~~~~~*~~~~~

"I always know when you're keeping something from me, so spit it out!" Sara said, smiling over at her elder brother as he dumped his bag down onto the couch in her apartment before flashing her a grin.

Sara's apartment was a cosy two bedroom place which was really only big enough for one person to live comfortably. However, Sara had fallen in love with it and had started renting it during her first year of working with *NSYNC. Just like Libby and Clare's apartment, Sara's wasn't too far from the beach, although she was a bit further down the coast from her friends, meaning that her drive to work was almost twice as long as theirs.

As promised, Jason had arrived for a mini vacation in between jobs and Sara had just got back from the airport from having picked him up. Although he wasn't going to be staying long, Sara was still thrilled to have a chance to spend some time with him and had hoped, if work permitted, to get the chance to possibly accompany him to his next job. She had vacation days left over to use up before the end of the year, and she hoped to fit in a break before she had to head off on tour with the group. Although she'd be travelling the world with them, it wasn't going to be a vacation and she'd be working hard the whole time.

Jason narrowed his eyes playfully at Sara as he slumped onto the couch, reaching out to rest his arm along the back of the sofa and tried to change the subject.

"What about you? Are you dating anyone yet? Clock's ticking, you know," he teased as he pretended to check the time on an imaginary wrist watch. Sara let out a sarcastic laugh before dropping into the seat beside him. She neatly tucked her feet underneath her and rolled her eyes.

"I could be," she replied slyly, "but we were talking about you. Come on, you've got that look in your eye."

"What look?" Jason replied innocently.

"The 'I've met someone that's so perfect and I'm in love' look."

Jason's eyebrows shot up and he let out an amused chuckle. "Really? And how does that go, exactly?"

Sara pulled a face and shook her head playfully. "Try looking in a mirror. Come on, spill!"

"Fine!" Jason surrendered with a laugh, "She's a colleague who I met on a job in France. We've gone out on one date, so don't get too excited. To be honest, we didn't have very much to talk about—"

"Was she blonde?"

"Now, Rose, that's not nice," Jason chided her with a knowing smirk causing Sara to laugh out loud. "But, anyway, who’s this guy?"

Sara rolled her eyes and let out a chuckle. "There's nothin' much to tell. His name is Nick, and that's all you really need to know."

"Hmm... Where'd you meet him? Do I need to be the big brother here and grill him?"

"No, thank you. He came with a money–back guarantee so you can rest assured; he's a keeper."

~~~~~*~~~~~

Clare felt as though she'd spent the greatest part of her life staring at a computer screen. As the group had been away from the Compound performing for a local television company and doing some interviews to promote the tour, she'd been left pretty much to herself and the quietness surrounding her had drawn her into a pretty melancholy mood.

Despite her best efforts to use the solitude to get some work done, Clare had found that she couldn't focus. All she could think about was the way Alyson had smiled at her as she'd shown off her engagement ring. Clare realised that Alyson had known all along about her and JC's friendship and how close they were, and presumed that Alyson had come to view her as a threat. She'd be flattered if she wasn't so crushed by the news.

It was devastating, not just because she now knew for sure that she'd lost JC completely, but because it had signalled the end of something. The end of their close friendship, the end of their comfortable camaraderie and quite possibly the end of Clare's time with the group.

For if JC went ahead and married Alyson she'd have to find herself another job. There was no way that she could continue working so closely with him and know that she'd lost him for good. She wasn't naive. She knew that her feelings were bound to have an impact on her professionalism—as they already had—and she realised all too well that the hurt would linger and not dissipate, as she so hoped it would. It wasn't a childish crush that she was suffering from. She was in love, and there was only one way to 'recover' from an unrequited love. Run away.

Clare let out a deep sigh and stood up from behind her desk before making her way over to her office window. It was dark outside; an inky black that was only broken by the orangey solar lights that lit up the boundary of the Compound parking lot and along the sweeping gravel drive.

As she stood and watched, she heard the sound of tyres on the gravel and to her surprise—and dismay—a black four–by–four made its way slowly along the driveway and parked haphazardly in the lot. There was only her jeep that occupied a space and Clare realised then that she should have gone home a long time ago. It was dark, it was late and now she was no longer alone.

Clare didn't need to read the number plate to recognise the jeep, but she did so anyway. It was confirmation that what she was seeing was actually reality and not a consequence of her imagination. She felt her stomach sink. There was only really one person who would know that she was at the Compound at this late hour and of course it was the same person that she really didn't want to see.

Clare watched as JC climbed from his vehicle and she quickly stepped back from the window just in time to miss him glance casually up at where she had just been standing. As she felt her heart begin to hammer away in her chest at the sight of him, Clare began to silently wish that he had some other reason for being at the Compound than to see her.

It wouldn't be right them being alone at the Compound at night. Not now. Things had irrevocably changed now that he was engaged, and she knew that she had to behave accordingly. He was a soon to be married man, regardless of how she felt about him. It didn't matter that he wasn't officially married until he had the ring on his finger and had signed the wedding license. In his heart, he had already made the declaration and there was nothing that she could do, or say, to change that.

'We both know that I shouldn't be here / This is wrong / And baby it's killing me, it's killing you / Both of us tryin' to be strong / I got somewhere else to be / Promises to keep / Someone else who loves me and trusts me fast asleep /I've made up my mind / There is no turning back / She's been good to me / And she deserves better than that...

Clare waited until she sensed his presence—whilst keeping her back to her office door—before speaking. The whole time since she'd heard the sound of his footsteps crunching on the gravel outside she'd been holding her breath, hoping that he wasn't about to appear in her office at any minute. It was too much to take. The night did funny things to her, and it would be too intimate to be alone with him right now.

The daylight had a sobering effect on her and helped her to maintain her composure. But now, in the dim lighting of her desk lamp and after not having spoken to him for so long, or even seen him at all that day, Clare knew that she was treading on dangerous ground. She had to keep this professional. She had to.

"What do you want?" She snapped keeping her eyes fixed on her computer screen, which she'd returned to after stepping away from the window. She didn't want him knowing that she'd been watching his arrival.

"We need to talk," he said simply, not even seeming surprised that she'd known that he was there even without having looked at him. He stared at her across the room, his eyes dark and troubled.

Clare cleared her throat and sucked in a deep breath before finding her courage and raising her eyes to look at him. She was shocked by the dark circles that had appeared under his eyes, and the extra frown lines that seemed to have appeared overnight on his forehead but she tried not to let it show.

"I think all the talking is done. There's nothing left to say."

"Clare... I..."

"Leave it! You've stomped all over my heart with your size eleven boots. Just leave it there," she seethed and immediately regretted her choice of words. Size eleven boots? What am I? A stalker?

Clare narrowed her eyes at him even as her cheeks began to flush with embarrassment. Why couldn't she keep her composure around him? What was it about him that got under her skin?

"Don't you think you've hurt me enough? Please, just leave it. Go home."

JC's jaw tightened, and he stomped determinately towards her and said, through clenched teeth. "I can't just leave it. I can't."

Clare glowered at the anger in his voice. What did he have to be angry about? He was the one who'd gotten everything he'd wanted. He'd had his cake and eaten it, too. Wasn't that what every man wanted? He'd had his fun and managed to walk away pretty much unscathed. It made her furious to think that he'd ended up this way. She'd always thought that he was better than that. Despite how she felt, she knew that he was better than that. Why was he settling for being that man? He was so much better.

"Why not? What do you want from me, Josh? Do you want to hear me say that I'm crushed? I am. If you're here to check if you've completed the job then you can walk away satisfied. Job done. You've destroyed our friendship and broken my heart in the process. Congratulations."

"It's hurting me too!" He spluttered, rushing towards her desk and fixing her with dark, desperate eyes.

"What?" Clare laughed bitterly as she avoided being trapped in his eyes. "Don't give me that bollocks. You've chosen this. It's over, Josh. You've chosen your path and now you have to follow it. You go your way, I'll go mine."

"I don't want us to go separate ways, Clare."

"You can't seriously tell me that you expect things to carry on the way they have been? That we'll just carry on as if nothing has changed?" Clare frowned at him in disbelief. He couldn't seriously be expecting that, could he? Did he really think that she could carry on and pretend as though she hadn't had feelings for him this whole time? That she just ignore the fact that he'd chosen another woman over her, even after he'd led her on to believe that he had feelings for her, too? Was he delusional?

"Clare, we've been friends for two years. Two years. Can you really just dismiss that as nothing? Are you really going to just walk away from our friendship because... because..."

"Because you're engaged?" She finished for him, her eyes flashing with anger at his struggle to say the word. He'd had no trouble saying it when he'd proposed to Alyson. Why was he struggling to say it now?

"I'm not the one 'walking away' as you put it. You've decided to walk away from our friendship. And, to answer your question, yes. I'm sorry if you've only just realised this but I can't be friends with you anymore. Not like this," she said honestly, hiding her shaking hands underneath her desk so that he couldn't see them. Despite this, she couldn't hide the tremor in her voice or the wobble of her chin as she said the words that tore a hole in her heart to say aloud. She knew that it was for the best, but even so...

"I can't pretend that I'm happy for you, or that what you've done hasn't hurt me. I can't offer you my congratulations, or listen supportively as you go ahead preparing for your wedding day. I can't pretend that I'm not crushed inside, or that I don't regret the fact that she somehow managed to reveal something to you that you clearly never saw in me. Or perhaps you just never wanted to see in me." Clare sniffed loudly as the silent tears began to roll down her cheeks. "Whatever it is, you've chosen a path that I can't be a part of, JC, and we both have to accept that. You've chosen her, and that means you have to say goodbye to me."

JC watched her face crumble and felt sick inside. He'd done this. He'd bought her to this moment, and he had no one to blame but himself. His selfishness and thoughtless actions had devastated the one person he loved the most in the world, but all he could do was watch her cry. There was nothing that he could say, or do, to repair the damage, or even offer her some comfort. It was too late.

"Why, Clare? Why does this have to be the end? Why does it have to be so final?"

Clare shook her head and stared at him with wide, sad eyes. "I can't," she said in an almost grimace. "I just can't."

"So that's it?"

Clare nodded numbly, and the feeling spread throughout her body. This really was it. She thought that she'd comprehended it before but she'd been wrong. She really was losing him. For ever. She wasn't just losing the man that she'd come to love, but her best friend too. Her companion, her shoulder to cry on, her biggest supporter and cheerleader. Her emotional rock and stronghold. Her everything. There were no words for the feelings of grief that squeezed the air right out of her lungs.

"Yes. It is."

JC stared at her, his mouth hanging open slightly in shock at the finality of it all. He hadn't been prepared for this. He'd expected that their friendship might be rocky from now on. That his actions might have damaged the easy affection between them, but not that she'd walk away and close the door on him completely. Had he been naive? Was it selfish of him to think that they could still be friends? Was he wrong to wish that things could be different?

He really was at a crossroads. The options lay before him as though he were a child having to choose between two closed fists. Right or Left. Clare or Alyson. There was no obvious right or wrong. Both sides had their pros and cons and yet by choosing either he was bound to lose.

Clare stared straight back at him, her arms and legs trembling along with her chin. This was it. She knew that this was their last moment together and yet she somehow wished that the agony would last forever, and that she'd never actually get to the part when he would walk away. For she was convinced that he would. Despite it all he was a man of character, of honour. He rarely—if ever—backed out of a promise. Clare knew the reason why she already felt so devastated. It was because she knew that she'd already lost him; that his decision had already been made. He was already gone.

The resignation seemed to eventually reach JC's eyes and his shoulders sagged. "You know," he muttered, his eyes never leaving hers even as the sadness engulfed them. "I've never said it before and I realise what a waste that was, but I did—do—love you, Clare—"

Clare closed her eyes as the tears formed once again. It was too much. She couldn't bear to look at him as he said the words she'd always longed to hear, but in very different circumstances.

"I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to say. And I'm sorry that it's too late..." he said, his words trailing off as he looked at the grief–stricken expression on her face. There was nothing left for him to say. Nothing he could do to take back what had happened, to take back what he'd done. He didn't know why he'd felt compelled to tell her that. He knew that it would possibly only add to her pain, but part of him had needed her to know. To understand a little of his struggle. To know that it wasn't that he didn't want her. Just that life had gotten in the way. Destiny had steered them away from each other.

"Go," she told him in barely more than a whisper. "Please."

JC nodded sadly and obeyed. Although each step that he took away from her felt as though it were tearing more and more of his heart apart he forced himself to continue. He had to do this, he kept reminding himself. It was the right thing to do, no matter how conflicted he felt inside.

He was a man of his word, and he'd given his word to Alyson. Over time the pain would heal, or at least deaden. If all he had to look forward to was numbness, then at least it was something. Of course, he'd have more than that. He'd have a child, and in time he might even be able to fully re–kindle the connection he'd once had with Alyson. They had, after all, loved each other once.

Clare waited until she heard his footsteps depart and then tentatively opened her eyes. Although she knew what to expect, the sight of the empty doorway was enough to bring the weight of her emotions crushing down on her and she fell to the floor in a heap as the sobs overcame her. He'd gone. It was over.

It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do / To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you / It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie / To show no emotion when you start to cry / I can't let you see what you mean to me / When my hands are tied and my heart's not free / We're not meant to be / It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do / To turn around and walk away / Pretending I don't love you...

~~~~~*~~~~~

Lisa looked down at her plate of steaming hot pasta and tentatively picked up her fork. She flicked her eyes up at Joey, who was sitting across from her at the table, and met his concerned eyes. Offering him a weak smile, Lisa speared a noodle and lifted it to her mouth before making a big deal of chewing and swallowing it. In the time it took for her to eat that one piece of fusilli, Joey's eyes never once left her face, despite his own plate of pasta cooling before him. It was weird, and it was pissing Lisa off.

Lisa glanced back down at her plate and debated whether or not she could manage having any more of the creamy, tomato based sauce in her mouth without needing to rush to the bathroom. Even as she stared down at her plate, she realised that even reaching a decision might be out of the question. Her stomach clenched at the sight of the food and she quickly dropped her fork, letting it fall against her ceramic plate with a clatter.

"Okay, that's it!" Joey exclaimed as Lisa lowered her head and began to breathe slowly in and out through her mouth, willing the nauseous feeling in the pit of her stomach to disappear. It was uncomfortable enough feeling unwell in private, let alone in front of her boyfriend who'd come over especially to make her dinner.

Lisa glanced up at him through narrowed eyes. She continued to breathe in and out through her mouth but already felt much better just keeping her eyes away from the food. Counting silently in her head helped, too.

"Are you going to eat, or do I have to force feed you?"

Twenty–three… twenty–four. "I'm just not feeling very hungry, Joe."

"Come on, Lis, you've been saying that for days. What's going on?" Joey asked in concern as he looked down at her plate. He didn't understand what had upset her. She usually loved his home–made sauces, and he'd even added extra fresh oregano as he knew that it was her favourite. He'd tasted the sauce while he'd been preparing the food and he'd thought that it had turned out to be one of his best.

Twenty–seven… twenty–eight. "I told you, I just don't feel myself at the moment."

Joey frowned, his brown eyes narrowing slightly as he scanned her face. "Is it me?" He asked his voice devoid of his usual humour.

"Of course not! I just haven't been feeling well. I think I have a stomach bug, or something."

"But you haven't been eating right for ages; there must be something more to it than that. You should go and see a doctor, or something."

Lisa frowned and let out a huff of frustration. She hated doctors, but more importantly, she hated doctors’ surgeries. The smell, all the waiting around, the other sick people...

"I ain't kiddin'," Joey continued in a bossy tone. "If you're not well then you need to go and see someone about it. You can't keep hoping that it'll just go away."

Lisa let out a groan. "Eurgh, don't hassle me, Joey. I'm fine."

"Then eat your pasta," he ordered her in a no–nonsense tone. Lisa met his eyes and saw the challenge in them. She knew that he had her cornered, but Lisa was stubborn. She wasn't going to go down without a fight.

She glanced down at her plate and sucked in another deep breath as she lifted her fork once again. Unfortunately, this time she breathed in deeply through her nose and as soon as the smell of the tomato sauce hit the back of her throat she turned an ominous shade of green and quickly dropped the fork once again, shoving the plate firmly away from her with the palms of her hands as she fought back the urge to retch.

Joey shook his head and helpfully removed the plate—along with his—from her line of sight. When he returned to the table, Joey placed a tall glass of ice water in front of her and stood by her side, reaching out a hand to rub soothingly between her shoulder blades as she hunched over the table.

Lisa felt the shame and embarrassment wash over her as she tried to compose herself. "I just can't keep anything down," she muttered in a quiet voice as she reached for the glass of water and took a few tentative sips. The cold water felt good as it washed down her throat and settled in her stomach and she took a few more sips before setting the glass back down on the table. She turned her head to meet Joey's gaze, who until now had remained silent. Lisa knew what he was thinking, but she was glad that he wasn't saying it aloud. She hated hearing anyone say 'I told you so'.

"Baby, just go to the doctor," Joey said with a weary sigh as he continued to rub Lisa's back. She leaned to the side so that she could rest her head against his body and let out a deep sigh. Now that the food was gone she was already beginning to feel better but his soothing voice and movements were helping too.

Joey's hand moved from the middle of Lisa's back to her shoulder, and he gave it a firm squeeze as he looked down at her fondly. "You can't carry on like this. It's not good for you, and frankly it's starting to scare me. You're supposed to be coming on tour with us soon but you can't if you're like this."

"I know," Lisa said reluctantly as she gave him a sad smile. "I guess I don't have much choice, do I?"

Joey shook his head. He felt relieved that she was starting to admit defeat and make a sensible decision at last. He couldn't handle seeing her struggle on like this for much longer. Plus he hated having his food wasted. He'd spent hours chopping vegetables, making the stock and preparing the sauce. It was too good to be thrown straight down the drain, or so he thought.

"I'll make an appointment in the morning."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

~~~~~*~~~~~