It had been two years. Two years since Leah had seen her sister. Coincidentally, the last time she had felt a blind fury mixed with a fizzing sensation of frustration whirling around like a tornado at the pit of her stomach was also two years ago. Leah and Jill had always had quite the tumultuous relationship, but she had figured that by their thirties their bond would grow. She figured they’d both be mature enough by now to eye to eye, come to compromise on things, and that they’d both be willing to help make life easier for one another from time to time, because you know, that’s what sister’s do. Unfortunately, Leah was only half right. Not quite there yet.

For the sake of good first impressions, Leah tried her damndest to swallow down her irritation, and somehow manage to utter, “I- uh… Jill can I talk you for just a sec?”

“Sure!”

“Alright, David, Annie, very nice to meet you,” Leah said turning to her unexpected guest. It was as important to her to treat them as she would her own family, considering the fact that they were probably just as clueless to the fact they were uninvited as she was to the fact they were even coming. “If you’ll just make your selves at home, I’ll be right with you shortly,” she said, showing them into the living room.

“And you, are coming with me,” she said, pointing to Jill, as she broke off into the dining room. Once they were in the confines of the dining room, and a safe distance away from everyone else, Leah whipped around on her sister, “Jill, what the hell?!”

“Merry Christmas, sis!” Jill exclaimed, sticking her left hand out and wiggling her finger, to expose the Tiffany princess cut diamond on ring finger. “I’m engaged!”

“Oh. My. God.”

A good twenty seconds passed before either one of them spoke again. “Aren’t you gonna say anything? Aren’t you happy for me?”

Of course Leah was happy for her sister, how could she even ask that? Everything was just such a shock. It all seemed to come at once. She went from being surprised, to angry, and then surprised again. It was a major shock to her system of emotions. “No, yes, of course I’m happy for you,” Leah blinked taking everything in. “I just need a minute to process all of this. Engaged, huh?”

“Yeah, can you believe it? He’s a banker. On Wall Street!”

“Well, you’ve always been ambitious…”

“I can’t believe you just said that,” Jill gasped, turning on her heels to leave.

“No, no, Jill I didn’t meant it, it just slipped out, come back here,” Leah said, grabbing her sister by the wrist.

“You know, you say that like I haven’t been practicing law for fifteen years now.”

You mean barred from practicing law in several states, is what Leah wanted to say, but thought better not to bring up her many legal indiscretions at the moment.

“You can never be happy for me. You treat me like I’m a child.”

“Jill, I’m not treating you like a child,” It was always frustrating, whenever she had to deal with her sister. Growing up, she was incredibly spoiled, and their parents easily gave into her every demand, fed every tantrum, and stroked her ego. She was incredibly vain, paranoid and insecure and needed constant validation from the people around her. She often pulled stunts for attention within the family. Her high school psychiatrist informed her parents that she exhibited Narcissistic tendencies, and referred her to professional help. In short, she was unstable, and quite frankly this is the reason why she was not Godmother of the twins.

“You’re doing it right now; you’re talking down to me!”

“Jill, I think it’s great you’re engaged. Really, I, do.” She figured it was better to talk Jill down than to argue with her. Especially at Christmas.

“You’re really happy for me?”

“Yes, I am. I’m just surprised is all. I just wished you would have told me way ahead of time.” Because I’m cooking for 20 people, not 21, not 22, she decided to leave out.

“I really wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Well, surprise,” Leah tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a gurgle.

“Merry Christmas!”

She was trying to stifle her anger, but it just kept rising like indigestion. She figured if she stopped viewing her sister as the bumbling idiot that she was, and start seeing her for the certifiable person that she is, then maybe, just maybe, she’d be a little more tolerable. Yeah, no. By the time she was done with Jill, she would be convinced that she herself was crazy. “So, now that we have gotten this out of the way, is there anything else that I need to know?” Anymore money laundering schemes? Faked pregnancies? Or unauthorized practices of law?

“From me? No,” Jill shook her head.

Thank, God. This was tame for Jill, this, this could be handled.

“But Dad, however, is bringing his new girlfriend. I bet she’s hideous.”

“Wait, what?” In any minute now, she’d be ass naked in front of Mr. Raymond’s eighth grade class, being asked to give her oral report on Little Women, and then she’d become erotically charged from the sound of him saying the words, oral report, because after all, this was a dream. Because, no. Her father was not bringing his new girlfriend, whom she had never met before, who was not invited to Christmas dinner! She pinched herself. Dammit, he was. “No, no. no. no. no!”

“Oh, yeah,” Jill replied.

“Why doesn’t anyone bother to tell me anything, when it’s my damn house, they’re?!” Just as Leah began to process the enormity of the dysfunction that was her family, a migraine began to set in, and the pain was singed by the sound of the doorbell.

“That must be them now,” Jill said, heading for the front door.

“No,” Leah huffed, following behind.

Happily waltzing through the hallway as if she were at home, Jill made her way to the foyer and opened up the door. Both she and Leah were very surprised to see their Mother, Gabrielle, along with Meredith, her assistant, and Richard- her ex-lover.

“Joooooosh!!!!”