You Don’t Have To Be Alone

Chapter 7

            Obviously stunned, Abby stared blankly at JC.  He released her and she fell limply to the couch.  Her mind was racing.  Several thoughts fleeted through her head as she tried to understand what had just happened.  She forced herself to look up at him; trying to convince herself that this was the same man that only hours before had told her he never wanted to see her again.  What was happening?

            He had surprised himself.  JC had no previous intention of kissing Abby.  He had forced himself to avoid making any physical contact with her.  Yet, when she had brazenly announced her plan to leave, he knew he had to stop her.  If he was honest with himself, he had to admit he had wanted to kiss her ever since the moment she first opened her eyes.

            Nervously, JC licked his lips.  He lifted his right hand and began biting his nails.  He fidgeted in place, pondering his next move.  He suddenly felt as if he was in a chess game, and the outcome depended on his choice of moves.

            Abby reached up and tenuously touched her lips.  They tingled from where his lips had brushed over hers.  The kiss had been breathtaking, stealing all of her senses.  She slowly licked them, trying to taste him, yet denying to herself that she longed to feel him there again.  Her eyes were wide as she looked at him, an unspoken question of what had happened hanging in the air between them.

            “What?” he asked, somewhat surprised.

            She simply shook her head.

            “I won’t apologize, Abby.  I wanted to do that.”  His statements were flat and simple.

            “You have no right.”

            He arched an eyebrow and cocked his head.  “I have no right?  Are you serious?”

            She muttered her sentence again.

“Abby, don’t you get it?  I just told you, I love you.”

Abby lowered her gaze.  She found it extremely difficult to even look at him.  He was confusing her.  He was making it hard for her to catch her breath.  She was trying with every ounce of inner strength not to cave in to his machinations. 

“Did you hear me?”  His voice was soft, yet insistent.

“Yes, JC, I heard you.”

“Don’t you have anything to say to that?”

“No.”

            JC was dumbstruck.  What was he going to do?  He had just told this beautiful creature that he loved her and she made no reply.  The sound of him sucking in a deep breath caused Abby to shiver.  She sensed his anger was near the brink and she feared that he might begin screaming at her as he had done earlier in the day.

            Instead, he slowly moved away from the couch.  He walked across the room and stood in front of the window.  The night sky was obliterated by the veil of heavy snow as it fell from above.  The wind howled and JC simply stood, staring into the nothingness of the night.

            An eternity seemed to pass before either of them found their voice to speak.  After thinking about all that had happened, JC knew he needed answers.

            Without turning to face her, he swallowed his pride and, keeping his voice low and calm he asked her the inevitable question.

            “Who is he, Abby?”

            His question caught her off guard.  She was confused.  Obviously he was talking about a man, but she had no idea exactly what man he was referring to.  When she didn’t respond right away, he asked her again.

            “Who is he?”

            She took a deep breath.  “Who are you talking about, JC?”

            “That man I saw you with.  Who is he?”

            She was confused.

            “JC, I’m not trying to be difficult here, but I don’t know who you’re talking about.”

            He chuckled.  “Why did I think you’d tell me?  I should have known better.”

            “Just what is that supposed to mean?”

            “Nothing, nothing at all.”  His tone sounded defeated.

            Abby rose to her feet and moved to stand behind him.

            “JC, what are you accusing me of?”

            He refused to turn around; even though the sound of her voice told him how close she was to him.

            “I’m not accusing you of anything, Abby.  I just knew you wouldn’t answer me if I asked you.”

            For a brief second, Abby lifted her hand to place it reassuringly on his shoulder.  Yet, just as she was about to come in contact with him, she retracted her hand and placed it back at her side.  Touching him would cause an all too familiar pain to race through her again and she wasn’t sure if she could handle that at this moment.

            “Excuse me, but I’m just asking you to explain what you’re talking about.  I have no idea who you saw me with or where you saw me with him.  Maybe if you gave me more details I could better answer your question.”

            “You aren’t going to tell me.  I know that.  You would have defended yourself earlier if you had thought it was of any use.”

            “JC, you didn’t give me any time to defend myself.”

            “You didn’t try.”

            She felt exasperated.  “I repeat, you didn’t give me any time.  You came in, all accusing, not giving me a chance to say boo.  How could I defend myself when you were screaming at the top of your lungs?  I had no idea what you were talking about then, and I still have no idea what you’re talking about.”

            He shook his head.  “That’s pretty convenient, isn’t it?”

            Without hesitation, Abby raised her hand and smacked the back of JC’s shoulder.

            “Would you please turn around and look at me?” she nearly screamed at him.  It made her head ache to raise her voice that way, but she wanted to see his face as he made his accusations.

            He turned to look at her, his head cocked to the side as he squinted his eyes to meet her gaze.  At first he arched an eyebrow and then shrugged.

            “What difference does this make, Abby?” he asked as he stared at her.

            “I don’t know, JC.  I just know I can’t stand here and talk to the back of your head.  Now tell me what in the hell are you talking about?  What man did you see me with and where did you see us?” her tone conveyed the complete lack of knowledge Abby felt about the whole situation.

            He shook his head as he scoffed.  Why did it have to be so difficult?  Why couldn’t she simply tell him what he wanted to know?  He felt like he had to beg her to tell him the truth.  Deep inside, he resented that.  She had been his fiancée, she owed him an explanation.

            “You were the one person in my whole life I thought I could trust, Abby.  You were the one woman who I allowed myself to believe was different.  I believed in you; I believed in us!”  His shoulders slumped.  “Why did you do it?”

            Total frustration seized Abby.  She wasn’t reaching JC.  There wasn’t anything she could say to make him understand that she had no idea what he was talking about.  Immediately, she looked around the room, suddenly needing to know the time.

            “What are you looking for?” JC asked.

            “I’m looking for a clock.  What time is it?”

            “What time is it?” he shook his head.  “Who cares what time it is?  I thought we were working through something here.”

            “Forget it, JC!  You don’t get it.  I just want to know what time it is so I can get the hell out of here.”    

            She turned away from him and picked up one of the candles on the small end table.  Walking over to the far wall, she lifted the candle to the face of the wall clock and positioned it so that she could see the face. 

            “Damn it!” she cursed.

            “What?”

            “It’s only three forty-five.  It won’t be daylight for a few more hours.  It doesn’t matter.”  She said as she lowered the candle and set it down on the opposite end table.  Without another word she walked toward the front door and retrieved her purse from the chair that sat beside the door.

            JC was aghast as he realized what she was doing.

            “You can’t leave, Abby.  Think about the road conditions.”

            “You know what, JC; I don’t really care at this point.  I just want to go home.  I never realized how small this cabin is.”  She shrugged the purse onto her shoulder and reached for the doorknob.

            “And you’re going to leave without a coat?  Isn’t that what stopped you before?”

            Squeezing her eyes shut she spun around and opened them, anger radiating from the brown depths.

            “You make me so angry, JC!  I hope you know that!  Give me my damned coat and let me get the hell out of here!”

            He walked over to her, only stopping a few steps in front of her.

            “I can’t do that, honey.”

            “Then, I guess I take my chances, don’t I?” she reached for the doorknob, gave it a turn and pulled the huge wooden door open.  Briefly she turned back and glared at him.  “It’s been a real pleasure, JC!”

            She took two steps onto the snow-covered porch and instantly felt the vice-like grip of JC’s arm as it swung around her and pulled her back into the cabin.  Her back hit the wall of his chest and she felt him hold her tightly in place.

            “I guess you didn’t hear me, Abby.  I said I couldn’t let you leave.”

            “Let go of me!” she struggled against him.

            “No, Abby, I’m not letting you go.” His voice was low and calm next to her ear.

“Stop squirming.”

            “Stop telling me what to do!  You’re not my father!” she hissed.

            “Then stop acting so childish.  You know damned well the roads are impassible.  I can’t let you go out into the storm.  It’s not safe.  You’re not well.  We’ll wait it out.  I’m guessing that by mid-morning, things should calm down.”  The feel of her pressing against him reminded him all too much of the feelings he had deep inside him.

            Abby fought back the tears that burned behind her eyes.  It was Christmas Eve.  There was a raging blizzard outside.  She was with the one man she thought she loved more than life itself, yet he had her so confused she didn’t know if she was coming or going.  Almost immediately she stopped struggling against him.  He felt her relax within the confines of his arm.  With his free hand, he gently brushed her hair away from her face.  Her breath caught in her throat as she closed her eyes in an effort to steel her reactions to his touch.

            Without a word, JC pulled her inside the cabin and closed the door.

            “Now, if I let you go, will you please behave yourself?”  His voice was soft and coercing.

            Abby nodded.

            JC released his hold on her.  Quietly he stepped away from her and walked over to the end table.  The light from one of the candles was weak, telling him it had nearly burned itself out.  He reached beneath the table top, to a small drawer and retrieved a new candle.  Holding the wick from the new candle to the flame of the old candle, he watched as the wick came alive with fire.  Carefully he blew out the old candle and replaced it with the newer candle.

            “Come back and sit down, Abby.”  JC told her as he turned and found her still standing near the door.

            Exhaustion was finding its way into Abby’s head.  She felt weak and sleepy.  Her head ached and her stomach felt queasy.  Sadly she thought to herself “Merry Christmas”.  Without speaking, she moved to the couch and sat down.  Immediately she rested her head against the back of it.  Her eyes drifted closed and what seemed like a million thoughts began racing through her head.

            As she sat there, trying unsuccessfully to push all incoherent thoughts out of her head, she was unaware that JC had moved into the kitchen and was preparing two cups of tea.  He used a candle to light a flame on the stove and quickly heated the water he needed.  When the tea was ready, he carried the cups back to the living room and sat them down on the small end table.  The aroma of the tea drifted to Abby and she gradually opened her eyes.

            “French vanilla?” she asked.

            JC smiled and nodded.  “I looked all over and finally found it.  I knew how much you liked it.”

            “Thank you.”  She replied, a faint smile gracing the corners of her mouth. 

            He reached for one of the cups and handed it to her.

            “Be careful, hon.  It’s hot.” JC warned her.

            With her eyes closed she raised the cup to her lips and sipped the sweet concoction.  Almost immediately the tears she had been struggling to keep at bay began to silently stream down her cheeks.  The memory of the first time she had shared French vanilla tea with JC hit her hard.  It had only been the previous Christmas, and JC had found it in a small “mom and pop” grocery store on the route he had traveled from the cabin back to her apartment.

            Last Christmas seemed so long ago.  With her eyes still closed, she found herself wishing it was that time again.  She didn’t know if she would make it through this holiday or not.  All she knew was that the man sitting very close to her now was not making it one bit easy.