JC felt good.

There was the alcohol; a vodka tonic and a few beers had him warm and pleasantly fuzzy. There was the location; the exclusive club on the Vegas strip was always a guaranteed great time. Most of all though, was the warm body pressed against his.

He pulled Casey a little bit closer, let his hands slide down a little bit lower on her hips, and kept his rhythm steady. Her fingers found his and held him in place as she let him lead. He wasn’t familiar with the song, but he liked the beat and the melody was catchy. When her head rested against his shoulder, he brought his mouth to her ear and hummed along with the music.

After she denied their relationship on the radio, he’d been positive that she was going to withdraw from him again; it was the dance he’d gotten used to. He was pleasantly surprised to find that she’d responded in exactly the opposite way. She’d been more relaxed lately, and although he still firmly believed she was keeping something from him, he was enjoying things too much to rock the boat.

That night, in plain view of the other patrons in the club, she’d sat on his lap, held his hand, and danced with him. Granted, it was the kind of club that celebrities and the like frequented, and she probably assumed that no one would really be paying attention to the two of them. Still, he enjoyed having the freedom to just be with her.

The music changed and Casey suddenly turned in his arms, bringing her hands up to run her fingers through his hair. He brushed a kiss against her temple before letting her guide his head down so that she could talk directly into his ear and be heard over the din of the club.

“You ready to get out of here yet?” she asked.

JC stared down at her. “Not necessarily, but I guess you are?” He gripped her hips tighter as her hands traveled down his chest and came to rest in the back pockets of his jeans.  “Tired?”

She smirked at him. “Definitely ready to go. Not tired at all.”

He looked down at her serenely. “You weren’t joking about how tequila makes you feel, huh?”

A huge grin broke out on her face and she turned around again, taking hold of one of his hands. “I guess you’ll see soon enough.”

With a smile of his own, JC let her lead him over to where their bodyguards were.

***

His fingers made lazy circles along her hip. She trembled slightly beneath his touch and he whispered in her ear. “That tickles, huh?”

“Mmmhmm,” she hummed.

“Want me to stop?”

She turned her head long enough to graze her lips against his. “Nope.” Settling back on her side, she pressed back into him.

He dropped another kiss on her shoulder and closed his eyes, letting his mind wander as he enjoyed the simple moment. He loved how, when they were done and they had time, she would curl herself around him, until her body was perfectly molded to his. He loved post-sex pillow talk with her and that sometimes she had a tendency to get philosophical and expansive. He even loved when she was so tired that she turned over and went straight to sleep.

He’d been able to admit to himself that he loved a lot about her, and he was getting closer to the point of saying the words. Especially with the way things were going lately.

“Casey.” He shifted suddenly, propping himself up on one arm to look at her.

She yawned and turned onto her back. “Hmm?”

He ran his free hand across her cheek. “I had a lot of fun tonight.”

“Me, too.” She gazed at him with a sleepy smile. “I really like you, you know? You’re just so sweet and wonderful and great and...I like you a lot.”

“You’re still drunk, huh?” He nodded and snickered.

She giggled. “Little bit, yeah.”

“Yeah.” He kissed her again.

“But I still really, really like you. Like, a whole lot. And that’s not the liquor talking.”

“Mmmhmm,” he murmured, brushing his lips against hers. “You sure about that?”

“Positive,” she sighed. She kissed him back for a moment before pushing him away gently. “And now I’m gonna pass out.”

He laughed and lay down next to her.  “Me too, baby. And for the record, I really, really like you too.” He wrapped an arm around her and within moments, they were both asleep.

***

Casey collapsed onto a couch in her dressing room and immediately closed her eyes. She would’ve prefered a hotel bed, or even the bunk on her bus but she was willing to take what she could get--even if it was a slightly too firm sofa. A few seconds after getting comfortable she felt her legs being lifted up and dropped onto someone’s lap.

“How are you so sleepy?”

She opened one eye to see Mike on the couch with her. “How are you not?” She rubbed her eyes and groaned.

“Soundcheck didn’t wake you up at all?” He pinched her leg and grinned.

“Unlike you,” she sat up, keeping her legs in his lap, “I didn’t sleep for the majority of the drive here.”

After a two night stint in Las Vegas, they’d done a show in Anaheim the night before. Following that evening’s performance, their caravan immediately made the five hour drive to the Arena in Oakland, with the tour buses pulling into the parking lot just after five that morning.

“I thought you loved sleeping on the bus,” Mike said.

She rolled her eyes at him. “I do. Whenever Lawrence isn’t snoring.”

As if on cue, Lawrence and Jasmine entered the room and, obviously having heard what she’d said, he shrugged, looking unabashed. “Allergies. Sorry.”

“There’s food, guys. Lots of delicious, sugary food.” Jasmine took a bite out of a doughnut, emphasizing her point.

“And coffee,” Lawrence offered, raising his styrofoam cup into the air.

Casey yawned and swung her legs off of Mike. “I hope they have bigger cups than that ‘cause I need like, a gallon.” She stood up and glanced at Mike. “You want something?”

“I’ll walk with you,” he said with a nod. “Maybe they’ll have fruit.”

The two retreated from the room and down the corridor to the craft services area.

“You know,” he began quietly, “it was nice to see you all relaxed the other night.”

She raised an eyebrow at him in question.

“In Vegas. With JC, I mean. After that radio thing I figured you’d go back to standing ten feet away from him in public.”

She rolled her eyes but couldn’t help but smile. “I’m not that bad.”

“You’re worse.” He snorted. “Which is why it was nice to see you guys together acting like a normal couple. Is all the undercover-no-one-can-know-you’re-together stuff over?”

Though she knew his question was light-hearted, it annoyed her and she responded flippantly. “I don’t want our relationship to overshadow my music; that’s all. And I’m not wrong for feeling that way.” She shrugged as he made a face at her.

“Does that mean no, then?”

Casey stopped when they were a few feet away from several tables set up with food and drinks. “It means…” She sighed. “I don’t know. I had fun in Las Vegas and for once I wasn’t thinking about anything else.”

“Not thinking about anything else looked good on you; maybe you should try it more often.” Mike squeezed her shoulder and headed over to the tables.

She followed behind him slowly, feeling heavier than she had just a few minutes before. Las Vegas had been a deliberate attempt to put everything about Tony and his book out of her mind. She’d gone out with the express purpose of drinking enough and dancing enough that she didn’t have the capacity to think about any of the things that were troubling her. And it had been fun. Being with JC in public, and not hiding how she felt about him had made her feel good. And besides, Steven Tyler was allegedly elsewhere in the club at the same time; no one was paying attention to the two of them. At least that’s what she’d told herself when she was sitting on JC’s lap, and holding his hand, and dancing very, very close to him.

She wanted it to be like that all the time. But there was still no word on Tony, or the book. And other than another call urging her to consider pressing charges, she hadn’t had another conversation with Dara.   

She fixed her coffee and when she heard someone calling her name, she plastered a smile on her face and pushed all the other unpleasantness out of her mind.

***

“I’m so jealous of you right now.”

Casey took in JC’s pained expression and tried not to laugh. “I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”

She snuggled further down under the bedding and shook her head. “You’re right; I’m not.”

“How is it that you don’t have anything going on today?” He haphazardly pushed his hair back before pulling a baseball cap on.

“I’m not the star of the show, baby.” She grinned. “I think it’s called paying the cost to be the boss.”

“You don’t have to rub it in,” he pouted.

Casey snickered. “Don’t be a baby; there’ve been times that I’m up at some ungodly hour while you’re the one sleeping in. Besides, there’s no show tonight so as soon as you’re done, you can sleep for the rest of the day if you want.”

“I want.” He grimaced. “I guess I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Babe,” Casey called as he walked away from her and toward the door.

He turned. “Yeah?”

“If I’m still asleep when you come back, don’t wake me up.” She winked and closed her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he grumbled.

Casey groaned when, seemingly moments later, her phone buzzed from the side table. She stuck a hand from beneath the covers to grab it, and was shocked to see that she’d been sleeping for nearly three hours. She turned over onto her back and flipped it open to see a text message from Jada.

secret’s out, it said simply.

She wrinkled her nose and tapped out a quick reply. what does that mean?

check your email and call me ASAP!

She groaned, feeling aggravated for having been awakened before she was ready. Still, her curiosity was piqued so she climbed out of bed and grabbed her laptop from its case. In a matter of moments it was booted up and ready to go. She connected the Ethernet cable to the hotel jack and, after opening the browser, logged in to her personal email account. The newest message at the top was from her best friend.

From: JayDuh@aol.com

To:      GClefDiva@aol.com

I thought what happened in Vegas was supposed to stay there??

Jada

The email contained a link to a post on a popular gossip forum; registered users were able to submit content while a combination of registered and unregistered users were able to comment without censorship. Feeling wide awake, and with growing trepidation in the pit of her stomach, Casey clicked the link.

The title of the post on the page was, “Liar, Liar! Pants On Fire!”

Not too long ago Casey Whitaker did an interview with a radio station in San Francisco and the DJ asked her flat out if she and JC Chasez were involved romantically and she laughed it off and swore they were just friends and the rumors weren’t true. Fast forward to Las Vegas a few nights ago. A friend of mine was at the same club, in VIP, and took the pics behind the cut. If she and JC are just friends then it must be the kind with benefits. But I’ll let you all be the judge of that.

Four pictures watermarked with an email address followed, and although they were semi-grainy it was obvious enough that they were of her and JC. She remembered the night in question and the great time she’d had. Too great, maybe, since she didn’t recall being photographed.

In the first picture she was sitting on JC’s lap and he had his arms loosely around her waist. They were looking in the same direction, apparently laughing at the same thing. In the next image she was still on his lap and his hands were still around her; this time however, her hands were clasped over his. To make matters worse he was quite obviously kissing her shoulder. The next photo depicted them standing, possibly dancing, face to face; her hands were in his back pockets and his were positioned fairly low on her hips. His expression was intent as he gazed down at her upturned face and she was grinning happily. In the final image they were mid-stride with Casey slightly in front of JC, their fingers clearly intertwined.

She stared at the pictures with a frown on her face, twisting furiously at the ring on her finger. She scanned down the page and the first comment jumped out at her.

"Yeah. They're totally fucking."

“Dammit,” she muttered to herself, continuing to read through comments.

“JC, bb you could do so much better.”

“Guess she’s taking her job as opening act really seriously.”

“Get it, JC! I woulda figured Justin was the one most likely to be down with the swirl.”

“OMG! I love her and I love him and they’re so cute together. I hope they record a duet!”

“Casey’s cute, but his last girlfriend was way hotter.”

“Ugh, JC! Casey Whitaker is so slutty! I thought you wanted a sophisticated mama?!”

“I’d legit pay for a sex tape of the 2 of them. Hot!”

Her phone rang and she jumped, startled out of her continued browsing of the comments section. Casey flipped open her phone. “Jada,” she sighed dramatically.

“So you changed your mind after we talked or…?”

“No, I didn’t change my mind!” She glanced back at the images on the screen before turning away. “No one was supposed to have cameras or phones in VIP anyway.”

“Well someone did,” Jada pointed out with a snicker. “JC's staring down at you like he's dying of thirst and you're the coldest, wettest water he’s ever laid eyes on. And girl, you're smiling up at him like he’s the best thing since sliced bread. And by the way, what was that bullshit about not knowing if you’re in love with him?”

Casey’s stomach lurched as she pushed up out of her chair to pace the room. She groaned loudly. “Shit. Shit. These are going to be everywhere.”

“Yeah, probably. But if it was supposed to be a secret, groping each other in public was probably not the best idea. What were you thinking?”

“We weren’t groping each other. And I wasn’t thinking; I was drinking. Entirely too much, apparently.” Casey scrubbed a hand over her face.

Jada snorted. “First of all, you’re totally groping each other. In one picture he’s kissing your shoulder, and in another one his hands are on your ass. And judging by the way you’re looking at each other in the third picture, I’d be willing to bet that the last shot was taken as you were walking away to some place a little more...private.”

Though Jada was unaware, Casey blushed at the memory; she and JC had, in fact, gone back to the hotel--and not to sleep. She groaned again. “Everything just seemed so...easy that night. And I didn’t think anyone would be taking fucking pictures!” When her friend started laughing Casey said, “I’m so glad this is so fucking funny to you, Jada!”

“Don’t get mad at me because you and your boyfriend don’t know how to keep your hands to yourself in public,” Jada tittered. “But it does beg the question: now what? There’s no way you can still tell everyone you’re just friends.”

Casey rolled her eyes. “I don’t know. I just...I gotta go. I’ll call you tomorrow or something.”

“Well, wait. Are you gonna tell JC at least?”

“I just said I don’t know.” The words came out harsher than she’d intended, but she didn’t apologize. “Seriously, I need to go. I’ll talk to you later.” Without waiting for a response she ended the call and tossed the phone to the side.

Casey was aggravated; she knew it wasn’t Jada’s fault that the pictures were taken and posted, but she didn’t have to find the whole thing so hilarious. Against her better judgment she went back to reading comments on the gossip page, and more comments seemed to pop up every few minutes. She was slightly mollified to find that the overwhelming majority of the comments were either positive, or just plain humorous in a neutral sort of way, but it was also the general consensus that Casey Whitaker and JC Chasez were, in fact, definitely more than just friends.

And she was panicking.

If Tony’s book was published, with those pictures already floating around, her reputation would never be salvageable. Anyone who read it would automatically believe every word he’d written about her. She was sure of it. Photographic evidence of a relationship with JC would be all the proof anyone needed.

***

JC crossed the hallway to his door feeling almost giddy; he had nothing to do for the entire rest of the day and he was looking forward to the hours of uninterrupted sleep that awaited him.

He slipped the keycard inside and opened the door as soon as the light turned green. He was surprised to see that Casey wasn’t still in bed. She was at the desk with her laptop open, and he wondered what she was so engrossed in that she hadn’t heard the door either unlock or open.

He chuckled when the door closed and she nearly jumped out of her skin.

“Whatcha doing?” He crossed the floor to her as she tried, unsuccessfully, to shut her computer before he could peer over her shoulder--which he did. “‘She seems like the type to always want to be on top and he seems like the type to always let her,’” he read before raising an eyebrow at her. “What is this?”

She sighed, scrolling to the top of the page where the pictures of the two of them could be seen. “Jada sent me the link earlier.”

He leaned over her and a minute passed as he silently looked through the pictures, keeping his expression neutral. When he was done he said, “Well, you definitely don’t always like being on top, although if you did I would definitely let you,” before kissing her on the cheek and shrugging. “So they’re half-right.”

Casey blinked a few times. “It’s not funny, JC.”

After untying and pulling off his shoes, he took off his hoodie and tossed it in the general direction of the loveseat opposite the desk. “It’s a little funny, Case.” He smiled and turned toward the area of the room where the bed was. “And anyway, who cares?”

“I care!” she huffed. “Those pictures are going to get around and then what?” She stood up and faced him, crossing her arms over her chest.

“And then people will know we’re together.” He gestured toward her vaguely. “Some people will love it, and some people will hate it, and even more people won’t care one way or the other. In other words, it won’t be the end of the world.”

He pulled off his jeans, leaving them in a pile on the floor, and got into the bed. “Listen, baby, I’m tired. Can you obsess over this later?

Her jaw dropped. “I’m not obsessing.”

“Yeah, you are,” he said, rolling his eyes. “And you’re going to, because that’s just what you do. But right now, I want to go to sleep and I’m not going to obsess with you.”

“JC, those pictures are...they’re…” She pulled at her hair in frustration. “We need to figure out what we’re--”

“Casey, stop!” His voice came out louder than he’d intended it to and he felt bad that he’d clearly startled her.

“I didn’t mean to yell,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

She said nothing, only blinked in response.

He sat up in the bed, cradling his head in his hands. “I just spent hours dodging questions about my relationship status.” He made air quotes with his fingers. “Because I can say I’m seeing someone if they ask me point blank, but I can’t mention anything that could even remotely sound like I’m talking about you, right?

“And although part of me was annoyed because people are nosy and it’s none of their business, the other part of me was sitting there the whole time thinking about how ridiculous all this is.”

“How ridiculous all what is?” she asked softly.

“Keeping us a secret. I’m not saying we need to take an ad out, but…” He sighed. “I want to be with you,” he said in a hushed voice.

Casey stared at him blankly. “You are with me, JC. I thought we’d established that already.”

“You know what I mean.” He stared at her for a long moment. “I’m glad the pictures are out there. Saves us from having to say anything at all.”

Her eyes narrowed and she pursed her lips. “We’ve been through this.”

He crossed his arms defiantly and leaned back against the headboard. “Yeah. We have. And I’m tired of going through it. I’m tired of lying and feeling like there’s something wrong for you about being with me.”

He kept talking over her when she opened her mouth to interrupt. “I know; I said I was OK with it. And I was. But now there’s pictures of us floating around. And everyone who knows us knows--our families, our friends, and just about everyone we work with. It just doesn’t make sense anymore, Casey. You don’t make sense!”

Casey moved to stand in front of him, placing her hands on her hips. “Is this still about that stupid interview? Seriously, JC, we talked about this and you said you understood and I don’t know why--”

“I’m done. I am done hiding. I’m not doing it anymore. If you’re ashamed of me, then--”

“Ashamed of you? What the hell? Of course I’m not ashamed of you. You know I’m not ashamed of you!” Her eyes blazed in indignation as she glared back at him.

He looked at her defiantly. “No, I don’t. What I know is that usually you’ll barely stand next to me in public, if you think anyone’s looking. And I thought, after Vegas, you were over it. Finally. And I don’t get it.

“And yeah, some of it is still the stupid interview. I don’t get why, when you were asked point blank if there was anything between us, you flat out said no when you didn’t have to say anything at all. And I don’t why, now, you’re freaking the hell out over some stupid pictures!

“On the one hand you couldn’t give a shit about what anyone thinks of you, but you don’t want to admit to what we have going on because you’re afraid of what people will think about you? Or what they’ll say about you? It’s bullshit, Casey, and you know that as well as I do!

“This isn’t about your music anymore, or your career, or any of the other bullshit reasons you make up. Who cares if some of my fans aren’t happy that I’m with you? They don’t know me and they don’t know you, and their opinions don’t matter. If I don’t care, why should you?”

His voice had steadily increased in intensity and volume as he spoke and although he wasn’t yelling, he was close. He hated the way she was staring back at him in silent bewilderment. He stopped, inhaled and exhaled several times, and tried to steady his racing heart as well as lower his voice.

He gazed at her sadly. “I know this has something to do with Tony and I wish…” He rubbed his hand over his face. “Casey, I wish you knew how sorry I am about everything that asshole did to you. But he doesn’t have anything to do with this. With us. And you can’t keep using him as your excuse for the decisions you’re making about us.

“Casey, I--” he cut himself off and looked down. “I care about you a lot. A whole lot. And I think you know that. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t. I don’t want to and I just...I’m sorry.” He blew out a breath and rubbed the back of his neck.

He stared at her with a wounded expression, a mixture of anger, frustration and hurt on his face. The seconds stretched into minutes and he hated the fact that her expression was completely unreadable. He also hated the fact that he’d unloaded on her with no warning. But now that it was out, his fear was that she didn’t get it. Or worse yet, she didn’t care.

Her expression was stony and guarded and as much as he wanted to know what she was thinking, and as much as he wanted to ask her, and to stop fighting, and not let it go beyond where it was already, he was tired of budging. For her. Of pretending, for her. Of lying, for her. And it wasn’t even so much about what other people thought or what other people saw. It was the fact that if she was keen on hiding what was between them, maybe it meant more to him than it did to her. And that was something he could not handle.

Just when he thought she wasn’t going to respond at all, she walked over and gingerly touched his knee. “JC, can’t we just--”

“No, Casey. You can’t seduce me into dropping this.”

The words came out before he’d thought about them and her eyes widened as if she had been slapped. “I wasn’t...” She let out a small sound of disgust. “I wasn’t trying to seduce you into or out of anything.”

“Yeah, you were. Because it’s the thing you do whenever the conversation goes in a direction that makes you uncomfortable.” It was true, and despite the way she was looking at him, he was glad he’d finally acknowledged it.

“And usually I go along with it because it’s easier.” He wasn’t as loud, but he spoke firmly. “And I’m done.”

“Are you…” She stopped, inhaled deeply, started again. “Are you breaking up with me?”

He looked down at his lap, then up at her with somber eyes. “I’m not doing anything but telling you that I can’t do this anymore the way you want me to do it. I want to be with you. All the way.” He sighed defeatedly. “If you don’t want to be with me, openly, honestly, then we don’t need to be together at all.”

Casey blinked and, without a word, walked over to where her weekender bag was set next to his duffel. She picked it up and went into the bathroom. She walked out, stuffing her toiletry bag inside.

JC watched her wordlessly, gnawing on his bottom lip without even realizing it. She slung her bag over one shoulder, glanced at him, and walked over to the desk to pack up her laptop. Without another look or word, she opened the door of hotel room, crossed the threshold, and let it shut behind her.

He closed his eyes, threw his arm across his face and lay back on the bed.