Charlie couldn’t get the intense gaze that JC had when he was watching her sing out of her mind. The fact that he switched seats to get a closer view damn near threw her over the edge. Her nerves were frazzled but she managed to maintain her composure. As she moved through the handful of songs in her set, her nervousness settled.
She also played off his comment about liking her singing and busied herself so as to end the conversation as quickly as possible. What was confusing her the most was her disappointment when he left. She had only talked to the guy all of three times yet felt drawn to him. It was driving her crazy.
While she didn’t show it when he came into the bar the prior week, Charlie recognized who JC was immediately. She figured with his low pulled baseball hat and scruffy beard, he may have been trying to maintain some anonymity. She didn’t want to deprive him of that. He looked as though something was weighing heavy on his mind.
Charlie was no stranger to carrying the heavy load of life. She preferred to be alone to have time to process and figure out a solution when life threw its curve balls. Her current processing time was the reason for her landing in Oregon a couple years prior. Life events resulted in her needing some alone time. She figured JC was needing the same.
It was a mystery to all the townspeople of Cannon Beach as to Charlie’s life prior to her arrival. She preferred it that way. Luckily, she managed to gain her footing among the population fairly quickly and came to be accepted as a local. She found a house 15 minutes South of Cannon Beach and found the bartending job within a few weeks of moving in.
In the couple years since appearing in town, Charlie managed to work her way up to managing the bar as well as the hotel, also owned by the bar owner. Skills acquired in her “previous life” had served her well in Oregon. She had made a good life for herself.
She knew it wasn’t healthy, but outside of work, she didn’t interact too much with people. She was content keeping to herself. This way she could prevent any major attachments that would result in pain. She was kicking herself for the attachment that Deputy Matt had developed. What was supposed to be a brief distraction turned into a two year affair. One she desperately needed to sever ties with.
The decision to move to Oregon was honestly a random one. It was as if Charlie threw a dart at a map and moved to where it landed. She needed an escape. She knew running away wasn’t the answer but she truthfully wasn’t sure she would have survived if she hadn’t. It felt like a primal instinct to do what she had to survive. She moved to a place that she deemed least likely for anyone from her past to find her.
Charlie didn’t have any family close by. She did maintain minimal contact with her family and a few friends back home just so they knew she was still alive. She went to the extreme of converting her old cell phone number to an older model phone with no GPS capabilities. She thought this would help conceal her location. She had obtained an additional cell phone once in Oregon to help keep her old life separate from her new one.
She had also gone silent on all of her social media. Her email account was mostly abandoned. For all intents and purposes, Charlie fell off the face of the earth. The hyper-extreme withdrawal was opposite from how she used to be. Pain can make you do crazy things.
The day following JC watching her perform, her mind continually drifted back to him. His blue eyes seared into her brain. She had always gotten a positive reaction from the bar patrons when she had started singing the year prior but having someone like him staring intently at her while she performed got under her skin.
It was now the morning that JC was scheduled to check out of the hotel. Charlie had taken over the morning shift from the employee that normally worked. She thought seeing him through the checkout process and seeing him drive away would shake whatever nagging thoughts she was having.
Once he was gone, she could go back to normal.
***
Five lines. One verse. It was the most that JC had written in weeks. The words hit him out of the blue and he had damn near knocked over the bedside lamp to get them on to paper. A sense of relief washed over him that he seemed to have a little of his music ability back.
He spent the following day trying to build on the verse he’d written. The images of Charlie performing still lingered in his mind. Even though she had performed other artists songs, she made a connection to the words she sang.
No additional progress was made in adding to what he wrote but JC was encouraged. Cannon Beach was giving him the inspiration he needed.
The morning he was due to check out of the hotel, JC wandered down to the front desk. The hotel provided a continental breakfast and hunger was ruling his thoughts at the moment. He was pleasantly surprised to see Charlie behind the front desk. The only other people in the lobby were an elderly couple.
“Morning.” JC offered a toothy grin to Charlie as he breezed past in need of caffeine and sustenance. He loaded a small plate with fruit and a muffin. He accompanied it with a large cup of coffee. The food disappeared quickly and with his coffee cup refilled, JC approached the front desk.
“We hope you’ve enjoyed your stay with us sir.” Charlie plastered a fake smile on her face.
“You don’t have to call me sir. Josh is fine. My stay has been wonderful so far.” JC allowed his eyes to lazily scan over Charlie, noting she was back in her casual attire.
“Well, we hope you’ll visit us again in the future. Are you ready for your final bill?” Charlie stepped in front of the computer to finalize JC’s check out.
“Actually, I think I would like to extend my stay if possible. Through the end of the week.” JC watched as Charlie seemed to stop breathing for a few seconds. She quickly recovered.
“Let me check what we have.” Charlie twisted the silver stud in her left ear as she referenced her computer. The silence stretched on for several moments.
“Is there an issue? Place already booked up?” JC leaned over the counter to try to steal a glance at the computer screen. Charlie turned the screen away from his prying gaze.
“No issue. Just updating the reservation. So checking out Friday?”
“Make it next Sunday.” Charlie forced herself to suppress a groan of dread. This wasn’t helping to get back to normal.
“You are all set for a Sunday check out. I just need your room key to rekey it for the extension.” JC obliged the request and surrendered his room key to Charlie. She promptly fixed it, sliding it back across the counter. “Have a great day.”
“Actually, I was curious if you could make some recommendations on things I might be able to do while I’m here.” Charlie was a bit unnerved since she had done just that when JC checked in a few days ago. He obviously paid no attention to the spiel she gave all new check ins.
“Yeah. There are lot of art galleries and shops along the main stretch through town that are worth checking out. You can visit Haystack Rock. You’ll recognize it immediately if you’ve ever seen the movie ‘The Goonies’.”
“What about you? What do locals do here?” Charlie chuckled since she really kept to herself and didn’t hang out with other locals.
“I guess most locals hike, camp, and fish. Being a coastal town, we mainly cater to tourists passing through.”
“So you fish?” JC could tell that his questions were getting on Charlie’s nerves. He found it kind of cute. She remained professional throughout the entire exchange.
“I go occasionally. There are some good spots along the Nehalem River you could check out. You should be able to get some gear and a map to guide you were to go from one of the shops around here.” Charlie tried to make herself appear busy to end the exchange with JC.
“Could you maybe be my tour guide? I haven’t been fishing in years and it would be great if a local could show me around.” JC knew he was grasping at straws but he attributed his spark of inspiration the other night to Charlie so he was willing to try anything to see if lightning would strike again.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Besides, I haven’t really lived here that long so I don’t know that I’m your best option. The guys at the shop next to the bar can give you a better idea of where to go.” This is going downhill fast for Charlie. Her plan of being rid of JC was failing quickly.
“Come on. Help me out here. I just need to get out to clear my head. What’s better than fresh air and fishing? I promise I’m not a crazed serial killer.” JC was hoping for a genuine smile out of Charlie. She laughed at his joke but her smile still didn’t reach her eyes.
“And how do you know I’m not a crazed serial killer? I could be a female Norman Bates, running this quaint little hotel while my mother’s dead body lay in the basement.” JC’s hearty laugh caused the elderly couple to give him a funny look.
“Well, you’re much better looking than Anthony Perkins so I’ll take my chances. Please? You gotta have a day off from your God knows how many jobs at some point.” There was a long silence and JC could tell Charlie’s resolve was cracking. He offered a cheesy grin hoping to solidify her hanging out with him.
“I do have a few days off starting tomorrow. I could take you to a good spot I found last fall for fishing.” Charlie figured she could suck it up for a day. She’d allow JC to get his fix of being a normal person out of his system so he would soon move on. She didn’t hate the look of pure joy that crossed his features when she finally relented. He gleefully slapped the counter he was leaning on.
“Great! So when and where can I pick you up?”
“How about I pick you up. Wednesday morning, seven AM, I’ll be here to pick you up.”
“Wednesday at seven it is.” JC’s smile beemed. “See you then.”
Charlie watched him exit the lobby. She let out an exasperated sigh when the door closed behind him. One day wouldn’t kill her.
***
Charlie was standing out on her back porch, nursing a cup of coffee. The only sounds were wildlife waking and the rushing water of the Nehalem River a few hundred yards down the hill from her home. It was just after six in the morning and she was due to pickup JC in less than an hour. A cold, damp chill hung in the air. The sun was already making its upward crawl into the mostly cloudless sky.
The day following her agreement to take JC fishing, Charlie racked her brain to come up with an excuse to get out of it. Other than something lame like she wasn’t feeling well, she couldn’t really think of anything. His joyful expression still replayed in her mind and she would have felt like a douche bag if she bailing on him. She was falling into old patterns; foregoing what she wanted to make others happy.
As was the case prior to moving away from home, Charlie catered to the demands of her friends, family, exes, and coworkers. She was always putting her wants and needs on the back burner to ensure those around her were happy. In her mind, their happiness equalled her happiness. Deep down, that wasn’t the case.
Charlie learned the hard way that the people you love the most are not always going to be there for you when you need them the most. She always made herself available to those who needed her support. When the tables turned, she only seemed to have herself in those times. Her seclusion was her way of being there for herself.
The day wasn’t getting any younger and Charlie gave up on trying to make an excuse to get out of her fishing trip with JC. She finished the final few tasks of getting ready. She had already packed all the gear they would need the prior evening.
Grabbing a cooler with drinks and food, Charlie whistled for her two companions that would be accompanying her and JC on their jaunt.
***
Promptly at seven, Charlie pulled up along JC’s parked truck. He peaked out the window when he hear her SUV pull up. He stood watching for a moment as she exited the vehicle followed by two rather large dogs. One was a copper colored boxer and the other a rottweiler. He watched her give a command to the dogs which they both obeyed immediately.
JC exited his room, not moving any further than the step just outside his door. He took in Charlie’s casual appearance. Her hair was pulled into into a low bun, topped with a baseball cap. Her long sleeve t-shirt hung a bit loose around her torso. A pair of old jeans and hiking boots completed her look. As was the case every time he had seen her, she was makeup free. He rather liked the simple, natural beauty of her features.
Charlie approached JC, stopping about six feet from where he stood. The two dogs calmly sat on the sidewalk next to her vehicle. A shy smile lingered on Charlie’s lips.
“So, I hope you don’t mind I brought these two with me.” She threw a gesture towards the two waiting K9’s. “They love going down to the river. Besides, gotta protect myself in case you really are a crazed serial killer.” JC gave a strangled chuckle.
“I love dogs. They won’t maul me will they?” It was Charlie’s turn to chuckle.
“No, as long as you don’t try to come after me, you’re safe. Ginny, come.” At Charlie’s command, the boxer trotted to her. “This is Ginger. I call her Ginny for short. Go say hi.” Once again, the dog obeyed, approaching JC. He offered his hand for the animal to smell before kneeling down. Within moments, his face was covered in wet dog kisses.
“Well I’ve already won this one over. Hi Ginny.” JC vigorously scratched behind the boxer’s ears eliciting more face licks. Charlie called over the other patiently waiting dog who promptly saddled up beside its master.
“And this big guy is Cosmo.” The dog looked up at Charlie when she placed her hand on top of his head. She glanced down at the dog before nudging him. “Go on.” The rottweiler apprehensively walked toward JC who went through the same motion of offering his hand for the dog to sniff.
“Hi Cosmo.” Much to Charlie’s surprise, Cosmo took to JC rather quickly, licking his hand after a few head rubs.
“Wow, he’s never taken to someone so quickly.”
“Well he obviously knows good people when he sees them. I guess your protection plan theory is shot to hell.” A devilish grin spread across JC’s face.
“You’re welcome to test the theory. I hold no liability for any injuries. You had fair warning.” Charlie turned on a heel and walked in the direction of her truck. Both dogs fell in step with her. JC’s head fell back in laughter. He slid into the passenger seat while she situated the dog in the rear of the vehicle. She joined him the front of the cab, heading in the direction of their destination.
The first several minutes of the car ride were quiet. The radio was tuned to a Top 40 station. Charlie quietly sung along to each song that played. JC stole small glances in her direction from behind his sunglasses.
While he may have thought she didn’t notice, each time his head lolled to the side from its place on the head rest, she felt his eyes on her. She just prayed he didn’t see the slight blush creeping up her neck. JC finally broke the silence.
“How far is this amazing fishing spot you’re taking me to?” Charlie took her eyes off the road momentarily to meet his gaze. He had moved his sunglasses to rest atop his hat. As discreetly as possible, she dropped her eyes down his hooded sweatshirt over his t-shirt and blue jeans. She swallowed the lump forming in her throat.
“Not too far. Maybe twenty or so minutes.” Her eyes were back on the road. She hadn’t caught JC’s smile when he saw her checking him out. “You got somewhere else you gotta be?”
“No, not at all. I’m yours all day long.” JC scooter lower in the seat to get more comfortable. “What kind of music do you have in your CD player right now?” He hit the truck’s CD button, not giving Charlie a chance to answer. The vehicle filled with a rock song.
“I change my CD’s so often I couldn’t tell you what’s in there right now.” Recognition hit Charlie after a few moments of the song played. “Soundgarden.”
“Good CD” he offered simply. JC found a CD holder with various discs sitting at his feet. He flipped through them noting the variety. “You are all over the map. Elton John, Aaliyah, Powerman 5000, Whitney Houston, Christina Perri. By the way, that song of hers you sang the other night was pretty amazing.”
“It was whatever.” Charlie chewed on her thumb nail as her eyes focused on the road.
“Seriously. How long have you been singing?” She refused to meet JC’s gaze.
“Not long. Kinda started as a fluke thing. Lead singing got sick last minute. I couldn’t have my bar regulars disappointed so I filled in. Everyone loved it and I sing a few songs every week now.”
“You write any of your own songs?” JC continued to flip through the book of CD’s waiting for Charlie to answer.
“Uh, no. I express myself better with other people’s words. I’ve never been able to write anything good.”
“I saw you writing in a notebook that first night in the bar.” Charlie waited for JC to continue this thought but he just kept flipping through her CD collection.
“It’s just random rantings and drawings. Nothing of substance.” This time JC pulled his eyes from his task to gaze at Charlie. She stared straight ahead.
“Random rantings are how most songs are written.” She didn’t offer any additional comment so he decided to change the subject. “You said before you haven't lived here long. How long have you been in Cannon Beach?”
“Couple years.” Charlie was glad for the subject change but knew the current line of conversation could go down a path she wasn’t ready for.
“And you like it here?”
“Sure if you like rain and cold and clouds, it's great.” The sarcasm in her voice was thick. JC turned in his seat so he was facing Charlie.
“Then why are you here? Where's home?” And just like that, the conversation went exactly where she didn't want it to. She chewed on her bottom lip for a few moments.
“I needed to get away to clear my head. I felt like I was suffocating and couldn't breath.” JC watched at Charlie seemed to zone out as she spoke. Her face void of any emotion and her voice monotone. “I was drowning. As for home, I don't really know but at least I'm not trapped anymore.”
Charlie came out of her trance and realized she shared more than she intended. She shyly glanced at JC. She was fiddling with the sliver stud in her left ear as she did so often. He was shocked she had shared something so personal. He recently felt just as she had.
“I know the feeling. Everything is pressing down on you and you need to escape. Nobody can fix it but you so you get away to figure out the solution.” At that moment, it felt like he was in her head. He was reading her thoughts and speaking them out loud. This made her feel raw and exposed; feelings she didn’t want to cope with.
“If you don’t mind, we’re gonna stop at the next gas station before heading to the river. I want to grab a coffee and use the restroom.”
“Fine with me.” The rest of the car ride to the gas station was silent. An anxiety was building in Charlie from their conversation. She needed a release; it was the only thing that would get her through the rest of this day.
Charlie made a beeline straight for the restroom once they arrive at the gas station. Thankfully, it was a single person bathroom. After locking the door, she frantically dug through her purse looking for her old friend. She refused to let any tears fall. She didn’t want to have to explain suddenly bloodshot eyes.
The small blade pressed into her flesh ever so slightly and blood raised from the cut. Her head fell back in relief. Her mind cleared and the anxiety settled. A few deep breathes cleansed her emotions.
A knock sounded on the door that brought Charlie out of her euphoric state. “Charlie? I got your coffee. I’ll be out by the truck when you’re ready.” She glanced down at her arm and the sink both running red with blood.
“Uh, just washing my hands. I’ll meet you out there in a sec.” She quickly cleaned herself up, placing a band-aid from her purse over the cut. One last look in the mirror showed her that she was ready to face him again.
When Charlie settled back into the driver seat, JC noticed a change in her. She had been really tense prior to pulling in and now she seemed calm and relaxed. How could a trip to the bathroom turn her mood around one hundred and eighty degrees? His only explanation was drugs. He debated confronting her.
“You okay? You seem different suddenly.” The smile Charlie offered was obviously forced. Her eyes, while blank and hollow as usual, seemed clear. She didn’t look strung out to JC.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Ready to get to the river. Just so you know, if you catch anything and you want to eat it, the rule is you gotta clean the fish as well.” JC didn’t push the subject of her mood change any further. He chose to enjoy that she seemed more talkative.
“I have no issue getting my hands dirty but I really have no way to cook any fish in my hotel room. Unless you wanna cook me dinner tonight at your place?” Once again, he knew he was pushing his luck with Charlie. He thought with her sudden change of mood, she might be more willing.
“Let’s see how well you do out there before we commit to anything.”
The rest of the conversation during the fishing trip was pleasant but very surface. Nothing too deep was discussed. JC was quite impressed with Charlie and her fishing abilities. She knew her way around a fishing pole and quickly began reeling in fish. He was enjoying the peaceful outdoor atmosphere as well as the company.
By late afternoon, they headed back to Charlie’s with their haul from the river. It was a much shorter drive to her house than JC expected. Like most of the houses he had seen in the area, her house was cedar-sided; it was single story with a large bay window. Large trees surrounded the house providing a lot of privacy. The home was about a mile from any other homes.
While JC was impressed with the outside of the house, the inside was nearly breathtaking. It wasn’t a particularly large house but the huge picture windows and unique angles of the walls throughout gave the place a bigger feel. The best part was the amazing view of the river from the back porch.
What struck him was that there wasn’t a single photo of any of Charlie’s friends or family. She seemed to have completely stripped herself for everyone. The walls were adorned with artwork and photos of landscapes. While beautiful, it seemed impersonal and somewhat cold.
As promised, Charlie put JC to work cleaning and gutting fish in preparation for dinner. The conversation remained light. Discussions included places they’d visited, concerts they’d attended, movies they liked.
JC wasn’t aware whether Charlie knew who he was but if she did, he appreciated that she allowed him be a normal person for however long it lasted. Not having a barrage of questions about his life, especially from a woman, was a nice change of pace. She seemed unfazed by it.
“So what’s your favorite Disney movie of all time?” JC shoved a piece of fish in his mouth waiting for Charlie to answer.
“I don’t think it’s possible to have only one favorite Disney movie. There’s so many.” She contemplated the question for a moment. “I guess I’ve always loved ‘Beauty and the Beast’.” This caused a chuckle to bubble in his throat.
“Really? For some reason you didn’t strike me as the ‘Beauty and the Beast’ type. You realize that that movie is essentially a children’s movies about Stockholm Syndrome, right?” Charlie’s fork fell to her plate causing a loud clank to ring through the dining room. For the first time, JC heard a genuine laugh from her. It was carefree. He liked the sound of it. When their eyes met, for the briefest of moments, he saw a flash of life and happiness appeared. As quickly as it had come, it disappeared. Her mask having only slipped for a second.
“You can’t be serious. Stockholm Syndrome? That’s insane.” Charlie shook her head in disbelief. A smile still lingering on her lips.
“Think about it. You’ll realize I’m right. Belle falls in love with the one who held her captive. Classic Stockholm.”
“Okay, smart ass. What’s your favorite Disney movie?”
“Easy. ‘Flight of the Navigator’.” Charlie stared at JC, clueless as to what movie he was referring to. “Oh come on! You’ve never seen it? A young boy who time travels with aliens and a wisecracking robot.”
“Never heard of it.”
“You’re missing out.” JC watched Charlie try to stifle a yawn. He looked down at his watch, seeing it was nearly ten o’clock. “Wow, I had no clue how late it was. I’ll help you clean this up and call a cab so I can get out of your hair.”
JC moved to gather their dishes but Charlie waved him off.
“Don’t worry about this. Besides, you’re not going to get a cab in this area at this time of night so I’ll drive you back.” She placed their plates in the sink and grabbed her keys.
“I don’t wanna put you out. You’re obviously tired.”
“It’s fine. Really. If you walk, you’re likely to run into wildlife that will make you their dinner.”
Once again, their car ride was mostly quiet. Charlie watched JC from the corner of her eye. He was engrossed in his cell phone the entire trip. What she didn’t know was that song lyrics were racing through his head at the moment. His fingers were flying over the buttons to get the words down before he forgot them.
“We’re here.” JC looked up from his phone to find they were indeed parked back in front of the hotel. He turned to Charlie who had an amused smile on her face.
“Sorry, didn’t realize I tuned out.”
“Must have been important.”
“Something like that.” JC contemplated his next move carefully. He took ahold of Charlie’s hand that was resting on the truck’s console. “I really appreciate you hanging out with me today and taking me out to the river. I had a great time. And dinner was great. Thank you for everything.”
His thank you was also for becoming a muse to him but he wasn’t ready to tell her that. Charlie’s eyes fell to their joined hands. She watched as his thumb gently rubbed the top of hers. Her breath caught in her throat as she watched him lift her hand to his mouth. She marveled in the softness of his lips when they kissed her knuckles. He lingered for a few seconds before placing her hand back on the console.
“Have a good night.” JC winked at Charlie before he slipped out of the truck and disappeared into his room. She never found her voice to respond to him. A long sigh finally escaped her lungs after holding her breath for God knows how long.
As before, Charlie found herself disappointed when he left her presence.
“What the hell is going on?”
