noticed his laptop bag leaning against the couch. “What’s that for?”

“Oh, I made a video addressing the rumors. Would you like to see it?”

She nodded as she wiped her eyes. “Sure.”

“Let me get my computer.” He reached for the bag. “I tried to write something but hated everything I came up with. So I decided a video might be more effective.”

“Ah, like one of those PR statements that no one really believes when famous person A and B break up?”

“Exactly. I’m nervous to release this, though. People will see me at the most vulnerable point in my life.”

“That’ll make it more relatable! It gives them a reason to connect and possibly help them with whatever struggle they may have. You can be an inspiration with this message.”

He shook his head again. “You and your unrelenting positivity. Even though you just spent 15 minutes crying, you still look on the bright side. ”

She shrugged. “The universe’s not against you, you know.”

“Yeah. I opened Twitter this morning and couldn’t the sheer amount of kind messages people had written to me.”

“What did they say?”

“Mostly along the lines of ‘thinking of you/praying for you/sending positive vibes. My friend Matt said my family and I need support during this time, not speculation and ridicule.”

Jenna smiled wanly. “Couldn’t agree more.”

They watched the footage in silence for the next few moments. JC found himself glimpsing more at her reaction than his own face on the screen. Jenna’s features remained mostly neutral, even though he noticed a slight nod a few times.

They faced each other after it finished. JC’s face flushed as he asked, “So, what do you think?”

“I like what you said. Simple, diplomatic and to the point.”

“I do, too. It acknowledges what’s going on but not going into elaborate detail. To tell you the truth, I wanted to publicly call out both Eric and Derek because I’m so angry at both of them.”

“Oh trust me, neither one would respond kindly if you did that.”

He rolled his eyes. “I know. Not to mention my life would be blasted in the headlines like the Kardashians seem to be every week.”

“Why did you want to show this to me?”

“You’re on the other side of media. Say you had to write a story about my response to this message. Would you find what I said useful and easy to quote?”

“Yeah. You didn’t beat around the bush but you didn’t fill space with empty words like a lot of sources do. I’d reach out to you and your management for further comment. If you didn’t respond, I’d cite that and use the material you provided.”

“Not sure I’d answer the call, considering how much I hate entertainment media at the moment.”

“Don’t blame you one bit. I hate it, too. Yet when you do anything to break the status quo, everyone singles you out as if you’re in the wrong.”

“Like what happened to you today.”

Jenna bit her lip and nodded. “Exactly.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to upset you more.”

She waved her hand. “It’s okay. I’m upset overall.”

“What’s worse is the culture instills the desire to have everything you do be for the cameras. God I can’t stand people who do that. You’re not hot shit, there are more useful human beings than your airheaded self and we get sick of hearing about it.”

“Sounds like somebody is on their soapbox,” Jenna replied.

“So what if I am? I’m tired of being used for someone else’s personal gain. It hurts and angers me to see this happen to someone I care about. It’s completely unfair that you were put in that position in the first place. An honest boss wouldn’t have done that.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, honesty isn’t the dominant trait in today’s world.”

“Fair enough.” He took a deep breath. “You’re a brave soul for sticking to your guns even though it wasn’t what your employer wanted.”

“JC, I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I screwed someone over while they were in the most vulnerable position of their lives. Listen, I’ll be okay. I’ve survived setbacks before.”

He sighed. “I appreciate that. I really do. But…” How do I explain this?

“But what?  Does my pain not mean anything to you?”
“That’s not it, Jenna. Would I be here if I didn’t care? No. In fact, I care so much that it’s making me physically ill that you’re suffering.”

“That doesn’t change A DAMN THING! It happened, okay? And now I have to deal with the consequences. I’m left with the fallout. I have to find another job to pay the bills while I get back on my feet. My confidence is GONE! I was just berated in front of people I trusted! Do you even KNOW what that feels like? How it FEELS to give all you have in something and get FUCKED over in the end?” She threw up her hands in disgust.

“I do, sweetie. It hurts like a mofo.”

Jenna sighed as her legs jiggled up and down. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be mad at you. I simply need time to process the last… 24 to 48 hours. My life has been turned upside down and I don’t know where to go from here.” She groaned and shook her head. “It’s pointless. I can’t look at you right now without feeling umpteen million different things.”

And it’s my fault. “Anger’s probably the top one.”

“Not quite. But I’d be lying if I denied its existence.”

JC shrugged. “That’s fine. I deserve it. I’ve screwed up everything by pursuing you.”

“No, you don’t!” she scoffed. “It’s not directly your fault, JC. Yet this wouldn’t have happened if we weren’t close like we are now.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

Jenna stood up. “I’ll take you back to your place.”

In other words, yes. He followed her lead. “You sure? I can get a ride.”

“Truly, I don’t mind. You were here for me today when I needed support. It would be rude to not do something in return. You know what? Come here.” She opened her arms.

JC hesitantly started embracing her. However, her intensity was immediate, not allowing any space between them. He settled in, tightening his grip and stroking her back.

“I’m here for you, Jenna. No matter what happens, I’ll support whatever decision you make.” He whispered.

She kissed his cheek. “Thank you. Same applies to you.”

“May I kiss your lips?”

Her eyes brightened as she chuckled. “Of course you may. I’m not planning on breaking up with you over this.”

His cheeks flushed. “Sorry, I…”

She silenced his sentence with a kiss. She’s overcompensating for something. This feels forced whereas last night the kisses came with ease.

The ride home was uneventful. It was mostly spent in awkward silence, aside from JC giving Jenna a few directional, cues to get back to his house. He sensed she was starting to keep her distance again. There she goes with the evasive routine. Who knows if she’ll ever show me her vulnerable side ever again.

Once they got back, JC opened the garage door to give them privacy away from the paparazzi. She parked next to his Mercedes Benz. “Geez, this is the biggest garage I’ve ever seen in my life.” She murmured.

“I could be one of those show offs with eight cars in one place.”

“You don’t seem like the type who flaunts his wealth.”

“Uh, no. Quite the opposite sometimes, actually.” He paused. “Thanks for taking me back.”

“You’re welcome. Thank you again for coming over. You didn’t have to drop everything like you did.”

“I wanted to. You were upset and needed comfort. It was a no brainer. I’m sorry if I seemed pushy.”

“Pushy is inviting yourself over without any regard for the other person’s feelings. You waited for my approval. Other guys didn’t.” She sighed. “So, do you need help walking to the door?”

“No, but I wouldn’t mind you walking up there with me. Hell, you can come in if you want.”

“I’ll pass this time.” She opened her door.

Okay, time to back off. You’re crossing the line. She wants to be alone after this. I didn’t mean anything by that comment, only that she was welcome to stay a little longer.

She helped him out of her car and they walked to the door holding hands. Then he kissed her again because he couldn’t think of anything else to say. She caressed his cheeks as he rubbed her back. This time more body space existed, one of these polite ‘goodbye’ kisses than a full throttle passionate one.

After they broke away, she stroked his chin. “I’ll see you soon, darling.”

“See you soon. Get ahold of me if you need to, okay?”

“Will do.”

Both his parents were waiting in the kitchen once he got home. JC ate a little snack to appease Karen. Then he crashed on the couch. He was emotionally spent and needed to recover. He was woken up several hours later by a coughing fit that lead to mercilessly puking in the bathroom. That would have been a little bit more bearable if Jenna was here. Although I have no clue if she’ll be back after this afternoon.

Derek is such a piece of shit. I hope to God he never laid a hand on her. Then again he severely damaged her ability to trust her instincts and owning her emotions. She looked terrified of me this afternoon. How I would love to curse him out for hurting her like that. He took a deep breath. Don’t do it. She’s humiliated and vulnerable. The last thing she needs is additional public ridicule a hypothetical scuffle with Derek would cause. No, her needs are more important in this situation.

He thought back to their parting kiss. While it was enjoyable, Jenna definitely kept her distance.  I hope this isn’t ending before it started. Whatever you do, don’t push or drive her away. Respect her boundaries like you did today. I hope she’s not building a brick wall too high to climb over. I don’t want to keep running into that façade like before. Well, you have to give her a reason to trust you. While you’ve gained ground, you’ve got a long way to go.

I HAVE to do something for her, though. I can’t stand watching her suffer because of me. She’d never accept money outright. Maybe I could pay for something important. Like rent for her apartment. WHAT? Are you fucking crazy? That’s likely in the thousands of dollars, depending on the cost and how much is left on the contract. You don’t want her to get an unrealistic idea that you’ll do this all the time. Jen doesn’t seem like the type of woman who gets fixated on that stuff, though. It would take the world off her shoulders. She could focus solely on finding work she liked and not having to put a roof over her head. Even so, that’s a pretty serious commitment. We’ve only been dating one day… and I did say I want to take things slow. But things were different when I said that. I’ll have to sleep on that one. I’ve done some extremely irrational things in the name of love but that one might be the craziest.

His phone buzzed, thus snapping him out of his thought process. He picked up the device. It was Jenna.

“Sorry if I seemed distant earlier. I don’t know what to feel.”

She doesn’t need to apologize for every move she makes. “It’s okay. I get it. Truly.”

“Want to share this song with you;” she typed back a moment later, “it perfectly encompasses my thought process right now.”

JC clicked on the link she provided, which took him to Youtube. “Tomorrow” by Avril Lavigne, the title read. Wow, I haven’t heard that name in over ten years. He vaguely remembered hearing her songs on the radio when she first came out.

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Yeah I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

The lyrics consistent with her words earlier that afternoon. She wanted to believe things would be okay but hurt didn’t allow it at this time. She needed a little space and maybe her feelings would be different. This reinforces what I was thinking earlier about boundaries. She’s set a clear one and I shouldn’t cross it until we get more comfortable with one another.

“Thank you for sharing that. I got that vibe from you earlier but this confirmed it. Take all the time you need, sweetie.”

I really hope it’s not too late, just like the song says. An inkling of doubt still lingered in his mind about their relationship status even though Jenna had been adamant about her certainty. Or was she putting on that mask to hide the truth underneath? Wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened. He groaned, massaging his temples. I’ve gotten myself knee deep in something that could have avoided. If I’m already this far in, I need to stick with it. Whether if she decides to continue or break it off. It’s in her hands now. It has to be that way for this romance to have any chance of surviving this ordeal.