August 2000

Becca stared at the pregnancy test in her hand. It couldn’t be. They were careful every single time. She leaned against the sink and tugged at a piece of her hair, biting her lip and looking down at it again. It just wasn’t possible. This was going to change everything. Josh was off tour until October, but the hiatus of Sarah was over and filming was beginning in two days. How they’d work a pregnancy into the show was one thing, but how she and Josh would work a pregnancy into their relationship was a whole other issue. She walked back into her bedroom and fell back onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling, racking her brain as to when it could have happened.

They’d spent the majority of July together on tour. There had been a small break at the end of the month where they’d finally escaped to a private resort in Cabo and most of the time was spent in the bedroom. Was it then? Did they get so carried away that she forgot to take her pill? She couldn’t think clearly. It was all a blur. That vacation had been almost perfect and there’d been plenty of nights when they’d left dinner a little more than tipsy. It could have been any number of incidences. But it didn’t matter anymore. What mattered was telling Josh in person and telling him soon. He’d be coming out over the weekend. It would have to be then.

How to tell him was another thing all together.

**

“…so we need a love interest and Becca we were thinking it might be fun if your boyfriend did a cameo. What do you think?” Hal Crawford, the producer of the series was asking Becca at the first meeting back from hiatus.

Becca had barely been paying attention. She’d woken up in the middle of the night throwing up and knew that morning sickness or perhaps just plain pregnancy sickness had decided to make itself known and since then, she hadn’t felt well at all. She sat up a little and forced a smile, thinking about Josh being her on-screen love interest for an episode or two.

“I can definitely ask him. He’s coming in this weekend,” Becca answered, sipping on a Sprite. “They’re not touring again until October, so I’m pretty sure he might be free.”

Hal nodded, “Well, in case he’s not, we’ve got Nick Carter on back up.”

Becca cringed. No, that would not do. Josh had better say yes or else it wouldn’t be pretty. Since their argument two months ago, Josh hadn’t brought it up again until they’d run into Nick at the MTV Movie Awards. It had been an unpleasant experience, but Josh was cordial to Nick until they had walked away from him. He’d muttered something about Nick looking at Becca’s dress and Becca laughed it off because she knew if she didn’t, it would only cause another argument. But, after one steamy night together in Cabo, Becca had whispered, “I don’t think you really need to worry about anyone else, baby”, to which she figured Josh knew what she was referring to. Yet, she knew if Nick was her love interest, Josh would flip. So now there were two things she had to talk to him about – guest starring on her show and their baby that would be due sometime in April.

“I-I, um, I don’t know if Nick would want to, Hal,” Becca spoke up. “Does it have to be a member of a boy band?”

Hal chuckled, “No, I just thought it would boost ratings is all. You know after Lance Bass starred on 7th Heaven, I just figured it might do us good, too. Besides, aren’t you good friends with Nick?”

Don’t remind me, Becca thought to herself. She managed and smile and looked at Hal, “Well, yes, we are, but I mean, why get him when we could go and get, um…” she trailed off and blurted out the first name she could think of. “Ben Affleck! We should get Ben Affleck!”

Hal laughed so hard that Becca thought he’d start choking. It hadn’t been that funny, had it? “Becca, do you realize how much money that would cost? I can understand you wanting to go big or go home and all that, but we’re still brand new. We certainly can’t afford a big name like Ben Affleck!” He shook his head, sipped his coffee, and then stood from the table. “No, you ask JC and then get back to us. We’ve got Nick and then if Nick isn’t ready, we’ll think of someone else.”

**

“I’ve missed you,” Josh whispered in Becca’s ear. It was late Friday night and his plane had landed a little over two hours ago. They were tangled together in her bed, candles were lit all over her room, and Brian McKnight was crooning “Back at One” softly on the radio. It was perfect. Becca didn’t want to move because she knew if she did, she’d have to tell him about the baby. And right now, life was perfect. Just them in her bed, twisted up in her sheets and each other.

“I missed you, too,” Becca traced her fingers on his cheek and down the side of his neck.

“I don’t like being away from you,” he took her hand and placed kisses on each of her fingers and then curled his hands with hers. “Come back with me.”

Becca chuckled softly against him. “You know I can’t do that,” she sighed and pulled the sheets up over them again. “Why don’t you just quit and move in with me?”

It was Josh’s turn to laugh. “Not exactly doable, babe,” he pulled her against him so that her back was to him. “We’ll just keep doing this until we go crazy, I guess.”

Or until we have to figure out something so we can take care of a baby.

Becca ignored her thoughts. She didn’t want to tell him now. She’d had it all planned out. Tomorrow morning at breakfast she was going to make pancakes and bacon and after they ate she’d let him know. “Well, I know one way we can make you come see me more,” she rolled over and propped her chin in her hand. “Hal wants you to guest star on Sarah later this season as my potential love interest.”

Josh looked at her thoughtfully for a moment, “Really? When is that?”

Becca shrugged. “Later in the season. You’re his first pick,”

“Huh,” Josh nodded slowly. “That might be fun. Anyone else if I can’t do it?”

Shit.

“Well, no, not really. He mentioned Nick but-“

“I’m sure he did,” Josh muttered and Becca wished she’d just kept her mouth shut and lied and said there wasn’t anyone else she knew of. “And did you tell him you wanted me instead?”

“Of course I did! I even told him not to get Nick. I told him if we couldn’t get you we should get Ben Affleck. He thought I was joking but-“

“Did you tell Nick that he was mentioned?” Josh’s voice was suddenly cold and the mood was entirely ruined.

Becca took a breath and slowly let it out. She didn’t feel like dealing with this yet again. “Josh, stop it. I’m so tired of this argument. Why don’t you believe me?!” she sat up. “Why in the world do you think that I have some sick obsession with Nick Carter?! Don’t you know what being friends with someone of the opposite sex is?”

“Yeah, I do. And he’s just a little too all about you when he sees you!” Josh raised his voice and threw the sheets off of him. He stood abruptly and headed into the bathroom. Becca was suddenly furious. She followed him.

“Just because he may be all about me doesn’t mean that I’m all about him. I’ve told you this since we started dating. I’m tired of this argument! It’s like you don’t trust me! I have never, ever done anything for you to not believe me! It’s you that I love and it’s you that I talk to every single day! I can’t even remember the last time I saw Nick!” Becca knew she was yelling now but she didn’t care. It was exhausting to do this all the time. Pregnant or not, she was fed up.

“Well, if you know he’s into you, why do you still want to even hang out with him?!” Josh turned to face her. “Do you like leading him on or something?”

Becca was fuming by now. “Leading him on? Are you kidding me?! What the hell do you think I do when you’re not around?!”

“I don’t know, Becca. What do you do?” Josh folded his arms and leaned against the wall next to the toilet.

Becca suddenly realized she’d been holding back tears and let them fall. She let out a shaky sob and turned away from Josh. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be this weekend. And it certainly wasn’t how she wanted to tell him she was pregnant. She walked back into her bedroom and crawled into her bed, pulling the sheets around her and facing away from him.

“Becca,” she heard him say softly. “I-I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I-“

“Shut up,” she retorted.

“Baby, please. Talk to me,” he walked over to the other side of her bed and climbed in, facing her. “I just don’t want him to-“

“I’m pregnant,” Becca cut him off. “I’m pregnant with your child. Not his or anyone else’s, just in case you think I’m some sort of bed-hopping girlfriend. So unless you have something else to accuse me of, then I’m going to sleep because I’ve had a shitty week, I’ve been throwing up and worried to death about how to tell you. But there you go. I’m pregnant.”

“Becca-“

“Goodnight, Josh,”