“We hope you enjoyed your flight, sir.” The perky bottled-blonde flight attendant smiled enthusiastically at JC, who had been engrossed in his cell phone as he followed the line of passengers deplaning. He gave her a slight nod and a tight smile before exiting. The woman had annoyed him the entire flight, being overly attentive to him. At one point, she was nearly sitting in his lap. He tried to fake sleeping to get her to back off.
JC immediately caught the smell of the LA smog as he walked down the skywalk into the terminal. He slipped on his sunglasses and pulled his hat down lower as he blended into the rush of travelers scurrying around. He didn’t have the issues he used to when he traveled of getting mobbed but LAX was the most paparazzi saturated airport in the world and he wasn’t in the mood to draw any attention to himself. He'd been hounded there many times in the past by them coming and going.
This unfortunately was a short trip home. He would be home for two days only to have to turn around and fly back to Mexico City for another week before coming home for his friend Lance’s wedding. Then it was on to Florida for Christmas and back to Mexico City to finish filming. He was glad to be working but the last week and a half following Thanksgiving had been exhausting and it didn’t appear to be letting up any time soon.
Since his last trip to Oregon, JC hadn’t talked to Charlie as much as he had hoped. The whirlwind of work and family left him with very little time to call her. A few times he had called, she didn’t answer. Other times, she seemed kind of distant and the calls were short. He had a nagging feeling that them sleeping together might have been too soon. He enjoyed it immensely and didn’t regret it one bit but felt they should waited just a little longer.
While with his parents and siblings for Thanksgiving, JC managed to pull his dad to the side to have a father/son conversation. He needed some advice about Charlie. He filled his dad in on how he came to meet her and their relationship so far. Roy Chasez could see that his son was smitten. He had met many of his JC’s girlfriends over the years but he saw something different in his eyes when he spoke of Charlie.
Roy told his oldest son to follow his heart. His head would point him in the right direction and his heart would guide the way. He was shocked when JC mentioned he hoped to bring her home for Christmas. He knew JC held a sacred place for holidays. If he was willing to bring Charlie to meet them on a holiday, Roy knew JC was in this for the long haul. He was happy to see his son excited about a woman again. He couldn’t wait to meet the woman that put a spark in the younger man’s eyes.
JC was in the midst of sending a text to his manager that he had landed when he was bumped in the shoulder by another traveler walking in the opposite direction. His carry on slid down his arm, nearly hitting the floor. The person threw a robotic apology as they kept walking. JC froze when he caught the scent of Charlie’s perfume. He looked around quickly, seeing the back of the person who had just bumped into him. They had a hoodie pull over their head.
JC shook off the thought that Charlie was there and went back to his text message. There were probably thousands of women who wore the same perfume. Luckily, JC didn’t have to wait for any additional luggage since he was only home for a few days so he packed light. He got an almost immediate response from his manager that he was unable to pick him up from the airport but that he sent a car for him instead.
“Well that fucking figures.” JC scanned the large gathering of limo drivers and found one holding a sign with the name Scott Tyler scrawled across it. This was typically the name he used, a combination of his middle name and his brother’s first name, so as not to draw attention. He followed the driver towards the awaiting vehicle. He kept a watchful eye out for photographers that may be lurking.
The hooded traveler that JC collided with earlier fell in-step with him, their hoodie covered head down as they walked. He took in the person's black Converse sneakers that looked much like his own; their long jean clad shapely legs. He still couldn’t see the face but once again got a whiff of Charlie’s perfume.
“I think Scott Tyler owes me an autograph for nearly dislocating my shoulder.” JC almost tripped over his own feet hearing Charlie’s voice. He stopped, watching her and the limo driver continue the trek to the car. The driver held the door open for her, winking at her as she entered the vehicle.
JC was frozen in place, still several long strides from the limo. The driver gestured for him to enter. Charlie poked her head out, lifting her sunglasses so JC could get a full view of her face. She had a sly smile on her lips.
“Come on, handsome. You're gonna start catching flies, aka paparazzi, if you don't get a move on.” Charlie nodded her head, gesturing behind JC to the vulture pack of photographers looking for celebrity photo ops. She disappeared back into the car, JC following behind her quickly.
They both settled into the backseat of the limo, the driver pulling into airport traffic. JC and Charlie sat in silence. He stared at her stunned that she was really there. She pushed the hood from her head and removed her sunglasses since the dark tint of the windows shielded most of the late morning sunlight. He followed suit.
“Are you gonna say something or just stare at me like I killed your dog?” Charlie twisted in the seat so she was fully facing JC. He reached the small distance between them, pulling her into his lap. His face buried into her neck as they embraced tightly. She was a bit taken aback by the gesture at first. The hug was comforting. “Hey, the killing your dog quip was meant to make you laugh.”
“I can't believe you're here. I'm shocked to say the least.” Charlie couldn’t read if JC was happy to see her or disappointed.
“I can have the driver turn around and I can catch a flight home.” He quickly silenced her with a kiss. He absolutely didn't want her to leave.
“I'm beyond happy you're here. Just surprised.” Charlie’s expression softened as she cradled JC’s face, her thumbs tracing his cheeks.
“Mission accomplished. It was about time you got a taste of your own medicine for a change. Your manager was a helpful accomplice.” She gave his cheeks a playful pinch.
“Eric was in on this?” The surprises just kept coming for JC. “But how did you get his number?”
“He actually called me to my surprise. You must have called him from my home phone at some point. Unless you gave him my number.” JC had given her number to his manager as an additional way to reach him in the event he couldn’t be reached by cell in an emergency.
“That would be my fault.” His head fell back against the leather headrest. He never expected Eric to use her number if he wasn’t in Oregon with her.
“Josh, I'm not mad. It was just unexpected. He said you’ve been kind of mopey lately and offered to fly me out since you were gonna be home a few days.” JC cocked an eyebrow at Charlie.
“So, you’ll let him buy you a plane ticket but not me?”
“I never said I allowed him to pay for the ticket. I just recruited him to let me surprise you.”
“You should have just let him pay for it. He would have billed it back to me anyway.”
“Precisely why I didn’t let him. I really am okay to pay for my own way. It’s not a burden. Don’t ever feel the need to pay for anything for me.” She was really throwing him for a loop on this one. Women typically expected him to pay.
“It’s not that I feel a need to. I want to. When I ask you to come see me somewhere, I expect to pay for it. It’s my invitation so I pay.” Charlie moved to sit back in the leather seat but JC refused to release his arms from her waist.
“If we’re gonna fight about money already, it’s going to be a losing battle.” She crossed her arms over her chest, refusing to look at him.
“Look, Charlie. I get you may have gotten some type of settlement in your divorce but I don’t want you dwindling that money away on me. That’s for you. I’ll try to be more mindful of your feelings on this but don’t rob me of doing nice things for my girlfriend occasionally.” Charlie knew she was being petulant at the moment. If he only knew what kind of settlement she got in her divorce. The number of zeros still took her breath away. MLB’s All-Star, Gold Glove, Rookie of the Year, World Series MVP, Power Slugging Golden Child thought all of those zeros would minimize her blow. No amount of money from that prick could soothe the pain he caused her.
“I don’t want to rob you of doing nice things but I don’t want to be labeled some kind of gold digger.” She already had the luxury of that experience with her ex-husband.
“Don’t let the possibility of media attention get in the way. I really give zero fucks what they think as long as you and I know what’s going on between us. I don’t pay attention to what they have to say and neither should you.” Charlie tried that strategy with Owen but she still let it get to her. She raised her shame filled eyes to gaze into JC’s. He tried giving her an encouraging smile.
“Tell me about Mexico City and filming. I want to hear all about it.” He didn’t really like the change in subject.
“Just know this conversation is not over. We’re just putting it on hold.” Unfortunately, she was well aware of that fact but he went into stories about his time down in Mexico which she appreciated for the time being.
During their time apart, Charlie used the time to evaluate herself and her relationship with JC. The two of them sleeping together had been too soon. She knew that and she got the feeling he knew it as well. She was sensing it in that very moment with him in the car on the way to his house. His touches were hesitant, like he was being extra mindful of how he placed his hands on her which he hadn’t been in a while.
There had been times that she would avoid JC’s calls because it tore her up too much to bear facing him when she hadn’t been completely open. Facing her problems hadn’t always been a strong suit for Charlie. She relocated over fourteen hundred miles to escape her problems, appearing as though she dropped off the face of the earth, all to avoid dealing with conflict.
In the two weeks they were parted, choices were made and arrangements were finalized. Charlie was going to tell JC, no, she was going show JC who she really was. They may not come out the other side together but it was what she needed to do for not only his sake but her own. The ball wasn’t set to roll until the first week of the new year. She refused to ruin his holiday. She knew the feeling too well.
Perhaps just telling him everything now rather than later would be better but selfishly, she wanted a couple more weeks of happiness in case it all went away which it likely would. It was going to make it harder but she was a sucker for his smile. It would wait.
The remainder of the car ride back to JC’s house was pretty benign, him doing most of the talking about the movie. Charlie liked seeing him so enthusiastic about the project. The way his eyes lit up and the small crinkles at the corners of them as he spoke was the best part. She tried to commit all of his happy facial expressions to memory.
The limo wound its way up the narrow switchbacks of the Hollywood Hills and pulled into the small gated driveway of JC’s home. Charlie high fived the limo driver, slipping him a nice tip as they exited the car. JC chuckled at her goofy antics of getting a kick out of surprising him. He would need to be sure to thank Eric for calling her.
The limo pulled out of the drive and JC opened the garage door to enter the house. Charlie followed closely behind him. She took in his ever familiar SUV that he had treked up to Oregon in a handful of times. She also caught a glimpse of what appeared to be some type of German made roadster. Entering through the laundry room, the space opened up into a beautiful gourmet kitchen. The dark colored floors provided a nice contrast to the white cabinetry. The swirls of dark grey in the white granite complimented the stainless steel appliances. A large island was the focal point of the room. The scent of lemon cleanser lingered in the air.
JC leaned his hip against one of the long kitchen counters and watched as Charlie moved through the kitchen into the living room. She looked up at the beam covered high ceilings in awe. She saw a second story catwalk run from one side of the room to the other, she assumed where the bedrooms laid upstairs. The large living room was decorated in dark tones and wood finishes with pops of white and red throughout. It screamed masculinity but also comforting and welcoming at the same time. What she loved the most about the room was the view of the city from the large picture windows that occupied an entire wall. The unique angles of the wall gave different views from varying perspectives. She couldn’t wait to see the view at night.
JC draped his arm over Charlie’s shoulder from where she was standing, looking out at the city. She circled his waist, hugging him close. She inhaled his scent, also committing it to her memory.
“I missed you something fierce.” She kissed along his jaw and neck.
“I missed you too and I'll be sure to give my manager a raise for getting you to come out here.” JC allowed Charlie’s hands to explore under his polo shirt but stopped her short when she went for his belt. She didn’t put up too much of a fight to his hesitation. The pained smile on her face told him she was embarrassed.
“So is this thing tuned?” She moved out of his embrace, over to the grand piano that was a few feet from them. She teased him the way he had about her piano. He smiled amused at her quip.
“Of course.” JC watched Charlie sit on the bench and run her fingers lightly over the shiny finish. “It used to belong to Billy Joel.” Her eyes widened in admiration.
“May I?” He nodded. She gently lifted the fallboard to reveal the pristine ivory keys. She repeated running her fingers. JC stood behind her as she began playing. He recognized it to be the melody she had created herself. She played it for him the first time they sat at the piano together at her house. He had heard her play with the melody numerous times since meeting her.
“Any words yet?” He kneaded her shoulders, her head falling forward at the manipulation of his hands. It took her several moment to find her words due to the painful pleasure of the massage.
“No.” Her voice was a whisper. They stayed this way for several minutes; Charlie playing and JC’s hands worked out the knots in her shoulders and upper back.
“Come on. I wanna show you something. It’s my favorite room in the house.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her to follow him.
“Trying to get me in your bedroom already, playboy?” JC’s laugh echoed through the house as he guided her down a hallway under the staircase. After descending a half flight of stairs, they entered his music studio. Again, she was in awe of the room. They were surrounded by instruments, monitors, and a massive sound mixing board with knobs and levers that seemed to never end.
Charlie knew not to touch anything. She just slowly perused through the space, looking over everything. JC flipped a few switches and the whole room lit up, coming to life. The equipment hummed, waiting for its owner to direct its actions. She saw a calmness wash over him being in this space. This was his safe zone. His happy place. She hadn’t had that in years. She was slightly envious.
“Josh, all of this is amazing. You must come in here and get lost for hours writing and creating. I bet this place is your haven.” She hit the nail on the head and he was elated that she recognized this to be his refuge.
“Yeah, it is.” JC fiddled with a few knobs as Charlie continued her browsing of the small studio. She peered in the closet-like recording booth. “You wanna go in?” Her eyes widened slightly in surprise.
“Uh, sure.” He guided her into the booth. An large oriental rug covered a majority of the floor. A shiny microphone hung suspending in the middle of the room, over a comfortable looking stool. In front of the stool stood an expensive looking electric piano and sheet music stand with a pair of headphone draped over the top.
“Have you ever recorded and listened to yourself sing before?” Charlie shook her head vigorously. “You should. It’s a total rush.”
“I told you, what I do is glorified karaoke. I’m not a real--” Her words stalled in her throat under JC’s intense gaze. He didn’t look amused when she tried to downplay herself as a singer. “Seriously Josh, I’m not a singer. I sing other people’s songs in a place that smells of stale beer in a no name town. Not exactly Music City.”
“You never know until you try.” JC played with a few settings on the piano before positioning Charlie on the stool and placed the headphones over her ears. She watched him move out of the booth and stand behind the massive sound board. “When you’re ready, just start singing.” She jumped at the sound of his voice in the headphones.
Charlie shifted nervously. She didn’t know if she could handling hearing herself sing. The patrons of the bar always complimented her but she chalked it up overconsumption of alcohol. She was an accountant, a business person. The singing was a fluke. She wasn’t one for wanting a lot of attention brought upon her. She should just walk out of the booth before she made a fool of herself.
JC stared at Charlie through the glass window separating the recording booth from his station behind the boards. He could see how nervous she was. She looked terrified like the mic was going to bite her. She shifted the headphones over her ears, looking around at anything but him. For a moment he thought she might puke all over his equipments.
Charlie took several deep breaths, attempting to calm her racing heart. Her mouth was drying out and she knew she wouldn’t get any decent notes to come out. Suddenly, a bottle of water was placed in her hand. Her eyes shot up to meet JC’s. He kissed her forehead, his lips lingering for a few seconds to provide her comfort. His thumb grazed her cheek before returning to his seat outside the booth.
Taking a few sips of the water and changing a the settings on the piano, Charlie placed the bottle on the floor near her feet. She positioned her fingers over the keys. JC hit the record button and waited to see what she was going to sing. Upon hearing the opening of the song, he became worried. She chose a Whitney Houston song. He feared her voice might not be strong enough yet for a power ballad from the likes of Whitney. He held his breath as she opened her mouth.
I know that when you look at me
There's so much that you just don't see
But if you would only take the time
I know in my heart you'd find
A girl who's scared sometimes
Who isn't always strong
Can't you see the hurt in me?
I feel so all alone
I wanna run to you (oooh)
I wanna run to you (oooh)
Won't you hold me in your arms
And keep me safe from harm
I want to run to you (oooh)
But if I come to you (oooh)
Tell me, will you stay or will you run away
Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
There's nobody there, no one cares for me
What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?
Charlie put JC’s fears to rest. She didn’t try to belt the song out as though she was imitating Whitney but she did the song justice. There was a definite power in her voice that he hadn’t heard from her in other songs she sang. She changed the tone of the song to fit her own voice perfectly. He caught the message she was trying to send him loud and clear. She chose that song to tell him she was ready to share her past with him soon.
JC motioned for Charlie to come out of the booth which she did swiftly. She timidly sat in the office chair beside him. She had been brazen in her choice of song, trying to send him a message. She really just needed to learn how to open her damn mouth and tell him the truth. She was playing with the hem of her t-shirt when she felt her chair being pulled. Her eyes laid on his hand on the arm of the chair. She watch his other hand reach out of grasp her neck. He captured her bottom lip between his own, pulling her close. His touch was no longer hesitant. His confidence in touching her returned.
“I hear you, Charlie.” JC’s forehead pressed against hers, the two of them silently comforting each other simply with their closeness. Charlie traced her hands up his arms and rested them on his jaw, her eyes closed as she tugged on one of his earlobes.
“Thank you.” Her whispered breath fanned over his lips. “Thank you, Josh.”
***
The nightmares were back.
After the night that changed Charlie’s life, she began having horrible nightmares that caused her to relive that day repeatedly. The events would replay in her dreams like a movie set on repeat. Each time, she would wake up screaming, sweating profusely. The sheets would be soaked. She’d end up on the bathroom floor, puking her guts out into the toilet until she passed out from exhaustion.
Owen would pick her up off the bathroom floor, put her back in bed only to have the cycle repeat itself a short time later. It got to the point where he would just throw a blanket over her, allowing her to sleep on the bathroom floor. After a few months, he moved into one of their guest rooms. The time she needed him the most, he put distance between them. Soon after, he began his emotional affair with one of Charlie’s friends.
It was on one of those nights that Charlie discovered that cutting herself would provide her with temporary relief from the pain she was feeling inside. Owen had left a razor blade from his shaving kit out on the bathroom counter. She initially had the intention of just ending her life so the pain would end.
Standing at the bathroom sink, she made the first small cut on her forearm. A euphoric calm came over her in that moment. Charlie watched entranced at the blood running down her arm and felt no pain for the first time in months. It was then she discovered she could go on living without having to feel the pain of loss inside her every minute of every day.
Over time, the nightmares subsided and only happened occasionally. Unfortunately, Charlie used cutting to deal with all her anxiety. JC was the one and only person that knew what she had been doing to herself. He was nearly a stranger at the time but he hadn’t run away when he found out. That gave her a small sliver of hope that he wouldn’t run when she finally told him everything.
On the last night of Charlie’s short surprise trip to visit JC, she had one of her nightmares. He had woken up when she started thrashing around in bed next to him. He tried rubbing her back to calm her down. When she began screaming her sister’s name, he became worried. He could feel that she had sweated through the sheets and blankets.
JC shook Charlie until she finally snapped out of her dream. She pushed hard on his chest to get him off of her. She stumbled out of bed and curled herself into a tight ball in the corner as she sobbed. He had never seen this much emotion out of her before and he wasn’t sure how to comfort her.
He listened to her babble incoherently, catching occasional words such as ‘gone’, ‘dead’, ‘accident’, and ‘scared’. He sat on the floor with her, slowly creeping closer as she rocked back and forth. When his hand finally touched her forehead to move her hair from her eyes, she seemed to snap out of the trance she had herself in. She almost knocked him over when she dove into his arm.
The two of them sat wrapped around each other on the floor for nearly an hour. No words were spoken but Charlie felt safe in JC’s arm. He just held her, stroking her back, giving her whatever comfort she needed. Her cries finally subsided to periodic hiccups. He felt her body go lax when she finally passed out from exhaustion. He carefully scooped her up and placed her back in bed. Pulling her close as they settled back under the blankets, he would hum to her when she would stir, lulling her back to sleep.
Their final morning together, they ended up sleeping in later than planned. By the time they were both packed for their flights, they only had enough time to grab brunch before heading to the airport. The car ride to the cafe was quiet. Charlie seemed like her normal self. She hadn’t said much all morning but she acted as though her overnight meltdown hasn’t occurred. It bothered JC that she seemed to be avoiding it.
They were sat at a small table in the corner. After the waitress took their drink and food orders, JC decided to broach the subject of Charlie’s nightmare. He reached across the table, taking her hands in his. She pulled her eyes away from the window she had been staring out of. He kissed the inside of both of her wrists. She smiled contently at the sweet gesture.
“Are you feeling okay? You gave me kind of a scare last night.” Charlie knew it was only a matter of time before JC was going to bring up her nightmare. She hoped to make it through the next few weeks without incident but likely due to the fact that she was planning to tell him everything, it stirred up all the old demons early.
“I’m okay. I apologize that I scared you with my freak out. It’s an old nightmare that I haven’t had in awhile. I guess the sudden appearance of it reared it’s ugly head hard last night.”
“You were screaming your sister’s name repeatedly. You wanna tell me about it?” He stoked his thumbs across the backs of her hands, hoping it would provide her with a sense of ease to open up to him. She took a drink of her ice water before deciding to say anything.
“My sister and I were in a pretty bad car accident a few years ago. We got t-boned in the middle of an intersection. The car rolled several times. Ellie’s leg got pinned under the vehicle. Luckily, the doctors managed to save it. Since then, I’ve had this perpetual dream that she dies rather than just breaking her leg. I don’t have the dream as often as I used to. It’s been probably a good six months since the last one.” There were other important details relating to the accident that also contributed to the horrible nightmares that Charlie was leaving out. She wasn’t ready to divulge that information yet. “I know it’s stupid since we came through it okay but the nightmares still happen occasionally. I’m fine though. I promise. I’m sorry I frightened you.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. I just need to know that you are going to be okay.” Charlie stood from her chair and leaned over the table, kissing JC with the hope he would accept it as a sign she was good.
“I’m going to be fine.” She retook her seat, lacing her fingers through his. He would accept it for the time being.
“So what are your thoughts on my offer for Christmas? It’s only a couple weeks away. My family would love to meet you.” Charlie was a bit shocked by JC’s admission.
“You’ve told your family about me?”
“Of course. You’re important to me and I talk to them about the important things in my life.” A blush warmed her cheeks which he liked seeing. It made him feel good. “I want you to go. I want you to meet my family. I want to spend Christmas with you.”
Charlie had almost forgotten what new love felt like. Yes, she was falling in love which weighed heavy on her since her whole world may fall apart again soon. He wanted to introduce her to his parents and his siblings. She was pretty sure that the look she was seeing in his eyes was also the beginning of blooming love but neither of them had actually said the words out loud.
“Yes.”
“Yes? Yes, you’ll go to Florida with me for Christmas, yes?” The giddy smile that Charlie loved so much was plastered across JC’s face.
“Yes, I’ll go to Florida with you.” Before Charlie even finished her sentence, JC was out of his chair and pulling her from hers. When she felt her feet leave the floor and the room began to spin, she let a hearty giggle. He pressed his lips to hers, not caring that the other patrons of the cafe were now gawking at them like they were crazy.
“Josh, we have an audience.” The both of them looked around at the other customers staring at them. They sat back down and their food was brought to them a short time later. They ate quietly for a few minutes, enjoying what little time they had left with each other. “I know you head back to Mexico after the holiday but I was wondering if you maybe had a few days after the New Year to go somewhere with me.”
“I don’t see why not. I’ll need to verify with Eric that I don’t have anything lined up. I’m set to fly back to the States on the 1st. Where are we going?” JC curiosity was peaked to say the least. Charlie asking him to go somewhere with her was not common. He could see a nervous expression cross her features.
“Home.” He waited for her to add more but she didn’t.
“Home as in Oregon?” Her eyes dropped down to her plate. The all familiar tightness in her chest began pulling.
“Home as in Arizona. Phoenix.” JC’s fork froze mid bite. Charlie had never said specifically where home was other than Oregon. He thought maybe somewhere in Iowa was where she was from as he had seen her quite a few times wearing t-shirts and sweaters with the University of Iowa logo. He slowly chewed the bite in his mouth, giving him a moment to think over her request.
“Of course. I’ll have Eric clear my schedule if I have anything.”
“No, I don’t want you to rearrange anything for this trip. If you have other things lined up, Phoenix can wait.” JC could tell from the look on Charlie’s face that it took a lot for her to ask him to go home with her.
“It’s no burden. As I said, you’re important to me and I want to go home with you. You just tell me when and I’m there.”
Charlie couldn’t back out now. Her moment of truth was coming.
