“She’s perfect,” Becca kissed her baby daughter’s forehead. “Josh, look at her. Isn’t she beautiful?”

Josh was laying next to Becca in the hospital bed, one arm around her and the other caressing Becca’s hand, which was clutched around their daughter.

“She’s amazing,” he bent down to kiss his baby’s forehead and then Becca’s cheek. “You really like Dylan?”

“Yeah. It’s spunky. And fun. And I think she’ll be both of those things,” Becca smiled at her baby, who stretched out her little hand and yawned. “We made her, Josh. Can you believe it? We did this!” Becca chuckled and shook her head in amazement at just how perfect their little baby girl was.

…..

“Say ‘Mama’,” Becca coaxed Dylan, who was sitting in her high chair and playing with her teething ring. “C’mon, Dylan. Ma-ma. You said Da-da. You can say Mama!” She looked at her eight-month-old intently. The week before, Dylan had said her first word and it had been “Da-da” right at the moment Josh had walked into the room. Becca was determined to get her to say “Mama” as well.

“I don’t think forcing it helps,” Josh mentioned, watching from the kitchen table. They were at his house in Orlando for Christmas and he was enjoying watching Becca’s interactions with Dylan, who was all but ignoring her mother’s attempts at saying a new word.

“Shut up,” Becca ignored Josh and continued to work with her baby. “C’mon, baby girl. Ma-ma.”

“Daaaa-da!” Dylan cooed and smiled at her mother.

Becca and Josh both burst out laughing. “Well, at least you’re talking,” Becca sighed and leaned in to kiss Dylan’s chubby cheek.

……

“She’s walking,” Becca said into the phone. “She took four steps today and then fell.”

“That’s awesome,” Josh sounded disappointed and Becca felt terrible that he hadn’t been there to see her take her first steps.

“I’m sorry. I just wanted you to know,” Becca mumbled.

“It’s okay,” Josh sighed. “It’s just the way it has to be.”

……

“You feel so good, baby,” she whispered, holding onto him. “Mmm.” She let herself go and turned him on with her sighs and groans of complete pleasure. How had she ever been with anyone else but Josh? How could she ever think that anyone else would compare? She moved with him so easily. Like they were always meant to fit this way.

Josh rested his chin on her chest a few minutes later, looking at her and lazily kissing her as they began to breath steadily again. “I can’t believe this is really happening,” he said softly. “I never thought you’d be with me like this ever again.”

Becca played with his hair and smiled at him. “Me either. But it just makes sense. I can’t be with anyone but you, Josh. You’re it….”

Becca heard voices. She’d heard her name. But she couldn’t wake up. It was impossible. Once or twice she’d seen a white light but had ignored it and tried to go back. Back to Josh. Back to Dylan. She wanted to be with her family more than ever. It was dark and cold wherever she was.

Josh watched Becca intently. Her mouth was moving, her eyes looked as though they might open any second. He held her hand and softly said her name over and over again. He’d been at the hospital now for three days straight. The only time he’d left was to go and let Dylan know that Mommy had been in a bad accident and right now she had to stay with doctors. He assured her everything would be okay eventually, but right now she was going to have to stay with Uncle Joey and Aunt Kelly. Dylan had wailed into Josh’s arms when he told her and his heart broke. He still hadn’t cried and didn’t want to let his daughter see him weak. But holding her against him, he felt tears about to overflow and managed to shake them off, wiping his eyes before Dylan knew he was upset. He hadn’t left Becca’s side since then. Her mother and father took turns coming in and out, but the way Becca looked had been so upsetting that it was hard for them to look at her like she was. But Josh refused to leave. He slept in the waiting room, he ate as much as he could eat in the cafeteria, and he watched her, hoping for any sign that she would soon wake up.

A nurse came in to adjust her IV and Josh watched as Becca made no sudden motions or jerks to let him know she felt anything.

“She was just moving her lips around and her eyes looked like they were about to open,” he told the nurse.

“She’s dreaming,” the nurse smiled at him and continued to adjust the IV. “They can do that in a coma. Doesn’t mean she’s about to wake up, but it’s a good sign.” She walked over to the other side to fluff the pillow Becca was resting on. “Do you need anything, Mr. Chasez?”

I need her to wake up. I need her to come back to me, Josh thought to himself.

He shook his head and looked at Becca again. “No. I’m okay,” he told her and forced a small smile. The nurse nodded and left the room again. Josh knelt closer to Becca and continued to stroke her hand. The swelling had gone down and the blood tests revealed that although she’d lost a lot of blood, her brain hadn’t swelled and there was no brain damage. But if or when she woke up, she would be in an extreme amount of pain.

“Hey,” he said to her, as though she were able to speak in return. “Dylan made you a picture at school yesterday. Your mom is bringing it with her to the hospital. And she misses you so much, baby. She talks about you all the time. I want to bring her up here, but I don’t think you’d want her to see you like you are.” He sighed and brought her hand to his lips, kissing it softly. “We were dumb, Becca. I was dumb. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder.” He told her this everyday. “I love you, baby. I don’t want to know what it would be like to live without you.” His throat tightened and he didn’t want to let it out, but seeing her like this after three days, he finally relented. A sob escaped his lips and he rested his head on her arm. “Becca, you have to get out of this. You’re so close! Just wake up! Wake up, Becca!”

“Josh?” Becca’s mother was standing in the doorway. “Josh, why don’t you go home and take a shower and get a real sleep.”

“Because I don’t want her to wake up and for me not to be there,” his voice was hoarse. “I want her to know I was here the whole time and I never left her.”

“She will, Josh,” Mrs. Sebastian touched his arm. “But you’re not sleeping and you need to take a break. Please, dear. It’s for the best.”

“No,” Josh was unyielding. “I can’t.” He looked back at Becca and reached up to move a piece of stray hair from her face, then bent down to gently kiss her cheek. He took his place once more next to her bedside and watched her stagnantly breathing.

“But I miss Daddy,” Dylan sniffed, as Becca tucked her in the evening that Josh had flown back to California. “Why did he have to go?”

“Because his job is in L.A., baby doll,” Becca replied, pulling the covers over Dylan. “And my work is here.”

“Mommy, can we go see Daddy soon?” Dylan’s eyes were filled with big alligator like tears that ran down her cheeks. “Please?”

“Of course,” Becca kissed her cheek. “I promise we’ll see him as soon as we can, okay?” She squeezed Dylan’s hand and then walked out of the room, turning the light off as she left. She stood outside the door and already missed him.

The room she was in was getting warmer. She could hear his voice. And was that her mother? She desperately wanted to open her eyes. And then, in an instant, the room turned ice cold once more. Commotion. Screaming. Crying. Josh crying. Her mother calling her name.

“Becca!” Josh grasped for her, the heart monitor speeding up. “Becca, don’t do this! You are not leaving me!” He was almost yelling at the top of his lungs.

“She’s losing blood flow to the brain,” the nurse told Dr. Haverwood, who had come in to see if he could stabilize her.

“I was afraid this might happen,” he shook his head and then looked over at Josh. “Josh, you need to step out.”

“No, I can’t-“

“Now!” Dr. Haverwood was serious and Josh backed away and out of the room, watching from outside the window with her mother. They gripped one another and Josh said her name over and over again.

“No, no, Becca, don’t!” he said, as though she could hear him from outside the room.

The Today Show. The Four Seasons Bar. Cabo. Dylan. New York. L.A. London.

Josh’s house. Their house. Dylan’s purple room. Josh’s bed. Dylan. Josh. Dylan. Josh. The cold began to cease. The air around her began to warm. She felt peaceful.

“Becca!”

It was him. It was Josh. He was calling for her.

“Becca, baby, don’t give up. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. But you can’t leave me now. I don’t want to lose you!”

“I’m right here, Josh,”

Was she talking back to him? Was she dreaming? The room began to shed some light. Where was he? She still couldn’t see him.

“Becca. Becca, open your eyes for me. Please,”

She smiled. It was Josh! And the room was warm and bright and …..

“Josh?”

Josh laughed and cried as he saw her open her eyes and look at him. He rushed to her bedside and clasped her arm in both of his hands.

“Becca!” he sounded like a blubbering idiot he was sure as tears and spittle came flying across the room. He didn’t care. She was awake. That was all that mattered.

She looked at him, completely confused.  Her head pounded, her ribs felt as though someone had left a knife in them. She glanced down at her left arm and saw a huge cast wrapped around it. “Josh, what…happened? I don’t….know…” she could barely form any words, and Josh silenced her with a kiss.

“Shh,” he smoothed her hair with his hand. “Shh, baby. You got in a car accident three days ago. You were in a coma and were hurt and we almost lost you just now.”

“Dylan?” she questioned, not able to do anything but squeeze his hand that was firmly clasped with hers.

“She’s at Joey’s and Kelly’s,” he answered.

“Becca, honey,” her mother was on the other side of the bed with her father. They both began to talk to her at once but Becca turned back to look at Josh.

“Josh…can I….go…home?” she whispered. “With…you?” Her sentence was staggered and it took a lot for her to catch her breath.

“Yes,” he nodded. “But you have to stay here a little longer. And I’m going to stay with you. I promise. I’m not ever letting you get away from me again!”

Becca smiled and closed her eyes, then opened them wide again as the doctor and nurses began to change out tubes and adjust her bed so that she was able to lie comfortably and talk to her family. Her parents went on a mile a minute, and she would only be halfway listening because all she wanted at that moment was to be with Josh alone. Just letting him hold her hand and kiss her and whisper to her. Finally, her father pulled her mother away to go and get lunch from the cafeteria. Becca squeezed Josh’s hand and could only smile at him for now. The thought of having to talk made her even more exhausted.

“Do you want anything?” he asked her, moving his chair even closer to her bed. She shook her head. “Could you hear me talking to you? I talked to you everyday you were in here.” Becca nodded and smiled. Her eyes began to flutter and Josh let her nod off and on. He sat there watching her and making sure she was comfortable.

“Josh,” she whispered, her eyes closed.

“Yeah, honey?” he stroked her palm with his thumb.

“I love….you,” she sighed and turned her head to go to sleep.

Josh made sure she was sound asleep before he walked out of her room and went to call Dylan to tell her that Mommy was better. His heart was still racing. He’d nearly lost her. She was his life and had been for ten years now. He looked back at her hospital room and smiled with relief and much fatigue. She was going to be okay.

And he could go home and sleep.