It’s probably no surprise that I ended up going home with JC that night. By the time we got back to his place, I’d had three more Malibu and Cokes and was officially drunk. I wasn’t wasted beyond remembering, because I do remember that when we got back to his house, we had sex two more times, once on his bed and the other on his floor. I also remember that the next two times were much better and didn’t hurt nearly as bad as the first. He kept telling me how beautiful I was and how much he wanted me and how good it felt to be inside of me. I could only respond with grunts and gasps and sighs because I’d never been like this with anyone else.

The next morning, I woke up with a pounding headache and felt as though someone had hit me in the head with a 4x4. JC was prepared with four Tylenol and a large glass of water. He’d set it next to my side of the bed and I immediately took it, feeling like I wanted to throw it up once it was down. I lied down again and looked next to me. His side was empty and I heard the shower running. The alarm clock boasted 9:00 and I was relieved that it was Sunday and we didn’t have a rehearsal that day. However, I knew my mother would be calling me promptly at 12:30 to inquire if I’d found a church to go to yet. Truth be told, I had visited once or twice a little church down from the house I was living in, but by the time Sundays rolled around, I was too tired to even think about sitting in a pew for two hours. And after today, the last thing I wanted to hear was how I was going to hell for being drunk and having sex.

That was another thing. My thighs were sore and I felt different. Well, obviously, you have sex for the first time and you feel different, I know that now. But I felt awakened for the first time in my life. All I wanted was to be with JC now. He told me I knew what to do with my hips on our last go. That was a compliment, right? I slowly sat up and sipped on my water once more. Should I get dressed? Would he want to go again? A part of me hoped he would because I needed the practice. Plus, I was enjoying it. A lot. I sighed and lied down again, my head still pounding and I felt nauseated. At that moment, I heard the bathroom door open and JC walk out with a towel wrapped around his waist. I looked over at him and he smiled at me, walking over to my side of the bed.

“How are you?” he asked, sitting down next to me and stroking my face with his fingers.

I smiled at him weakly. “My head is killing me,” I said.

“I figured it would be,” he leaned down and kissed me and I pulled him closer. “Oh, you wanna go again, huh? Three times isn’t enough?”

“Mm-m,” I mumbled between kisses.

Soon his towel was discarded and he had pulled back the sheets and was on top of me again. This time it felt even better. In fact, he didn’t have to do anything but thrust inside of me because he hit all the right spots almost immediately. He pulled my hips toward him and pulled out, then pushed himself back into me.

“Say my name,” he growled. “Tell me who makes you come like you do.”

I couldn’t get his name out. I couldn’t even form the words. I opened my mouth and when I said his name, he pushed even harder into me. I pulled his hair, grabbing at anything I could hold onto. Then, my nails dug into his back and he bit my neck. It was definitely different this time. And I kind of liked it. I was relieved since after our first go, I was wondering if sex would ever be something I enjoyed. I was so glad I was wrong.

He literally collapsed next to me and neither of us said anything. We were both panting for breath and I was sweating everywhere. I looked over at him and he caught my eye and didn’t say anything, only leaned over and started kissing me. Ok, we could do this all morning. I had no objections. In fact, if he never took me back to the house, I’d be fine with it.

“I guess I better get you home,” he sighed, and stood up from the bed. He grabbed his towel, which had landed in a bunch on the floor and wrapped it around his waist again. I still lay there, wanting him to lie next to me.  

“I don’t have to,” I said. “I mean I have nothing to do today.”

JC grinned at me. “Oh yeah? You wanna stay in my bed the rest of the day?”

I looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah. I do,” it was one of the first times I said what I was thinking. Normally, I probably would have said, “If it’s ok with you” or something polite and stupid like that.

“Sorry, baby, I got a lot of work to do today,” he leaned down and kissed my forehead. “We leave in two days for the tour and there’s a bunch of shit I need to finish before we go.”

“Oh,” I couldn’t hide the disappointment in my voice. Especially knowing that he’d be gone in two days and we weren’t joining them for another three weeks.

“Hey,” he sat down on the edge of the bed and grabbed my foot, giving it a little shake. “You wanna come over tonight?”

“Really?” I felt like a little kid being asked if I wanted ice cream for dessert.

“I’ll call you later today,” he squeezed my foot before he got up. “I made coffee. It’s downstairs if you want some.”

I finally got out of bed and put on my clothes from the night before, thankful that I was getting dropped off and nobody but my band mates would see me in the same clothes I had slept in. “The walk of shame” as Darby had called it once when we’d seen two girls walk across campus in their evening gear one morning. I wondered if Jen and Brooke would question me about anything. What was I thinking? Of course they would. They knew I was a virgin –scratch that, I had been a virgin- and I had seen the look on Brooke’s face when the limo pulled up to the house and JC told them I was coming home with him. I don’t know why she was shocked – she’d been literally all over Joey the night before.

The drive back to the house was quiet. JC drove with one hand on the wheel and his other on my upper thigh, giving it a squeeze every so often. I rested my head back against the seat and looked out the window. I had a lot to process. My life had literally changed in a matter of 24 hours. I placed my hand on top of JC’s and he linked his fingers through mine. He hummed along to the radio and occasionally caught my eye and smiled at me.

“Can I ask you something?” I spoke up, as he pulled into the driveway.

“You can ask me anything,” he squeezed my hand and leaned closer to me.

“I’ve never been in any kind of, um, whatever this is before,” I said, as honestly as I could. “And I’m still kind of in shock that you’d even notice me, let alone sleep with me. So, I guess what I’m asking is, is this…” I couldn’t finish what I was going to ask because I had no idea how to form the words without sounding like a stupid teenager.

JC chuckled and stroked my cheek with his thumb. He leaned over and kissed my lips, parting them with his tongue and then pulled away. “I think you’re a lot hotter than you think you are. And I think you know what you’re doing better than you think you do. You were amazing last night. And this morning. Damn, Addie, you knew exactly what to do. I’m attracted to girls who know how to move and aren’t cocky and you’re both. And I definitely want to see you again.”

I have to admit, I was relieved. A part of me knew that this could turn into a one -night stand. Another part of me was hoping that JC would be my first official relationship with a man. I smiled at him and kissed him back, this time tugging on his bottom lip with my teeth. This made him kiss me back even more aggressively, until finally I pulled away.

“I better go inside now,” I told him, reluctantly. I grabbed a pen I saw laying on the floor of his car and then grabbed his arm, carefully writing the house’s phone number on it. “Call me about tonight.”

“I will,” he kissed me again and I got out of the car, my legs a little wobbly and my head still fuzzy. He watched me until I was inside the house. As soon as I closed the door and turned around, Jen and Brooke were standing in the foyer, their faces expectant to hear what had happened.

“It’s 10:30,” Brooke said, and I couldn’t tell if she was being snappy about it or not. “We have coffee on in the kitchen and a seat waiting for you to sit in and tell us what the hell you did last night.”

I couldn’t help but smile. I felt giddy inside, like something had been released in me. It was like wild abandon and I liked it. I didn’t say anything, only walked toward the kitchen, the girls fast on my heels. I took a mug out of the cabinet and poured the coffee into it, then sat down at the kitchen table where both of them had taken a seat.

“Well,” I cleared my throat. “We had sex. And I spent the night. And we had sex again this morning.”

“Wait, how many times?” Brooke nearly demanded. I still couldn’t tell if she was pissed off at me or not.

I was silent and counted in my head. Once in the limo, twice when we’d gotten home, once this morning. “Four,” I bit on my lower lip, as both of the girls’ mouths hung open.

“Whoa! Damn, Addie! I didn’t know you had it in you!” Jen reached across the table and took my hand. “Please tell me you were careful. Are you on the pill?”

“Well, no, I’m not. But we were careful,” I was lying through my teeth. Fornication. Drunkenness. Lying. I was on a roll this weekend.

“And?!” Brooke motioned with her hand to tell me to go on.

“And what?” I sipped on my coffee and leaned back in the chair.

“And are you together? Was this just a one time thing?” she wanted to know.

“He said he wanted to see me again. He has our phone number and wants me to come back tonight,” I couldn’t help but smile sheepishly when I told them the last part.

“Well, we actually invited them all over for dinner tonight,” Jen told me. “So he’ll be here. Justin’s planning on telling him today.”

“Yeah, hopefully we’ll get to try out the hot tub,” Brooke smirked. She looked at me. “So, how was your first time? And also, where was your first time?”

“It wasn’t so great for me. He seemed to enjoy it,” I replied, circling the rim of the mug with my finger. “But it got better and this morning was pretty great.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Brooke rested her chin on her hand, her elbow propped up on the table.

“She doesn’t have to,” Jen retorted. She looked at me. “Addie, tomorrow we should probably get you on birth control. If we’re going to be with them for three months, you’re going to need something.”

I changed the subject. “So, what about you two? What about Chris and Joey and Justin?” I prodded. Hell, if JC and I had gotten it on in the limo, I was sure Jen and Brooke could’ve done it anywhere.

“I made out with Justin a little bit,” Brooke sighed, a bit bored sounding. “Turns out he was trying to get back at Britney. Or that’s what Joey told me.”

“I figured you made out with Joey,” I said to her. After I’d seen her all over him a few times last night, I was honestly surprised she wasn’t at his house.

“I did,” Brooke grinned at me. “The first half of the night, I fooled around with Joey. The second half, I made out with Justin.” She giggled. “This tour is going to be fun. We all have our little buddies.”

“I kissed Chris but it wasn’t anything,” Jen shrugged. “We’ll see tonight, I guess.” She looked at me, getting serious for a minute. “Are you sure you’re okay, Addie? Your first time’s a big deal. Don’t let him tell you differently.”

“He didn’t, “ I answered, a little defensively. “He was really sweet about it. He told me he liked the fact that I wasn’t cocky and that I knew how to dance. He likes dancers.”

“That’s fine, Addie. I just feel like last night was a pretty big night for you. You were pretty drunk when we were going home. And I know you’ve never been drunk before-“

“Honestly, Jen. I’m okay,” I tried to convince her, but deep down, I had a million things I wanted to process by myself.

I took a shower and changed into a tank top and yoga pants. My room was at the end of the hallway, kind of off by itself. I was thankful for that because I needed to be alone. I lied on my bed, looking up at the ceiling and thought about every single detail from the night before and this morning. It all seemed like a dream and I couldn’t believe I’d lost so much in one night. I mean, I wasn’t saving myself for marriage, but I’d thought my first time would be with someone who’d told me he loved me. JC hadn’t done that and even though I was naïve, I wasn’t stupid. I knew I didn’t love him. But still. It had been amazing. I felt like a completely different person. I felt freed from the little girl I had been carrying around with me until I met him. Within minutes, I’d given myself to him without thinking. Without caring. I wanted it just as much as he did. It was fast and I knew that. But I was ready for whatever happened with him. It was exciting and scary all at the same time.

The guys showed up around six, all except for JC, who had called earlier to say he’d be running a little late, but to please tell me that he would be there as soon as he could. It made me feel even more excited. He had made sure I knew he was on his way to see me. We all ended up on the patio and Chris and Joey went inside to mix drinks for everyone. Johnny had made sure our kitchen was stocked full of good liquor, beer, and wine, even though he’d made us promise to be wise about using it. In other words – don’t get drunk the night before a show or an interview. I sat down on the patio couch with Lance, who was drinking a beer. Justin and Brooke had gone on over to the hot tub and were already jumping in.

“How was the rest of your night?” Lance asked, his eyes dancing and I knew he knew what had happened. Obviously. He’d still been in the limo when JC announced I was going back to his house.

“It was, um, nice,” I answered, a smile forming on my lips. “How was yours?”

“Well, I didn’t go home with anyone,” he chuckled and took a swig of his beer. “Anyway. How do you like where they put you up?”

“Nicer than anything I’ve ever lived in, that’s for sure,” I propped my feet up on the table in front of the patio couch. Music began blasting from the speakers and Joey, Chris, and Jen came outside with a tray of alcohol and food. There were mostly shots of something I didn’t recognize and Chris was holding a bottle of Jack Daniels and drinking straight from it.

“Where’s your grill?” Joey asked Jen, who was carrying a plate of hamburgers and hotdogs. She pointed over to the hot tub where Brooke and Justin were already making out. So much for her disappointment about being a rebound from Britney, who, I found out, was still dating Justin and Justin had been pissed that she hadn’t been able to join them on a few tour dates. Apparently, they played this game with each other and whenever one was pissed off at the other, would go find a random person to fool around with. I heard all of this from Brooke a few minutes before the guys arrived.

“Geez, get a room!” Chris hollered at them. Justin lifted his middle finger up at Chris, and continued to kiss Brooke.

“Do you guys always get along so well with your tour partners?” I asked Lance, as I took a shot from the tray Chris handed me. “What is this?” I looked at Chris.

“It’s called a Chris Special. Rum, Vodka, and Schnapps,” he replied. “Shoot it.”

I looked at him as if he were crazy, but did the shot anyway. I winced and shook my head as it burned in my chest. I put the shot glass down on the table and literally dove for a handful of chips to get the taste out of my mouth.

“That was awful!” I told him. “Chris, Brooke has a Bartender’s Bible in one of those cabinets. You should look through it.”

“It’s more fun to see you react like that,” he winked at me and went over to Joey and Jen at the grill.

“To answer your question,” Lance spoke, “Yeah, we get along well with our opening acts, but you guys are a lot of fun. More fun than most.”

“Chris! What the hell are you trying to do? Kill all of us?!” Joey spat out the shot. “What is in that?!”

“Alcohol. Lots of it,” Chris took the shot glass from Joey. “This is fun. You guys should just open your own bar from here.” He headed back inside.

“I think I’m gonna join the hot tub party,” Lance looked over at Justin and Brooke, who had stopped kissing and were quietly talking to one another. “Wanna come?”

“Sure,” I stood up and took off my bathing suit cover-up and followed Lance over to the hot tub. We climbed in and Justin and Brooke broke apart, making room for us. I don’t know how long we were in there, but it was long enough for Lance and Justin to start goofing around and making me and Brooke laugh at them. I looked over to see JC walking towards us, his face somber and unyielding.

“Hi!” I waved at him, hoping he’d smile at me, and he did, but it was a forced smile and I suddenly became anxious. The thought of the one-night stand began to reverberate in my head and I wondered if I’d been wrong.

“I was calling for you when I came in,” he told me, his voice soft. He rested his hand on the side of the hot tub and I placed mine on top of it.

“I’m sorry. We just got in for a few minutes. There’s room for you, though,” I pointed out the spacious hot tub to him. Justin and Brooke watched us like they were watching a tennis match. Lance looked as though he wanted to hide.

His face relaxed and the smile was now genuine, which caused me to feel more at ease. “I’ll get in later,” he pulled at my arm. “Why don’t you give me a tour of the place.”

I made my way out of the hot tub and grabbed a towel that was sitting on a patio chair. I wrapped it around my waist and followed JC inside the house. He turned to me and his face was firm again. “I don’t like seeing my girl in a hot tub with another guy,” he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “It just looked weird to me.”

I was confused. I wasn’t even sitting that close to Lance or to Justin. And after what we’d just experienced the last 24 hours, how could he even think I’d want to try anything with anyone else?

“I wasn’t, I mean, nothing happened. I was just in there with friends,” my voice cracked and my stomach felt twisted inside.

“I know, baby,” JC pulled me to him. “But you’re so beautiful, who knows what those guys might try with you.”

I had to laugh at that. “Your friends? Your band mates? C’mon, JC, you know-“

“Just trust me, okay? I know you wouldn’t do anything,” he kissed my cheek and then down to my neck. “Right?”

“R-right,” I nearly whispered, and pulled away from him. “But, really, JC, you don’t think Lance would ever-“

“I don’t know,” he took my chin in his forefinger and thumb. “I just know that you looked so hot sitting in there with them, that it makes me worry is all.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist and looked up at him. “I promise you. I would never, ever do anything like that nor would I let anything like that happen to me. Okay?” I reached up to peck his lips.

He seemed to like my answer, because he kissed me back, this time harder and more passionately. “Show me your bedroom,” he whispered, his breath hot in my hear. I felt his tongue flick against my neck and my thoughts turned to jelly.

We made it to my bedroom and JC locked the door behind us. My head got that dizzy feeling again and he took control, leading me to the bed and groping me as we fell onto it. His hands wandered to the back of my bikini top and he expertly untied it, throwing it on the floor. He stood up and surveyed me, before taking off his t-shirt and suit bottoms, then crawled back on top of me again.

When we came back downstairs, everyone else was sitting around the patio, drinking and eating. JC handed me a plate and we joined everyone else. I looked over at Lance and smiled weakly at him. He didn’t return the smile, only looked down at his food. I sighed inwardly and ate slowly. I tried not to think about how weird JC had been when he’d gotten to the house. And not that I knew Lance all that well or anything, but he didn’t seem like the type to come onto other people’s girlfriends. Especially someone he worked with so closely. JC finished his hamburger and leaned back into the cushioned patio couch we were sharing. He pulled me back with him and I had no choice but to lean against him. The conversation was going from what to expect on tour to past tour experiences to Joey’s tale of walking in on Britney and Justin in a dressing room. This made Justin blush and defensively state that had Joey knocked it wouldn’t have happened, to which Joey replied that Justin should’ve locked the door.

I finished my hamburger and put the plate on the table in front of me, then rested my head under JC’s neck as we listened to the rest of the story. JC didn’t say much, his fingers were drawing circles around my arm.

As the evening drew on, it began to get somewhat chilly, so I got up and went inside to grab a blanket from the living room. When I walked back, Lance was inside, pouring himself a drink.

“Hey,” I ventured to say. “I’m really sorry about what happened. I tried to tell him-“

Lance shook his head. “Addie, I don’t know you that well and obviously, I’m not going to get to know you very well, but just know something, okay? JC’s pretty possessive of his girlfriends. That’s why his last one broke up with him. He doesn’t really trust Justin at all and I don’t know what I ever did to make him lose trust in me, other than talk to Bobbie after she dumped him. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Just be careful, okay?”

I could only nod and even though I wanted to know more, headed back outside before JC suspected anything. We could deal with this later. Not now. Not when I only had two more days left with him. And not when it was all so new to me. I settled next to him again and draped the blanket across both of us. The sun had set and it was dusk, so Jen lit the torches around the patio area to give us more light. More drinks were being passed around and I saw Justin and Brooke sharing a joint. Hours later, everyone was either high or wasted. I was enjoying a buzz from whatever it had been that Chris gave me –I had two- and the conversation had turned into nothing but intellectual stupidity with those who’d smoked. Lance and Justin were trying to debate which beer got you more drunk. They were both high out of their minds and all Brooke was doing was giggling at them.

I felt JC’s fingers drumming across my inner thigh and I snuggled closer to him, pulling the blanket tighter around us. They walked their way towards my bathing suit bottom and soon he was pulling me back against him completely undetected. Not that anyone else was paying us any attention. Jen was kissing on Chris and Brooke, when not giggling, was all over Justin. He didn’t seem to mind, even when he was trying to debate the beer topic. So JC’s fingers inside of my bathing suit didn’t seem to be all that major with everything else going on.  I was trying my best not to make it obvious. I was trying my best to act as though I was just sitting back in his lap that he wasn’t doing anything to make me want to cry out.

“Don’t you dare make a peep,” his voice was velvety against my ear. He tugged at my earlobe with his teeth. His fingers were on my most sensitive area and I was doing my best not to pant or gasp. This was hot. This was something I couldn’t believe I was letting happen. Everyone was in front of us. They could all very easily turn around and look at what was going on. But they were all into their own thing. When I saw Brooke straddle Justin, I knew it didn’t matter anymore. I let myself go and JC let me bite his finger so I wouldn’t make a sound.

His hand rested on my bare stomach and he held me against him, both of us acting as natural as we possibly could. Chris stood up and Jen dragged him behind her back into the house. Lance took another hit, passed it to Joey, who then threw the joint on the ground and put it out with his foot. They stood and walked into the house. Justin and Brooke were really going at it now. I couldn’t tell exactly what was going on, but I didn’t want to stick around and see a live showing of it, so I stood up and JC stood up with me. I looked up at him and gave him a flirtatious smile. He pulled me against him and we moved away from Justin and Brooke and back to the other set of patio furniture, tucked away from view. The night air was crisp and cool, but neither of us noticed it. He pulled me into his lap and took my hand in his.

“Addie,” he whispered and placed my hand between his legs. “Will you please me, baby? The way I pleased you?”

“I don’t know-“ I started to say, but he shook his head and suddenly began to move my hand up and down with his. I got the hang of it quickly and watched his face, getting turned on knowing that I was doing this to him. He pulled my hand away and stared into my eyes, gently pushing me off of him until I was kneeling in front of him. His hand was on the back of my head and soon I was bracing myself against his thighs, as he told me as quietly as he could what he wanted me to do to him. Before he could finish, he pulled me back into his lap and I straddled him, enjoying this whole new experience yet again.

“Hey, Jace, you need a ride-“ Lance walked outside and I gasped, immediately toppling over on the couch, doing my best to cover myself.

“Shit, sorry man,” he turned back around and JC cursed at him. Suddenly, he stood and pulled his suit back up to his waist and stomped inside. I could hear him yelling at Lance and watched from the sliding glass doors. Lance kept trying to apologize, but JC wasn’t hearing any of it.

“Stop it!” I came in and raised my voice at JC, who stopped and looked over at me. “He didn’t mean to!”

“He can’t even drive. You’re wasted and high, you idiot,” JC spat at Lance, then looked back at me. “C’mon, Addie. We’re going upstairs.”

“Apologize,” I heard myself saying, not sure if it was me or the alcohol.

“Or what?” JC folded his arms and walked over to me. “C’mon, Addie, don’t be so soft with him.”

“JC, I’m not kidding. You’re being an ass!” Ok, that was the alcohol.

“It’s fine, Addie,” Lance muttered. “I’m gonna go sleep on the couch.”

“Good,” JC slurred and looked down at me. “Taking his side?”

“I’m not doing this,” I walked away from him and headed for the stairs. I could hear him behind me, but ignored it. He followed me into my bedroom and watched as I began to undress.

“Addie, come on-“

“Not until you tell me why you’re so jealous of Lance,” I threw a camisole over my head and rummaged around until I found a pair of boxers, then went to sit on my bed.

“This conversation is dumb. We’re both drunk,” JC said. “Let’s just go to sleep and talk about it tomorrow.”

“Fine,” I pulled back the covers and hopped in, JC nestling in next to me. Neither of us said a word for a while. I figured he was asleep until he spoke.

“Addie?”

“What?”

“I know this is new. All of it. I’m sorry. I was an ass,”

“I just don’t understand what you have against Lance,”

“Don’t worry about it,” I felt his arms wrap around my waist and pull me against him. “I really am falling for you, baby. I’m sorry. I was just caught off guard.” He kissed my shoulder blade. “When you come on tour, I want you sharing a bus and a bed with me every night. Promise me we’ll do that.”

I didn’t answer. I felt unsure for a minute. I wanted to know why he was so angry at Lance. I wanted to know why he was apparently so possessive. I wanted to know more about this man that I was sleeping with now. But again, I was young then. And I didn’t have the wherewithal to even begin to process those feelings or emotions. All I knew was that this older guy -this attractive, older, famous guy-wanted to be with me. And that the “me” from nearly two days ago was transforming into a completely different person, only I didn’t even realize it yet.