Three Months Later

The sun streamed through the blinds in my bedroom. I rolled away from them, turned over, and rested my hand on the bump that had started to protrude from my abdomen. I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to catch a few more minutes of sleep, knowing that my alarm would soon go off and I would have to get up and meet the girls. Next to me, Lance slept soundly and stirred once or twice in his sleep. He was on a break until March and I was soaking up every single minute I had with him.

In the last three months, everything had changed drastically. Johnny had been understanding about my situation, but he knew that I didn’t want to continue, so he offered me a position that I couldn’t turn down – choreographer for Three4One. I would get to do the one thing that gave me life to my soul and that was dance and choreograph for my friends. They’d held auditions for another member and her name was Kaitlyn, a cute blonde girl from Kentucky, who’d been going to school at Florida State for Vocal Performance. She was my age and a lot of fun, but Jen and Brooke didn’t really hang out with her as much and Brooke told me that the southern accent Kaitlyn possessed was just a little too much for her liking. Regardless, Three4One would leave to go on tour the following day and I was going to be at their last rehearsal before they got on the road. It was a ten-city tour that spanned a month and it was mostly small arenas and a few shopping malls.

I was now living in a one-bedroom apartment near the house that I’d shared with Brooke and Jen. Johnny was helping me pay for it since my parents had barely spoken to me after I’d talked to them three months ago in the hospital. My mother had broken down in tears and my father had said he didn’t know who I was anymore. Johnny had tried to intervene, but my parents told him that I was on my own and would have to make my own choices and decisions. With that, he and Lance had gone with me to look for an apartment that I could afford with my salary as a choreographer and that was in a safe neighborhood, conveniently near a hospital. Lance had asked me to move into his Orlando home and even come back with him to Mississippi, but I’d refused. As much as I needed him, I also needed to experience living on my own because in a few more months, he’d be back on tour again. We were a couple now and saw each other almost everyday and every night. In fact, he spent the night more often than not in my apartment. He went with me to every doctor’s appointment that he could and he told me when the baby came in June that he wanted to be next to me in the delivery room.

I tried not to think about JC anymore. He’d been put on a restraining order and wasn’t allowed to see me. As quiet as I’d tried to keep everything, it blew up in my face and someone on our tour had squealed and soon the entire story was the cover of The Enquirer. Brooke had tried to convince me that no one read, “that shit” as she’d called it, and that nobody would believe it. I made the mistake of going online once and typed in my name just to see what would happen. A forum on some Yahoo group was going on and on about how JC was an abusive boyfriend and that “one of the girls from that new girl group is supposedly pregnant with his baby.” Thankfully, no one really knew who I was because I’d quit before the group got too popular. Not to mention Kaitlyn had dyed her hair to match Jen’s and Brooke’s brown locks and because of that, most people just assumed she had always been in the group. JC also still thought I’d lost the baby in the hospital months ago. I knew it was going to be hard for Lance and everyone else to keep that a secret, especially because Joey was now officially dating Brooke (Justin had stopped talking to her when the tour ended) and Chris was with Jen. But somehow, he’d still not found out and he hadn’t laid eyes on me since the last time he’d raped me in his hotel room.

I’d also been going to see a psychologist once a week since all of that had ensued. Her name was Amelia and she was gentle and calm-spirited, always reminding me that it wasn’t my fault, that I had been with an abuser and that he’d carried all the signs of someone who had controlling tendencies and had taken them out on me. She knew about the baby –it was especially harder now to hide anything- and she knew about Lance and praised me for being in a healthy relationship so soon after the one I’d been in. There were still issues I had to work out with Lance most of them trust issues because obviously that was a big part of my relationship with JC. I had trusted him from the very beginning and he’d stripped me of any of that. She also assured me that my parents could eventually come around, but that in the meantime, I was doing the adult thing and taking care of myself. 

The alarm went off and I groaned, a surge of morning nausea waving over me. One thing was for sure – this baby definitely made me sick. I had thrown up almost everyday for the last two months. I could feel beads of sweat start to form on my forehead and my stomach did a flip-flop and I knew if I didn’t get up, I wouldn’t make it to the toilet. I sat up as fast as I could and walked quickly to the bathroom and was soon clutching the toilet seat. I groaned as I stood up and rinsed out my mouth, looking in on Lance, who was rolling over on his stomach. I quietly shut the bathroom door and began to get ready to take my shower. I pulled my t-shirt over my head and examined my body in the mirror. It looked and felt like the baby had grown over night. My bump was definitely bigger and firmer. I touched it and smiled. I was already in love with this little person who was taking all of my energy.

Lance opened the bathroom door, groggily shuffling in and smiling at me with one eye opened and the other partially closed. I went over and kissed him before he went to the bathroom and then I stepped into the shower.

“Did you throw up?” I heard him ask me, as I started to wash myself.

“Always,” I answered. “Did it wake you up?”

“No. I had to pee,” he replied. I heard the toilet flush and figured he’d gone back to bed, when he suddenly pulled the shower curtain aside and stepped in with me. “And you’ll be gone all day.” He took the washcloth out of my hand and drew me towards him, kissing me as the water rushed down both of our bodies.

I giggled against him and began to plant kisses down his stomach until I was safely on my knees in front of him. He leaned back against the shower wall and his hand rested on the top of my head. I teased him with my tongue and he shuddered at every single touch. I let my fingers trace around his inner thighs and heard him moaning above me.

“Don’t…stop,” were about the only words he could mutter. I didn’t but I deliberately went slower just to semi-torture him, which he loved and hated all at the same time. I flicked my tongue around his tip and soon was enveloping all of him. His hand on the back of my head now, he urged me to go faster just by his grip.

“You owe me,” I said huskily, letting him go and then taking him back in my mouth.

“Trust me, you’ll get exactly what you want,” he panted and groaned all at once and soon, I was standing up and facing him once more.

“You’ll have to wait til tonight,” I leaned in to kiss him. “I have to really get ready now or I’ll be late.”

Lance grinned at me and took the washcloth. “Let me help you,”

“Lance, seriously, I have to-“ I went to grab the washcloth, but he playfully held it above his head.

“At least let me get this for you,” he put the washcloth between my legs and began to massage me. I couldn’t stop him. It felt too good, so I let him continue and soon he was the one on his knees.

I walked into rehearsal right on time, surprising myself since after our little romp in the shower we’d ended up back in bed again. I’d gotten ready in record time, barely had time to stuff down an orange –which my doctor would have frowned upon since I was, “eating for two” as he’d reminded me-and still found a parking spot before rehearsal began.

“Addie!” Brooke waved me over to her when I came inside the rehearsal space. “Oh my god, did you grow overnight?”

I chuckled at her as I walked over to where she and Kaitlyn were sitting. Kaitlyn was on her cell phone and gave me a friendly nod, then went back to her conversation. “I think so,” I answered Brooke. “I was noticing it this morning.”

“Hi, baby baby baby,” Brooke cooed, standing up and touching the bump. “This is Auntie Brooke talking to you. I hope you’re not listening to your mother talk about me because everything is false!”

“Oh be quiet!” I laughed at her and put my things down next to hers. “Are you guys ready to leave tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Brooke sighed and made a face. “I’m sad you’re not going with us. And I’m sad that I have to leave Joey for a month. Are you sure you’re gonna be okay with me and Jen both gone?”

“I’ll be fine,” I assured her. “I’ve got Lance.”

Jen and Brooke had stopped by at least four times a week to check on me. Jen always made sure I was in on their plans, even if I couldn’t join in because I was always tired or didn’t feel like finding maternity clothes for going out. Sometimes it was just something simple like them staying over to watch a movie or cooking dinner for me, Lance, Joey, and Chris. I knew I’d miss that in the next month, but I also knew that Lance would be going back on tour and it would be nice to have him to myself for a little while.

“So, have you and Lance picked out names?” Kaitlyn asked me, as soon as she’d gotten off her phone call. Kaitlyn had no idea that JC was the father of my baby and had always just assumed as most people did that Lance was the father.

“Um, no,” I shook my head. “Maybe when you get back.”

“I so think you’re having a girl,” Brooke interjected. “Which means you should name her after me.” She was teasing and winked at me, but I knew if it was a girl, Brooke would be campaigning for her name to be in there somewhere. And even though I hadn’t said anything, I had always just assumed it was going to be a boy.  Either way, I’d prayed the child wouldn’t look too much like its biological father.

“Leave her alone,” Jen called, coming from the other side of the room. “Hi, Addie.” Jen hugged me, then looked down at my stomach. “You’re going to be bursting at the seams when we get back aren’t you?”

“Looks that way,” I sighed and smiled at her. “Okay, are you guys ready? I think Johnny wants you to go over all of your numbers twice today.” I went across the dance floor to the stereo on the wall and put their demo CD in. Or I guess it was ours since technically my voice was on it. The music was being piped through the stereo system and soon the three girls were on the floor dancing and giving it their all as though they were performing live. They looked great and a small part of me, or maybe bigger than I wanted to admit, wished it were me up there with them. Then again, the thought of having to be “on” all the time exhausted me and thinking about all of the press conferences and everything else they’d have to do made me want to crawl into bed and sleep already.

“Looks great,” Johnny told me, later that afternoon after they’d gone through their show. “Addie, you’re brilliant. I hope you know that. I would love for you to do more choreographing for The Wright Group if you feel up to it.”

“Really?” I smiled at him. “I would love that.”

“We’ll see what happens with another girl band I’m putting together. They’re younger and the hope is that they’d open for Three4One by the fall,” he looked at me and then down at the bump. “How’s the baby doing?”

“Growing,” I answered. “I think it grew twice as big over night.”

“Staying healthy?” he had taken on the role of father for me since my own father had more or less disowned me.

“Yes,” I told him. “Lance makes sure of that.”

I saw him furrow his brow and then he sighed. “Addie, I’m going to be honest with you. JC has been asking about you and he asked me point blank the other day if you had really lost the baby.”

“What did you say?” I began to panic, wondering if he’d told JC the truth and that he would have to see the baby since it was his.

“I told him that it wasn’t his business anymore. That he hadn’t wanted the baby in the first place,” Johnny paused and looked at me, a serious expression across his face. “But he told me he was wrong. He wants to know for sure about the baby. He wants to see you, Addie.”

“He’s got a restraining order,” my voice was caught in my throat. “Johnny, he abused me! I don’t want to see him!”

Jen halted the dance going on with Brooke and Kaitlyn and the music stopped. “What’s wrong?” she asked, looking over at me and Johnny.

“JC wants to see me,” I looked from Jen to Brooke.

“Well, forget that,” Brooke snapped and shook her head. “Johnny, I hope you told him to fuck off!”

“I told him he couldn’t see you,” Johnny looked down at me, trying to be reassuring. “I know there’s a restraining order, Addie. He does, too. But what if you saw him with Lance or Jen or Brooke-“

“No!” I was obstinate. “I don’t want to see him. As far as I ‘m concerned Lance is this baby’s father and the only father it will ever know!”

“But I thought Lance was the father?!” Kaitlyn spoke up and suddenly everyone became aware that she was the only one who didn’t know the truth about what was going on.

“Oh, shut up, Kaitlyn!” Brooke barked, then turned back to me. “Addie, you don’t have to see him. And Johnny, you saw Addie in the hospital! Why would you ever think that seeing JC was a good idea for her?!”

“Because he’s this child’s father. And he seems to have changed,” Johnny was trying to reason with me but I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. JC was only pulling the wool over his eyes just like he’d done with me and everyone else.

“He hasn’t changed,” Jen said, softly. “He’s a manipulator and an abuser and he hasn’t changed in a matter of three months. Sorry, Johnny. I just don’t believe that.”

Johnny sighed and I could tell there was something he wasn’t telling me. I looked at him and waited to see if he’d break.

“Addie,” Johnny closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. “Addie, I told him you were still pregnant. I’m sorry. I just, I’ve known him since he was seventeen. He’s never behaved like he has with you. And for a minute I thought I saw the old JC that I knew years ago.”

“So what now?” I could hardly breathe. I didn’t want JC anywhere near me or our unborn child.

“He asked me to ask you to remove the restraining order just for a day or two. He wants to see you. He wants to apologize,” Johnny tried to search my eyes but I looked away and shook my head.

“No,” I was firm with my answer. “Tell him I said ‘no’ and that he had his chance.” I felt tears brimming and let them fall. “I trusted you, Johnny. You said you’d take care of me and you want JC to be back in my life? How is that taking care of me?!”

“Addie, I’m so sorry,” Johnny shook his head. “I just thought it would be better if-“

“Better if she saw the man who raped her?” Brooke cut him off. “Is that better, Johnny?”

“I’ll tell him you don’t want to see him and that you’re not removing the restraining order,” Johnny promised me. “And Addie, I won’t let him come back in your life. I am promising you that.”

“Well, we’re moving to Mississippi,” that was Lance’s response when I’d gotten home and told him what happened. “I don’t want you here if he’s going to try and get around that restraint. If you go to Mississippi, you’ll be near my family and they’ll take care of you while I’m gone.”

“I don’t want to go to Mississippi, Lance,” I sighed and went into the kitchen to fix myself an orange juice. “It’ll be fine. He can’t get around that restraining order or he’ll get put in jail again. I don’t think he’d risk that so close to your next tour.”

“Don’t put it past him,” Lance walked into the kitchen and leaned against the bar. “Addie, just listen to me. He’ll maneuver his way back here. You know he will. Do you really feel safe if he’s already talked to Johnny and tried to get him to talk to you for him? Who knows what he’ll do.”

“Lance, I want to be here,” I cupped his face with my hands and looked up at him. “I like it here. And right now, nothing’s happened.”

Lance pulled me to him and kissed the top of my head, holding me close. “Ok. But I’m still not convinced this is the right choice for you,”

“It’ll be ok. He’s a creep, but I don’t think he’d do anything else to risk losing his career,” I kissed Lance’s cheek and tried my best to give him my most compelling smile, but he didn’t smile back and I knew he still wasn’t swayed.