You Don’t Have To Be Alone

Chapter 8

            Warming rays of sunlight peeked through the cracks of the narrow blinds that covered the windows to the small cabin.  Slowly, Abby raised a tired hand and covered her still closed eyes.  Hoping that the light would be gone, she lowered her hand, only to be blinded by the brightness once again.

            With a groan, she sat upright and tiredly looked at her surroundings.  The fire in the fireplace was nearly extinguished.  Light filtered into the room through the cracks in the blinds, lighting the once dim room.  The candle beside the couch had burned out long ago.  JC was sleeping peacefully in the chair across from the couch.  For a brief moment, she contemplated walking over to him, touching his cheek and waking him with a tender, loving kiss.  In a better place and time, that’s exactly what she would have done.  Yet, after all that had happened, she now had no confidence to do that.  She feared the repercussions of her actions, should she decide to be bold enough to make a move toward mending their relationship.

            Instead, Abby stood up.  Taking the hem of her shirt, she pulled it taught over the curve of her hips.  She ran her hands through her hair, messy from sleeping on the couch.  Her eyes drifted toward the window.  Abby found herself wondering what the weather was doing.  She moved quietly and reached to part the blinds.  The glare from the sun was nearly blinding.  As she let her eyes adjust to the brightness outside, she blinked several times.  Within a few seconds, her eyes focused on the blanket of white outside.  She smiled at the sight.

            The winds had calmed, the snow had ceased to blow, and if she listened intently, she was certain that she could hear the low growl of a snow plow somewhere on the roadway below the driveway.  Abby turned to see if JC was still sleeping.  When she realized that he was, she decided to seek out her coat and make her leave.

            Forcing herself into the bedroom they had once shared, she found her coat hanging neatly in the opened closet.  She smiled; remembering how JC was always the neat freak, wanting everything hung up as soon as it was removed.  Absently she walked to the closet, grabbed her coat and slipped her arms into the sleeves.  Walking over to the dresser, she slid open the top drawer, found a pair of black gloves, and slipped them onto her hands.  Swallowing the lump that had mysteriously appeared in her throat, she made her way back to the living room, past the sleeping form of the man she was in love with, and to the front door.  She picked up her purse, opened the door and silently made her way outside.  With a gentle tug, she pulled the door closed and headed in the direction of her snow covered vehicle.

            Trudging through the knee deep snow was not an easy task for her slight form.  She was all too aware that if she slipped and fell again, she could totally be lost until the spring thaw.  She shivered as the snow fell into her shoes.  Abby cursed herself for not having boots.  She chuckled as she realized that she had made her way in a hurry, not having any intention of staying as long as she had, let alone getting caught in an unexpected blizzard.  Wistfully, she looked at the blinding white blanket that was spread before her.  In another time, this blizzard would have been a very welcome distraction.  She smiled as she thought about the scenario that could have been, if only things had been different.

            As she approached the huge mound of snow that her car lay beneath, Abby heard herself making little groaning noises as her feet became more and more soaked.  Undaunted, she moved to the same side of the car where she had fallen the night before.  Her eyes squinted against the brightness of the snow as she raised her arm and swiped at the thick coating of precipitation that covered her vehicle.  She shook her head as she barely dented the thickness of the white powder.

            “I’ll bet the skiers are in their glory.” She mumbled to herself.

            A loud sigh escaped her lips as she moved her arm through the snow again.  This time she made progress as the blue metal of the door peeked through at her.  The sight drove her on and she continued to brush the snow away from the window and door on the driver’s side of the car.  If she could just get to the door handle, she could open the door, grab the snow scraper and put her purse on the seat.  She knew that only a few more swipes and her goal would be reached.

            Reaching her goal, she wrapped her slender fingers through the door handle, squeezed the button and felt the door pull free.  A huge smile covered her face as she peered inside the car.  It was dark except for the overhead light shining down on the interior.  Immediately she tossed her purse over to the passenger seat and looked into the backseat to find the snow scraper.  She extended her arm across the seat, grabbed the scraper, and pulled it over the seat. 

            “I love you!” she told the inanimate object and nearly clutched it to her as she stepped back from the car.

            The slam of the door caused a large amount of snow to fall off of the vehicle, dumping more around her small legs.  Again she laughed to herself at her predicament.  She raised the snow scraper and began the arduous task of removing snow from as much of the vehicle as was possible.

            Slowly, JC opened his eyes and took in his surroundings.  The sun was shining brightly through the windows, telling him that morning had arrived as well as letting him know that the storm had ended.  He reached up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes before he stood to stretch his tense muscles.  His neck was stiff from sleeping in the chair.  He forced himself to do a few neck rolls in an effort to loosen up the taught muscles.  His hand came up and firmly massaged the back of his neck, trying to work out the knot he could feel at the base of his head.

            Suddenly, he stopped.  His hand dropped to his side and he eased himself out of his chair as his eyes searched the room around him.  The cabin was completely silent albeit the few crackling embers still glowing in the fireplace.  He didn’t see Abby.  He didn’t hear Abby.  His stomach tightened into a nervous knot as he tried to figure out where she could be.

            Not hesitating, he moved swiftly to the bedroom.  He hoped against hope that she had tired of sleeping on the couch and made her way to the bedroom and the much softer bed.  His heart could take that, but not the thoughts that were hidden in the back of his mind.  He eased the bedroom door open, and squeezed his eyes closed as he noticed the perfectly made bed.  She wasn’t there.  His eyes drifted in the direction of the closet, the door still ajar.  He walked over and opened the closet door.  Her coat was gone.  He hung his head and cursed himself. 

            Within seconds, his mind was racing as he hurried through the cabin to where his leather jacket hung beside the back door.  Hurrying over to the front door, he slipped the jacket on and quickly opened the door.  Looking down, he saw the tracks she had left behind in the fluffy blanket of snow.

            A curse flew from him as he decided he had to follow her tracks.  If the walkway to his cabin was this covered, he didn’t even want to imagine what the roads were like.  He could hear the faint low growl of a snow plow somewhere in the distance, but even if they were clearing the roads there, he had no way of knowing what condition other roads were like.  He knew he couldn’t let her travel yet, if for no other reason than her safety.

            Looking ahead, he spied her still working feverishly to remove the snow from her car.  He stopped short, watching her as she diligently tried to clear the windows so she’d be able to see the road ahead of her.  Her jeans were covered in snow and her cheeks were bright and pink from the crisp winter air.  He couldn’t help but smile as he watched her.

            “Going somewhere?” he cleared his throat as he drew her attention.

            She jumped, startled by his sudden appearance.

            “I’m going home.” She said in a matter-of-fact tone.

            “Do you think you’re going now?”

            She arched an eyebrow and looked around her.

            “Abby, be reasonable.  Look at the amount of snow that fell over night.”

            “So?”

            He thrust his hands deep into his pockets, his fingers feeling the nip of the cold air that encircled them.  Frustration seized him at her one word question.  He moved in her direction, hell-bent on making her understand the danger she was placing herself in.  He couldn’t understand why she had to be so stubborn.

            Just as he reached a spot only a few inches from her, she carelessly brought the snow scraper through the snow resting on the hood of her car and a huge clump of snow landed right in JC’s face.  Abby gasped as she saw what she had done.  JC immediately pulled his hands from his pockets and began wiping the moisture from his skin, muttering under his breath something about stupid, stubborn women.

            As he raised his eyes to meet hers, the unmistakable giggle that he knew was Abby’s echoed in his ears.  He leaned over, resting his hands on his knees, trying to decide what he should do.  She continued to giggle; a sound that actually took all the hostility out of his body and replaced it with a tranquil feeling.

            “So, you think this is all pretty funny, do you?”  He tried to sound angry, even though that was the last emotion he felt.  He kept his gaze downcast, adequately hiding any humor he found in the present situation.

            Abby raised her soaking wet, glove covered hands to her mouth to hide her gleeful smile, but there was no mistaking the laughter that sounded in her voice when she spoke.

            “No, JC.  I don’t think it’s funny at all.”

            He arched an eyebrow, lowered his hands to the snow resting around his feet and swiftly raised himself and his hands to toss the handful of snow directly at her.  Instantly, her hair and face were covered in the white, cottony softness of snow.  Abby allowed a squeal of surprise to fill the air around them.  She dropped the snow scraper immediately, and reached down to fill her hands with more of the snow.

            “Oh, JC, that was just mean!” she yelled as she returned fire by throwing more snow at him.

            He burst into a fit of laughter.  He bent to pick up more snow and stumbled forward, tumbling into Abby like some clumsy clown.  His arms shot out, circled her and the two of them hit the snow with a loud burst of laughter.  Abby was practically buried in the soft fluff as JC landed on top of her, his face only inches from hers.

            When his eyes connected with hers, his laughter subsided and a look Abby hadn’t seen on his face before startled Abby into silence.  It was then that JC knew what he needed to do.  Slowly, purposefully, he lowered his head.  His lips were moving closer to Abby’s.  His eyes were scanning her face, watching for some reaction that would make him stop.  He found nothing that told him not to take the first step.

            Slowly he closed his eyes as he felt the first contact of his lips against hers.  Her breathing was ragged from the bout of laughter only seconds before, and her breath felt warm against his cooled skin.  Softly, he let his lips meet hers.  Slowly they moved against hers.  Her eyes drifted closed as she felt the coolness of his lips against hers.  Almost as if guided by instinct, she raised her arms and circled his body, pulling him closer to her.  When he felt her holding him, he eased himself against her, lowering his body to rest against hers.  They were only aware of each other.  There was nothing else around them; there was nothing else that mattered. 

            A soft moan came from somewhere inside Abby and JC heard it.  He kissed her harder.  He felt a longing, a desire, deep down.  He was suddenly all too aware of how much he truly loved this woman and how he knew he could never live without her.  His passion flowed forth in the kiss, his lips pressing more intently against hers, his tongue sneaking out, tracing her lips, begging permission to pass the barricade her lips were creating.  Instinctively, her lips parted under his assault and this time it was JC who moaned.  His hands came up to cup her face.  His thumbs stroked along her cheekbones.  His body ached to be with her. 

            Reluctantly, JC broke the kiss.  He was breathless.  His eyes were smoky and clearly filled with want.  Abby’s breath came in shallow gasps as she opened her eyes to gaze upon the man who had stolen all reason from her brain.

            “JC.”  Her voice sounded weak and faint to her ears.

            He silenced her by placing his index finger gently over her lips.  A gentle shake of his head told her not to speak.  He winked and offered her only a small hint of a smile.  When she noticed how his eyes crinkled at the sides, she knew he was feeling a happiness she hadn’t seen in him for quite some time.  Softly, she kissed the tip of his finger as it rested against her lips.  In that brief instant something passed between them that neither had ever experienced before.

            Easing his finger away from her mouth, JC pushed himself away from her.  He stood and offered her his hand in an effort to lift her from the blanket of snow that lay beneath her.  Gratefully she accepted his hand and allowed him to help her stand up.  A gentle tug pulled her small body close to his.  Her eyes never strayed from his as he lowered his head again, tenderly tasting her lips one more time.

            Stepping back from her, he took her hand in his and nodded toward the cabin.  At first Abby seemed reluctant.  She glanced toward the cabin, then at her car, and then back toward the cabin.  Uncertainty suddenly filled her.  She felt it.  It felt like a fear she had never experienced before.  Panic began to rise up inside her.  She tried to retract her hand from his hold.

            “Don’t, honey.  Please don’t pull away from me.”  His face was full of sincerity. 

            “JC, I don’t…”

            “Shhh.  Abby, honey, please come into the house with me.  I’ve made a mistake; I’ve made a horrible mistake.  Please, I can’t let you go.  I, I, I…”

            Abby stared up at JC, her eyes full of doubt as she listened to his pleas.

            “I love you,  Abby.  I love you so very much.  I can’t let you go.”

            He watched as her eyes glistened with unshed tears.  She hesitantly shook her head as she heard his words.

            “I do, honey.  You’re my world, my life!  I can’t live without you.  I was a fool to tell you to get out of my life.  I let my stupid male pride take over.”  He turned and took both of her trembling hands into his.  Her skin was cold to his touch and he knew she needed the warmth of the cabin.

            “Please, Abby, don’t leave me.”  His voice broke as his own eyes became moist with tears he feared to shed.

            “But…”

            “No ‘buts’ about it.  I was stupid.  I was a fool.  I was a moron.  But, I’m not anymore.”  He stepped closer to her, pulling her hands up to rest against his chest.  “My eyes have been opened, Abby.  It took me nearly losing you to realize what I had.  But, see?  I know now!  I know what I had in you, and I can’t be without you.  It can’t be too late.”  Suddenly he was filled with fear.  His blue eyes widened as the thought he was about to speak filled him with dread.  “Oh, God, Abby, please tell me it isn’t too late!  Please tell me I haven’t lost you for good.  Please!”  He swallowed hard as he waited to hear her answer.

            The first traitorous tear slipped from beneath her lashes.  Deep inside there was a part of her that still felt the need to run away.  It was the part that remembered all of his earlier anger.  It was the part that remembered his hurtful words.  It was the part that heard his voice echo over and over in her mind, telling her to get out of his life.  Her gaze drifted down to stare at the snow covering her feet.

            “Abby?” he whispered.

            Her heart was breaking.  Her heart still loved JC.  Her heart still needed JC.  Her heart still ached to be with him.  Her heart was afraid.

            “I …” she hesitated.

            “What?”

            “I can’t.” her voice broke as more tears slipped down.

            He was stunned.  His mind was screaming out the one word, “no”.  Abby couldn’t hear it.  How was he going to let her go?

            “Abby, I’m begging you, please.  Please, won’t you just give me one more chance? Won’t you let me try to explain what I felt like?  Please, Abby, please, don’t walk away from me.”

            Her head remained downward.  The tears streamed down her pink, cold cheeks.  Words escaped her. 

            “Honey, listen to me.”  He knew he had to explain.  “I don’t know who that man is I saw you with.  All I know, is now, I don’t give a damn about him.  I love you.  I’ll do anything to win you back from him.  Tell me what I have to do, and I’ll do it.  All you have to do is name it.”

            Abby’s gaze lifted and her tear dotted lashes blinked back a new barrage of tears.

            “What man are you talking about?”  She said very succinctly.

            “The man I saw you having lunch with, Abby.  I was in the restaurant with Chris.  We were talking and I looked across the restaurant to see some man, some tall fair-haired man, arrive at your table.  You seemed so happy, Abby.  I watched you get up, kiss him and then sit back down.  You were so animated as you talked to him.  He seemed to make you so much happier than I ever could.”  His gaze drifted away from hers as he recalled that fateful afternoon.  “I don’t know who he is or what he has to offer, honey.  But, I do know that I love you and I’m willing to do anything to win you back.”

            Abby reached up to touch JC’s cheek.  Her hand was trembling but when he looked down at her, her heartbreaking smile was not what he expected to see.

            “You silly, silly man.” Her voice was soft, almost like a caress to him.  “You threw me out because of him?  Oh, JC, you don’t even know him.”

            “I don’t need to know him.  I just want to make you happy like that.  I can’t lose you, Abby.  I just can’t!”

            “I’m cold, JC.  I think it might be a good idea to go inside.  What do you think?”

            Visibly stunned, JC nodded.  Wiping the tears from his eyes, he took her hand again and guided them to the cabin.  Pushing the door open, he simultaneously kicked the snow away from the threshold to give her a safer pathway to walk through.  As she stepped inside, she stopped and looked directly into JC’s eyes.

            “Why didn’t you just ask me?”

            She turned and went inside, not giving him a chance to answer.