Becca walked out of Seth’s house, her suitcase already in the car. She carried a box of her stuff in one arm and a small suitcase filled with a few of Dylan’s clothes. The talk with Seth was miserable. It had hurt to tell himwhat she had to tell him, because she did care about her ex-fiance. She’d been with him for two years and they’d shared a lot. But she knew it wasn’t fair to him to keep being in a relationship that wasn’t benefitting either of them in the end. Seth had yelled at her, he’d tried to tell her she was being ridiculous and having second thoughts. It was only when she removed the ring and placed it on the dresser that he knew she was serious. He finally retreated and walked away from her, slamming the door to his office and not saying a final goodbye. As much of a jerk as Becca had felt like when she was talking to him, her heart soared as she loaded the car and began to think about how she and Josh were really going to start over now. For good. For keeps. Nothing was standing in their way anymore.

She pulled out into the street and put her blinker on to get back in I-4. She started to think about Dylan’s face lighting up when she saw her parents arriving to pick her up together. That had never happened before and then when they told Dylan they were together, it would only bring more elation for their daughter. The light turned green and Becca went to turn on the ramp.

The semi truck hit her before she even had a chance to realize what had happened.

Josh had never sped anywhere as fast as he had sped to the hospital. The call had come just fifteen minutes ago but it had felt like an eternity by the time he entered the mass chaos of the ER. He’d called Joey and Kelly and somehow was able to get out in a complete sentence that Becca had been in an accident could they please pick up Dylan from school. He hadn’t waited for their response, simply hung up on Kelly and continued to drive. He cursed at every single driver in his way and upon entering the parking lot of the hospital continued his rant. His heart raced and he tried to piece together the phone call from the medic on the scene. “Accident…hit on impact…car totaled…name of emergency person…Florida Hospital…”

The ER was impossible to navigate, but somehow, he found an attendant, told them the situation, and was brought back into a waiting area. He couldn’t sit but he couldn’t stand either. He pulled his phone out and wanted to call someone, but he didn’t know who. He couldn’t even form a thought that made sense. All he wanted to know was that Becca would be OK. And the fact that she’d put him down as her emergency contact so many years ago and never changed it made more sense than ever before after their conversation. It had only been a few short hours ago that they’d made love and she told him she’d be back in his arms that night. His heart ached. He wanted to see her. He had to see her. She had to be okay.

“Mr. Chasez?” a doctor interrupted his train of thought and Josh looked up suddenly to see one of the ER doctors standing in the doorway of the waiting room. He nodded and walked over to him.

“I’m Josh Chasez,” Josh’s voice shook and he tried to control himself. He couldn’t freak out. He knew all too well that these doctors were doing all that was in their power to make sure Becca made it out of the ER.

“Miss Sebastian is in a coma. We’re moving her to the ICU. Right now she has a fractured rib and we’re not sure if there is brain damage or not. Her left arm is broken in three places and there were shards of glass that had to be extracted from her neck so she’s lost a lot of blood. If I were you, I’d contact her family or anyone else you might think needs to know. We understand her celebrity status and are doing our best to keep this under the radar,” the doctor looked at Josh, a painful expression on his face. “I’m really sorry. We’re doing all we can to make sure Miss Sebastian is comfortable and stable. And we’re doing everything in our power to make sure she stays with us.”

Josh had only caught snippets of what the doctor had said. All he could gather was that Becca could be on the verge of death and that he needed to make sure her family knew. Somehow, he couldn’t cry just yet. He wouldn’t. She was still there, she was alive, and she was a fighter. Becca was always a fighter. He could only nod slowly at the doctor then he turned away and pulled out his cell phone. His hand shook as he made the call to her parents, then to Joey and Kelly, and finally, to Seth. He’d been her fiancé for god’s sake. He needed to know. He sat alone in the waiting room until a nurse told him he could move upstairs to the ICU wing. Becca’s parents had been hysterical and said they would catch the first flight out that was possible. Joey and Kelly weren’t going to say anything to Dylan just yet, they were going to have her spend the night with Briahna and tomorrow Josh would drive over and let her know, in the most sensitive way he could, about her mother. As for Seth, he hadn’t said much, but did say he would stop by the hospital at some point. So Josh waited. Alone.

Two hours later, he woke himself up from a nap and looked around the empty waiting room. He rubbed his eyes and stood to go and find coffee, and hopefully an answer or two more from someone in the ICU. Instead, he found Seth walking toward him, carrying a box, expressionless. Josh waved awkwardly and went to meet him, wondering if Seth would punch him in the face. He didn’t know how much Becca had told him. He was praying she hadn’t mentioned sleeping with him right before breaking off the engagement, otherwise there might be one more casualty in the ICU.

“I didn’t come to talk to you,” Seth muttered, shoving the box in Josh’s arms. “But I found these letters hidden in the bottom of my closet. They’re all for you. I won’t go into all of what I’d like to say to you right now, but I’d appreciate it if you’d at least keep me posted on her condition or what you know.” Seth sounded almost robotic as he spoke to Josh and wouldn’t look him in the eye, something Josh found off-putting.

“Yeah,” Josh cleared his throat. “Yeah, no problem. I was just going to find a doctor to let me know if there’d been any change-“

“Mr. Chasez?” as if on cue, a doctor walked up behind him and Josh and Seth both faced him. “I’m Dr. Haverwood. I’m Rebecca’s doctor. Could I have a word with you?” He looked over at Seth. “In private?”

“Sure. But would it be okay if he-“ Josh motioned at Seth “-came along? He’s um, he’s good friends with Becca. Rebecca.” Josh was trying to sound as professional as he could with this doctor, but he was stumbling over words. And he knew he had to at least inquire about Seth joining. He already felt like somewhat of an ass for stealing his fiancé.

The doctor shook his head. “No, I’m afraid not. You can fill him in. Follow me,”

Josh cautiously handed the box of letters back to Seth and shrugged apologetically before he followed Dr. Haverwood behind the automatic door that led into the ICU unit. It was filled with nurses briskly walking in and out of rooms and about eight rooms all with their blinds drawn. A woman walked out of one room dabbing her eyes with a tissue and shaking her head. An older couple was standing outside of another arguing with the doctor about how many painkillers their friend should be taking. Dr. Haverwood faced Josh and looked grim. Josh braced himself for the worse.

“She’s still in a coma. She’s lost a lot of blood and that’s our main concern right now. There’s been no brain damage but she took quite the hit. We’re going to keep her here overnight and run a few tests tomorrow morning. Have you contacted her family?” the doctor asked, looking down at the tablet in his hands.

“Yes. They’re on their way,” Josh replied. “We have an eight-year-old daughter-“

“I would advise you use careful language with her. There’s no need to get her too upset. And we always caution young children from being here. I think seeing her mother with tubes all over her body might frighten and do more harm,” it was almost as though Dr. Haverwood had read Josh’s mind.

“Okay,” Josh nodded, then took a breath before he asked the next question. “Can I see her?”

Dr. Haverwood smiled gently and nodded. He was an older man and Josh could tell he’d been in this business a long time. Long enough especially to know how to handle delicate situations like this one. He followed him over to one of the rooms located next to the nurse’s station. Dr. Haverwood put his hand on Josh’s arm. “I’m just warning you to prepare yourself. She doesn’t look like you probably know her, okay?”

“Got it,” Josh almost whispered.

Dr. Haverwood led him into the room and Josh’s breath was taken away. Becca was tied up to every possible machine she could be tied up to. Her hair was blood-stained, her left arm in a cast, and bruises lined her entire frame as though they were part of her make-up. Her eyes were a purpleish shade of grey from hitting the dashboard of the car. She didn’t look like Becca at all.

“I’ll give you five minutes,” Dr. Haverwood tapped Josh’s arm and then left. Josh slowly walked over to the bedside and knelt down next to her. He took her hand in his and cringed at how swollen it felt to the touch. He smoothed out the hair on her forehead, his fingers circling around her face gently.

“Hi,” he finally said, wondering if she even heard him. He knew when people were in a coma, it meant they were unconscious for the most part, but he’d also heard countless stories of patients who could hear their loved ones talking to them. “Becca, I’m here, baby. I’m here, okay?” he said gently, stroking her hand in his. “And you’re going to be fine. You’re going to get out of this. Because Dylan and me need you, baby. We need you here with us.” He stopped and looked at her, as though she could respond or even would respond. She lay there, asleep and unconscious to anything around her. He squeezed her hand. “I love you, Bec. I never stopped loving you and when you wake up, we’re going to make this whole thing official. Okay?” he said it so firmly that he expected her to wake up once more. He couldn’t move. He just sat and stared at her. Even with all of the tubes and the bruises and bloodstains, he still thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. He leaned over her and lightly kissed her forehead. “I love you. I’ll be back soon,” he whispered and stepped out of the hospital room.

Dr. Haverwood met him outside. “I’ll keep you posted as much as I can throughout this evening and tonight. I think the hospital has your number?” he asked Josh as they walked back toward waiting room.

“Yes,” Josh answered, still thinking about Becca alone in that room, tubes tied all over her. “Dr. Haverwood, is there any way I could stay with her? I just hate for her to be alone in there if she were to wake up.”

“I’m sorry, Josh. We can’t allow that,” Dr. Haverwood shook his head. “Please know that we will be on call 24 hours around her bedside. And we’ll be in touch with you with any news.”

Josh only nodded, running a hand through his hair, and then squeezing the back of his neck. When he got to the waiting room, Joey was sitting across from Seth and texting something on his phone. He looked up to see Josh and stood to greet his friend. Seth sat there and eyed them both without saying a word.

“How is she? How are you?” Joey asked Josh, patting his shoulder.

“She’s…she’s asleep,” Josh sighed, shaking his head. “She’s lost a lot of blood. They want to run tests and they’ll let us know something tomorrow.”

“I brought you food. It’s here if you want to eat it,” Joey handed him a take-out bag from Pei Wei.

Josh shook his head. “Not right now,” he sat down next to where Joey had been sitting and caught Seth’s eye. “I’ll call you as soon as I hear something,” he told Seth, who just shrugged nonchalantly.

“Fine,” Seth stood and put the box of letters in Josh’s lap. “Happy reading.” With that, he left the room and Joey looked from the path Seth took back to Josh.

“What the hell was that?” he asked, as Josh began sifting through the letters in the box.

“She and Seth broke up today. Because she realized she loved me,” Josh began. “And then she got in the car accident I’m assuming after she told Seth because he wasn’t too thrilled with me when he got here. But he brought this box of letters from Becca to me and she’d hidden them at his house. I don’t know. All I know is that this morning Becca was in my arms and now she’s here and we’re not even certain she’ll make it.”

“Whoa,” Joey breathed. “C, I’m really sorry, man. That’s crazy.”

“We were going to pick Dylan up today. Together,” Josh said as though he were reminding himself. He suddenly broke from his thought and looked at Joey. “How is she? What did you tell her?”

“All we said is that you and Becca had a few things to work out and you would see her tomorrow,” Joey assured him. He checked his watch. “It’s almost eight. I told Kelly I’d be back by nine to help her get the girls situated. Do you want a ride home?”

“No,” Josh replied, shaking his head. “My car’s here. I’m just going to sit tight for a while.”

Joey stood and looked down at his friend. “Eat something, dude. And try to get some sleep. I’ll be back first thing tomorrow morning, okay?”

Josh was about to respond when his phone buzzed. He nodded at Joey, who took that as his cue to leave, and then answered his phone.

“Hello?”

“Josh, it’s Becca’s mom. We’re about to take off from Nashville. Couldn’t get any earlier flights. How is she?!”

“I just talked to the doctor,” Josh sighed, leaning back in his chair. “She’s in ICU and is in a coma. She lost a lot of blood and has a broken arm. They’re running tests. I’m here at the hospital. Do you need me to get you from the airport?”

“No, we’re renting a car. We’ll see you as soon as we can get there,” Mrs. Sebastian said frantically. “Josh, please tell her we love her! Tell her we’re on our way, okay?”

“I promise,” Josh replied. “See you soon.” He hung up the phone and rested his head against the wall behind the chair he was plopped in. He looked down at the box in his hand and was amazed at how many letters there were from Becca to him. Some were in addressed envelopes that had never been mailed. Others were folded on notebook paper and a few on napkins. There had to have been over fifty of them. He took one out at random and began to read it:

Feb 4, 2001

Dear Josh,

I’m sitting on the set right now and wish you were going to be at my house when we finished. The baby has been kicking me a lot today and I want you here so you can feel how awesome it is. I miss you so much. I can’t wait til I see you again. Hey, I think we should talk about names. What do you think of Sierra? Or Camdyn? I just want her to have a fun, unique name. I have to go. We’re about to shoot another scene.

I love you so much.

xoxo

Becca.

Josh chuckled out loud. He remembered when she’d mentioned Sierra and Camdyn to him. He had immediately vetoed them. Picking out another letter, he continued to read. It was like going back in time and watching their relationship through her eyes.

January 26, 2003

Josh,

I saw your video today with Tara. I hope you’re happy with her. She’s really pretty. Also, this is a bunch of bullshit. I don’t hope you’re happy. She looks really trashy. And I miss you. Is that crazy? Probably. But it’s true. I miss you, Josh.

xoxo

Becca.

Josh couldn’t believe it. They were like small diary entries that she’d never let anyone see. She’d simply written them down and thrown them aside, probably never guessing he’d ever see them. He couldn’t believe she’d kept them all after this long. He couldn’t stop. He wanted to read more.

July 10, 2009

Josh,

Why I’m even writing this to you in the first place is beyond me. I guess I just write you all the time now whenever I’m frustrated or wish you were still around to help me figure out life. I’ve been with Seth for two years now. Two. Longer than you or I were ever together. Things are going so great and I don’t want to mess it up. It’s just that something is really off. I don’t know what it is. Or I guess I should say I didn’t know what it was until last night. We were in bed –sorry, I know that’s probably too much info-and all I wanted was you. I miss you so much it hurts but I don’t know why I still do. You cheated on me and you hurt me and you never trusted me when we first started dating. I get so mad thinking about it sometimes. And now we have this amazing kid who will never know what it’s like to have us together. I wish she got to see us before we fucked this up. I take responsibility, too, Josh. I know I messed up. I didn’t want to try with you anymore. I wish I had now. I really wish I had never told you I didn’t need you. Because I do need you. Dylan needs you. I guess this is all stupid, isn’t it? I’m with Seth and I’m happy and I don’t want to confuse Dylan even more than I already have.

Becca.

Josh read that one over and over again. He knew that that morning all she’d told him had been brewing for a while. In fact, it had never stopped from the moment they’d laid eyes on each other.

She had to wake up. She had to. Because if she didn’t, the last ten years would come spiraling down and there would be nothing left to salvage any of it.