He made sure to get to the theatre a little early and had a bouquet of lilies, Becca’s favorite, in tow. Dylan had come along as well, though Josh knew he’d be in and out with her not being able to sit still. Nevertheless, he wanted to surprise Becca with the flowers. Perhaps it would make her more susceptible to listen to what he told her later that night. He found the entrance to the back of the theatre and, still able to use his celebrity status, was led back towards Becca’s dressing room.

She hadn’t meant for them to start fooling around in her dressing room, but she was weak when it came to Declan. He could look at her and make her want him right then and there. So when the door opened and she looked up suddenly to see Josh standing there in the doorway, her first instinct was to push Declan to the floor and quickly stand to her feet. Thankfully, no clothes had been removed yet, but her face was turning a nice shade of red.

Josh looked at the scene in front of him, trying to guard Dylan from seeing anything. Dylan hadn’t been paying attention, only ran to her mother happily and clung to her. Becca stood to her feet with Dylan in her arms.

“Hi,” she cleared her throat and forced a smile.

“What the hell, Becca?” Josh responded and looked at her, disgusted.

Declan slowly stood up and ran a hand through his hair. He looked at Becca and then at Josh. “Er, I’ll uh, see you later,” he ran past Josh and out of the room.

“I didn’t know you were coming early,” was all Becca could manage to say.

Josh held up the flowers and shook his head at her, frowning. “Yeah, I thought I’d bring you these,” he tossed them on her dressing table. “So, who was that?”

“His name is Declan. He plays ‘Roger’,” Becca answered, sitting down on the couch with Dylan.

“And?” Josh prodded, still standing in the doorway.

“And? What?” Becca looked at him incredulously.

“How long have you been seeing him?” Josh asked her, making Becca feel like she was on trial.

“We, well, it’s not serious. It’s just-“

“Oh, so you’re just screwing. I get it,”

“Since when do you care what I do?!” Becca snapped.

“Forget it,” Josh muttered. “C’mon, Dylan. Say bye to Mommy. We’re going to get our seats.”

“Why are you being like this?” Becca asked, as Dylan crawled off of her mother’s lap and ran back to Josh.

“Becca,” he sighed and looked at her. The woman he’d loved now for three years. He’d never stopped and it was likely that he ever would. “I was going to tell you that I loved you tonight. I wanted us to try again. It just feels right.” She went to speak, but Josh stopped her. “But I see now that you really have moved on. You don’t care anymore and I guess I should stop caring, too. So I’m done. I’m not going to pursue you anymore. We’ll just be Dylan’s parents and nothing more and I guess I’ll learn to accept that.” He went to leave but before he did, walked over to Becca, cupped her face in his hands and kissed her gently. “Break a leg,” he whispered, before taking Dylan and leaving Becca staring after him in complete confusion.

NOVEMBER 2003

Since he’d seen her in London, Josh had suddenly become more assertive about his relationship with Dylan. He had informed Becca once she’d returned back Stateside, that he wanted Dylan to be with him in L.A. more often than not. He’d said that he was done with her-Becca-calling the shots in their daughters’ life. When Becca had tried to protest, Josh had shut her down. He was finished with all of it. He was tired of the pursuit, only to get shot down. And so, he was now going to step up and be the father he wanted to be. He was going to see Dylan as much as he wanted to instead of waiting on the every-other-weekend agreement they’d made when she’d been born. His album was due for release soon as well and he knew that once that happened, his time with Dylan would be few and far between.

As for Becca, she’d been somewhat taken aback by Josh’s assertiveness. She didn’t know if she liked it. She’d been used to being in control when it came to Dylan. She made decisions for when Dylan would go see Josh because it seemed reasonable to her, especially because Josh’s schedule had been so crazy since Dylan’s birth. But now, he wasn’t relenting in any way and he wasn’t going to sit back and let Becca get more time with Dylan than he did. It only made her wonder if she should give up her life in New York and move back to L.A. The thought made her shiver. She loved living in New York, but was it fair to make her daughter and her nanny travel continuously back and forth whenever Josh wanted to see Dylan? She knew that answer.

She also knew how strained her relationship was with Josh now. They hadn’t spoken about their last argument in London, which had ultimately made Declan run the other way. It didn’t take him long to find a new fling. Right before Becca had finished her run, he’d already taken up with an understudy. It was cause enough for Becca to be furious with Josh for confronting her like he had and also furious with herself for thinking that Declan was anything more than a fling. But it was fine because she knew once Josh was gone, she wouldn’t have to see him.

Living in L.A. would be a completely different story.

Josh had come over to Becca’s bungalow the day after she and Dylan had arrived. He was taking Dylan for a few days and also wanted to show Becca lyrics to one of his songs on the upcoming album. A song he’d written a while ago when he and Becca had been broken up right after Dylan’s birth and had never expected to release it. But when producers had heard it, they were adamant it be on the album. It shouldn’t matter to her. He wasn’t pursuing her anymore and she wasn’t speaking to him about anything but Dylan. But it was only fair to let her know that this song was for her and had been for her and every time he sang it, he thought of her. Originally, he’d even titled it “The Story of Becca and Josh” but on the album it would be re-named “Dear Goodbye.”

Becca opened the door and smiled when she saw him on the other side. She could at least smile and be cordial. That was easy. She was an actress, after all.

“Hi,” she greeted him. “Sorry, it’s kind of a mess. We’re still unpacking and-“

Josh shook his head. “I understand. Where’s Dylan?” He walked in behind her and followed her into the living room where Dylan was on the floor playing with her toys and dolls.

“Hey, baby girl,” Josh knelt down next to his daughter, who immediately threw her toys aside and squealed, “Daddy!” She threw her arms around his neck and giggled as he picked her up. Josh squeezed her tight, grateful that now she wouldn’t be a flight across the country away. She was right here, just a forty-minute drive across the city.

“I’ll go get her things,” Becca went to walk out of the living room, but Josh stopped her.

“Hey, I wanted to tell you about something. Do you have a minute?” he asked her.

Becca slowly nodded. “Sure,” she said. “Come in the kitchen. Do you want anything to drink?”

Josh shook his head. “I’m good,” he followed Becca into the kitchen and sat down at the small table against the bay window. Dylan, growing restless in her father’s lap, scurried off and ran back into the living room.

Becca leaned against the island in the kitchen and faced her ex. She watched him as he looked at the floor and then up at her again. She knew whatever it was he had to tell her was somewhat serious but didn’t want to jump to any conclusions. Sometimes, she read him right, other times she had completely failed in that area.

“Is everything okay?” she asked, searching his eyes.

“I just want to be honest with you. I wrote a song about us when Dylan was born. It’s going to be on the album and I wanted you to know so you didn’t get upset if you heard it,” Josh responded and waited for Becca’s reaction. When she only shrugged and didn’t say anything, he continued, “It’s called ‘Dear Goodbye.’ But I originally had it titled ‘The Story of Becca and Josh.’ Anyway, I just wanted you to know. That’s all.”

Becca’s lips formed a small smile. “I think that’s awesome, Josh. Can I read the ly-“she started and Josh stopped her.

“I figured you’d ask that. Here,” he pulled a folded up piece of paper from the back of his jeans pocket. Becca walked over and took it from him and opened the paper, slowly reading the lyrics to the song. The lyrics were heartfelt and she knew he had to have written them right after they’d broken up. She looked up at him, a single tear falling down her cheek.

“It’s beautiful,” she almost whispered. And sad, she thought to herself. And tragic. And true. So true.

“So you’re okay with it? I mean, I’ll pull it if you want me to. I just think-“ Josh stood from the chair he was sitting in and Becca shook her head, wiping away her tear.

“No. No, don’t pull it. It’s fine. I think it’s going to be great,” she smiled again and sniffed, wiping her tears on her sleeve. She let out a quick sigh and looked at the clock on the microwave. “You better get Dylan. She’s been so excited to see you.”

Josh approached her, and touched her arm with his hand. “Thanks, Becca. I’m glad you liked it.”

Becca nodded and felt another tear about to make its way down her cheek. She wouldn’t cry in front of him anymore. “Yep. It’s great,” she nodded quickly and moved away from him. “Dylan! Come on, baby. Daddy’s ready to go!”

Josh eyed Becca. “Becca, are you okay? I mean, really?”

Becca tried to be as reassuring as she could. “I’m fine! Really! I like the song and I’m glad it’s going to be on your album,” she wouldn’t look at him and continued to call for Dylan.

“Becca, I’m sorry if it brought up stuff. That’s not what I meant to do,” Josh said softly.

I hate how well he knows me, Becca griped inwardly. “Josh, it’s fine!” she repeated. “Really. It’s a bittersweet song. So, what do you have planned for Dylan?”

Knowing she was shutting down, he relented and went along with the change of subject. “There’s a new park near my house. I thought she’d enjoy that. And of course ice cream and maybe a trip to the zoo,” he answered.

“She’s going to have a blast,” Becca answered. “Alyssa will be in town when you bring her back. I have an audition so she should be at the house when you drop her off.” In the quick move, Alyssa had wholeheartedly agreed to continue nannying for Dylan, and Becca and Josh had rented her an apartment not far from Becca’s home.

At that minute, Dylan wandered in, a stuffed bear in her arms. “Hi, Daddy,” she looked up at Josh and raised her arms, immediately being picked up in her father’s arms.

“You’re going to have fun with Daddy, Dylan,” Becca walked over to her and kissed her daughter’s cheek. She looked at Josh again. “Thanks again for letting me know, Josh. I really can’t wait to hear it.”

Josh could only nod and gave her a goodbye, then headed out with Dylan. Becca watched him and let her tears fall. That song, those lyrics, had awakened memories inside of her that she had squelched long ago. It was their song and so tragic, just like their relationship. Her tears turned into sobs and soon she was weeping, her arms wrapped around her waist. She was weeping for the past and for the future she knew could never be.