My name is Addie Parker. In 2000, I was a pop singer with a semi-famous girl group called Three4One. This is my story. I kept the details short and sweet up until the part you’re probably most interested in – touring with ‘Nsync and having my heart broken.

But don’t worry, because it’s 2013 now and a lot has happened since then. Some good, some bad. And in the end, my heart has healed and I’m with the person I was supposed to have been with all along.

All accounts are true and only insignificant details have been left out.

I remember it well, the first time we ever met the guys. I was nineteen, had only one year of college under my belt, and very, very green to anything in the entertainment business. The fact that I’d been selected for this all-girl group still had not completely registered with me. I’m pretty sure I was in shock for the first few months we rehearsed together.

I came from a small town outside of Orlando and even though Orlando was a half hour from my house, we barely ventured outside of Sanford. To my family, Orlando was touristy and expensive and so most of our weekends were spent doing stuff with our church. I was pretty involved and by the time I graduated high school, I hadn’t touched alcohol, sex was illegal until you were married, and boys? Well, I’d had crushes, but nothing ever came out of it.  When I went off to the University of Central Florida, you would’ve thought that according to my parents, I was going across the country and not 45 minutes away. One thing I was allowed as a child was to take dance. In fact, dancing was a major part of my life so much so that I ended up majoring in it in college. And that’s what brought me to the audition for Three4One -a flyer up in the dance department building at UCF advertising an all girl group audition. My friend Darby along with a few of our dance major friends all decided to go check it out. I’d sung in church, but that had been it. I just did it on a whim, not thinking I’d make it past the top 100. At the end of the day, there were ten of us left and they were going to pick three. I was paired with Jen Tate and Brooke Blumfeld. Jen was a singer who did back-up work on a few country albums in Nashville. Brooke was from Boca Raton and apparently was the queen of all theatre, dance, and music at her temple. I guess Johnny Wright liked what he saw, because he kept pairing the three of us together in the final callback. And then, we were the only ones left.

Life seemed to move at the speed of lightening after that. The three of us were moved into a two-story, three-bedroom home in a gated community near Universal Studios. We practiced all hours of the day on our album, we danced from about 8am until 4pm and the rest of that was singing. I enjoyed the dance part and it didn’t take me long to figure out that I was the strongest dancer of the three and would basically be the back-up harmony, because Jen and Brooke had the solos on almost all of the songs. It didn’t matter to me. Like I said, for the most part, I was living in a huge stage of shock. My parents had begged me not to do it. I was 19, what if this flopped? Could I get my dance scholarship back? What would I do if it didn’t work out? Johnny was used to this from other parents, I guess, because he took them out to dinner one night and after that, they seemed to be fine with my decision.

After three months of rehearsals, we were to meet ‘Nsync and go out on tour with them for their last leg of “No Strings Attached.” I had obviously heard of them, but didn’t really listen to any of their music. Supposedly, Jen and Brooke hadn’t either, but the minute they walked into our rehearsal hall, their story changed and they were all over the guys, complimenting them on their songs and their success and it was kind of sickening to watch to be honest. I kind of stood back and eventually walked up to them. Lance was the first one to speak to me.

“Hi, I’m Lance,” he stuck his hand out and I shook it, smiling at him.

“I’m Addie,” I replied. “Nice to meet you.”

He was really friendly and we struck up a conversation only to find out that my grandmother had grown up in his hometown and somehow we figured out that she knew his grandmother or something. I don’t remember. I just remember that the whole time, I felt someone else staring at me. I glanced away for a minute and saw him. JC. His eyes were eyeing me up and down and I remember blushing because no guy had ever really taken notice of me. His lips formed a smile and he broke away from Brooke to come over to me.

“Hi, I’m JC,” he introduced himself.

“Addie,” I shook his hand and he squeezed it before he let go.

“We just found out our grandmothers are from the same town,” Lance told him, as JC moved closer to me.

“Really? Interesting,” I could tell JC was putting Lance off. “I hear you’re the dancer of the group.”

“We all dance,” Brooke cut in, and I nearly rolled my eyes at her. Brooke wanted to be the triple threat and hated it when Jen or I got noticed for something before she did. “Addie’s just had more experience.”

JC looked at her as though she had just told him that rain comes out of the clouds. “Right. So she’s the dancer. Don’t worry, honey, I’m sure you do well at other things.” He was teasing her, but also being a bit patronizing and Brooke shut up.

“Okay,” Johnny spoke up, interrupting the conversations going on. I looked over to see Jen laughing with Joey and Chris. Joey’s arm was already around her shoulder. “Girls, they’re here to see what you’re going to do on tour. Go ahead and get ready to dance to the track. Just lip-synch for now.”

We took our places on the rehearsal dance space. The song began to play and we began to move with fake microphones and do the choreography. Jen was singing lead on this one and Brooke and I were doing backup, but Brooke continued to try and get everyone to stare at her because she was definitely overdoing every single move. I could tell it wasn’t gelling at all with me and Jen, but I continued to do what I was supposed to do anyway. I loved dancing so it wasn’t hard for me to get really into it without having to steal the spotlight off of the other two. When the song ended, the guys cheered for us and we stood up and walked back over to them.

“So, what do you think?” Brooke tossed her long, black hair behind her shoulders.

“I think some of you need to remember that there’s three of you and not try to take anything way from anyone,” JC replied and looked right at Brooke, who turned red. JC then turned to me. “That was awesome. You really know how to move.”

“I thought it was awesome,” Justin said. “I think you guys will be great on tour with us.”

“Hey, Johnny, they should go out with us tonight. You know, just so we can get to know them better,” Chris looked over at Johnny. “Unless they have to keep practicing.”

“No, I think that’s fine. You guys discuss what you’re doing. I’ll go shut off everything in the studio,” Johnny walked away from us and soon everyone was talking about where they wanted to go. A bunch of clubs were named that I’d never even heard of –remember, I was as innocent as they come back then- and restaurants that I knew were difficult to ever get a reservation for.

“Let’s just go to Hard Rock,” Lance said. “We can call ahead and get in their back room and no one would know we were there.”

“We tried that. Remember? Some stupid fan group found out and met us at the entrance,” Justin griped. “Let’s just go to Pucks and we can decide which club to hit up after that.”

“What time should we be ready?” Jen asked.

“We’ll have the limo come get you at eight,” JC answered, still standing next to me. I could feel his eyes on me throughout the whole conversation, but I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself, so I’d just stood there and watched everything unfolding in front of me. And eight o’clock?! That was awfully late for dinner. I thought this, I didn’t say it. I figured anything I said would probably be shot down.

It was a good thing that we’d already had stylists come and redo our whole wardrobe. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have had a thing to wear to dinner that night. I chose a short black skirt and a pink halter top with black clogs. Remember, it was the 90s, so you know I at least had something going on right with my clothing choices. I thought I looked decent but when I walked downstairs and saw Jen in an even shorter skirt and Brooke in a midriff that barely covered anything, I felt overdressed. I ignored it and sat down on the couch anyway, waiting for the limo to show. I was starving at this point and had only eaten a few carrots and a leftover piece of cake in our refrigerator.

“You have been clubbing before, right Addie?” Brooke asked, as she primped in her compact mirror.

“Once,” I told her. “We went out a few weeks before school got out last year.”

“Once?!” she shot back at me. “My god, Addie, you have got to get with it. Also, Jen, did you see how JC was looking at her? I would’ve killed for that attention!”

“You would kill for any attention,” Jen responded, sitting down next to me on the couch. Jen was older than both Brooke and me. She was 24 and had more or less taken on the role of “big sister” to both of us. Brooke hated that because she was 22 and felt she didn’t need to be told what to do or how to act or anything else that Jen would tell her. She looked at me and smiled. “Addie, you don’t have to go tonight if you’re uncomfortable. But I think it would be good if you did because once we get on tour, I have a feeling there will be many nights like this ahead. Might as well get used to it, right?”

“Oh, I want to go,” I told her. Which was sort of true. I had enjoyed talking to Lance and JC. I knew I needed to get to know the other three guys and Jen was right. I needed to get used to going out late and be a real college coed for once, even if I wasn’t enrolled anymore.

“Good,” Jen patted my leg. “Also, girl, if JC keeps staring at you like he has been, you better jump on that. Most girls would give their right arm to get his attention.”

The limo picked us up and it was one of those Hummer limos that stretched on for miles it seemed. Brooke immediately went and sat between Justin and Joey and Jen sat across from her next to Chris. I awkwardly tried to sit next to Lance and pull my skirt down at the same time, but I felt a hand on my arm and looked over to see JC motioning for me to sit with him. Lance didn’t seem phased, so I went over to JC and sat next to him. I wondered if he knew he was sitting with a 19-year-old virgin who’d only been tipsy once in her life. I wondered if he knew that if he’d be trying so hard with me. I was still surprised he wasn’t looking at Jen, who was much closer to his age than me and had loads more experience at this.

JC’s arm slid around my shoulder and he turned to me and smiled. I smiled back, feeling all eyes on me, but when I looked up, everyone was involved in their own conversation. Brooke’s hand was resting on Justin’s leg and Joey had his arm around her. Jen was laughing at something Chris had said and Lance had joined in their conversation as well, so it was just me and JC. He was being awfully forward and he hadn’t really done anything, but made sure I was sitting next to him. It was the same way at dinner, which was an upscale restaurant at the top of a hotel in downtown Orlando. During dinner, JC didn’t talk to anyone else at the table but me. And by the end of the meal, I decided I was enjoying him a lot. He was pursuing me and not being shy about it. A part of me still felt bad that I’d originally tried to talk to Lance and never did finish our conversation from earlier and there was nothing I could really do about that. Anytime I tried to talk to him or anyone else for that matter, JC somehow reminded me that tonight I was his date. He didn’t say that, but it was obvious from how we’d all paired up.

The club was packed and the guys were recognized as soon as they walked in. There was no time for any reciprocation though, because we were whisked away to a back room with plush couches and chairs. There was also our own private bar. The music wasn’t as loud and there was easy access to the dance floor. I stood for a minute, watching as Jen and Chris went to the bar and Joey, Justin, and Brooke headed for the dance floor. Lance joined them, following aimlessly behind Joey.

“Okay, Addie, I want to see you in action,” JC grabbed my arm and soon we were on the dance floor. A song by Missy Elliott was playing and JC began to grind up against me. I just followed my instincts and did the same. His hands grabbed my lower half and pulled me against him and our legs were intertwined as we moved together. He turned me around and put his arm around my waist, pulling me back against him. I rested my hand on his cheek and then swiveled my hips and turned to face him again. He grinned at me and suddenly I felt someone behind me. I turned around to see it was Joey grinding against my backside. I thought JC would tell him to leave, but he didn’t, he just chuckled and soon Joey’s hands were on my waist and JC moved his up towards my chest. The song ended and a new one started.

“You’re hot when you dance,” Joey said to me. “Damn. I was watching you from over there with Brooke and you sure know what’s up!”

I had never experienced anything like that before. I felt dizzy and had to catch my breath before I said anything else. JC noticed this and pulled me against him.

“Hey, you want to get a drink?” he asked me, leading me away from Joey and back to our private room.

“Yeah,” I answered. He took my hand in his and pulled me towards the bar.

“One Heineken and…” he looked at me, waiting for my order. Oh good, the girl who doesn’t drink suddenly has to remember what it is she tasted months ago at a party. Malibu? Yes, that was it.

“Malibu,” I blurted, still out of breath.

“Just a shot?” the bartender asked me.

“Get her a Malibu and Coke,” JC told him. “We’ll be over there.” I followed him over to the couches and he looked at me, a grin on his face. “You don’t drink much, huh?”

“Nope,” I answered. “There’s a lot about me I’m sure you’d be surprised about. Which is why it’s funny to me that you’re so all about me. Have you seen Jen and Brooke?!”

JC laughed and shook his head. “I have. But you caught my eye.” His hand was resting on my leg. “You’re hot, Addie. Has anyone ever told you that?” He moved closer to me, his hand moving towards my inner thigh. I jumped at that but nothing seemed to phase him.

“No,” I looked at him. “Seriously, JC, I’m new at, well, everything. I still think they made a mistake when they put me in this group.”

“No, they didn’t,” he moved a strand of hair from my face and gently began to caress my cheek with his thumb. “You’re different from Jen and Brooke. And I’m glad.”

Our drinks arrived and he broke away from me to drink his beer. I sipped on my rum and coke at first, but realizing that I was extremely parched, soon began to chug on it through the straw.

“Do you want another one?” he asked, standing up with his beer. He didn’t wait for me to respond, only went to the bar and in a few minutes, was back with another one. He handed it to me and even though I wasn’t as thirsty, I still managed to drink it as though it were a bottle of water.

JC put his beer down and rested his hand once again on my thigh. He began to stroke it and I was feeling all kinds of things I’d never felt before. He looked at me, his eyes blazing holes into mine. “Addie,” he moved closer and soon our faces were inches from each other. “Have you ever been kissed?”

I hated this question. No, I hadn’t. I’d gone to a party in middle school where we played Spin the Bottle and had been kissed on the cheek by Luke Kramer, but that didn’t count and I knew it. I shook my head and JC leaned into me, his lips touching mine softly at first. I had no idea kissing would be so natural. I’d heard that before, because I had freaked out about it once to my roommate, but she had told me that when it happens, you just know what to do. It was true. Soon JC’s tongue was dancing around with mine and I was pulling him on top of me, not caring that we were in some club and anyone who walked past the private room could easily see us. His hand roamed up my thigh again and pushed my skirt up to my stomach. He began to rub me on the outside of my panties and I suddenly gasped and pushed him away.

“What?” he asked still kissing me.

“Just, um, I mean, we’re here in public and….” I started to say. “JC, I’m sorry, this is my first time doing anything like this and I guess I’m just a little paranoid.”

“You wanna go to the limo?” he stood up and pulled me with him. “The others won’t be back for hours. We’ll be safe in there.”

I really didn’t want to go, but I did want to go. I was fighting with myself. I’d never even been on a real date or kissed anyone and JC had done more with me on this whatever this was than I’d ever expected to do until I had a serious boyfriend. I could hear my preacher yelling from the pulpit about fornication. Fornication was wrong. Fornication would send you to hell. Don’t fornicate.

Soon we were inside of the limo. He was on top of me, his hands under my skirt again. I felt his fingers pulling down the panties I had on and gasped, closing my eyes. He knew. He knew this was all new for me. I’d never done anything and he knew it. But apparently he didn’t care because nothing was stopping him. When I felt his finger inside of me, I involuntarily bucked against him and let out some sort of moan that I probably couldn’t conjure up again if you asked me.

“Addie,” he spoke just above a whisper. “Are you okay with me doing this?”

I could barely muster a “Yeah,” and JC continued.

“You’ve never had an orgasm have you?” he whispered.

I didn’t answer. This was much too enjoyable. I knew most girls had already done much more at my age and so when he removed his fingers and replaced it with his tongue, I was immediately sent over the edge. Waves of pleasure rushed through me, my hands pulled on his hair and I cried out, my legs shaking and my insides feeling like mush. I was sweating and didn’t know what to do next. I just knew I wanted him. I wanted him now.

“Are you okay?” he kissed his way up to my lips and was on top of me. My skirt had been discarded and I could feel him pressed against me through the fabric of his jeans.

“I-yeah, I think so,” I couldn’t move and I felt myself still twitching down below.

“I want you so bad,” his lips sucked at the skin on my neck. “Do you want me?” He was already removing his jeans and I knew. I knew what we were going to do tonight.

“Yes,” I managed to say. “But I-I mean….”

“It’s okay. I’ll go slow,” his jeans were on the floor of the car now along with my skirt and panties. He rose up and I watched him hovering over me. I still couldn’t believe all of this. That morning, if you had told me I would be having sex that night, I would’ve told you that you were crazy.

“Um, JC?” I looked at him, knowing we were seconds away. “Do you have something? I mean, I’m not on the pill or, or anything.”

“It’s okay,” he assured me. “You’ll be fine.”

Well, okay, if he was sure. I was new at this. I’d just heard from my friends that you were supposed to make sure there were condoms around. But if he was positive, then, I guess…

My thoughts were interrupted when I felt him slowly enter me. I winced in pain. This was not pleasurable at all. In fact, it hurt and it was uncomfortable. JC saw the look on my face and pulled out, only to go back in even slower. “Is that better?” he asked and I had to admit it was, but it still hurt. He began to push inside of me and I watched him as he came in and out. He looked down at me and kissed me and I clung to him, giving in and rocking back with him. He reached down and began to massage me, and I suddenly felt like I had moments before when he had gone down on me. Another orgasm rushed through me, though not as powerful as the first. And it still hurt and I was praying he’d finish soon.

He groaned and I suddenly felt him release inside of me. He didn’t move for a few seconds and then, slowly pulled himself off of me. I laid there in a state of shock and stupor. I had just had sex. I had just had sex with JC from ‘Nsync. It was my first time and I was no longer the chaste girl I played in front of people. I sat up slowly and reached for my skirt. My hands were shaking and I was exhausted.

“Are you okay?” he asked me, while he was pulling on his jeans.

I slowly nodded. “I’ve never done that before,” it was all I could say because I began to realize that he wasn’t my boyfriend and I had just had sex with someone I’d met only 12 hours ago. I felt disgusting all of the sudden.

JC reached over and touched my arm. “It’s okay. You were fine,” he kissed my cheek. “C’mon, let’s go back inside.” I followed him, my legs still wobbly, my head still spinning, and my heart wanting to be with this man more than anything else in the world.