One Week Later 

James groaned when she heard Logan crying at 4:00am, knowing she had to be at Brewster’s at 7:00. Her former assistant manager and one of her best friends, Lesly, was now the proud owner of Grayson’s first real boutique called Les Designs. This was great for Grayson and Lesly and James had been extremely proud of her friend, but it meant extra work for James now that she was without an assistant. She’d put an ad on Facebook and word of mouth had spread around town that Brewster’s was hiring, but it had been from a small pool of people to begin with and James wondered if she’d ever find a replacement.

She looked over at JC, who was sleeping soundly and silently wished he had the capability of nursing, just for sleep’s sake. As she stumbled out of the bedroom, she tripped on a toy belonging to one of the twin’s and cursed under her breath. She was waiting for the day when her and JC’s children were old enough to pick up their toys. Sutton was the only one who was old enough, but the child always left her room spotless and never left a mess.

Tiptoeing into Logan’s nursery, she carefully lifted him out of his bassinet and sat down in the rocker next to it. Humming softly as she rocked and nursed him, her eyes closed and she smiled to herself at how much fun they’d all had on their vacation last weekend. From Chad being just as excited as Sutton meeting Mickey, to that stolen night she’d had with JC in the hotel pool when everyone else had been asleep, it had been a perfect time together. She never knew she could love anything or anyone as much as she loved her children. After Sutton, it seemed impossible that anyone would ever want to take her out, knowing she had a baby at home. And then, JC came into her life and her world had not been the same since.

Looking down at Logan, James smiled at her newest little darling. He looked a lot like Landon as a baby, which meant he might be the spitting image of his father in a few years. She bent down and softly kissed his forehead. “You’re mommy’s little boy, aren’t you, Logan?” she whispered, as she stood up to put him back in his bed. “I love you. Sleep tight, baby boy.” James tiptoed out of the room, chuckling silently at the fact that her youngest child had been the result of a drunken night at Chad’s Christmas party last year. She’d been devastated when she found out she was pregnant, but only because it had been such a shock. The twins’ were different. They’d been a surprise as well, but it was almost such a natural thing that had to happen that James hadn’t really been all that surprised. That was also back in the first stages of her relationship with JC and all they’d done was have dinner and sex. Sutton had been old enough at the time to entertain herself. It wasn’t the case now. The twins weren’t even two and Logan was just barely over a month. It would be a long time before she and JC could sneak around like they used to do.

Crawling back in bed, she saw JC open his eyes and smile at her. He pulled her next to him and kissed her cheek.

“Is he asleep again?” he mumbled, spooning her against him.

“Mmhm,” James sighed, closing her eyes and resting her hand on top of JC’s arm. “Goodnight for two more hours." 

“Goodnight, baby,” JC kissed her again and they didn’t wake up until the alarm at 6:00 began to buzz.

“Ok, you’ve got your lunch?” JC asked Sutton later that morning, as he pulled through the car line at the elementary school.

“Yep,” Sutton replied, picking up her pink and purple ballet themed lunch bag.

“And your change of clothes for ballet?” JC looked in the backseat to make sure she’d grabbed her little gym bag for her ballet class.

“I got it, Daddy,” Sutton showed him her gym bag and JC smiled at her.

“Ok. See you at three, honey,” he leaned over to peck her cheek and Sutton waved at him as she ran off towards the building. JC rolled the car forward, Sutton still in his peripheral vision as she ran towards her other classmates. He looked in the rearview mirror at Landon and Olivia who were fixated on a cartoon playing on the DVD player. It had been a rough morning getting them ready, especially because Olivia was going through a clingy phase with James and cried whenever her mother left. Landon was content with either parent as long as they were paying him attention. Between coaxing Olivia out of James’ arms earlier and then trying to juggle them both while he got ready, JC was already exhausted by the time he’d put them in the car. Logan was fast asleep in the middle seat, not disturbed at all by Olivia’s whining when JC had gotten them in the Range Rover.

“Ok, who’s ready to see Nana?” JC looked at Olivia and Landon, as he pulled out into the street.

“Nana!” Landon repeated, and smiled at his father.

“Good. We’re almost there,” JC turned a corner and then two more, and he was at James’ parents home. His mother-in-law watched the three little ones until 2 when James was off work. She’d scolded them both that they should work less to be with their kids, but James and JC were both running their own businesses and right now, lacked a lot of help.

As he parked the car, Mary-Jo Ryan stepped out on her front porch and waved at him. He waved back and Landon and Olivia both began calling for “Nana” over and over again. She came to the car to help with unloading and hugged JC as he got out. 

“You look tired,” Mary-Jo said, her Southern drawl making JC smile.

“Well, when you have our brigade at home, it’s hard to sleep sometimes,” he told her, kissing her cheek. He unbuckled the twins first in the back seat and they waddled over to their grandmother, who covered them in kisses.

“Papa’s inside! Should we go see him?” She picked up Olivia and squeezed her, then took Landon’s little hand in hers. JC unfastened Logan’s car seat and carefully took it out as not to wake the infant. He followed Mary-Jo in the house and set the car seat on the couch next to his father-in-law.

“There’s my big man!” Jesse Ryan whispered, bending over to kiss Logan’s forehead.

“Ok. I better get to the studio. James should be back around 2,” JC told his in-laws, then went to hug the twins. “Be good for Nana and Papa, ok?”

Olivia began to wail when she discovered her father was about to leave. JC shook his head and hugged her tightly against him. “Olivia, what are we gonna do with you? We can’t go anywhere can we?” he kissed her cheek and rubbed her back. 

“I thought it was James she got upset about?” Mary-Jo inquired, coming over to rescue JC.

“Apparently, it’s either of us,” he sighed, standing as Olivia clung to his legs. Mary-Jo expertly picked up her granddaughter and even as she reached for JC, had already distracted her.

“I hope you find some extra workers. I don’t know how long you can do what you’re doing with four kids,” she sighed, and smiled at JC.

“We’ll see,” was all he could say, before he said his goodbyes to Jesse and Landon.

It was getting difficult and JC knew it. He and James had talked about what to do or whom to hire, but it was hard when you lived in a town the size of nothing. James had it easier because she could easily train someone on how to manage a coffee shop. JC needed experts on voice and dance and that was a true rarity in Grayson. He’d thought about Chris, but Chris was busy helping Lesly get her business off the ground and still trying to settle into life in a small Georgia town as opposed to life in a booming metropolis like Orlando had been. He knew it would all come together, but today he was already so tired and he hadn’t even started working yet.

He pulled his car into a parking space right between Brewster’s and the talent studio he owned. He was thankful that his wife owned a coffee shop, because on a day like today, he needed the largest amount of caffeine possible.

James was standing behind the counter talking with a customer when JC walked in. She smiled at him when she saw him and the customer, a parent of one of JC’s clients, waved him over. It was Alina Dearing’s father, one of the town’s most influential people because he worked in the city commissioner’s office. Alina had won the very first ever Grayson Talent Show three summers ago and was now off at college majoring in theatre and dance at Florida State.

“JC! Good to see you,” Mr. Dearing shook his hand. “I was just telling James that Alina was asked to choreograph the theatre department’s musical for next spring!”

“Whoa, that’s great!” JC replied. “She’s on her way if she’s getting asked to do that this early on. You must be very proud.”

“We couldn’t have done it without your influence,” he patted JC’s shoulder. “Okay, I better get to the office. You two have a great day.”

“Thanks,” James called to him as he left. She looked up at JC. “Hi, you.”

JC leaned over the counter to kiss her gently. “Hi. I need coffee in a major way,”

James giggled. “You and me both. I’m so tired, baby,” she sighed and turned to start the espresso machine. “How was Olivia after I left?”

“She cried for me when I dropped her off at your mother’s,” JC told her. “We really need to start hiring. I don’t know how we’re going to do it, but we’re working more and more now and it’s making me really frustrated because our kids don’t ever see us.”

James shook her head and handed him his espresso. “I don’t know what to do. There’s no one as qualified as Lesly was,”

“You’re not going to find a Lesly,” JC reminded her. “I’m thinking of begging Joey to come work once a week or something when he’s not off doing a gig. I don’t know what else to do. I can’t ask Chris. He’s much too busy with Lesly’s stuff right now.”

James rested her hand on his. “We’ll figure something out, babe. We always do,” she squeezed his hand and tried to be reassuring. JC just smiled and sipped his espresso, kissing her once more before he headed out the door.

“Chris, you are about to get on my last nerve!” Lesly groaned, as she tried not to laugh at her boyfriend who was trying on all of her latest accessories at once. Thankfully, the store wouldn’t open for another half-hour, so it wasn’t like the customers were seeing any of it. But he looked like a complete idiot and Lesly was trying to finish final touches on anything before she unlocked the door. Her hand on her hip, she stood by the cash register, shaking her head at him.

“What?” Chris playfully smiled at her, as he examined himself in the full- length mirror, dangling the bracelets around his wrist.

“Seriously, baby, I just saw JC at the studio. Go over there and bug him,” Lesly went over to Chris and began to take the accessories off of him.

“Fine,” he handed her all of the necklaces and earrings and bracelets. “But you know I could look damn good in all of that." 

“You’re an idiot,” she laughed at him, and he kissed her before heading out the door and walking across the street. He waved at a passerby going into Brewster’s and smiled to himself. Who would have ever thought he could be so content in such a small town? But he loved it. And what made it even better was that he’d reconnected more with JC and was enjoying getting to see him as a father.

“Hello?” Chris called into the large studio as he opened the door.

“Chris?” he heard JC’s voice from behind one of the small voice studio rooms. 

“Yep,” Chris answered, and followed the sound of JC’s voice. He was sitting at a piano, plunking out a few random chords and humming to himself as he did so. “Hey, man. Lesly kicked me out. Apparently trying on jewelry was not her idea of a good time for me.”

“Unbelievable,” JC chuckled and stopped playing. “Are you really lacking for something to do?”

“I’m bored as hell,” Chris admitted, sitting down across from JC on a leather bound couch.

JC looked at him thoughtfully for a second. Then, “I need help at the studio. But I wasn’t going to ask you because I just assumed you were busy with Lesly-“

“Oh, we’re busy alright,” Chris interrupted him, a grin on his face.

“Shut up, you know what I mean!” JC rolled his eyes at his friend. “Anyway, I was going to see if you’d like to help me out here. I’ve had to turn away potential clients because I’ve got no time in the week to schedule them in. If you were here, you could take on at least a few voice students.”

Chris didn’t even hesitate. “I was hoping you’d eventually ask me,” he told him, honestly. “All I do is hang out at Lesly’s shop and I know I get on her nerves because there is really nothing for me to do. I tried to show her a few FuManSkeeto items that we could put out on display, but she told me they were dated.”

“Dude that line was from 2001!” JC laughed again. “Yeah, you do need a job. You’re hired. You can start today if you want.”

Atlanta

“…and your deepest regret is?” the counselor prodded Clay. “You’ve mentioned losing Anna, but I think there’s something more here.”

Clay shifted on the sofa and sighed into his hands. He hadn’t ever brought up James or Sutton to anyone. His mother knew, but she had told him that it was in the past and he’d lost them on purpose and there was nothing more he could do about it. He cringed when he thought of the child that was his that was now calling somebody else “Dad.”

“I…” he started and sighed again. “I have a child. She’s about 8 now or almost. I’ve never seen her. I gave up rights three years ago to her mother’s new boyfriend. Or I guess he’s probably her husband now. I was awful to her mom. I beat her up when I found out she was pregnant.”

“Why did you get so angry about that that you beat her up?” the counselor, named Peter, was a calm, gentle older man who never scolded Clay, only listened and nodded as he took notes. Clay sometimes wanted to start an argument with him, just to see what would happen. But so far, he couldn’t bring himself to it because Peter was that understanding and unlike everyone else, had told Clay he could break free of these demons.

“I didn’t want kids,” Clay responded. “I knew what my life was like with a father who didn’t want me. And I didn’t want them.”

“And now?” Peter stopped taking notes and leaned back in his chair.

“I don’t know,” Clay shrugged. “It scares me.”

“And how do you feel knowing you can’t ever have your daughter as your own?” Peter asked.

“I’m mad. I’m pissed that someone else has her. But the thing is, I don’t want her. I’m mad at James for the lies she’s probably telling the kid about me,”

“James is her mother?”

“Yes,”

Peter was silent for a minute. “She might not have ever mentioned you to the child. Would you rather her speak lies or be silent?”

“I don’t know,” Clay shook his head. “I just know I’ve been thinking about her a lot. My kid, I mean. And I know if I contacted James to even meet her, she’d get a lawyer on my ass so fast that I wouldn’t have time to retract the statement.”

“I don’t think she’d have grounds to lawyer up if you just wanted to call and see if it was possible,” Peter replied, ever so calmly.

“Well, she’d make sure it didn’t happen. Her cousin’s got a friend who’s a lawyer and he’s the one who did the case. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I can’t do anything about it and I’m never going to see her again,” Clay shrugged.

“Unfortunately, you can’t reverse adoptions in the state of Georgia anyway,” Peter said. “But you must think about the wellbeing of your daughter. Do you think she is being raised in a healthy home?”

“She’s being raised by a millionaire,” Clay answered. “Her new dad was one of the lead singers in a boy band years ago.”

“Regardless, is she being raised in a healthy home? Is she being loved? Is she being cared for?” Peter prodded him.

Clay sighed for the umpteenth time during the session. “I want to say she’s not only because I’m mad at the whole situation. But my guess would be yes, she is. I know that James wouldn’t have it any other way. Or at least the James I knew in college.” 

“Do you still love her?” Peter rested his chin on the tip of the pencil he held in his fingertips.

“Who? James?” Clay had to think about it. Had he ever loved her? Or had it been just a sick game he’d played for the four years he’d been with her? “I don’t know if I ever did. I was crazy about her, but I don’t know if I loved her.” 

“Four years? I’d say if you didn’t love her, you were at least obsessed with her. Four years is a long time,”

“Obsessed. Yeah. Maybe,”

“Did you ever compare Anna with her?” 

“All the time,” the truth was out before Clay could stop it. He hesitated before he continued. “Anna wasn’t as strong as James. I missed that.”

“You beat up on Anna, too,” Peter reminded him.

“Yeah. I did,” Clay looked away. “I got more annoyed with her. I only hit on James once. The night she said she was pregnant.”

“What if you had stayed and been a father? Would you have beat up your child?”

“My dad beat me up. He beat my mom and my brother. Why wouldn’t I have beat up my kid?”

“You’re not your father,”

“I have a lot of him in me. My brother doesn’t hit his kids,”

“You have to stop the comparisons. You’ll never find out what you would have been like because you have always assumed you’d be a certain way,” 

“I don’t assume. I know,” Clay corrected him. “I got so mad and angry at James because I felt like she’d lied to me. And I feel awful for it now. Anna was the brunt of it because I sometimes feel like the anger I had pent up for James, I took out on her.”

“Possibly,” Peter nodded his head slowly.

“Anna got pregnant,” Clay continued. “She lost the baby. And my first thought was that if she had been James, it wouldn’t have happened. That’s when I turned her off. I was done. She wasn’t strong like James. She couldn’t carry a baby like James had. And she’d completely wasted my opportunity to be a father.” 

“Clay, many women lose babies. You could’ve tried again,” Peter told him. “You never loved Anna. You did love James. And when Anna lost your baby, you were done because you were trying to stay with a woman who could never fill your needs like your ex had. What we have to do now, is work through these feelings of not seeing your daughter ever again and how you really feel about having ties cut with James.”

The session had been a good one and by the time they were finished, Clay had started to feel like he was better at understanding himself. He drove through McDonalds on his way home and then settled in front of the couch with his Big Mac and Coke. Pulling out his phone, he typed in “James Ryan + Grayson” into his Google search. He was just curious. He wanted to see what it brought up. It was an article from the Grayson newspaper a year ago: 

James Chasez (former Ryan) is the proud owner of Brewster’s Coffee in Grayson, Georgia. Blending up your favorite coffees and serving delicious lunch items, Brewster’s is the place to be. Chasez is a native of Grayson and is married to Joshua Chasez, best known for being a lead singer in the former boy band, ‘Nsync. Joshua owns and manages ‘The JC Chasez Talent Studio’ right next door to his bride and has been the main judge at the annual Grayson County Talent Show every summer. James and Joshua have three children: a daughter, Sutton, who is six-and-a-half, and eight-month-old twins, Landon and Olivia. The Chasez’s have certainly made a name for them here in Grayson and we are proud to have them as a part of our community. 

Clay read the article two more times and was fuming by the end of it. “James and Joshua have three children….a daughter, Sutton….” It reverberated over and over in his head and soon, he wasn’t feeling as renewed as he had when he’d left Peter’s.