Casey walked down the hall on legs that felt like cement blocks. Her breathing was slow and measured as she held back tears through the sheer force of her will. When she got to Jasmine’s door she looked down at her shaking hands. With a deep inhale, she balled one into a fist and rapped on the door.

It opened to Jasmine’s smiling face. “Hey! I figured you’d be asleep.” She stepped back and let her friend in.

Casey crossed the threshold. “Can I hang out here for a bit? I need to track Everett down to see if I can get another room.”

Jasmine closed the door behind her friend. “Sure, but...what’s wrong with the room you already have?”

With a defiant set of her chin, Casey slid her bag off her shoulder and turned around to set it on the floor. “JC and I, ah, aren’t going to be seeing each other anymore so I need my own.”

Jasmine blinked slowly. “What do you mean you won’t be seeing each other anymore?”

Biting her bottom lip and willing herself not to give in to the lump in her throat or the burning in her eyes, Casey shrugged. She breathed slowly, inhaling to a count of five and exhaling to a count of ten. When she was sure she could speak without her voice breaking she straightened and turned around. “It means just what I said, Jazz: we’re not seeing each other anymore.”

“You broke up?” Jasmine asked in a disbelieving voice.

Casey rolled her eyes and waved a dismissive hand. “You can’t break up with someone you’re not officially with. Whatever.” She pulled her cell phone out of her jacket pocket. “‘Scuse me. I’m gonna see if I can get ahold of Everett.”

Jasmine nodded slowly. “Sure. Yeah. Um, Mike and I are going to grab something to eat. Should we bring you something back?”

Casey shook her head, still looking down at the phone in her hand. “No. Thanks, though.” She could feel her friend’s eyes on her but she didn’t look up.

After a minute Jasmine cleared her throat. “OK, well...there’s an extra keycard on the bedside table. Just in case you need it.”

“Thanks.” Casey offered a wan smile. As Jasmine walked out of the hotel room, she found the number she was looking for.

“Hey, Everett, it’s Casey. Um, I was wondering if there was any chance I could get a room to myself?” She paused. “No, I mean for the rest of the tour. JC and I are...done.”

***

JC stared up at the blank expanse of the ceiling, tucked one arm behind his head, and sighed. He inhaled and exhaled at an even pace, counting in his head. It was calming and centering. He needed some calm and centering.

He’d been looking at same spot since for the past fifteen minutes--ever since she walked out the door. The whole scene played on a loop in his head. It was funny kind of, the way he’d felt a perverse sense of relief as he’d said everything he’d been holding back. Now, as he lay in the bed alone, all he felt was cold.

He wanted to pretend like it didn’t sting every time they walked outside and she dropped his hand like a hot potato. He wanted to pretend like hearing her tell everyone who asked that, no, there was nothing between them didn’t bother him. That all of the “we’re just friends” was totally OK with him. Not when he knew differently. Not when he was falling in love with her more and more every day.

Why, he wondered furiously, did she have to make everything so damn difficult though? There was nothing, nothing, about Casey that was simple. Not when it came to anything remotely bearing emotions. And in terms of emotions the girl was unstable as hell. She didn’t-- couldn’t, it seemed--deal with emotions. Hers or anyone else’s. Which was ironic considering her talent as a lyricist; in her music, she seemingly had no problems deep-diving into all sorts of emotional waters.  

Truth be told, he was pissed at her. For her non-response. That she’d walked out the door without a word and barely a backward glance at him. He wanted to believe that it meant more to her. That he meant more to her. But if he did then she wouldn’t have just left. Not without a fight.

So maybe, despite the things she said when it was just the two of them in the quiet dark, despite the things he thought he felt from her when they were together...maybe he just wasn’t her priority. Maybe stupid comments from strangers on the internet meant more to her than what he thought they’d come to mean to each other.

JC remembered, months earlier, when he’d first come to the realization that she had the power to hurt him. And she had. Which maybe, probably, made him the foolish one.

It was his own damn fault though; from the moment he’d encountered her in that hallway with her psycho ex-boyfriend, he’d known she came with lots of baggage.

And he’d gotten involved anyway.

He closed his eyes, finally feeling his body succumb to exhaustion. As he drifted off, he hoped Casey would stay off of his mind for at least a few hours.

***

Justin had no sooner ended the call with his mother than his phone was chirping again. He looked down to see a new message from Jasmine.

Are you in your room alone? the message read.

Yeah. What’s up? he tapped out quickly.

No reply came, but five minutes later someone was knocking on his door. A quick peek through the peephole confirmed that it was Jasmine on the other side. With a crooked grin he pulled it open and let her in.

“When was the last time you talked to JC?” she asked immediately.

“Uh, I don’t know. Thirty, forty-five minutes ago? We had a couple of interviews earlier.”

“And he was OK?”

He wrinkled his forehead in confusion. “He was fine. Why?”

She took a deep breath and collapsed into the nearest chair. “Casey came to my room a little while ago and asked if she could hang out for a bit because she needed to talk to Everett about getting her own room. So of course I was like, ‘what’s wrong with the room you already have’ and she gives me this weird look and says, ‘JC and I aren’t gonna be seeing each other anymore.’ And I’m like, ‘well what the fuck does that even mean?’ And she’s just like, ‘it means what I said; we aren’t together anymore’ or some shit like that.”

Her words tumbled out in one breath and for a few seconds Justin simply stared at her, blinking rapidly. “Wait...what?”

Jasmine shook her head in disbelief.  “All I know is she was fine last night, and you say he was fine this morning. So what the fuck could’ve happened between then and--”

“When he got back to the hotel room,” he interrupted. “How long ago did she show up at your door?”

“Maybe fifteen or twenty minutes? I stopped by Mike and Lawrence’s room before I texted you. You’re sure something couldn’t have happened earlier?”

Justin cocked his head to one side, forehead wrinkled. “JC was completely fine this morning. He mentioned being jealous because Casey was going to sleep when he left the hotel.” He paused. “She didn’t say anything else?”

Jasmine shook her head. “Nothing. But she looked like she was about to cry.”

He sighed. “Are you going to try to talk to her?”

With a snort, she stood back up. “Probably, but you know how well that’s going to go over.” She shrugged. “Mike and Lawrence are waiting on me so I gotta go. Um...if you find anything out, let me know.”

He nodded and followed her to the door, opening it for her when they reached it. “Yeah, you too.”

***

Within ten minutes of her phone call to Everett, Casey was settled in her own room. It turned out he always booked a couple of extra rooms, just in case. He’d given her a funny look when he handed her the keycard, but she was thankful he hadn’t asked any questions.

The room was a bit smaller than the one she’d shared with JC, but it didn’t matter; she was simply thankful to be alone. She fleetingly wondered if she could have a single room for the duration of the tour or if Everett would put her back with Jasmine.

JC had caught her completely off guard. She always thought of him as unflappable, and not because he didn’t have deep emotions; he just always seemed in complete control of them.

She’d only ever heard him sort of raise his voice once, and she’d certainly never seen him looking at anyone the way he’d looked at her. He was so angry. But he was also so hurt, and knowing that she was responsible for it made her feel panicky and sick.

Hurting him was literally the last thing she wanted to do, but the truth was, she was hurting, too. She’d stood there listening to everything he’d said, everything he’d apparently been keeping to himself for months, feeling like he’d gut-punched her. She could feel the hot tears sting her eyes and was thankful that she’d had enough self-control to not let him see her cry.

But now in the quiet of room, those tears were threatening to spill.

She ran into the bathroom and shut the door behind her. After turning on the shower to the hottest temperature she could handle without being scalded, she peeled off her clothes and discarded them in a heap on the floor. She stepped into the shower stall beneath the cascading water, positioning the spray directly over her head. As soon as the water hit her, everything came out. Tears coursed down her face and she couldn’t stop the sobs that wracked her chest.

This was not how things were supposed to go. JC was certainly not supposed to break up with her. Not now. Not when she was finally figuring out how she felt about him.

She hadn’t realized how lonely she’d been until she found herself involved with him. Sure, she had her dancers and their friendship was important to her. But JC got it, everything about her life, in a way that no one else in her life could understand. Because he was living it, too. The thought of not having him anymore, just to be there quietly understanding her when no one else did, filled her with a kind of dread that felt almost too big to handle.

But she was angry with him too, for being so stubborn about the whole stupid thing. Some person took pictures of them during private moments and plastered them all over the internet; she had every right to be pissed. Their relationship was no one else’s business. Besides, the people who counted--the people they cared about--knew. She had introduced him to her family for fuck’s sake. Before they were even officially...a thing. He had to know that meant something.

As for the rest of them--fans, random posters on gossip forums, entertainment journalists and radio DJs--it was none of their fucking business anyway.

He should’ve been happy that she didn’t want to parade him around like a trophy. Like she knew plenty of other women would have gladly done. The way AnaBeth had done, she thought bitterly. Casey could’ve done that, too. He was the bigger star and she could’ve milked their relationship for more red carpets, and more interviews, and more magazine covers. She knew certain people would find her way more interesting, on account of him. But she didn’t want to use him, not even inadvertently, in any way, to further her own career.

And, yeah, OK, she maybe cared a bit too much about about what other people would say. Media. His fans. But the fact was, ultimately whatever negative things they had to say would be directed to her. Because that was the way the world worked.

It was her reputation on the line. She was going to be the one that they criticized. And despite what he’d asked her, it didn’t have anything to do with race. No one who counted was going to give a hot damn about that. But they would care about the fact that she was still a newcomer to the industry, and wow, look; now she’s dating one of the hottest members of one of the hottest musical acts in the country. And how, exactly, did she managed to nab a spot opening up for them anyway? And it must be a coincidence that she was also on their label. And in what other ways was sleeping with him benefitting her and her career? And who else had she slept with to get to where she was?

And that wasn’t even touching on the book. Because as soon as that hit...

“Aaah!” Casey hit the wall with the palm of her hand in frustration.

JC was right; normally she didn’t care what anyone thought of her. At least, she didn’t care enough to let it stop her from doing whatever hell it was she was already doing. So why did it matter so much now? Was it just her career? That she still felt like she needed to prove herself? That she still felt, on some level, like maybe she didn’t belong there? Not just on tour with the biggest group in the country, but with him. Especially not with possibility of everything Tony had to say coming to light.

Of course JC didn’t know about the book--which she could freely admit was her own fault. But she didn’t want him to know, not unless she had absolutely no other choice.

She turned off the shower and got out, wrapping herself in a towel from the counter. With a steely determination she dried herself off roughly. Whether he knew about the book or not, if JC couldn’t respect her wishes, if he couldn’t respect her enough to go along with what she wanted, then they didn’t need to be together anyway.

It probably wouldn’t have worked out between the two of them long term anyway, she reasoned as she put on lotion. And whatever she thought was feeling...well, she was just glad that she hadn’t made the mistake of saying it to him.

She left the bathroom and dressed quickly, trying to ignore the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She’d told Everett that she and JC were done and it was true.

And eventually, she’d figure out how to be OK with that.

***

It took him a moment to realize that the knocking was coming from his door, and wasn’t a new part of the dream he’d been having. Of course once he realized that, he also hoped that whoever it was would go away if he didn’t get up. He was blissfully warm beneath the covers and in no hurry to get out from under them. Plus, being awake reminded him of the way she’d walked out earlier and he really had no desire to confront that unpleasantness just yet.

Still, the knocking persisted. With a grunt and vehemently whispered expletive, JC dragged himself out of bed and over to the door. Without bothering to identify who was on the other side, he pulled it open.

“Took you long enough,” was Justin’s greeting as he made his way inside.

JC rolled his eyes and trudged back to his bed. “Fuck you,” he said with no grit. “What do you want?”

Without waiting for his friend to answer he tucked himself back underneath the covers and closed his bleary eyes. Even in his only semi-lucid state, he had more than an idea as to why Justin was suddenly pounding on his door.

Nothing stayed secret for long on a tour, after all.

Justin took a seat on a chair a few feet away from the bed. Crossing his arms loosely over his chest, he stretched his long limbs out in front of him. “So why’s Casey gone?” he asked casually.

As much as he had no intention of discussing things presently, JC appreciated the fact that his friend had chosen to cut to the chase. Maybe it meant he could get rid of him that much more quickly. “Probably because not dealing with anything is Casey’s favorite way of dealing with everything.”

He groaned, rubbed his eyes, and opened them to find Justin watching him serenely. “I’m tired, J. And I don’t mean emotionally; I just want to sleep right now. Casey’s...I’ll figure that out later. Or not. I don’t know. Whatever.”

A few seconds passed as Justin continued to watch him with pursed lips. Finally he asked, “Did you tell her how you feel?”

JC opened his mouth to kindly tell the blonde to get the hell out of his room, but stopped at the last moment. Instead he shook his head. “Not exactly. I kind of tried to, but… Some pictures of the two of us from Vegas are on some gossip site.” He grunted again and sat up.  “We’re not like, making out or anything but it’s pretty obvious that there’s more than friendship between us.

“And Casey started freaking out about it, and I told her it didn’t matter and everything went downhill from there.” He shrugged. “She says if people know we’re together they’ll care less about her music and more about, well, us. And I get that, but…” He trailed off again.

“But you don’t believe her,” Justin offered with something like skepticism in his voice.

JC sighed, feeling bad for what he was about to say. “No, I don’t.”

“Why would she lie about that, though?”

“I don’t think she’s lying exactly,” JC said softly. “I just don’t think that’s the whole truth.”

“So if it’s not that, what do you think it is?”

“I don’t know.” JC absently picked at the fabric of the bedspread. “I asked her if she didn’t want people to know about us because I’m white.”

“Seriously, ‘C?” JC made a non-committal sound in response as Justin made a face at him. “Dude, she introduced you to her whole family. You think she would’ve done that if she cared about what color your skin is?”

JC frowned. “I don’t know, Justin. All I know is that she lost her shit over some stupid pictures, and she told some DJ how ridiculous the thought of us being together is. And I told her that if she can’t be with me all the way then…” He exhaled loudly. “Then we don’t need to be together at all.”

Although JC wasn’t looking at him he could feel the weight of his Justin’s eyes on him.

“Do you really mean that?” the younger man asked gently.

JC could tell by his friend’s expression that he didn’t think so. He looked down again and rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know, but she’s gone so it doesn’t really matter anymore.”

Justin stood up. “It matters. It matters to you, and I know it matters to her. But I guess you guys have to figure that out for yourselves.” He turned to leave before facing his friend again. “I still think you should tell her how you feel. The whole truth.” With that, he turned and left the hotel room.

JC sat and stared into space. It mattered to him a lot; Justin was half right. But he was also wrong, because JC was pretty sure that it didn’t matter that much to Casey.

He slid back down to rest his head on the pillow and closed his eyes again, hoping that no one else interrupted his sleep.