Another day dawned on the road; there were many miles and several hours yet to pass before they would reach their destination of Columbus, Ohio.

"You're going down, old man!" Jasmine exclaimed as her player ran down the field a considerable distance before being tackled; she was still in possession of the ball. She and Malcolm were playing Madden NFL on the Playstation as everyone gathered around the back lounge area to watch.  

Casey's phone rang in her lap, and she smiled when she saw the name flash on the display. She flipped it open and put it up to her ear. "Hey!"

"Well, shit; you're actually answering your phone! I figured I'd be talking to voicemail again," the feminine voice on the other end exclaimed.

"I know you've called a few times. I've been...busy." The volume in the small room increased as Jasmine scored against Malcolm and everyone cheered. "Hold on a sec, Jada." Casey exited the lounge, sliding the pocket door closed behind her. She passed through the bunk area, closing that door as well, and took a seat at the table in the kitchenette. "Ok, I can hear now. So how are you, girl? What's up?"

"Same shit, different day." Jada sighed. "School, work, etcetera. But I didn't call to talk about me; what's up with you? How's...everything?"

Jada Devlin was Casey's oldest friend. She was also Jasmine's cousin and had introduced the two a couple of years before. She and Casey became instant best friends on the first day of first grade, and despite the fact that the Devlin family moved out of state shortly before the start of junior high, they maintained their friendship through emails, letters and phone calls, as well as occasional visits. Now that Jada was in college in Nashville and Casey was busy with her career, the visits were less frequent, but the advent of SMS messaging meant they still kept in touch.

"I'm good...things are good," Casey began slowly.

Jada was the one person who knew the entire story of how things had gone with Tony, and as such, she knew she could speak freely with her. She was also one person who would, no holds barred, tell Casey exactly what she needed to hear, whether or not she wanted to.

"I, um...I did something. Well, I guess more accurately, I've been doing something. Because it's been kind of ongoing for a few weeks now."

"Hmm," was Jada's mild reply. There was no sense in trying to draw Casey out; when she was ready to spill whatever it was she had to spill, she would.

"I'm, um." Casey took a deep breath. "I'm kind of, um...sleeping with...JC."

"Chasez?" Jada sputtered from the other end.

"The one and only," Casey muttered.

"Ok, what? Since when? I thought he hated you. Or you hated him. Or...whatever. And what do you mean weeks, Casey? Why the hell am I just hearing about it now?"

"Jada." Casey exhaled heavily. "Chew me out for not telling you later, OK? Right now I need your advice."

Jada grumbled for a bit more before sighing. "Fine. But...how? I mean the last time his name even came up it wasn't in the most positive way. Forgive me for being a little mind blown right now."

Though her friend couldn't see it, Casey rolled her eyes impatiently. "It just...happened. One night. After a show. I ran into him and I...wanted to try and maybe clear the air."

"Orlando finally?" Jada was the only person who knew what JC had witnessed between Casey and Tony.

"Yeah, well, that was the plan. We, um, we started arguing."

"Okaaaay," Jada replied. "And at what point do we get to where you're knocking boots?"

"That's just it, Jada. We pretty much went from arguing to not arguing and in bed in a matter of minutes. And we've been going back to bed ever since."

"Damn, Casey." Jada whistled. "If you've been banging for a few weeks I'm assuming he's lived up to all of your many fantasies?"

Casey snickered. "You can most definitely assume that."

"Well, they say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. I could think of worse people to get under than JC," Jada quipped. "Although I personally would've chosen Justin but, different strokes and all... So what's the problem?"

"It's just that..." Casey sighed and propped her elbow on the table. "How would you define friends with benefits?"

"Uh, a friend you like getting naked with, with absolutely no strings attached." Jada's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"I mean, like...practically speaking. Do you hang out a lot when you're not getting naked? And after the deed is done, do you stick around and spend the night?"

Jada snorted indignantly. "That's not a friend with benefits. That's a-- Oh, shit! Do you spend the night with him?"

"Not...always," Casey said defensively.

"People in relationships have sleepovers, Casey. What's going on with you guys?"

"I don't know, Jada. I'm so fucking confused right now." She pouted and leaned over, resting her forehead on the table. "I've been spending a lot of nights with him. And it's like, everyone around us just expects it or something."

She twisted furiously at her thumb ring. "Doesn't this sound familiar to you? Just a little bit?" Casey could hear Jada's groan of disatisfaction on the other end.

"It's not the same thing, Casey," she said simply.

"And yet you know exactly what I'm talking about so--"

"OK," Jada began hurriedly, "on the surface you could say that. But you know as well as I do that this isn't the same thing. It's not even for the same reasons."

"How do you figure? Because it sure as hell looks pretty much exactly the same."

"Is JC an asshole?"

Casey grinned despite herself. "No."

"OK then. Any similarities to past events are purely coincidental." Jada whistled softly. "Wow. You and JC Chasez are a thing."

"We're not a thing," Casey said quickly. "I mean...not really."

"So what are you?"

"Fuck." Casey slapped the tabletop. "I don't know. I told Jazz we were fuck buddies and she literally laughed in my face. And she's right because he's...it's more than that. But..."

"But what?" Jada prodded after a full minute of silence.

"I don't know," Casey mumbled.

"You're a liar." Jada laughed. "I've known you far too long, Casey Whitaker. So do me a favor: bullshit everyone else if it makes you feel good, but don't bullshit me And more importantly, don't bullshit yourself."

Casey scowled into the phone. "What the hell does that mean?" Jada snorted but didn't respond.

"I like him, J," Casey said in a small voice. "I mean...I think I do. But it's only been a couple of months. And maybe everything is all tied up in the fact that we, you know, are having sex. And I just don't want to be the type of chick who gets all mixed up in her feelings because of some kisses and cuddling."

Jada snickered. "You're doing a lot more than cuddling, honey."

Casey sighed. "I'm making a big deal out of this, aren't I?"

"Yes," Jada said quickly. When Casey groaned she laughed. "You always do this, Casey. You leap before you look and for the most part, things seem to work out for you."

"For the most part," Casey muttered. They both knew to what, and whom, she was referring.

"Casey," Jada began quietly. "Have you talked to anyone about what happened when Tony...when he left?"

Casey straightened in her seat. "There's nothing to talk about," she said flatly. "He's gone. End of story. There's no point in rehashing ancient history."

"Casey--" Jada began.

"Jada, I'm fine, OK? I don't need to talk to anyone about it."

Jada was quiet for a moment. "Are you having fun now? With JC?" Jada asked.

"I...yes."

"And he's having fun with you?"

"I think so. Yes."

"So keep having fun then."

Casey was quiet and Jada knew her friend well enough to know that in her silence, she was likely brooding. "Well talk to JC, then."

"About what?" Casey asked snappily.

"About what's going on between the two of you. Label it if you think that'll make you feel better."

As if she could be seen through the phone, Casey shook her head emphatically. "No, Jada."

"Why not?"

"Because..." Casey was back to twisting her ring. "Because I don't want him thinking that I'm over here analyzing every fucking thing when it's not even that big a deal. Because I don't need a label."

"I mean," she continued, without a breath, "he's kind of brought it up, sort of, a couple of times but it's more because like, Johnny--that's his manager--has asked a few questions and probably because the other guys kind of joke about things, but I know he doesn't really--"

"Breathe, Casey!" Jada interrupted.

Casey sighed. "I don't need a label, OK? I don't want a label. I just want to make sure that I don't make another mistake. That's all."

Jada said somberly, "Tony was...he was a wrong decision you made for the wrong reasons. I'm not saying that to judge you, OK? I'm just saying... Go with your gut, because when you make decisions for the right reasons, you make right decisions."

"You really think so?" Casey asked diffidently.

"I've known you a long time. Trust me."

Casey stared down at the table in front of her, tracing the pattern of the faux-woodgrain with the tip of a finger. "If you say so," she mumbled.

***

Normally JC bunked with Justin and Chris, but this time he was riding on a bus with Joey and Lance. It was a temporary arrangement, as the veritable menagerie they kept on the bus was growing somewhat overwhelming for him; the assortment of animal sounds and smells were beginning to get to him.

He was currently distracting himself with the song that was writing itself in his head. He sat in the rear lounge with a notebook and pencil in hand. He jotted down the last lyric that was clear in his mind and proceeded to drum the pencil against his chin. He looked up when the door slid open to see Lance.

"Whatcha writing?' Lance's deep southern drawl asked as he took a seat opposite JC.

The brunette shrugged. "Just some stuff that popped into my head. The muse is gone, though, I think."

Lance nodded. "It'll come back. It always does."

JC grinned, stuck the pencil behind his ear, and shut the notebook. "What's up?" He focused bright blue eyes on Lance's clear green ones. He could tell that something specific was lurking behind the steady, placid gaze.

"I just wanted to ask you something," the blonde said finally.

"OK..."

"I know the guys tease you and Casey with the whole ‘boyfriend and girlfriend' thing, but I was thinking...y'all have gotten pretty serious pretty quickly, huh?"

To their own amusement, and Casey's chagrin, Justin and Chris had taken to referring to her as such; true to his laidback nature, JC was unperturbed. He laughed it off, or ignored it completely.

He scoffed. "I don't know how serious it is." Truthfully he wasn't sure where Casey stood on the issue. He had thoughts on it, but she never seemed to want to discuss it. For the time being he was content to let things be.

Lance eyed him quizzically, with not a hint of judgment. "You spend a lot of time together for it to not be at least kind of serious." JC shrugged noncommittally, saying nothing and the younger blonde continued to study him closely.

The brunette smiled a little, one corner of his mouth turning up ever so slightly. "I like Casey. She's like...the energizer bunny."

"Too much info!" Lance drawled, with a grimace. "I want to be able to look her in the face next time I see her."

"I didn't mean it like that, man." JC laughed. "I just mean her enthusiasm doesn't quit, you know? She's excited about everything and she's interested in everything and she's just... I don't know. She's a cool chick. I like hanging out with her."

"If you're trying to convince me that whatever's going on between the two of you is strictly casual, you're not doing a good job." Lance smiled slightly.

JC shook his head with a wide grin. "I think she's great. I just...she's got a lot of baggage, and I don't know if she's ready to unpack it all."

"Has she told you about what happened? With Tony."

JC sighed heavily. "She won't talk about it; I've tried to bring it up a few times and she shuts me down."

Lance momentarily looked out at the passing scenery before turning his attention back to his friend. "Hmm," he hummed before turning his feline green eyes back to JC. "I know he hurt her, but do you think he, you know, hurt her?"

JC knew exactly what he was hinting at. There was some chatter after the incident that ended in Tony being ousted from the tour; no one knew exactly what happened in the hotel room. But that didn't stop people from speculating and wondering. The police took him away in handcuffs and though he had heard that she protested bitterly, Casey was whisked away to the hospital immediately after. No one but the two people who had been in the room knew what exactly had transpired; Tony was gone and Casey wasn't talking.

"I saw him get physical with her once before," JC said in lieu of directly answering his friend's question. Lance raised his eyebrows and he continued. "Right before she came on tour with us. That party the label threw, remember?

"I was coming out of the bathroom and I heard fighting. When I walked around the corner he was holding her by the arms and shaking her. I mean...I heard her tell him that he was hurting her. And she was crying."

Lance's eyes widened. "What'd you do?"

"Nothing, really." JC looked down, drumming his fingers against his thigh listlessly. "I mean I asked if everything was OK and she looked..."

"She looked what?" Lance prodded when several moments had passed with JC's silence.

The brunette looked up sharply. "She looked embarrassed. And I remember thinking that if anyone should've been embarrassed it should've been Tony. I caught her eye and she looked away." He blew out a breath. "He practically dragged her down the hall, away from me. They left after that."

Lance nodded slowly. "She told everyone she didn't feel well; I remember. I guess she didn't...after that."

"After he was gone--from the tour, I mean-- I kept thinking about Orlando. Maybe I should've said more that night. Or maybe I shouldn't have let him pull her away like that. Or maybe I should've told someone." He shook his head. "Casey's smart and she has it together and I just...I don't understand how or why she stayed with that guy."

Lance shrugged. "I don't know. But maybe...maybe she doesn't have it as much together as you think she does." He shrugged again and stood up. "I think we're playing cards up front, if you're in." With that, the blonde left the lounge, closing the door behind him.

JC sat quietly for a moment, still tapping his fingers on his leg and contemplating his friend's words.  

***

Casey was exhausted in every possible way. The past three nights of shows had depleted her physically, and there were two more to go before a break. It took her by surprise when, that first night on the bunk, she realized that she missed JC. Loathe as she was to admit it, sleeping next to him had become more than a little comfortable. But now, as her eyes closed almost involuntarily, she thought spending some nights away from him was maybe a good thing.

She drifted, lulled by the motion of the moving wheels, considering the upcoming visit to Chicago. They'd be spending two full days and overnights in the city, and she hadn't made a decision about whether or not to tell her family about him. She was a little worried about what her parents would think about her being involved with someone so soon after Tony, especially considering, well, considering everything that had happened with him. Her parents still didn't know the full story. Her dad had let it go, but her mother kept asking questions. It was obvious that she didn't quite believe that Casey was completely OK. And maybe she wasn't, but there wasn't time to dwell on it. There was the immediate day to day focus of the tour, and interviews, and photos. And there was JC.

Voices that sounded suspiciously like Jada and Jasmine floated in her head as she existed in that weird space between sleeping and waking. Voices that suggested that she was feeling something for JC that went beyond lust.

She shivered at that thought, a peculiar sensation growing in the pit of her stomach.

She didn't have a lot to compare him to sexually, not really. Her history wasn't, in the strictest sense, particularly long or thrilling.

Nikolas was her first. They started dating as freshmen, and the next year, after deciding that they were in love and would be forever, they lost their virginity together. It was, she thought, the perfect story of young love finally consummated. He was sweet and clumsy and she was shy and nervous. Over the next two years he wasn't as clumsy and she wasn't as shy, and sometimes it was absolutely lovely with him. But she was always quiet when her friends described rockets and fireworks; sex with Nik was pleasant and enjoyable, but it didn't make her toes curl or send chills down her back. When he went away to school and she stayed near home, they briefly tried to navigate a long distance relationship before mutually deciding that they needed to experience other things, and other people.

In the aftermath of her breakup with Nik, Casey set to make experiencing other people a reality. A couple of months later she met Jeff. He was the cute drummer friend of a guitar player she sometimes wrote with. They made out at a bonfire and drum circle in the country after too much liquor and too much weed. Though he asked for her number she figured he'd never call; when he did, and she realized he was just as good-looking when she was sober, they started hanging out. It didn't take long for her to realize that they had almost nothing in common. Despite that, he was hot and she was newly single, and although Jeff had a tendency to come too quickly, he was also more than eager to go down on her. Oral sex, and an extremely willing partner, was a whole new horizon for her and for awhile, she enjoyed it. After a few months of sex and other stuff, he told her he thought he was falling in love with her; she told him she had no room in her career for a serious relationship.

Derek was a local rapper. They ran in similar circles and crossed paths on a number of occasions. Eventually she sang a hook for him and they subsequently hooked up. He was cute and talked a good game, but much like his rapping, he was wack in bed, and it was made worse by the fact that he had the nerve to brag about their encounter to anyone in their social circle who would listen. Casey set the record straight about his lack of skill between the sheets, and the lack of size in his pants. And he quickly stopped mentioning her name. She vowed never again to have a one night stand.

Finally there was Tony. She was eighteen and he was...older. He was more experienced and she liked that. He was intense and aggressive, and it turned her on, at first. He told her what he liked, and how he liked it and let her know in no uncertain terms how much he liked it. He took control sexually and in the beginning she enjoyed that about him. He seemed to always want her, and although she wouldn't have admitted it then, it fed her ego. She thought it was sexy when he touched her intimately while she was on the phone and got her to hang up with whomever it was on the other end. Or when she had some place to go and he chose the exact moment she needed to leave to push her up against a wall for a quickie.

He couldn't, he told her, control himself when she was around and mostly, that made her feel good. At first she was in the mood for sex whenever Tony was, at first.  And that was good, because she quickly found out how volatile Tony became when she wasn't. He never forced himself on her, not exactly. But he also never quite took no for an answer. He just wouldn't let up until she finally said yes. And she always did. After awhile she decided it was easier just to be in the mood whenever he was--whether she was or not. Sex became a series of sloppy kisses and forceful thrusts until he reached orgasm.

JC was fantastically different. And sex with him was more than just a distraction. It was more than her pretending to be interested because he wanted it. She wanted him at least as much as, if not more, than he wanted her. The simple thought of his lips or his skin or his touch was enough to make her wet.

And, yeah, she mused, he was pretty great out of bed, too. He was sometimes really serious and passionate, and at turns funny and silly. And he was really, very sweet. She had casually mentioned preferring dark chocolate to milk chocolate, and ever since, he made it a point to leave dark chocolate bars for her in the most unexpected places. And there was the way that he found rare recordings of her favorite musicians for her to listen to.

"No," she whispered. "It's sex. That's all." She turned over in her bunk and buried her face in the pillow.