The next week, Britney Spears joined us on the road and Brooke had turned into Super Bitch because Justin had literally quit speaking to her (among other things) as soon as Britney came. Jen had tried to tell Brooke that this was bound to happen, but Brooke hadn’t listened and now she was reaping the consequences. After three days, she gave up on trying to get Justin’s attention and began to hit on Joey once more. Joey liked any attention from females and so it didn’t take him long at all to return her flirtatious behavior. It was interesting to watch from the sidelines, but it gave me something to occupy my thoughts and my time and not think about the fact I was in a terrible situation with no way out.

It had gotten progressively worse since we’d fought about what to do with the baby. JC made sure I was always under his eye and told the crewmembers that he and I were now sharing a dressing room. This way, I had to change with him. I’m sure looking back on it that I had a choice. In fact, I know I did. I could have easily told people that I was miserable and that JC was verbally and emotionally abusing me. And if I were honest with myself, sexual abuse was probably a contender, too. He never gave me an option anymore. When he wanted it, he got it because I was too afraid to tell him ‘no’ anymore. I was afraid to tell him anything anymore. All I knew was that in two months, we’d be done with this tour and I could finally think about what I wanted to do with the baby growing inside of me. And I wouldn’t let him have a say at all.

We had a day off in San Diego and normally that would’ve been something I would look forward to. But being with JC, I knew there wouldn’t be an escape. We were staying at a hotel off the beaten path because the fans had literally ransacked the lobby of the hotel we’d been at in L.A. the night before. This time they booked us outside of San Diego at a hotel nobody would really suspect and it was quiet and peaceful.

I’d dreaded waking up the morning we had off. It was going to be inevitable that JC would want sex first thing and then he’d want to keep me all to himself holed up in the room all day. Everyone else would get to go off and see a movie or go down to the pool or maybe escape and sneak into the city trying not to be recognized. Not us. I kept my eyes closed and turned away from him as long as I possibly could. I would peek at the alarm next to my side of the bed and check the time. 9:00. 9:11. 9:25. 9:40. 10:00. I was starting to get hungry and JC still hadn’t budged. I dared myself to look over at him and he was out like a light, snoring and everything. I slowly eased my way out of bed and tip toed into the bathroom, closing the door ever so gently. I looked at myself in the mirror and examined my stomach. Still no sign of a bump and for that I was grateful, but I still rested my hand where I knew the baby was growing. I prayed that I could hold off showing anything until after the tour was over.

I locked the bathroom door and started the shower, thankful that he was still asleep. I could at least bathe without him walking in and wanting to pin me against the shower wall. It’s kind of funny, isn’t it? Normally, most people would find that sexy. And I probably would have, too, if JC had given me a choice at all in the matter. I took my time and let the water run all over my body. It felt good to have slept in and to take a long, hot shower. When I got out, I dried off and brushed my teeth, wrapping the towel around me and opening the door to peek into the bedroom. JC was still asleep. I decided then and there that I was going to get out of that room and do it as fast as I possibly could. I grabbed a pair of black dance leggings and my sports bra, then threw on an oversized t-shirt and slipped on flip- flops. I threw my hair in a messy bun, grabbed the room key, and, as silently as I could manage to, opened the door. I stood in the hallway. Freedom.

The hallway was empty. Everyone had either left or was still in bed. I figured since there were basically three couples in each room, most of them had yet to get up. I envied them. I wished I’d had a relationship that made me want to be with the person I was having sex with. I walked onto the elevator and headed for the Lobby. There was a continental breakfast and I made sure to grab a banana, a Danish, and a coffee before walking outside. The air was nice and balmy and the sun was shining. It was a beautiful day and I was thankful that I’d somehow managed to get away without JC waking up and demanding me to come back to him. I found a bench that faced and empty lot and beyond that, what looked to be an empty warehouse.

Once I’d finished off my breakfast, I stood and brushed the crumbs off of me and threw the coffee cup into the waste bin next to the bench. I began to walk towards the empty lot and towards the warehouse. I was right. It was completely bare. I walked around to the side of it and peeked in, not really knowing why it interested me so much. There was a huge, vacant space with nothing but an old truck that looked like it hadn’t been used in years. Canvases hung from beams and paint cans were strewn about as though they’d been left in the middle of a paint job. But there was a wide open space and all I could think about was that it was the perfect place for me to let loose and dance. Dance was my stress reliever and although I got to do it every night on stage, there was something different about going into an empty space and letting myself go. No choreography. No microphone. Just me in my own little world.

Obviously, I’d brought no music with me but it was fine. I put my room key on a ledge next to one of the numerous beams and walked to the center of the large opening. I spun around slowly, letting my foot glide and lead the rest of my body. I twirled and spun and leapt. I threw the oversized t-shirt off to the side and felt as though I’d really been let loose. There was a rhythm in my head and I just went with it. I don’t know how long I was there. All I knew was that it felt wonderful to be this free. It hadn’t been like that for a long time.

“Addie?”

I gasped and looked over at the entrance of where I’d walked into the warehouse. Lance was standing there with a puzzled smile. I blushed and awkwardly waved at him.

“What are you doing here? And how did you even know I was here?” I asked him, going over to him.

“I went on a walk and randomly passed by this place. I thought I saw some movement in it and when I looked, it was you,” he chuckled. “What are you doing?”

“I’m practicing the art of freedom,” I told him. “Dancing is how I release my stress and I haven’t really had the chance to let loose in a while. And JC was still asleep so I figured I had time to…” I trailed off. I didn’t know which verb to fill in with that sentence.

“Escape?” Lance finished for me and I nodded my head slowly and looked at him. “Addie, I’ve told you what you need to do. For your sake and for your baby’s.”

“I’m not telling anyone,” I turned away from him and went back to the middle of the floor. “I don’t want this to be a big deal.”

“You don’t think that when it finally comes to the surface it’s not going to be a big deal?” Lance countered and followed me. “JC’s not going to give you up as soon as this tour ends. And you’ve got an album coming out in January. You’ll have publicity tours and ridiculous amounts of traveling to do. He’ll find a way to join you on that, mark my word.”

“I’m quitting,” I nearly whispered and ignored what he’d said by going into third position and balancing my leg behind me, then sweeping it to the front.

“Addie-“

“No, Lance. I am. And you’re not talking me out of it. I’m quitting and I’ll figure out what to do after that,” as I said those words, I began to feel a release of autonomy and abandon and grabbed his arm, looking at him in the eyes. “Dance with me.”

“There’s no music,” he chortled, but I shrugged.

“We don’t need it,” I told him, pulling him to me. We began to sway back and forth as though we were partners at a junior high dance. Then he pulled me to him and suddenly we began to do some sort of a salsa move that turned into hip hop and gradually became something of a slow, sexy dance. His face was inches from mine and I could feel his heart against my own. I hadn’t felt like this in a while. Probably not since JC had first started to pay me attention. We stopped dancing and stood there, holding each other for a minute or two.

“Addie,” his voice was caught in his throat. I looked up at him and soon his lips met mine in a kiss that I knew had been waiting for a long time. I pulled him onto the floor with me and rested my arms above my head, giving him permission to remove my sports bra. He did so without breaking his stare. He rested his body on top of mine, his lips moving from my neck down towards my breasts. His fingers rolled my nipple between them and I couldn’t help but moan and heard it echo throughout the warehouse. We both laughed softly at that, but he didn’t stop. I felt his tongue skim around my belly button and his fingers expertly slid my leggings down to my ankles. He stopped and rolled back onto his knees, lifting his shirt from his body and then bending down to kiss the exposed skin on my inner thighs.

He took his time. He was deliberate and made sure that I was enjoying every single second of his attack on my lower body. His tongue and his fingers would switch places every so often to ensure that I got to experience both sensations.

“You are amazing, Addie,” Lance whispered, as I tugged at his hair. “You deserve so much better.” He kissed his way back to me, stopping at my breasts once more to lick and tug at them. It wasn’t rough and it wasn’t at all like it had been with JC.

His face inches from mine once more, I reached up to kiss his lips and rolled over so that I was straddling his stomach. I grasped the belt buckle on his jeans and undid them, as he helped me slide them off of his body. My hand clasped his erection and he groaned as I began to gently work my fingers around him. I locked eyes with him, letting my body slide down even more so that I could easily taste him.

“Addie, wait,” he grunted. “Please. This feels amazing. But I want to feel you from the inside.”

I crawled back up to him and he rolled us over so that he could easily slide inside of me. He eased his way up and down and then wrapped his arm around my thigh, bringing us even closer together.

“You feel so good, Lance,” I whispered. “Mmm. Lance don’t stop.”

“I’m not,” he looked down at me. “Addie, you are so beautiful.” He kissed me and began to move faster, but still at a pace that was enjoyable and not rough. JC had only been gentle with me a few times and I’d almost forgotten what it felt like to really experience sex this way.

I could feel myself about to come and Lance felt me clench him from the inside as the first orgasm hit me. I gasped as soon as I felt it course through every single inch of my body. He continued pushing in and out and braced himself on the concrete floor as he released into me. Collapsing on top of me, we both were gasping for breath and held onto one another, not wanting to let go.

“Are you okay?” he finally ventured to ask me, after we let our breathing return to normal.

“Yeah,” I looked at him and smiled. “Lance, that was amazing.”

“I’ve wanted you like that for a while, Addie,” he kissed my lips, then parted them with his tongue. “You don’t deserve him. Let me take care of you. Let me be what he won’t ever be for you.”

I could only smile in the afterglow of it all. I shook my head and sat up, forcing him to move off of me. “Lance, I’m not putting you in that position. I don’t even know what’s going to happen to me in a few months.”

He said nothing, only stood up and we both began to get dressed again. There was nothing said, but we knew we had to be careful from now on. I was already wondering how I could see him again because it had been so good. And he cared. He actually really cared about me.

I knew when we got back to the hotel that JC would probably be awake. Lance wanted me to go back with him to his room, but the less suspicious we were, the better. And I knew I would have to eventually face JC again. I smiled at Lance before he went into his room and I could tell that he wanted me to kiss him but there was no way I was doing that in the middle of a public hallway. I was still reveling in what had happened and was hoping I could play it off in front of JC when I went into our room.

He was still in bed, but he was awake and watching television. A room service tray was next to him and he was finishing off what looked to be the remains of a sandwich. I smiled as much as I could muster and walked towards him.

“Where were you?” he demanded, turning off the TV. “You snuck out of here over two hours ago.” I looked at the alarm clock. It was 1:00.

“I just went on a walk,” I told him already knowing that wasn’t going to satisfy him.

“With who?” he moved the tray to the floor and sat up in bed. “Come over here.” I had been standing at the edge of the bed on my side. Reluctantly, I sat down and he yanked my arm, roughly causing me to be pulled over to him.

“I-it was just me, JC,” I put my hand on top of his and tried to remove it from my arm.

“Don’t lie to me,” he snapped and gripped my arm even tighter.

“Stop!” I tried to push him away but I was suddenly beneath him, his hands gripping both of my wrists.

“When are you going to learn, huh? I have tried to get you to understand but you are too damn stubborn, Addie,” he was pushing my leggings down and I was struggling to roll away. I was praying there had been so traces of Lance and what we’d done on me or my leggings but it was too late now if there was because he was bound to see it.

“Get off me!” I screamed and kicked his stomach. I had been aiming for his groin, but I was being held down so hard that it was difficult for me to move my legs.

“Don’t fight me, baby,” he growled. “Don’t fight me and it’ll be a lot easier.”

“JC, I don’t want to have sex with you!” I yelled at him. “Get off of me!”

He didn’t listen and before I knew it, he was inside of me and pumping so hard and fast that it took my breath away but in the worst way possible. His skin smacked against mine and I don’t even know how he was finding pleasure in any of it because it was so rough and animalistic. He grabbed my face in one of his hands and forced me to look at him. He was glaring at me and I closed my eyes and tried to turn away. I felt his hand come flying across my face and it stung with the after bite of being hit.

“Look at me, you little bitch!” he said through gritted teeth. “You pissed me off way too long and you had this coming to you.” He continued to thrust as hard as he could and finally, I felt him come. He rolled off of me literally seconds after.

I was in shock and couldn’t move. I just lay there and looked up at the ceiling, praying for this nightmare to end. My so-called boyfriend had just raped me. I found the energy to roll over and face away from him, pulling the covers around me and letting the tears fall down my face. The phone was there right in front of me but I didn’t dare pick it up. I knew I couldn’t wait two months. It seemed like an eternity. I had to tell someone as soon as I could but I didn’t know how to even go about it. I knew after today, JC would never, ever let me out of his sight.