This impromptu, out of town road trip that JC decided to take was completely out of character for him.  His life had a schedule and balance that he liked to maintain.  He had a general schedule that he followed daily.  Sure, things pop up; that was the nature of the business he worked in.  Amidst the chaos of it, he still managed to keep a balance.

Lately, that hadn’t been the case.  Hence the need to try something new.  The fact that JC had decided based on an eavesdropped conversation as to his destination would have likely caused his friends and family to believe he was batshit crazy.

If this trip didn’t jump start something inside JC to start writing and making music again, he truly didn’t know what would.  He packed his guitar as well as a keyboard but still had yet to play a single note on either and he had been on the road for over a week.  The fear of losing the music weighed heavily on him.

Inside of JC was a deep seeded need to create.  While was the case with most music writers, many of their songs never saw the light of day.  JC understood the creation process of music and had countless notebooks, binders, computer files, hell even cocktail napkins that beared his thoughts that could potentially become a song.

What was eating at him was that he couldn’t put a single thought on paper about what he was feeling.  The turmoil of his shitty year should have given him plenty of material to write about.  He was typically good at channeling his frustrations into the creative process.  If nothing else, it rid him of it festering inside him.  A purging of sorts.

During his few days in Seattle, JC submerged himself in the grunge music scene.  It was his hope that the angry, honest lyrics would revive his writing.  Each night was spent hopping from one dive bar to the next, listening to local bands.  While he enjoyed the music, he still came up blank.

Each day after being out all night, he would sit in his hotel room, staring at his guitar and piano.  His notebook in his lap with his pen poised to scribe.  Each day, the instruments remained unplayed and paper still blank.  

He had only been in Seattle for 4 days and perhaps he hadn’t really given himself enough time but JC felt like he was going stir crazy.  Maybe he was trying too hard; forcing the process.  It had always been so natural to him, like breathing, that he never had to force himself to make music.

By Saturday morning, JC couldn’t take it anymore.  He hadn’t slept in nearly thirty six hours.  He was starting to feel like a caged animal on the verge of breaking.  He hastily packed his belongs back into his truck, checking out of his hotel.  He abandoned the idea of going to Canada.  He was going to head back South.

Once again, he had no particular destination in mind.  He briefly contemplated heading across the Northern Plains states but decided against it.  He didn’t feel they would provide him enough stimuli.  He needed better distractions.

Upon entering his vehicle to prepare to get back on the road, JC caught sight of his appearance in the rearview mirror.  He looked downright scary.  He had a baseball cap over his mussed hair.  His eyes were bloodshot and had an almost wild look.  He hadn’t shaved in a few days so he was looking a bit grizzly from his beard growth.

Due to the lack of sleep, JC was running on pure adrenalin.  He knew it would run out eventually.  His plan, once he grabbed a rather large cup of coffee, was to drive until he couldn’t keep his eyes open.  He would either pull over to sleep in the car or find a room for the night.  

Right now he just needed forward movement.  If he couldn’t get it figuratively in his creative process, he’d take the literal in pointing his truck South.

***

After a few hours on the road, JC realized quickly that his lack of sleep was hitting him full force.  His coffee was long gone and blasting music wasn’t working very well.  He had resorted to occasionally smacking himself in the face to keep him alert.  His willpower was fading fast and he finally decided it was time to end his misery.

JC found himself in the town of Gearhart, having already reentered Oregon.  He was backtracking the way he came while deciding where he would go.  He pulled into a gas station.  The salty sea air hit him in the face when he stepped out.  It briefly aided in waking him up.  His muscles screamed at him when he stretched his tired body.  It was definitely time for sleep.

While paying for a few bottles of water, JC inquired with the cashier as to a place to stay for the night.  To his dismay, the guy told him his best bet was to find lodging in Cannon Beach.  Most lodging in Gearhart shut down in the fall when tourist season ended.  It was only another ten miles down to Cannon Beach.

Luckily, the guy at the gas station had given directions to a small hotel he recommended.  He told JC it was about a mile off the main drag through Cannon Beach but it was quiet and clean.  It was one of the few places that stayed open year round.

JC thanked him for the recommendation and returned to his vehicle.  While he could have just slept in the truck, the thought of sleeping in a bed trumped his desire to recline his seat at that moment.  He figured he could last another 15 minutes or so to make the short drive to Cannon Beach.

Having gotten lost a few times trying to find the hotel recommended to him, JC finally parked in front of the quaint little inn on the handwritten directions.  Before him, sat a small grouping of two-story, cedar-sided buildings.  In total, there appeared to be maybe 20 rooms throughout the structures.  Surrounding the buildings were large maple and hemlock trees, creating a beautiful backdrop.

To say that JC was shocked at the beautiful hotel in front of him was an understatement.  He figured the guy from the gas station was directing him to some rundown seaside motel.  This was quite the opposite.

Briefly checking his watch, which read a few minutes to one in the afternoon, JC headed toward the lobby.  There weren’t any other vehicles parked nearby and he began to wonder if the place was in fact open.  Passing in front of one of the lobby windows, a movement inside caught his attention.

From his station outside the hotel, JC could see a lone woman dancing around the lobby.  She had a set of earbuds on and a feather duster in her right hand.  Her shoeless feet revealed a pair of very loud, multi-colored socks that glided around the dark wood floors while moving about the room.

Her clothing wasn’t what JC had expected for someone working here.  Granted, he wasn’t expecting the staff of a 5 star hotel but the woman’s loose fitting jeans and black t-shirt appeared out of place.  Looking around the rest of the surroundings of the lobby through the window, it appeared more as someone’s living room rather than a hotel lobby.  The decorations were warm and inviting.

While turning to continue her dusting, recognition dawned on JC.  The dancing lobby girl was in fact the hollow-eyed bartender he had met at the beginning of the week here in Cannon Beach.  Her brown hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun.  

A small smile played on JC’s lips as he watched Charlie shimmy and shake to the music coming from her headphones.  She seemed carefree in that moment.  He chalked up the empty look he had seen in her eyes prior as perhaps having a bad night.

Rather than continue to loiter outside, JC stepped into the lobby.  Upon entering, he could hear Charlie singing along intensely to the song filling her ears.  She carried a tune well, hitting the riffs in the song expertly.  He instantly recognized the song as Elton John’s “Levon”.  She sang along with the same passion Elton had put into the song when he recorded it.  

JC could hear Elton’s voice sing the song in his head as he watched Charlie.  She hadn’t noticed his entrance into the establishment and was still dancing around as she dusted.  He was thoroughly enjoying watching her move about.  He let out a small laugh which surprised him for a moment.  It felt like so long since he’d laughed.

He hated to interrupt Charlie’s dance party but JC’s fatigue was starting to hit him again.  He slowly moved across the room to a hutch that she was dusting shelf by shelf.  He placed his hand on her shoulder yielding a loud scream to escape Charlie’s lungs.  JC recoiled his hand back quickly, placing both in front of him to show he meant no harm.

In Charlie’s frightened haste to put distance between herself and the unknown person now in her presence, she unceremoniously fell flat on her ass.  Quickly scooting away and yanking the earbuds from her head, she looked up into two blue eyes.

“Jesus fucking Christ, man!  You scared the shit out of me!”  Charlie’s chest heaved as she tried to calm her heart.  She instantly realized her intruder as the guy from the bar a few nights back.

“You kiss your mother with that mouth?”  JC smiled at Charlie, amused by her disheveled state from her post on the floor.  He offered her a hand to help her up but she quickly popped up on her own, attempting to straighten her clothes.

“I’m fine.  How can I help you?”  Charlie decided against acknowledging his smart ass crack.  Much to JC’s chagrin, Charlie’s blue eyes continued to hold the empty, lifeless expression from their previous meeting.

“I need a room for the night.”  Only offering a small nod, Charlie moved back behind the check-in counter.  JC met her on the opposite side.  He watched her twist the small silver stud in her left earlobe while she clicked the mouse of her computer.  Her University of Iowa t-shirt caught his attention.  “Far from home, aren’t you?”

“Excuse me?”  Charlie gave JC a bewildered look.  He gestured to her shirt.  She peered down at the logo across her chest.  A brief recollection flashed in her mind as to how she came to own the shirt.  “Something like that.  I need you to fill this out.  I also need your credit card and a photo ID.”

Charlie slid a registration form across the counter to JC.  He in turn provided the requested cards.  He began filling out the sheet of paper.

“Far from home, aren’t you?”  Charlie pitched JC’s previous question back at him.  She tapped his Florida driver’s license on the counter has she kept her eyes on the computer screen.

“Something like that.”  JC tried to hide his smile as he finished the form and slid it back in Charlie’s direction.  He noticed the notebook that she had been writing in at the bar the previous night lay open on the counter next to her.  Cocking his head to the side, JC tried to read the open page.  Charlie caught the movement and placed a stack of papers on the notebook.

“Just for the one night?”  Her eyes met his as she awaited his answer.

“Make it two nights for now.”  Charlie went back to her computer screen.  JC allowed his gaze to follow the quick movements of her fingers over the keyboard.  Each of her middle fingers had a single silver ring with some type of intricate metal work design.  His eyes traveled up the white long sleeves of her undershirt up to her neck.  He got a glimpse of a silver chain that disappeared into her collar.  Continuing his visual journey, his eyes landed on her mouth.  Her bottom lip was pulled between her teeth in concentration.

“I’m truly sorry for scaring you.  Was not my intention.  I thought for sure you realized I was there.”  JC tilted his head to catch Charlie’s eye.  She pulled her gaze from the screen.  His smile was warm and genuine.  Her smile still didn’t reach her eyes.

“You’re fine.  Besides, I have a wide ass so no harm done.  No worries.”  Charlie busied herself with the final few tasks to get JC checked in.  He ran his eyes over her body.  He wouldn’t say she had a wide ass.  To him it seemed nicely proportioned to her trim waist.  Her chest, while not prominent, also proportioned well to her body.

JC by no means found Charlie unattractive.  Quite the opposite was the case.  She didn’t fit into the typical type of woman he dated.  Charlie stood at what he guessed to be about five-eight with fair skin and a more athletic build yet still feminine.  He typically went for petite, olive-skinned women with dark eyes.

“Okay, you are all set.”  Charlie slid JC’s credit card and ID back to him.  He half listened as she rambled off the amenities of the hotel as well as places in town to visit.  His brain was starting to shut down from sleep deprivation.  He scooped up everything from the counter.

“Thank you.”  JC made his way back to the lobby doors.  Just before exiting, he turned back to Charlie.  “By the way, cute socks.”

A devilish grin played on his lips and he gave her a flirtatious wink before vacating the building.  She glanced down at her feet and felt a blush creep up her neck.  

JC pulled his vehicle around the grouping of building to park near his room.  Since his instruments proved useless to him at the moment, he decided to leave them securely stowed in the truck, grabbing his suitcase to take in with him.

Once again, JC was pleasantly surprised with the hotel upon entering his room.  A comfortable seating area and kitchenette greeted him first.  He dropped his bags next to the couch and moved further into the room.  He tossed his jacket onto a chair as he eyed the bed in the far corner of the room.

An audible groan escaped his lips as he landed on the bed.  A quick shucking off of his shoes and baseball hat occurred before sinking into the pillows.  JC got a brief glance at the alarm clock next to the bed before he lost his battle with consciousness.

***

JC awoke with a start.  He was having a rather weird dream and glad for it to be over.  His sleep drunk mind took a moment to register where he was.  The room was pitch black and chilly.  He never made it under the covers of the bed when he laid down from exhaustion.  

The bedside alarm clock read eight forty eight.  He had only slept for about seven hours and knew he could sleep many more.  His body still lacked sleep but it also lacked nourishment.  He had just as little food as he did sleep recently.

JC quickly showered and dressed in hopes that he would be able to find a decent place to eat at this late of an hour.  He grabbed the papers that Charlie had given him at check in that gave him food suggestions as he made his way out to his car.  He decided on a small diner located on the main drag of town.

There was a lone man at a table in the far corner of the diner and a woman at the counter when JC entered.  He took a seat at the counter, plucking a menu from the caddie in front of him.  He glanced at it briefly, quickly deciding what he wanted and returned it to its holder.  While waiting for the waitress to take his order, he peered at the woman sitting a few seats down from him.  Once again, he found himself in Charlie’s presence.

“First the bar on Monday, then the hotel this afternoon.  I’m beginning to think that you work at every business in this town.”  Charlie raised her head from the cup of coffee she had been staring into.

“I am a woman of many talents but I’m just here for a to go order.  Diner waitress hasn’t made it onto my resume yet so you’re safe.”  JC noticed she looked much like had when he first met her at the bar.  Charlie was dressed in well-fitted jeans and a tight sweater.  Her long brown hair fell down her back in loose waves.

Before JC could say anything else, an older, round woman placed two bags of food in front of Charlie.   

“Here you go dear.  And I threw a slice of cherry pie in there for you.”

“You’re a doll Maggie.  Thanks.”  Charlie grabbed the nearly overflowing bags of food.  She gave JC a quick nod before bidding Maggie a good night and exiting.  JC watched her cross the street and enter the bar she worked.

“And what can I get started for you, hun?”  JC turned back to find Maggie poised to take his food order.

“Turkey club with fries and a Coke please.”

“You got it hun.  Coming right up.”  Maggie winked at him as she stepped away to fill his order.

JC passed the time waiting for his food by checking emails and messages from his manager.  While his manager didn’t pester him incessantly, in never failed that he got emails daily of events to attend or appearance opportunities.  All the emails here deleted and forgotten.  He needed this time to reset himself.

Once the hunger in JC was sated, he looked forward to getting back to bed.  As he exited the diner, the loud music from the bar across the street caught his attention.  Through the windows, he could see the place was pretty busy.  Curiosity pulled him across the street and in the door.

The band on the stage was playing Boston’s “More Than A Feeling”.  The crowd, which was a good mix of young and old patrons, were all moving along to the music.  The vibe was much different from JC’s last visit.  He moved through the crowd of people and found an empty stool at the bar.     

“You having the same as last time?”  Charlie was leaning close to JC to speak through the loud music and crowd noise.

“I’ll just have a beer.  Bud Light is fine.”  The song changed to a country song that JC didn’t recognize.  He was enjoying the atmosphere.  Charlie placed the beer in front of him as she passed by with a tray of drinks, disappearing into the crowd.  The chorus of the song being played sounded as a female voice joined the male lead singer of the band.

“Ladies and gentlemen, Charlie Marlowe.”  The crowd roared at the announcement of Charlie and she appeared on stage moments later.  She moved into the next verse of the song.

I know I should just keep going

But I don't know where to start

I never thought I'd see the day

When you'd go and leave me here

With my broken heart

But you did

So sweep away the sand and dry the ocean

And just, pack the moon and stars up in a cardboard box

And stop the clocks from chiming

And block the sun from shining

Paint the sky a deeper shade of blue

‘Cause my world’s over without you

Maybe someday all the pain will fade

Maybe this hurt will slowly slip away

Maybe some things will never change

But I’ll still love you

Stop the clocks from chiming

And block the sun from shining

And paint the sky a deeper shade of blue

‘Cause my world’s over without you

Charlie and the lead singer finished out the song to a round of raucous applause.  JC had heard her sing earlier that day but now he sat dumbfounded.  She performed the song as though she had written it.

Over the next twenty minutes, Charlie sang a handful of songs.  Her song choices bounced through various genres and decades.  JC had moved to a bar stool closer to the stage to watch in awe.  She didn’t have the best voice he had ever heard but there was a genuineness and raw emotion that she portrayed.  She seemed to have had some type of vocal training.

“You guys have been great tonight.  I’ve got one more song for you before I turn it back over to the guys here.”  The opening chords of a piano heavy ballad started.  Charlie stood at the mic stand with her eyes closed, waiting for the right moment to begin.

2 a.m., where do I begin?

Crying off my face again

The silent sound of loneliness

Wants to follow me to bed

I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most

I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well

Dancing slowly in an empty room

Can the lonely take the place of you?

I sing myself a quiet lullaby

Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again

Too afraid to go outside

For the pain of one more loveless night

But the loneliness will stay with me

And hold me 'til I fall asleep

I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most

I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well

Dancing slowly in an empty room

Can the lonely take the place of you?

I sing myself a quiet lullaby

Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again

Broken pieces of

A barely breathing story

Where there once was love

Now there's only me and the lonely

Dancing slowly in an empty room

Can the lonely take the place of you?

I sing myself a quiet lullaby

Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again

JC wasn’t sure if it was just him but it seemed that the entire crowd fell dead silent during Charlie’s final song.  Loud hollers and applause sounded when the song ended.  JC let out a breath he had be holding when the noise of the bar broke his trance.

“Thank you.”  Charlie bowed shyly before disappearing behind a dark curtain.  JC returned to his original seat, replaying the performance he just witnessed in his mind.  She moved through each of the songs beautifully but each had a somber, melancholy tone.  She sang as though she had experienced a great deal of pain.

“You ready for another?”  Charlie had returned to her post behind the bar as though the last thirty minutes had not occurred.  JC stared at her for several breaths before answering.

“Yes please.  By the way, what you just did up there, that was amazing.”  Charlie popped the cap of the beer bottle, sliding in front of JC.  She tried to busy herself so as not to have to make eye contact.

“That was glorified karaoke at best.  But that’s sweet of you to say.”  Charlie moved to help another customer, not giving JC a chance to say anything else.  He sipped his beer, his eyes continuously find her as she moved around.  He hoped that it wasn’t obvious.

Finishing the last of his beer, JC waved Charlie over.  He pulled his wallet from his pocket.

“Another?”  JC shook his head.

“How much do I owe you?”

“Six bucks.”  He handed her a twenty.  She tendered the transaction for the two drinks and turned to hand him his change but he was no longer in his seat.  She caught a glimpse of the back of his head as exited the bar.

A strange twinge of disappointment hit Charlie.  She placed the change from the twenty into the tip jar she would share with the other bartender working that night and went back to helping fill drinks.

JC didn’t remember much of the short drive back to his hotel.  Charlie’s performance still played like a video loop in his brain.  He laid in bed for nearly an hour trying to fall asleep.  It was nearing one o'clock in the morning and a sudden bolt of inspiration shot through him.  He flipped the bedside lamp on and grabbed his notebook.  He always slept with his notebook beside him as this moment was proving, inspiration can come at any moment.

JC quickly scribbled the handful of lines on the sheet that had been blank for so long.

You hide behind blank and hollow eyes

Reeling from the pain of so many lies

The fear of letting love in once again

Just know I’m here, no matter when

You’re ready to open up and let me in

In that moment, however small it was, a fire lit inside JC that he so sorely missed.