SEPTEMBER 2001

The city was a mass of chaos. He had left them at the hotel, but now he was on the other side of Manhattan. Smoke was rising and sirens were going off. He had tried her on his cell phone over and over but the lines were crossed and down now. All he was doing that day was meeting with a few producers about a new solo album. That was it. He’d promised Becca he’d be back in time for her to get to her shoot on time. But now that was impossible. Josh ducked into a coffee shop and did what most people were doing on that day; watched the chaos unfolding on the television. He knew Becca and Dylan were fine, but in this crazy mess that was happening in the city they were both in, he was scared and he didn’t want anything else but to be with them right then and there.

Since he’d flown back from L.A. over the summer, he knew there was still something there between them. He could tell Becca wanted him back in her life. There had been a moment of almost relenting on both ends and sleeping together, but Becca couldn’t go through with it because she knew she’d want more and even after trying to convince her it might work, she told Josh she couldn’t live with a ‘maybe’ anymore. He’d been in New York with her and Dylan for three days and two out of the three days there’d been some tension between them because when he got to her hotel room, she was there with her co-star, Jordan Thomas, who was the new love interest on the show. He knew he couldn’t question her, even after she’d questioned him because now it was just stupid. They weren’t together, Becca could date whom she wanted and Josh could date whom he wanted. Just as long as neither of them had to see it.

He didn’t care about the logistics anymore. Right then and there, he needed to see her and to see Dylan. He walked outside again and began the trek back to the Four Seasons. He didn’t care how long it was going to take him.

Becca held Dylan close to her and watched outside the window at the smoke continuing to rise. She’d tried Josh so many times on his cell but gave up after she heard a TV anchor announce that it would soon be difficult to get through phone lines. She had reached her mother and assured her that she was fine. Hal had called and told her everything was shut down until further notice. Max had called to see if she was okay and if she needed anything. She’d gotten in touch with everyone it seemed but Josh, the one person that she needed to hear from. She knew he wasn’t anywhere near the towers, but it didn’t matter.

“Josh, where are you?” she whispered, her chin resting on the top of Dylan’s little head.

The streets were more than crowded. Everyone was out. It was mass chaos. He had been walking for over an hour and he knew that normally this exact walk from the Village back to the Four Seasons would only be right at an hour, if that. There were so many people. His feet were killing him and he still had at least 15 blocks to go. He didn’t care. He had to get to her because he knew she was probably freaking out. Several times he’d pulled out his phone, knowing it wouldn’t go through, but still not giving up. He’d already seen reports of how many people were thought to have died that day. He couldn’t think about it. Becca and Dylan were the only things on his mind.

Two hours had passed. Becca sat on the edge of her bed while Dylan soundly slept in the pop-up crib next to her. She watched her daughter’s rhythmic breathing and was at least grateful that Dylan could sleep and sensed nothing while the world outside seemed to be falling apart. She’d tried Josh’s phone again but no luck. She had turned the television on and off, sometimes thinking she could bear to watch no more, but still not being able to believe what was going on. Her thoughts began to race. What if the meeting had been changed? What if one of the producer’s had an office in one of the towers and that’s where he’d gone? She stood up and went back to the window, the smoke still rising as though it had just happened, when it had been well over three hours.

Suddenly, she heard the latch on the door unlock and turned on her heel, racing towards it. The door opened and Josh stood on the other side, sweating and out of breath, but it didn’t matter. He grabbed her in his arms and held her close, kissing her and they both began to cry into each other’s shoulders.

“I tried to get here as fast as I could,” he said, breathlessly. “All I wanted was you and Dylan. Where is she?” He let Becca go and walked over to the crib where Dylan was sound asleep. He knelt down next to it, reaching his arm over the side and stroking his baby’s back. “Sweet girl. I wish you were awake.” He looked up at Becca. “Have you heard from anyone?”

Becca sat down on the bed. “I got a hold of my mom and Hal and Max. You?” He stood and sat down next to her, pulling her into his arms and kissing her.

“I talked to my Dad. Everyone’s okay. Got a hold of Justin,” he let out a shaky sigh. “Becca, all I wanted was you. You and Dylan. You were all I could think about walking back here.”

Becca looked up at him and he leaned down to place a kiss on her lips. She kissed him back and soon it didn’t matter whether or not they were together. All she wanted was him right now in the midst of all that was going on around them. If they couldn’t work it out, it didn’t matter. But worrying about him like she had and him worrying about her like he had made a huge difference.

“Don’t say anything,” she whispered, a few minutes later. “Just hold me, okay? I don’t want to think about anything right now.”

Josh silently agreed and let her cry softly into him. This was all he wanted, too.

DECEMBER 2002

Becca came home after a long day of filming. Her nanny, Alyssa, was in the living room of the apartment playing with Dylan, who was now 20 months old and full of energy. She babbled a mile a minute, mostly sentences that Becca couldn’t quite understand. She also didn’t just walk she practically sprinted everywhere so much so that Becca and Alyssa had a hard time keeping up with her. But she was the most adorable little girl in the world and Becca was always getting compliments on her from strangers when they were out and about in New York.

In the last year, Sarah had been canceled. Ratings went down when FOX decided to move the show to Friday night at 8pm. Two of the head writer’s had also quit, and the story line just didn’t stay the same. They were also competing with Gilmore Girls and Alias. Becca was living in New York with Dylan now and filming a movie with Ashton Kutcher and Jennifer Aniston, where she was playing Jennifer’s sister. She’d been there since October and loved the city so much that she’d considered staying there after the movie was done filming. She was getting other offers for movies and television shows and had even been in talks with a few big wigs in London about starring in Rent on the West End. As much as she missed her co-stars on the show, Becca was loving every single minute of life in New York. Not to mention, she was in a relationship with Evan Lee, an assistant producer over at SNL. They’d been dating since Becca’s appearance on the show back in May. He was pretty much a fixture with Becca everywhere around the city and was great with Dylan.

As for Josh, the band was on hiatus, and he had decided to work on his own album, especially after Justin’s had been such a hit. He was permanently in L.A., which had been a huge disappointment when he’d found out Becca would be leaving almost as soon as he was arriving. After 9/11, they’d decided not to pursue anything, but it had brought them closer together as friends if nothing else. There were a few more trysts when he’d come visit, but Becca had stopped that after her stint on SNL when she’d met Evan. Josh didn’t mind Evan and he really couldn’t be too upset that Becca was dating again, especially because he’d gotten serious with Tara Reid. But even after being with Tara, he couldn’t help but think about Becca and wonder if they’d ever really be together again. His friends had told him to forget it because in every picture taken of Becca and Evan, they looked quite comfortable and happy. For now, it was just the way things were.

“Josh called you earlier,” Alyssa told Becca, after she’d greeted a very giddy Dylan. Becca sat on the couch and Dylan crawled in her mother’s lap.

“Did he want anything?” Becca kissed the top of Dylan’s head and smiled at her daughter, who grinned back with a toothy smile.

“He talked to Dylan and then told me to ask you to call him. He said he had some big news,” Alyssa went over to collect her purse by the recliner. “She’s been fed and bathed and should be ready for bed any minute. Do you need me to stay for that?”

Becca shook her head. “No. Evan’s on his way over. We’ll see you tomorrow.” She looked down at Dylan. “Say bye-bye to Lyssa!”

“Bye-bye Lyssa!” Dylan waved and Alyssa walked over to quickly hug her.

“Bye, Dylan!” Alyssa grinned and then looked at Becca. “See you tomorrow morning, Becca.” Alyssa waved and walked out the front door. She was a true answer to prayer for Becca. A recent college graduate of a liberal arts school in Pennsylvania and highly recommended from the nanny agency where Becca had found her. This was her second nannying job and Alyssa had previously been the nanny for a former 76ers basketball player in Philadelphia. She was great with Dylan and got along well with Becca and Josh, when he was in town.

“Okay, girl,” Becca sighed and stood up from the couch, Dylan in her arms. “Wanna call Daddy? I bet he wants to tell you good-night.”

“Yeah! Daddy!” Dylan squealed, as Becca dug her cell phone out of her purse. She dialed the familiar number and waited as it rang. It was nice to have this relationship with Josh now. As much as she knew that they’d wanted to make it work, this was just how it had to be right now. And Evan made her happy. They never argued and he was so good with Dylan that it made it even easier since Josh wasn’t around.

“Hey,” Josh’s voice came through the receiver. “How are you?”

“Good. Tired. Long day of filming-“

“Daddy! Mama, want to talk Daddy!” Dylan tried to pull the phone out of Becca’s hand, causing her to nearly drop it and Dylan at the same time.

“Shit!” Becca muttered and grabbed it out of her daughter’s reach.

“Shit!” Dylan repeated and Becca bit her lip, hearing Josh laughing in the background.

“No, don’t say that!” Becca groaned and put Dylan on the couch. “Sorry, Josh.”

“Are you teaching our daughter to curse?” he was teasing her and Becca smiled.

“Not intentionally,” she sighed and leaned against the wall of the living room. “Anyway, do you want to talk to her now or after you talk to me?”

“Just wanted to tell you that they picked up my song for a new movie. The video’s coming out next month,” Josh told her, his voice filled with excitement.

“That’s so awesome!” Becca responded. “Josh, I’m so proud of you!”

“Thanks. It’s been a pretty great day. So I’ll probably have to do some publicity for MTV in January and will get to see you guys then. Have we decided what we’re doing for Christmas?”

Becca hated this question but knew it was coming. Last year, they’d spent it together at his house in Orlando. That was when they were still talking about possibly getting back together. This year was an entirely different story. She was with Evan, who’d already wanted to know if she and Dylan could come to New Hampshire and spend Christmas with his family. Then there was her mother and father who were expecting her to be in Tennessee with them. And Josh had mentioned a few weeks ago about the possibility of him flying to New York and having Dylan fly back with him to Maryland to be with his family. It was too complicated and Becca had had no idea what to do about it.

“No,” Becca answered quietly. “Evan wanted us to come to New Hampshire and-“

“Excuse me?” Josh interrupted her. “You’re going to spend Christmas with my daughter at your boyfriends?!”

“You didn’t let me finish!” she snapped, turning away from Dylan, who was now fixated on the Disney Channel. “That was one option. Then my parents wanted us to come to Nashville. And you had said meeting your parents in Maryland with Dylan. So no, I haven’t got an answer for you.”

Josh was quiet. He knew this would eventually happen. If they had been on the same coast or even in the same city, it might have been easier. But he’d be damned if he was going to let Dylan spend Christmas with what could be her future stepfather and not him. “What if you spent it in Nashville and then after Christmas met me in Maryland with Dylan?” Anything so that Dylan wouldn’t have to go to New Hampshire.

“Fine. I’ll talk to my parents. Maybe Evan can come with us to Nashville,”

Josh winced. He hadn’t thought of that. But again, he wasn’t really allowed to tell Becca who she could and couldn’t spend Christmas with and now that they were both dating seriously-although he wasn’t really keen on having Tara come out to Maryland just yet-it only made sense that they wouldn’t be spending it together anymore. “Yeah. I guess,” his voice was softer and Becca could sense he really didn’t like that idea as much.

“Or maybe everyone just comes to New York and spends it here,” she said. “Your parents, my parents, Tara, Evan. Is that a better idea?” A part of her was being sarcastic but at some level it made sense. All for Dylan, of course.

Josh ran a hand through his hair and gave a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know. Maybe I just wait until next year to get her for Christmas,” he was trying to be reasonable but it wasn’t making him feel very good about the decision.

“We’ve got two weeks. You still have to get a plane ticket and I just don’t know if everyone is going to want to drop their plans and come to New York at the last minute, Josh,” Becca told him. She looked over at Dylan and knew what she needed to do. “What if I drove to Maryland and dropped off Dylan on my way to Nashville? At least that way you’d get her on Christmas Day this year.”

Josh couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Really?”

“Yes, it’s only fair. But next year it’s my turn, okay?” she told him. “You don’t get to see her as much and neither do your parents so you can have your turn this year at Christmas.”

“Thanks, Bec,” Josh said quietly. “We’ll talk more about it next week. Can I talk to Dylan now?”

Becca went over to Dylan and held the phone up to her daughter’s ear. She began to babble excitedly to Josh and Becca sat back against the couch and heaved a sigh. So this was what she was going to have to look forward to for the next seventeen years. Shuffling her daughter back and forth. It wasn’t fair to anyone involved but especially to Dylan. Eventually she knew that when Dylan was older, there would be longer weeks with Josh and who knew where her job would take her. But right now, they had to be as fair as they could and Becca knew this was the only way.

“It’s okay,” Evan told her later that night, as they split a pizza. “I’ll come to Nashville. I can meet you there.”

“Really?” Becca looked up from her pizza slice. “You’d do that?”

Evan grinned at her. “Of course. I know this can’t be easy on you. It’s fine. You drive to Maryland and I’ll meet you down in Tennessee. It will all work out.”