Chapter 27

The elaborately dressed waitress poured extra dark roast coffee into his white cup. "Thanks," he said. "I'll need this.
She fluttered her lustrous lashes and scanned him from head to toe in response.
"What are you looking at? Is there a problem?" He asked.
"Noo...." She purred. "Come by my place tonight, sexy. We'll waste the night the away with fine wine and decadent dessert."
JC watched her leave with his jaw dropped. Women seduced him but this was uncharted.  He skimmed his surroundings. Nearly every patron gawked at him with looks ranging from arousal to disgust. What is everyone looking at me for? Can't a guy enjoy his breakfast in peace? He glanced down at his attire: a birthday suit. Shit, I'm naked. How did I not notice? Then someone pulled out their smart phone. Shit, I need to get out of here. He scrambled to his feet, grabbing his possessions along the way. He covered his genitalia with his laptop and bolted from the establishment.

Despite his efforts, the photos went viral within minutes. Relentless harassment ensued. Fame whore! Bastard! Creep! Sleaze ball! Scumbag! Don't you have any decency? You're the reason the world is going to hell!

ENOUGH! I have to find the bastard who caused this in the first place. They are the true scumbag for taking my picture without my consent.

The sequence fast forwarded to the confrontation with the individual. He was in his mid forties with an extremely smug look on his face.

"YOU.RUINED.MY.LIFE!" JC roared.

"So? You were naked and asking for the attention."

"YOU.HAD.NO.RIGHT.TO.DO.THAT!"

"What will you do about it, pretty boy? You couldn't tackle a baby if you tried!"

JC pushed him to the ground. "DONT.THINK.I.DON'T.KNOW.HOW.TO.FIGHT."

The enemies wrestled with one another, grunting, kicking and punching with all their might. JC smuggled the man's phone from his pocket. He snapped the device in half. As a result, the concrete faulted and revealed a black abyss below. The man shoved JC to his death. He screamed as the void consumed him.

He awoke gasping for air with an accelerated heart rate and rapid sweat. Heavy breathing triggered a coughing fit. Please, body, let me go. I'm suffocating, he pleaded through the pain. Imprisoned air struggled to break free as the tracheal walls converged to contain its victim.

This is a terrible way to die. In the dead of night with no one around. Mom and Dad will find my body by morning.

After the chaos died down, he glanced at the time. 3:02. I can't call anyone right now. They deserve every second of contented slumber they can get. I envy them. They aren’t choking on their own breath, expelling their own guts, move about their daily lives while having no fucking idea what it's like to beg for death amidst the agony. I used to take that freedom for granted. At this point, it seems like I’ll never get it back.

He sighed, gazing at the empty space beside him. I wish Jenna was here. I could lose myself in her arms. He closed his eyes, imagining her curves wrapped in his sheets while she stroked his hair and whispered, "You're okay. You're safe. I promise". His arms encircled her, holding onto the only steady entity he had left.

Snap out of it! We're supposed to take it slow. I'll ask her to come over early, granted I'm well enough. She can't see how sick I get in the mornings.

"Damn," he grumbled. "Why do I care about how I look to others? I have cancer!"

A pattern had developed the past few days: he’d cough and vomit early in the morning, resulting from yesterday’s limited consumption. The symptoms drifted off in the afternoon and early evening. It lulled him in a sense of composure. Those were his most positive times. Maybe, just maybe, this disease could be beaten. Unfortunately, hope was crushed by another episode before bed. Finally he’d go to sleep and repeat the cycle all over again.

Jenna had come over every day, but only in the afternoon. She hadn’t seen the worst of what cancer could do. He wanted to protect her from that reality. Yet he knew if they continued into a serious direction, she would have to witness it.  She’s been supportive so far but what if she turns around when the gore appears? Another treatment was due tomorrow; he wanted her to accompany him.

He texted her the next morning, asking if she could stop by earlier than usual. Jenna answered that she would try, but had a few errands to finish first. I need to get up today. I want her to see that I’ve actually done something productive. She wouldn’t judge you if you didn’t. I know, but I need to do this. I need to move around. The distance between his bedroom and the living room would normally take a few minutes. Today, an hour from constant stopping to catch a breath.

“Hello?” Jenna’s voice called around 12:30.

“I’m in the living room, babe. Come on in.” He replied, starting to stand up.

Footsteps strode down the hall; she appeared a moment later. JC pulled her close before she said a word. Jenna shifted her weight before embracing him back. He buried his face in her shoulder as her fingers found the base of his neck. I'm safe here. She won't let anything happen. Her steady breath starkly contrasted his staggered one. Within seconds their chests moved as one. I won't let go first; she’s delightful.
Jenna released after a few minutes. "Hey sweetie."
“Hey. Thanks, I needed that."
"You're welcome. Want to talk about it?"
He shook his head.
"Let's get you settled."
"Not without a kiss," he teased.
"You can kiss me on the couch, too"
"Yeah, but why not now?"
She playfully rolled her eyes as they kissed.
"I'll never tire of kissing you," he whispered after.

"I'll hold you to that, Chasez." She kissed him again. "Truly, let's get you back on the couch before you collapse."

"You'll catch me, won't you?" He asked as he sat back down.

"That shouldn't be a question." She joined him and he placed his head on her shoulder. She wrapped her arm around his shoulders and kissed his forehead.

Silence followed. JC basked in Jenna's presence: her strong shoulder to lean on, the honest touch of her arm and the warmth radiating from her aura dissipated his anger momentarily. I'm so glad you're here, love.

"Babe, are you going to release the footage you showed me the other day?"

JC groaned. Do you have to bring this up? I don't owe them shit. "I haven't even been thought about it, Jenna. In case you haven't noticed, my day doesn't have room for other people's nosey ass opinions."

"Maybe they'll leave you alone if you respond."

"Psh, are you kidding? If one news organization gets the juicy details, everyone else will swoop around like vultures trying to steal a lion's kill."

Jenna chuckled. "That’s a brutal but completely accurate comparison. No one wants to get 'scooped'. If you have the story, everyone's calling you for additional information. If your rival does, you're scrambling to put together a respectable story to compete."

"The calls are getting fucking ridiculous, though. I want to break my phone so they can't call me."

"But then you can't contact me."

"True enough."

"Can't you just get a new phone number?"

JC snorted. "Shit, why didn't I think of that? So simple."

"Blame it on the chemo brain."

He smiled slightly. "This is why you're here, Jenna. You make me smile when I don't feel like it. That's not an easy thing to do."

"You've probably heard this countless times but you have a beautiful smile."

"Not from you."

“Honey, the gaunt cancer patient look doesn't suit you."

JC laughed heartily. His left side cramped from the sound. Jenna joined in and they continued on.

“Good god Jenna, that was perfect,” he replied mid-laugh. “So what do you suggest I wear instead?”

“Anything not involving satin and frosted tips.”

“I said that in an interview once. How did you know?”

“I may or may not have watched a few on YouTube recently.”

“Huh, so you’re buying into the hype too, eh?”

“No. This is real life. We’re two imperfect people who decided life is worth experience with a companion. We laugh, we cry, we comfort each other.  A much needed laugh, I may add.”

“Glad I can bring a smile to your gorgeous face.”

Jenna blushed. “Sorry I blush so much. I’m not used to so many compliments.”

“Expect them daily, ideally multiple times. You deserve to feel valued. Anyone who has told you otherwise is a liar.”

“Derek, we’re looking at you,” she muttered.

“Exactly. But he’s gone now. I’ll heal the wounds he’s inflicted on your heart.” He kissed her forehead.

She smiled. “You’ve already started.
If I’m going to publish this, I rather release it with her here. “The footage is on my laptop, which I left in the studio downstairs. We can hang out more there.”

"You feel well enough? I can get it and bring it up here if you want.”

He shrugged. "Worse comes to worse, I'll sleep down on the couch tonight. Thanks, but I can handle it. Moving from room to room gives me a sense of normalcy. I'm not a prisoner in my own home.”

She sat up. "Then let's go."

"Hey! What's the hurry? We don't have to go right this second, darling. Don't be afraid to simply enjoy being with me. Just because we're dating doesn't mean we can't hang out without expectations."

Jenna settled back in. "Like I did the first night. It was nice to hold you close and forget everything else." She cleared her throat. "I'm afraid to be completely vulnerable. My career is in shambles. Everything else might as well go wrong, too."

JC sighed. "It's not in shambles. You were in the wrong place with the wrong supervisor.

Anything worth having comes with risks. You can't predict the outcome.  Last I checked, we both wanted to take that risk."

"I'm human, okay? I have emotions. Don't act like you weren't you weren't scared to let me in, too."

"Of course I was! But you've dismantled them. I know you're serious about your feelings. Nonetheless, I wish you wouldn't get in your own way."

"I'm sorry, JC. You're so genuine and sweet yet I keep shutting you out. You deserve better."

"I like who I have.  However, it's frustrating when you go from laughing with me over a sarcastic joke to practically jumping from my arms without warning. Did I do something wrong?"

"No, it's not you. Fear is my automatic reaction after the past few years. Logically, I know you won't intentionally hurt me. It's the matter of convincing my heart."

"What does letting fear win accomplish, though? You might miss out on the best experiences of your life. Then you're stuck with miserable regret that it didn't turn out." Or in my case, without my life's purpose.

Jenna shook her head. "Wow, we've only been dating a week and you're speaking my language already."

"And this is a bad thing because?"

"I didn't say it was! It's surprising how quickly we've rubbed off on each other."

"Watch out, we'll be finishing each other's sentences before too long."

"Oh, how sickeningly cute would that be?"

"Where did the wittiness come from? You are full of them today!"

"The snark has been known to show up at times. My dad and my brother have similar senses of humor. You have to appreciate sarcasm and deadpan while dating me."

"Noted, smart one."

"I'm sweet, too, I promise!"

He brushed her hair away from her face. "I know. You'll find I'm not saccharine sweet either. I'm not the guy who tells you he loves you every five seconds. I rather show you by spending time with you and do thoughtful things. Not that I won't say it, but I think actions speak louder."

"Like the old adage: actions speak louder than words."

"Yours have sent me a clear message."

"Wait. You’ve changed your mind.”

"I didn’t know about Derek and your true feelings then. I appreciate you protecting me and us."

"Work should be separated from personal life when possible. Doesn't happen all the time since one can seep into the other. I hate how invasive celebrity culture is. It should be common sense not to spread lies about someone, celebrity or not. Then factor in personal attachments, conflict was inevitable."

"You're private, like me. When you value something you protect it at all costs."

"Right. This moment belongs to us. No one else."

JC raised his eyebrow. "You getting all cliché on me, Jenna?"

"I'm not immune to sap, JC. I say what I feel. If I'm in a sentimental mood, you'll know."

"Have you thought about being a motivational speaker? You're so articulate and relatable."

Jenna frowned. "I doubt I'd be good at it. You're one person. Hundreds or thousands of eyeballs watching me is a different story."

"Well, let's go downstairs. The record needs set straight."

"Okay. Do you need me to help you?"

"Hold my hand and walk beside me."

"I'll be glad to, babe." She stood up; he joined a moment later.

They laced hands and JC kissed hers.

"And you say you're not sweet." Jenna replied with a wry smile.

He shrugged. "I have my moments."

Going from that couch to the studio took a half hour, due to JC tiring out so quickly. Jenna patiently waited each time, never rushed him to go faster than he was able. Once arrived, JC got another media phone call. You got to be fucking kidding me. I have to change this now or I’ll go insane. He asked Jenna if he could use her phone. She agreed. Ten minutes later, the number was changed. “Thanks, sweetie. I’ll deal with telling people my new number later.”

“Aren’t you going to tell me?” She joshed.

“Of course, you’re right here. I mean everyone else except you and my parents.”

“Oooh, I must be in some elite club then.”

“Maybe.” He booted up his laptop.

Jenna surveyed her surroundings again. "Did we ever chill out here before?”
She likes to do that when we’re in here. "You mean when we first knew each other?"
She nodded.
"No. I wasn't living here then. This studio is my sanctuary. I can experiment and make music without fear of being destroyed."
"So I'm one of the special ones, huh?"
He smirked. "You could say that."

“You know what else you shouldn’t have had to feel?”

“What?”

“That you’re second best. Especially since they thought you were a threat to your friend’s career. You’re two different artists with your own skill sets.”

JC rasberried his lips. Here we go again. He and Jenna had discussed this in the latter half of Kate’s development. He deflected her concern then and would do the same now. He couldn’t let on how much that situation hurt him. What are you trying to do, Jenna? Get me to unearth something I buried a long time ago? Not happening. “Tell that to Jenkins and company. They had their favorites; it wasn't me. Maybe if I had tried with a different record label, the opposite would've happened. What’s the point in wondering, though? It’s ancient history.”

“Nostalgia hit me last night, so I watched a few of your interviews. Both in person and on camera I noticed a gradual downturn in your demeanor.”

“No shit, Sherlock. You know how grueling it is dealing with incessant criticism privately. Now imagine having to pretend everything’s wonderful and promote a project you’re convinced won't reach your fans. It’s glorious.”

“Knowing what they were doing beforehand made it unbearable. I desperately wanted to stop the humiliation you were about to experience. Then again, an attempt would have cost my job in the process.” She cleared her throat. “Seeing you now has brought back all the contempt I had for the executives. How can they sleep at night? How can they live with the fact that they extinguished such a beautiful, charismatic and charming fire like yours? It breaks my heart, quite frankly.”
JC sighed. "Mine, too. News flash: I'm not that guy anymore. And if you think he's coming back, leave." Fuck, what am I saying? Now I've scared her away.
"Don't get me wrong, I accept you as you are now. I was just sharing what I thought."
He turned towards her. "Sorry, Jen. I'm really pissed off at the world. That was unnecessary."
She shrugged. "It's fine. You've had a rough few days."
"I didn't mean to take it out on you, though. I'm sorry, babe."
She kissed his cheek. "I understand. This conversation is entering treacherous waters, anyway"

“I have enough to deal with today. Don't need to bring the skeletons out of the closet, too." The computer screen came upon the upload page of YouTube. "Now, what to call this response? I don't want something blatantly obvious. I could simply put "NO, I'M NOT DEAD" in capital letters."

 I know this song called "Mouth Shut" by the Veronicas. The girl talks about how she suppressed what she really felt about a failing relationship. At the end, she says, 'I won't keep my mouth shut anymore'."

"I like it. I kept my mouth shut about a lot of things and here I can sound off. Diplomatically of course."

"You ready to upload?"

He shrugged. "Ready as I'll ever be. I wish I felt as positive as I sound."

"You ever heard the phrase 'fake it till you make it'?"

"Yeah.”

“Keep telling yourself positive mantras and one day you’ll buy into it, too.”

JC clicked the upload button. "You make it sound so easy, Jen. We'll see how the public buys this."