APRIL 2005

“Daddy!” Josh was jolted awake by a panicked scream coming from Dylan’s room. He sat straight up and looked over at Eva, who had been asleep, but, upon Dylan’s scream, had woken up. She groaned irritably and looked at Josh, glowering at him.

“I thought you said she slept through the night!” Eva snapped at him, her eyes closing again.

Josh sighed and swung his feet over the edge of the bed. “She usually does,” he muttered and stood up, a little adgitated with Eva’s attitude.

They’d only been together for three months and even though he’d told her from the beginning that he had a child, she was still skeptical when it came to Dylan. He also felt guilty because he and Becca had both promised they wouldn’t have the opposite sex spend the night because it would only confuse their 4-year-old. Tonight he’d broken that promise and after Dylan had fallen asleep, called Eva and snuck her in, as if he were a teenager sneaking in his girlfriend. He told himself it would be fine. Eva would be gone early the next morning, she promised him, and Dylan would never know and neither would Becca. That was the other reason he felt guilty – he was lying to Becca and it would only add fuel to the fire if she found out. He already knew Becca played by the rules when it came to having whomever she was dating spend the night. Right now, she was with a lighting director she’d met on her last movie and as far as Josh knew, Dylan had only spent a few hours with him and never at Becca’s house. Nonetheless, it had been done and he’d broken the rule. Now all he had to do was see what Dylan was crying about and assure Eva it wouldn’t happen again.

He sleepily walked down the hallway, by the bannisters that overlooked the living room below and in his sleepy state, noticed Dylan had left her toys scattered all over the couch. Yet something else he’d failed at – making his daughter clean up her toys.  Becca had been working with her to get her started on picking up her messes, whether it be her toys or something small like bringing her dinner plate to the sink. Josh was trying his best to carry out the rule with Dylan at his house and was slowly realizing he was a softie when it came to his daughter.

Josh walked into Dylan’s room and saw his daughter sitting straight up in bed, big alligator-like tears running down her cheeks. She reached for her father and Josh quickly walked over to her bed and picked her up, settling her into his lap.

“What is it, baby?” he pulled Dylan close to him and kissed the top of her head, slowly rocking her back and forth.

“I had a bad dream!” she sobbed, hiccupping. “A monster was chasing me! And it was a bad monster. It wasn’t good like Sully!” Josh was thankful he was well-versed in Disney movies. Otherwise, he’d have no idea who the hell “Sully” was if Dylan hadn’t made him watch Monsters, Inc. over and over the other day.

“It’s okay, baby. Daddy’s here now,” he whispered, smoothing out her long, brown hair. “It was just a dream, right? It wasn’t real.” He kissed her again and went to put her back down, but Dylan clung to him, not wanting to let go.

“Can I sleep with you, Daddy?” she whimpered, still hiccupping. She looked up at him with her big, blue eyes and Josh knew he couldn’t turn her down. But there was a slight problem – Eva was still in his bed. And he already knew if he brought Dylan back with him, she wouldn’t be exactly thrilled. Dylan sniffed, “Mama always lets me sleep with her when I have a bad dream.” Obviously, Josh had no choice. What kind of father would he be if he told his daughter to sleep in her own bed after a terrifying nightmare, which obviously this was.

“Come on,” he forced a smile, picking her up and walking back to his bedroom on the other end of the house.

“Who’s that, Daddy?” Dylan asked, almost as soon as he came into the room.

Eva sat straight up. “What the hell, JC?!” she fired at him. “You aren’t serious?!”

“She had a bad dream,” Josh answered, ignoring his girlfriend.

“Is that Eva, Daddy?” Dylan looked from Josh to Eva and smiled at the woman in her father’s bed. “Hi, Eva! I had a bad dream and Daddy said I could sleep with him.”

“Wonderful,” Eva griped aloud. Then, “Honey, I’m going to sleep in the guest room.”

“Eva-“ Josh started, but Eva raised her hand and slipped on her tiny nightgown without Dylan noticing that she wasn’t wearing anything but panties.

“No. It’s fine,” she said through gritted teeth and went towards the door. She looked back at Josh before she left, “I’ll let myself out tomorrow morning, dear. Don’t worry.” She was gone before Josh could protest anything else.

Ignoring what had just happened and knowing it would be a huge argument later the next day between him and Eva, Josh put Dylan in bed and kissed her goodnight, then crawled in on his side of the bed and was suddenly wide awake. Dylan was going to tell Becca, there was no question. Or maybe not. Maybe he’d just tell Becca it was part of Dylan’s bad dream, seeing his girlfriend in his bed. Or that Dylan was four and who was she-Becca-going to believe? Him or their four-year-old? Josh knew it was wrong and he’d already lied. Keeping his mouth shut until he was confronted about it seemed to be the best solution. And there was no telling what in the world Eva was going to say to him the next day. Their relationship was rocky in the first place and was basically just amazing sex, nothing more. They had little in common and Eva’s role on Desperate Housewives certainly took precedence over her relationship with Josh. He’d only been with one other woman who could take his breath away during lovemaking and that had been Becca. And even though Eva had that ability, there were times, many in fact, that he’d thought about Becca while Eva was pleasing him.

Eva was gone before Josh woke up the next morning. He ignored the sinking pit in his stomach that gnawed at him as he made Dylan breakfast. She hadn’t said anything to him about Eva yet and so he started to breathe easier as they shared a bowl of Fruit Loops and Nutella toast. It was Saturday, after all.

“Hey, Dylan, after breakfast, you need to pick up your toys, okay?” Josh told her, sipping his coffee. Dylan only nodded and slurped up her cereal.

“Daddy, can we watch a movie after breakfast?” Dylan asked him, taking a bite of toast. Her mouth was covered in chocolate and Josh couldn’t help but laugh at her.

“As long as you clean your face and your toys, we can do whatever you want, baby girl,” he answered her.

“No, before I clean up,” she told him, taking another bite of toast. “Cause what if I want to play while I’m watching a movie?”

“Dylan, I want you to clean up before the movie. If you want to play again, you can, but there’s a lot of toys left out from last night,” Josh was trying to be firm, but Dylan didn’t relent.

“Mama lets me,” she pouted, looking at her father almost defiantly. This was a new weapon Dylan was using as of late. She would compare her parents’ disciplines and rewards with the other. Becca had caught onto it the first time Dylan had told her mother that Josh had let her drink Coke after 9pm. Becca’s response had been that she didn’t care, that when she was at her father’s house he should know better, and that she wasn’t to do it again. Josh had paid dearly for that mistake. Dylan had been wide awake until 2am on a caffeine high.

“Don’t pull that with me, Dylan,” he warned her. “I know better and I definitely know your mom doesn’t let you get away with that.”

Dylan sighed, knowing she was defeated, and finished her breakfast. When she was through, she hopped off her chair and obediently took her dishes to the sink, carefully tossing them in, before running into the living room and beginning the process of cleaning up.

By the time Becca came to pick up Dylan, she and Josh had watched two movies, played a game of Chutes and Ladders, and had a snack of chocolate milk and graham crackers. Dylan had mentioned nothing of Eva being there, nor had she asked where Eva was, and Josh assumed he’d gotten away with it. He vowed to himself he’d never do it again, but he was thankful he didn’t have to explain anything to Becca. Eva had called after Dylan had been picked up and told him she’d be busy the rest of the weekend. In other words, she was pissed off and was going to make him pay for it. Ironically, Josh hadn’t seemed to care. He’d had Dylan for the week anyway and was exhausted and was going to enjoy a night to himself.

He’d just sat down in front of the television to unwind with a beer, when his cell phone rang. He looked down and saw Becca’s name flash across the screen.

“Hey,” he greeted her.

“What the hell, Josh? Dylan told me Eva spent the night last night and was in your bed! Are you kidding me? We had a deal!”

Josh cringed at the tone of her voice. “Becca, I know I-“

“I had to explain to our four-year-old daughter that you were having a slumber party. And then she proceeded to tell me that Eva wasn’t wearing any clothes. I mean, do you think about these things, Josh?”

“It was one time, Becca. One!” he raised his voice slightly and then wished he hadn’t.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. So she sees your girlfriend in bed with you, naked, and it’s OK?” she snapped back at him. “Think about it, Josh. What if it had been me and Caleb? And she came back and told you she had seen me in bed with him and-“

“I said I messed up, Becca! I get it, alright? Geez, stop nagging me about it!” Josh was close to yelling now, but he didn’t care. “I’m sorry I can’t be the perfect parent that you are, but I can’t do that. I screwed up. It won’t happen again.”

Becca was fuming. “Stop that! You know I’m far from perfect, I just-“

“Are you kidding? You have every minute of our child’s life planned out for her. When I pick her up she tells me about art class, about ballet, about gymnastics. It’s no wonder your career is slacking off when all you do is run her all over Los Angeles!”

He regretted it as soon as he said it. He hadn’t meant it at all. Yes, Becca’s career hadn’t been what it was five years ago and yes, it was difficult getting roles now. But in a way, he knew she liked it.

She had enough money in residuals from the reruns of Sarah and she still had appeared in a few movies and done a few pilots that had never been picked up. But it was okay. It was okay because she had Dylan and maybe she did a lot with her daughter but Dylan was the one thing in Becca’s life that was stable. Her relationships with men never lasted, it had been a few months since she’d even spoken to Janelle, and she hadn’t really kept in much contact with Bailey since Bailey had given up Hollywood and moved back to Texas to be with her family. It was hard to make friends in L.A. She sometimes wished she’d never left New York. And on some days, she wished she’d never decided to become an actress and was safe at home in Tennessee.

“I can’t talk to you right now,” Becca was fighting back tears and Josh could hear it on the other end.

“Becca, you know I didn’t mean it, I-“

“Just let me know when you want to see Dylan, okay? I’ll make sure I don’t have her across town or whatever,” Becca hung up on him and leaned against the back of the couch. She looked over and saw Dylan standing in the entrance of the living room, a surprised expression on her face.

“Mama, was that Daddy?” she asked, walking towards her mother. “Were you fighting? Did Daddy make you cry?”

Becca sighed and forced herself to smile. “That was Daddy. We had a small fight. But it’s okay,” she pulled Dylan into her lap. “You should be in bed, you know.”

“I know but I was thirsty,” Dylan cuddled against Becca’s chest, and began to play with her mother’s ringlet’s.

“Hey, Dyl?” Becca looked down at her.

“What?” Dylan yawned and cuddled even closer to her mother.

“Do you like taking ballet and gymnastics and all that stuff?” Becca ventured to ask. “Because if you don’t, you let me know and we’ll stop going.”

“I like it, Mama,” Dylan said and reached up to kiss Becca’s cheek.

Becca only nodded and rocked her daughter, suddenly finding contentment in this moment. It was the most peaceful moment she’d had in a while.

Josh sat back on his couch and put his beer down on the coffee table. He hated it when he and Becca fought and it was more often than not. It was true, Becca did fill up Dylan’s schedule, but Becca was a great mother. Many times his own mother had reminded him of that fact. He was tired of this arrangement but yet he knew it was how it had to be. Nothing was going to erase their past and they had Dylan for the rest of their lives. He could be grateful for that. But he wondered if Becca ever regretted not waking up next to him and having Dylan run into their bedroom in the morning and cuddling between them. Or if she regretted them taking family vacations together. On the outside, it looked like most Hollywood arrangements when the parents split up. He’d even compared it to that in an interview he’d done a few years back. He said they made it work for Dylan and that was true. But what about for them? Didn’t adults ever get a say in that?

His phone rang and he looked down to see it was Eva.

“Hey, baby, I’m sorry about this morning. How about we try it again?” her voice was low and seductive and Josh was immediately aroused.

“I’ll be here,” he answered. “Hurry up.”

Eva was there in fifteen minutes and they barely made it upstairs. In fact, they didn’t make it upstairs. He took her on the top of the stairs and she didn’t object. His mind was flurried with images of the phone conversation he’d had with Becca and not on Eva, even though she was doing everything right. He closed his eyes and thought of Becca. Of Becca’s long, auburn hair, the way it caressed its way down his skin. Of her laugh when he had attacked her neck. Of the way she bit her lip when she was beneath him. Soon, he couldn’t remember anything but Becca. It was wrong and he knew it. Maybe it would always be this way, no matter how beautiful the other woman was. His mind wandered to that one time on the couch in her old apartment in Beverly Hills. The time in his shower at his house in Orlando. And the last time. Christmas Eve. She’d said his name so much that he knew she wouldn’t be able to remember who Evan was after that and Josh was proud of that fact. He was so lost in his fantasies that he didn’t even realize what he’d just done.

“What did you say?!” Eva pushed him off of her.

“Huh?” Josh mumbled, opening his eyes and coming back to reality.

“You just called me Becca!” Eva stumbled over him as she stood up.

Josh’s eyes flew open and he stood up, nearly falling over the last step. “Wait, Eva, no I didn’t!” he was lying and he knew it. The crazy thing was, he was so caught up in his fantasy of Becca on top of him, he couldn’t remember anything else.

“We’re done,” Eva began to pull her shirt over her head. “You’re sick. Get back with your kid’s mom if you have to think about her when you’re doing me!” She flew down the stairs and Josh ran after her.

“Eva, wait, please! I didn’t mean, I mean I didn’t think-“ he stammered as she grabbed her purse from the entryway.

“You’re damn right you didn’t think! Just like I didn’t think when I thought it would be a good idea to date you. Have a nice life!” Eva slammed the door, leaving Josh alone in the foyer.

AUGUST 2005

Becca left the audition and knew she’d bombed it. After this long in the business, she was a pro at knowing when she’d be called back and when it was a lost cause from the beginning. This audition, for a movie starring Tobey Maguire about the life of Lou Gehrig for HBO, was a lost cause. The casting director had hardly looked up at her and she heard one of the producers whispering, “…show on Fox a while ago…too old…dating a Backstreet Boy…” to which Becca wanted to retort, “It was a member of Nsync and we’re not together!” but she held her tongue, smiled at them as she left, and headed for the car as quickly as her feet would carry her. She opened the door and sat for a minute, resting her head on the back of the seat. She let out an exasperated sigh, put the key in the ignition, and started the car. This was not her week. To make matter even more dull, Caleb had told her the night before that he wanted to take a break. No, it wasn’t her week. Or, judging from the last few months, her year.

As she was pulling out, her cell rang and she answered it, hoping it was her agent telling her she’d been cast as a guest star on Grey’s Anatomy. That audition had gone well, she’d thought. And she could play the role. A woman who is cheating on her husband while he’s in the ER. It sounded perfect and a lot of fun.

“This is Becca,” she said, in her most professional voice.

“Hey Becca. It’s your old pal, Joey Fatone. How are you?” came Joey’s enthusiastic greeting. Becca nearly did a double take and had to remember to keep her eyes on the road.

“Hey, Joey! Wow, this is a surprise,”

“Yeah, JC gave me your number. I hope that’s okay,”

She was intrigued. “Oh, yeah, that’s fine. What’s up?”

“Well, I’m going to Orlando for a three month run of Rent. How’d you like to star opposite of me and reprise your role as ‘Maureen’? It’s for a professional theatre and the director is calling you later today to offer you the role officially, but I figured I’d give you a heads up. And even see if it’s possible,”

Becca was thrilled. Maybe this was why she wasn’t getting any roles in L.A. She was going to be back on the stage as one of her favorite parts she’d ever played. “Maureen” was feisty and fun and unpredictable. Everything Becca felt she wasn’t. And getting out of Los Angeles was exactly what she needed. Josh was more or less out of her life except for picking up and dropping off Dylan. And even when he did, she usually let Alyssa handle it so she didn’t have to talk to him. Dear, devoted Alyssa. Becca knew she was about to resign and she shuddered to think about it. But realistically, Dylan was ready to begin pre-school in the fall and she really wouldn’t need a nanny as much. Not to mention Alyssa wanted to go back to school and get her Masters in Business. Becca had recently filled out a glowing recommendation for UCLA for her.

“Joey, that’s incredible! Of course I’ll take it!” Becca was trying hard not to squeal.

“Awesome! It’s going to be an all star cast. I’m ‘Mark’, Adam Pascal’s going to be ‘Roger’ for the first month, you’re ‘Maureen’ – well, after you talk to Don – and they’re even getting Mya to play ‘Mimi’. Stellar. I’m telling you!”

“Whoa. That sounds amazing, Joey,” Becca was grinning from ear to ear.

“Anyway, rehearsals start at the end of next week. Think you can get a renter for your house or something?”

“Even better. My nanny is about to resign. I’ll just let her stay in the house til I get back,”

“Great. Hey, I’m excited. Oh, and you know my daughter Briahna is Dylan’s age. I’ll get you in touch with Kelly about preschool and all of that and of course play dates,”

“Joey, this made my day. Literally. Thanks! I’ll let you know when I hear from the director-what’s-his-name,”

“Don Stanley. He should be calling as soon as I get off the phone and let him know you’re in,”

“Perfect! Thanks again, Joey!”

Becca wanted to speed home, she was so excited. Three months in Orlando with a built in friend for Dylan with Briahna Fatone. Not to mention she’d be a little closer in distance to her parents. And it would get her out of L.A. and allow her to clear her head. She needed this for sure.

Josh knocked on her door at 6pm sharp to pick up Dylan for a Daddy/Daughter date. It was a weekly date for them and it was going to give Becca a chance to let him know that she and Dylan would be gone for a while. She only hoped he’d be understanding. Josh knew that things in L.A. weren’t so great right now. He had heard from Alyssa (who, unbeknownst to Becca, filled him in on a few things because Becca wouldn’t talk to him), that Nick Carter had all but ignored her back in June when Becca had briefly run into him at a restaurant in L.A. They hadn’t spoken in a long time, but they’d always caught right back up from where they left off. Except this time, Nick regarded her as if she were a nuisance and simply nodded at her after she said hello. Josh felt bad for her. He knew most of her friends had either moved away or weren’t as close with her anymore. He also knew she’d tried to make an effort to get to know other people but L.A. was a tight-knit city and if you were in, you were in, but if not, it might take forever to get in or in Becca’s case, back in.

“Daddy!” Dylan opened the door and threw her arms around Josh’s legs.

“Hey, you!” Josh picked her up and threw her in the air, her smile widening into a grin. “Where’s your Mommy?”

“I’m right here,” Becca replied casually, walking towards the door. She was wearing jeans and an old Polo and had on no make-up. She was just as gorgeous as always.

“We’re going to a new restaurant near Northridge. I’ll have her home at 8:30,” Josh told Becca.

“Actually, do you have a minute?” Becca asked him. “I wanted to tell you something.”

Josh nodded and walked in, shutting the front door behind him. He followed her into the living room and sat down across from her on the loveseat. “What’s up?” he asked, as Dylan dutifully ran to her room. The little girl knew when her parents were having a serious talk, she should disappear. She was all too familiar with how they usually ended.

“Um,” Becca cleared her throat and looked at him, giving a weak smile. “So, I got cast in Rent again. Actually, I’m playing opposite Joey. But it’s in Orlando. And I’d really like to take Dylan with me. It’s for three months and I know that’s a lot to ask being a part from her, but….”

Josh hadn’t paid attention to anything else. He’d already known what was going to happen. Joey had called him and filled him in that Becca and Dylan were headed to Orlando. The last thing Joey had told him was, “Here’s your chance, JC. Don’t blow it. You could have your entire world back where it should’ve been five years ago.” And Josh had agreed with him, already concocting a little plan of his own. He felt a little evil, but in essence it really wasn’t all that evil. It was clever. And it just might work.

“That’s great, Becca!” Josh leaned over and gave her a quick hug. “Actually, why don’t you just stay in my house there? It would save you having to look for a place and you wouldn’t have to pay rent. The only thing is, I might be in and out a few times because I’ve got a few producing gigs I’m doing over there. So if you’d be okay with that, you can move in as soon as you land.”

Becca looked at Josh with uncertainty. “Really?”

“Seriously. Think about it and let me know,” he stood to his feet and called for Dylan, who skipped out of her room. She was relieved not to hear her parents fighting. They were even smiling at each other.

“Thanks, Josh,” Becca followed them to the door. “I’ll think about it and let you know, okay?” she knelt down to kiss Dylan’s cheek. “Be good for your dad, baby. I’ll see you tonight.”

Dylan waved and grabbed Josh’s hand, walking with him to his car. She turned once more and blew a kiss to her mother, then began talking a mile a minute to Josh about any and everything. Josh listened as intently as he could, but his mind was stuck on the possibility that Becca would be in his house for three months.

Joey’s words echoed again, “…you could have your entire world back where it should’ve been five years ago…”