“Addie,”

I heard a voice calling my name, but still kept my eyes closed. It couldn’t be time to wake up already, could it? I was pretty sure we’d fallen asleep around 4:00 that morning and I was still exhausted.

“Addie!” the voice became more impatient sounding and I groaned and opened my eyes. Brooke was standing at the foot of my bed. She was still in her pajamas, so I hoped that meant that it still gave me more time to go back to sleep. I looked over and JC was next to me, sound asleep and snoring softly.

“What?” I mumbled, closing my eyes again and laying back on the pillow.

“Wade Robson’s coming over to meet with us in a few minutes about the new song,” she told me. “Get up.”

“You’re still in your pajamas,” I pulled the covers back over me, snuggling against JC’s back.

“I’m about to change. I was coming in here to wake you. C’mon!” She closed the door loudly as she left, causing JC to stir.

“What was that?” he asked, his voice muffled into the pillow.

“We have a meeting with Wade,” I told him, slowly getting up from the bed and seeing it was only 8:30. “You can sleep, I’ve got to go downstairs.”

JC didn’t say anything and I assumed he’d gone back to sleep, until I was nearly dressed and he’d suddenly come behind me and started kissing my neck. “Come back up here when you’re done,” he bit at my earlobe. “We never got to finish what we started last night.” I was putty in his hands and couldn’t move from his hold on me. His hands were on my waist and they moved their way down into the drawstring sweats I’d put on. I rested the back of my head against his chest and closed my eyes, willing myself to move, but not being able to physically do it. He had all the power in the world over me, and back then, I didn’t see anything wrong with that. He was older, and I thought that meant he should always call the shots.

“You like that?” his breath was hot in my ear as he massaged me between my legs.

“I-I have to go,” I was trying to speak, but it sounded more like a whimper.

“I don’t think you’re ready,” he pushed me against the dresser, pulled the drawstrings down to my ankles and suddenly pushed himself in from behind. “I love being inside of you, Addie. You feel so good, baby.”

I could hear commotion downstairs and tried to ignore it. I knew Wade had probably just gotten to the house. My concentration was sidetracked for a second and JC knew it.

“No, Addie. Ignore that. You’re with me right now,” he went in harder, his fingers still working their way between my legs. “Come on baby. Come for me. Come for me and then you can go to your meeting.”

“Addie!” I heard Jen calling for me from downstairs. “Let’s go! Wade’s here!”

“Don’t listen to her,” JC pushed me harder against the dresser, his fingers massaging me even faster.

“Addie! Seriously, you’re wasting time!” Brooke was yelling now.

“Did you hear that? Don’t waste their time,” JC chuckled in my ear. “Do it. Come for me. Now.” And that was all he had to say. I was sent over the edge and nearly toppled over the dresser. His orgasm came soon after and he had me pinned between him and the dresser drawers.

I tried to collect myself as fast as I could and ran out of the bedroom, flying down the stairs. Jen and Brooke both looked at me suspiciously and I saw Jen shake her head. They weren’t stupid and I knew I was flushed from what had just happened. Wade didn’t seem to care. It looked like he’d partied just as hard as we had the night before, judging from the bags under his eyes. He was curiously looking over at the recliner, where Joey was still asleep. I wondered where the other three were, but didn’t have time to ask.

“Looks like you guys had fun last night,” he motioned towards Joey. “Okay, so we’re meeting today at two to go over the routine. Johnny wants me to watch it and critique anything, and then we’re learning a new one for the tour. He said to tell you that you could have the morning off to rehearse or rest but that we have to meet at two sharp, no exceptions…” Wade kept talking and I pretended I was listening but my head was still reeling from being with JC. I’d lost count now of just how many times we’d had sex and I knew that if I didn’t get on the pill soon, it would just be bad all around.

“What time is it?” Chris stumbled out of Jen’s room and looked over the banister railing. “Oh, hey Wade!”

I looked up at Chris and then over at Jen, who winked at me. Chris walked downstairs and came over to us.

“How many of them are you hiding?” Wade asked us, teasingly.  “Where are Lance and Justin?”

“Justin’s upstairs,” Brooke answered, and I knew she meant in her bed. “And Lance left early this morning.”

“Is JC here, too?” Wade wanted to know.

Jen and Brooke both turned to me and I blushed. “Um, yeah. He is,” I stammered, not looking up at any of them.

“Wow. You sure didn’t waste any time, that’s for sure,” Wade chuckled.

I heard my bedroom door open and looked up to see JC standing at the top of the stairs. I was sitting across from Wade, who had pulled out a few pictures of what he was hoping the dance would look like once it was finished. “And Addie, you’re the strongest dancer, so you’re gonna end-“ he stopped and stood to show me the move- “like that. Really sexy.”

“Hey Wade,” JC greeted him as he came down the stairs.

“C, what’s up,” Wade looked over and smiled at him. JC didn’t return the smile and I suddenly became nervous and wondered if this would be like the fight with Lance the night before.

JC didn’t say anything, only went into the kitchen and Chris followed him. I heard them whispering to each other from my spot on the couch.

“…dude, calm down. He was saying the move was sexy. That’s all,”

“You see the way he looks at Britney. He was looking at Addie the same way!”

“You’re blowing it out of proportion…”

I looked to see if Jen or Brooke had heard any of that, but they were focusing on what Wade was showing them and thankfully hadn’t. I tried to pay attention to the rest of the meeting and ignore the pit in my stomach. He couldn’t really be this deceived could he? Not every guy was going to hit on me, for goodness sake. Finally, Wade stood and headed toward the door. We said our goodbyes and then went into the kitchen where JC and Chris had helped themselves to a cup of coffee.

“He’s so great,” Brooke sighed, and went to get a coffee mug. “So nice. So down to earth. Not to mention, I bet he’d be amazing in bed.”

“Is that all you think about?” Jen rolled her eyes.

“You should be asking Addie and JC that,” Brooke retorted and flashed a grin at me and then at JC.

“Shut up,” I said quietly, then walked over to the kitchen table, sitting down next to him. “Hey. Did you go back to sleep?” I was trying anything to change the subject, because he was sitting there with a scowl on his face.

“Nobody calls you sexy but me,” he looked right into my eyes. “He shouldn’t have said that.”

“He-he wasn’t, JC,” I started. “He was just saying-“

“C, don’t do that to her. Seriously, he was calling the dance move sexy,” Chris spoke up.

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” Brooke piped up and shot a glare at JC. “What do you mean nobody calls her sexy but you? He wasn’t calling her sexy. And so what if he was? He wasn’t trying to get in bed with her.”

“I don’t think I was speaking to you,” JC spoke sharply to Brooke, who raised an eyebrow at him. He looked at me. “C’mon. We’re going back to my place.”

He didn’t give me a chance to respond, only fished his keys out of his pocket and took my hand, leading me towards the front door. I followed him because back then I thought that he knew more than I did. He knew that people in the entertainment business were sleazy and out for their own good. He was watching out for me. And if I told myself this, it made it easier to believe and easier to be with him.

“No, she’s not,” Jen pulled my arm away from him. “She has a rehearsal at 2 and we’ve got errands to run.”

I suddenly felt as though I were in the world’s most awkward tug of war. Jen glared at JC and he looked at me.

“Addie,” he spoke softly. “I have one day left with you.”

“Don’t worry, we all know what you’re gonna do with that time,” Brooke spat sarcastically. “You know, you’re supposed to be her first boyfriend. Maybe instead of trying to show her your own personal Kama Sutra, you should take her out on an actual date!”

“I was going to take her out!” JC raised her voice.

“Guys, it’s fine. Please don’t-“I started to say, looking over at Chris who was shaking his head at JC, then looked at me giving me a pitying smile.

“I was going to take you out, baby. I promise,” he reached for my hand again and I took it, without thinking. He looked at the others. “I’ll have her where she needs to be at 2.” Then, he looked at me and said, “Let’s go.”

Looking back at that, I wished I would’ve yelled at him. I wished I would’ve said that I wanted to stay at my house, with my band mates. I was grateful to Jen and to Brooke who stood up for me, knowing that I was too timid and scared to stand up for myself. Thinking back on it, I probably was very mad at him, not to mention completely confused about the whole Wade comment.

I was silent on the drive back towards his house. He tried to make conversation, but I didn’t answer, because I didn’t know what he’d want to hear. He was my boyfriend now. After almost three days of knowing him. We’d had sex more than I could count, he’d taught me things about my body I’d not ever known about, and he wanted me. He wanted me. I was so insecure that I thought because he wanted me that much I had to stay with him. And I also thought that things would change once we were on tour together. I’d seen him interact with fans on television – Johnny made us all watch fan interaction videos to get the hang of what could potentially happen – and he was so sweet to them. He was a pro and the JC I had watched weeks ago on those videos was not the JC I was with then.

“I’m sorry, Addie. I want you to know I’m not just using you for sex,” he was saying, as I came back to reality. “You know I think you’re amazing. And I’ll take you anywhere you want to go for dinner tonight. You just name it and we’ll go. But I want to be with you one more time. Just one more time before we leave each other.”

“I want to be with you, too,” I told him quietly, and turned my head to look at him. “But I want to know why you would ever think that I would reciprocate anything from anyone else?”

“It’s not you I’m worried about,” he sounded like he had the night before. It wasn’t me it was everyone else. As though people were falling all over me to get in my pants.

“I’m not gonna let that happen!” I finally conjured up the courage to raise my voice. “It’s you I want to be with and it’s you that I’ve been sleeping with this whole weekend! If I wanted Lance or Wade Robson or whoever, I wouldn’t be here with you right now!”

This made him relax and he reached over to squeeze my hand. “I know that. I’m sorry, babe. I really am,” he pulled into his driveway and shut off the car. “Come here.” He reached over and kissed me softly. “Thanks for putting up with me.” I looked at him and smoothed out his hair with my fingers. He kissed me again before we got out of the car.

“So, can you even stand?” Brooke snapped at me, when I came into the dance studio later that afternoon. I could stand. I could even walk. Dancing would be a whole other issue. We’d had sex so much that weekend that my thighs were in pain. And even when we went back to his house that morning, we didn’t end up doing much but fooling around because we were both exhausted.

“Yes,” I answered, putting my things down next to hers and Jen’s stuff.

“Your boyfriend is a control freak. I hope you know that,” Brooke continued.

“Brooke,” Jen warned her and shook her head.

“She needs to know,” Brooke responded. “Addie, this morning was ridiculous. How do you let him do that to you?”

“He didn’t do anything to me!” I retorted. “It was just a big misunderstanding! I told him on the way to his house that he was being dumb about all of it. He just doesn’t want anyone to come onto me too strong.”

“He doesn’t want anyone to be near you except for him,” Brooke looked at me. “Look, Addie, I know you’re new at this –“

“I am new at this,” I cut her off. “But he’s leaving tomorrow and we’re not gonna see each other for 3 weeks. So we’re making up for lost time!”

“Lost time isn’t just a romp four times in his bed,” Brooke said. “He should be taking you out!”

“When, Brooke? Last night we had the party, the night before we went out with everyone. And….” I trailed off. And the night before that, I hadn’t even met him yet. Brooke saw the look on my face and softened.

“Addie, just don’t let him be so possessive of you. I know you just started this and you moved pretty fast and maybe it’s fine that he’s as protective of you as he seems to be. But be your own person. Seriously. Don’t let him take that away from you. Don’t be JC’s girlfriend and that’s it, you know?” she walked over to me and put her arm around my shoulder. “We don’t always see eye to eye, but I’ve been around the block a few times with guys and if I’ve learned anything, it’s that they’re not worth losing yourself in them.”

“And,” Jen spoke up. “I made you an appointment to get some birth control pills tomorrow.” She looked at me square in the face. “Addie, just please tell me you’ve been using condoms.”

I pulled the best lying face I could and replied, “Of course we have!”

Jen breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. Because as many times as you’ve done it now, who knows what could’ve happened.”

I felt a pit in my stomach when she said that. I knew he’d been with a lot of women so there was a chance I could catch something. I also knew that I was at risk for getting pregnant and that was the last thing I wanted right now. I just smiled back at her and then said, “Yeah. So, did Chris wear a condom last night?”

The mood was lightened now and we could laugh about it. Turns out that Chris wore a condom all three times he and Jen got it on. And as for Brooke, she was giddy when she told us about sleeping with Justin. We began to share stories and they were amazed at how much I’d learned and done in the last three days with JC.

“You should teach him a thing or two,” Brooke said. “Come to my room tonight. I have a whole stack of Cosmopolitan magazines with stuff you can learn. Does he like dirty talk?”

“Brooke!” Jen gasped with laughter.

“What? He seems like the type that would,” Brooke shrugged and looked at me.

“Yeah. I think so. I mean, he talks a lot during sex to me and it definitely is kinky,” I replied, blushing slightly.

“You should surprise him when we go on tour with them,” Brooke continued. “You know, you take control of the situation and learn the art of seduction.”

Wade came into the studio at that point and the conversation was halted. We practiced until five and then learned a whole new routine. When we were finished, it was nearing eight and I told JC I’d call him as soon as we were done rehearsing.

“Hey,” I greeted him when he picked up.

“It’s eight o’clock,” he responded to me. “Why did you take so long?”

“It wasn’t my fault. We had a few things to go over,”

He sighed. “Fine. I’ll come get you at your house at eight-thirty. Will you be ready by then?”

“Yeah,” I answered, wondering why he was so irritated. He was in the business. He knew these things could take a while, right? “JC, are you upset with me?”

“I just figured you’d be done before eight. By the time we go anywhere, it’ll be close to nine,”

“Okay. I mean, we don’t have to go out. We could just order a pizza or something,”

“That sounds better. And I’ll take you out when we’re in L.A. together in a few weeks,”

“Okay. It sounds fine to me. I’ll see you soon,” I hung up the phone.

“Let me guess,” Brooke mused. “You’re not going out after all.”

“It’s late,” was my response, and I felt like I had hours ago when I’d first gotten to the rehearsal. “Don’t make a big thing out of it.”

“I’m not, Addie,” Brooke sighed. “But maybe you should see what else you have in common with him besides sex.”

“Fine. I’ll quiz him tonight,” I replied.

When JC picked me up, he said nothing to Brooke or Jen. Not that they offered anything to him, either. It felt uncomfortable and I was relieved when we finally left. We got to his house and I went upstairs to put my things in his room. I went to walk out and he met me at his door.

“Jen and Brooke weren’t too happy with me tonight, were they?” he asked me and I couldn’t lie to him.

“No,” I shook my head. “They’re just…worried about me.” I left out the part of them being worried that JC was a control freak and possessive of me.

“Tell them you’re okay. Tell them I’m making sure of that,” he cupped my face in his hands, his lips meeting mine in a passion filled kiss.

When the pizza arrived, JC took it outside on his back patio and set it up among candles and a bottle of wine. He piped music through the speakers by his pool and it was ultra romantic. I had to admit it was better than any restaurant setting we could get to that night.

“Thank you,” I told him, taking a bite of pizza. “This weekend was amazing.”

He smiled at me and reached for my hand. “Thank you. I never expected to leave Orlando with someone like you as my girlfriend,”

I smiled at him. “Thanks for being patient with me. I mean, you know…” I trailed of and he grinned.

“You’re easy to teach. I told you, I think you’re better than you think you are,” I felt his foot rubbing against my ankle. “I’m gonna miss you. Three weeks is going to be a long time.”

I nodded as I chewed my pizza then swallowed. “It will be. But seeing you again will be worth it,”

By then I’d be on the pill. By then we’d start going out on dates. And maybe by then he’d understand that he didn’t have to be so protective of me. I wanted to believe that. I really did. I looked up at him. He’d stopped eating and was watching me, that look of lust returning to his eyes. I stood up from my seat and sauntered over to him, straddling him in his chair. We started to make out. He cupped both of my breasts in his hands and circled my nipples through my shirt with his thumbs. I began to grind against him slowly and planted kisses on his jawline.

“I want you so bad, baby,” I whispered in his ear. “What am I gonna do without you tomorrow night?” I trailed my hands up to the top button of his shirt and slowly undid them until I could kiss his chest. I continued until I was at the last button, but JC didn’t let me finish. He stood up and carried me inside the house. Maybe I didn’t care that all we did was have sex. Maybe it was making me finally see that I didn’t have to be so pure all the time. Because now I wanted it just as much as he wanted it. My brain shut off when we were together. It was like an addiction now. All of the stuff I’d thought about earlier melted away. I liked his possessiveness, or at least I would tell myself that. Because losing him now would crush me and I was going to do anything to be with him for as long as I could.