YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ALONE
Chapter 1
By: Karen Truesdell
Blindly her gaze fell upon the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree. Curled up against the pillowed back cushions of the sofa, her legs were tucked up beneath her. The soft strains of a Christmas carol drifted around her. It was his song. It was the one he had written for her only a few short years before. It was the one he always sang softly to her on Christmas Eve. It was a sweet reminder of a time past. It was a harsh reminder of the current time.
She lowered her eyes to look at the few packages scattered beneath the tree. Absently she counted them. There were six packages there, six gifts wrapped, tagged and waiting to be opened in only a few short hours. But, these six packages would not be opened on Christmas morning. They were tagged with a name of someone who would not be there to open them. She breathed a shaky sigh and willed back the salty tears that threatened to fall if she didn't compose herself quickly.
Her hand skimmed along the back of the sofa. The leather was soft, yet cold to her touch. It hadn't always been that way. As her eyes scanned the room, they stopped at the darkened fireplace across from her. A sad chuckle escaped her lips as she remembered many the nights that he would come in, light a blazing fire, and together they would curl up on the sofa with her being cradled in his strong arms. Without realizing it, she shook her head. As far as she was concerned, the fireplace would stay forever dark and the sofa would remain a cold, harsh reminder of a much better day.
Her mind's eye flashed a picture across her brain. She blinked, trying to erase the vision. It held fast. Blue eyes bored into her as full lips brushed against her own. She closed her eyes in an attempt to ward off the sight before her. Tiredly, she leaned her head against the back of the sofa. Almost instantly she fell into a fitful slumber.
Softly the next Christmas carol began to play on the cd player. Her subconscious instantly picked up on the strains of "Oh, Holy Night". In the haze of sleep, she focused her attention on a different Christmas tree. It was oddly familiar as she looked at it. It was the tree she had decorated one year before. Cheerful voices filled her dream as she wandered through the room. Faces of friends, both his and hers, flashed before her. She knew she was speaking to them, but she couldn't hear the conversation. A pile of gifts lay beneath the tree. She focused on them briefly.
"This has to be the best Christmas ever!" his familiar voice echoed in her head. "I love you so much."
In the dreamy fog, she felt herself smile. She watched him as he moved closer to her and slowly lowered his head, lovingly placing a warm kiss on her slightly parted lips. Her breath caught in her throat as she could feel his arms wrap around her. He held her close and allowed himself the luxury of tasting her lips slowly, teasingly.
In the next instant, she was kneeling next to the presents scattered on the floor. Her eyes watched as he walked over to the fireplace and reached down inside the Christmas stocking marked with her name. He pulled it from the mantle, stuck his hand down into it, and retrieved a black velvet box. His eyes twinkled as he held it out to her.
She raised a trembling hand to her mouth, hoping to hold back the cry of surprise that was welling up in her throat. He urged her to take the box. His long fingers were loosely wrapped around it, his hand extended in her direction.
"Go on! Open it!" he chuckled as he moved the small gift closer to her.
Her shaking fingers wrapped around it and she pulled it to her chest as she met his gaze.
The scene changed abruptly. The beautiful Christmas dream was quickly becoming a nightmare. His eyes were steely and cold. He held no gift out to her. He only threw out accusatory sentences at her. She heard his vehement words as he hurled them at her. She felt lost. He told her she would never understand him. He asked what had happened to the girl who was always there for him. He screamed at her for being so demanding. He questioned what her motives were. Why did she stay with him? What did she want from him? Was it all for the money and status? Was she just a money hungry slut who cared only about the notoriety being with him could bring her?
She opened her mouth to defend herself when he quickly raised an angry hand and told her to keep her thoughts to herself. He made sure she knew there was nothing of importance she could say that he wanted to hear. Then, without warning, he held out his hand. Her eyes were wide with fear.
"Give it to me!" he shouted at her.
Helplessly she shook her head.
"I said give it to me! You are not keeping that!"
Hot tears streaked down her face as her trembling right hand reached to her left hand and slowly removed the sparkling band from her ring finger. Refusing to wait until she handed it to him, his hand snuck out, pulled the ring from her fingers and quickly stuffed it into the front pocket of his jeans. Without another word, she watched as he stormed quickly to the front door and exited, leaving her alone and cold. The sound of the door slamming shut instantly woke her from her sleep.
Feeling somewhat disoriented, she sat upright and tiredly ran her hands over her face. Again she looked at the gifts scattered beneath the tree. Quietly she fought to swallow the lump that had mysteriously appeared in her throat. She was lost inside her own home with no idea where to turn.
Dejectedly he walked around his apartment. Anger poured from his being. He was seething. The fury welled up within him until all he could think of was finding something - anything - to break. His eyes searched the living room. He shook his head. There was nothing for him to throw. There was nothing for him to break. His possessions were all he had left now. His world was crumbling beneath him and he was helpless to stop it. The one thing that had mattered most to him was suddenly out of his reach; it was out of his life.
Sadly he reached into the front pocket of his jeans. The light reflected off of the diamonds in the ring brilliantly as he held it before his eyes. He twisted it in his fingertips as he studied it. He shook his head. Without a thought, he tossed it aimlessly onto the coffee table in front of the sofa. Turning his back, he headed to his bedroom.
Angrily he pushed the door open. He stood in the doorway, looking around. One thought came into his head - escape. All he could think of was getting away from all that had happened. His life was in turmoil, and being here with all the reminders of her was something he didn't think he could face. There had to be someplace on the planet he could run to in order to get away from the memories that flooded his brain. He didn't know where that place was, but he was sure he'd find it in a very short time.
Almost as if the car had a mind of its own, he steered it into the long, winding driveway that led to the secluded house in the clump of Pine trees. He pulled the car to a stop directly behind the house, keeping it well hidden from the road at the foot of the driveway. He had forgotten how secluded, how alone this place was. It was once his retreat from the public eye. It was the only place he could go and find solitude in his hectic, chaotic life. Now though, it was going to be his haven, his sanctuary. This was the place that would allow him the privacy and time he needed to deal with the tremendous loss he felt. His heart ached with the memory of her. Slamming the gearshift into park, he drew a deep breath, closed his eyes and tried to pull himself together. A sardonic chuckle left his mouth at the thought.
"Together?" he asked himself. "Am I ever going to have it together again?"
He shook his head and removed his keys from the ignition. Stepping into the cold winter air, he pulled the collar of his black leather jacket up around his neck. A light snow was falling around him. He walked slowly toward the front door of the cabin. He fumbled in his pocket to find the keys, and easily slipped the key into the lock. The rustic wooden door slid open and he stepped inside.
The room was dark, cold, and quiet. He reached to the wall and flipped on a light switch, casting a warm glow about the entire room. He smiled. He felt the cold penetrate through his jacket and immediately headed toward the thermostat. With the flip of a switch, he heard the sound of the furnace instantly start up. He rubbed his cold hands together and blew on them. Searching the room, his eyes fell on the darkened fireplace at the far end. He nodded to himself.
Heading out the back door, he found the pile of firewood that had been neatly stacked during the warm summer months. Straightening his jacket, he walked over, grabbed four rather large logs and hurriedly made his way back into the cabin. Purposefully he made his way to the fireplace, set the logs in front of it and grabbed a handful of newspapers and kindling.
First he crumpled the newspapers and threw them into the grate inside the fireplace. Then he strategically placed the pieces of kindling on top of the newspaper. Carefully, he arranged three of the four logs on top of the kindling, leaving the fourth to rest on the hearth. Patting his pockets, he realized he had no matches. Standing, he checked the mantle and found two books of matches waiting to be put to good use. He picked one up, pulled a matchstick from it, struck it and tossed it onto the waiting newspaper. Instantly, a huge flame met his gaze. He smiled as he watched the billows of smoke rise into the flue and go up the chimney. Again, he rubbed his hands together in an effort to warm them.
Stepping back, he admired the warm glow. A sad smile covered his face. He closed his eyes against the memory of the last time he had been here and built a similar fire. She had been with him. Many times they had cuddled together in front of the fire for long hours, sometimes talking, sometimes just enjoying being together.
The last time had been special. It had only been two weeks before. They had gone to the cabin to talk about wedding plans. The evening had grown cold and he had offered to turn up the furnace. She shook her head and had asked for a fire instead. Gladly he built one. She had laid the down comforter from their bed on the floor and lain down, watching him strike the match and set the fire ablaze. When he turned to look at her, she crooked her finger at him, and he crawled over to her, smiling brightly.
"I love being by the fireside." Her voice had been low and raspy.
"I love being with you." He had murmured next to her ear.
She had enveloped him in the embrace of her arms and they had made love all night in front of the fireplace.
He shook his head and ran his hands tiredly over his face. It all seemed so long ago. A shiver raced through him. He felt cold, but it was a coldness that had nothing to do with the weather.
Having unloaded a sparse amount of groceries from the trunk of his car, and removing his suitcase, he settled down on the couch. Thoughts raced through his mind. Memories he wanted to forget surged forward, making him remember things he'd rather forget. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he squeezed his eyes closed as he tried to force all coherent thoughts of her and what they had shared to the furthest recesses of his mind. It wasn't easy, but for his own sanity, he knew he had to do it. He had been in his retreat for only an hour, and already he was feeling the emptiness of being alone. With his eyes still closed, he leaned back into the sofa and willed himself to sleep.
Snow continued to fall at an increasing rate over the entire region. In less than an hour, sidewalks and lawns were completely covered and the roadways were becoming slick and treacherous. Irregardless, she managed to steer her car in the only direction she could think of. There were things she needed to take care of. There were possessions she needed to retrieve. There were items that belonged to her that were in someone else's home. She knew that if she didn't get them right away, she might not be able to get them at all. So forward she forced herself to go. She braved her way through the weather, mindless of the adversity of it.
How many times had she traveled this roadway? How many times had she marveled at the simple beauty of the area? How many times had she told him she loved escaping to his little hideaway with him? Now, she was going there alone. This time she was going to remove the pieces of her that he had carefully asked her to leave there. This time, when she left, she would leave a piece of her heart. It would be nothing tangible for him to see, but it would forever be a part of her that she would never have again.
Suddenly she felt the car sliding. She gasped as she attempted to pull it out of the slide. Wildly her hands gripped the wheel and tried to turn the car into it. Her foot pumped the brakes as her hands clenched the steering wheel even tighter. Her eyes stayed focused on the road as she finally managed to pull the car back into her control.
"Oh, my God!" she said breathlessly as she tried to regain her composure.
For a brief moment, she glanced at her hands still tightly wrapped around the steering wheel. She shivered at the sight of her white knuckles. Immediately she brought her gaze back up to find the snow covered road looming before her. Her eyes scanned her surroundings as she tried to acclimate herself to her location. Her mind was attempting to calculate how much longer she needed to be on this dangerously slick stretch of highway.
As she finalized her thoughts, her eyes caught sight of the familiar bank of trees just ahead. A sigh of relief surged through her as she neared the turn-off. Cautiously, she eased her foot off of the accelerator and began to lightly tap on the brakes. With a firm hold on the steering wheel, she began to turn onto the long, winding driveway.
"God, I hope I can get out of here." She mumbled to herself. Her eyes glanced up into her rearview mirror only to notice that the tire tracks she was leaving were quickly being covered over even as she ventured slowly forward. She shook her head.
She eased the car to a halt right at the front corner of the house. She looked up and noticed smoke coming from the fireplace. Her heart leapt into her throat. Someone must be inside. Someone had a fire going.
She looked around, feeling panic rise in her throat. The snow was coming down heavier now and she knew it would be foolhardy to attempt to leave. She mentally crossed her fingers and prayed that whoever it was in the house, it wasn't him.
Why would he be here, anyway? He had much too much to do to waste time here in seclusion. No, she told herself, it had to be one of his friends. She could handle that. She liked his friends and they liked her. All she had to tell them was she was picking up a few things, grab them, and be off. She'd be gone before anyone could tell him she had been to the cabin. She would leave her key on the table that stood beside the door, too. She might even leave a little note - thank you for the use of the cabin. Then he'd know the key was hers. There would be no question if she kept the key. He would have it in his possession.
A coolness began to settle over the room. Slowly he opened his eyes and looked into the fireplace. The fire was dying. Only a few hot coals and embers were left, effectively reducing the amount of heat the original fire had filled the room with. Begrudgingly, he pushed himself off of the couch and made his way to the back door. He reached up and removed his jacket from the hook that rested next to the door. Shrugging the leather jacket over his shoulders and placing his warm gloves over his hands, he opened the door and made his way to the woodpile.
Slowly she walked to the front door. With her foot, she kicked the snow away from the steps as she took them each, one by one. The snow fell heavier around her and her hair and shoulders were covered in a blanket of white fluff. The wind sounded softly through the Pine trees that encased the cabin. She shivered as the wind whipped around her. Clumsily she fumbled in her purse to find the key. Once it was in her hand, she slipped the key in the lock, turned it, and pushed the front door open.
