A friend.

Charlie rolled that thought around in her head for nearly three days.  JC was looking for a friend.  Didn’t he have a ton of friends, specifically musical friends, coming out of his ears?  He happens upon a random woman in a bar in Podunk Town, USA who sings a few songs from the radio and he wants to be her friend?  

Yeah right.  She was having a hard time believing he was just looking for a friend.  A friend with benefits maybe but not just a friend.

Ultimately, Charlie was thankful they had been interrupted by one of the local deputies before things got out of hand.  She told herself that even if they had kissed that night that nothing more would have happened.  She wouldn’t have allowed it.  She refused to have a repeat of what had been going on with Deputy Matt, especially with a transient popstar.

While it probably seemed cowardly, Charlie did what she could to avoid any further contact with JC.  She managed to rearrange schedules with employees at both the bar and hotel to cover her shifts to give her most of the week off.  They all jumped at the chance for extra hours since work usually slowed this time of year.

Once everything was settled with work, she packed up her and the dogs, deciding to go camping for a couple days so as to ensure no run ins with JC.  Heading about an hour southeast of Cannon Beach to give her the distance needed to avoid him, she found a spot along the Nehalem River.  She hoped the peace of the outdoors and the beautiful scenery, which included tall trees and waterfalls, would provide her a distraction.

Most of the time away was spent reading, hiking, fishing, and sleeping.  While it worked some of the time, Charlie’s thoughts still drifted back to JC occasionally.  It also didn’t help that Sadie would text updates on sightings of him.  He had gone into the bar each night following their last encounter.  He never asked specifically for Charlie.  He would order one drink and leave once finished.

Charlie was just on the edge of consciousness when she heard the doorbell ring.  She had gotten home late the night before.  She couldn’t take the cold nights anymore and decided to go back home.  When the chime of the bell went off, both dogs scrambled.  Cosmo, who had been laying in bed with her, nearly trampled her in his effort to make it to the front door.  She heard Ginny tear through the doggy door at the back of the house, her nails ticked loudly on the wood floors.

Charlie groaned at the uninvited guest at her door.  So few people knew where she lived and she had a pretty good idea who it was.  The dogs barking wildly at the front door gave away that she was home.  She hoped ignoring the visitor would cause them to leave.   But the bell rang again, sending the dogs into another fit of barks.  She glanced at the alarm clock which showed it was only a few minutes after eight in the morning.

“Damnit!”  Charlie threw the covers off of her and huffed to the front door.  She gave no consideration to how she may have looked at that moment.  She snapped her fingers at the dogs and motioned for them to settle.  They both quieted immediately and heeled on command.  Opening the coat closet near the front door, she dug around until she found what she needed.

***

She was avoiding him.  

This realization hit JC pretty quickly when any sign of Charlie disappeared literally overnight.  He tried not to be too obtrusive but when he hadn’t seen her at the bar or the hotel, he caught on that she was doing her best to avoid him.

Why the hell did he give a damn so much?  She was a stranger, albeit a beautiful one, that he felt a need to be around.  He always liked meeting new people, friendly with everyone, but he usually kept a guard up.  He was cautious with anything more than simple interactions; people in his business can turn on a dime.  He tried to protect himself from getting burned.

Maybe in his madness to get away from his chaotic thoughts by taking a road trip, he allowed her to slip past his guard.  She was so unlike what he was used to that he wanted to dig deeper into this illusive person.

That was JC’s problem.  When he found something (or someone) that caught his interest, he threw himself in one hundred percent; he classified himself as a passionate person.  Most of the time, it served him well.  Others, not so much.  At times, he gave too much of himself and ended up hurt but he never let it deter him from trying again.

JC was spending most of his days wandering around the area, trying to clear his mind.  He even managed to navigate to the fishing spot that Charlie had taken him to and enjoyed just listening to the sounds of the area.  His song writing was better than it had been before he met Charlie but he was still struggling at times.  He was still having issues coming up with new melodies and his instruments were continuing to collecting dust in his truck.

As luck would have it, he caught a glimpse of Charlie late the night before.  He was leaving the diner when he spotted her exiting the bar.  He decided that he would stop over at her house the following morning with breakfast if she wasn’t at the hotel.

JC grabbed a couple of breakfast sandwiches and coffees from the diner and made the fifteen minute drive to Charlie’s.  Upon ringing the doorbell, he heard the dogs bark like crazy.  He had peeked in the side window of the garage and saw her truck so he knew she was home.  He just hoped she’d answer.

Shortly after ringing the bell a second time, the dogs abruptly stopped barking.  Moments later, the front door swung open and JC was face to face with Charlie.  A shotgun pointed at him.  He nearly dropped the contents of their breakfast as he stumbled back off the front porch.

“Fucking Christ, woman!  Are you crazy!?!  I’m not here to hurt you.”  JC held the bag of food and tray of coffees out in front of him as some form of a shield.  This amused Charlie but she bit her lip to keep from smiling at his shocked and terrified face.

“You sure you want to call the person holding a shotgun to you crazy?  I’m just a private citizen protecting my property.  Welcome to gun loving Oregon, sweetie.”  Both of her dogs had made their way to calmly sit on either side of her.

“I only brought over breakfast.  No harm intended.  Do you think you could stop pointing that thing at me?”  A sigh of relief escaped JC’s lungs when Charlie finally lowered the gun.  “Thank you.  I can truly say that’s the first time a woman has held me at gunpoint.  Can’t say it was on my bucket list but a new experience all the same.  Wow, that was intense.”

“You ramble a lot.”  This time she didn’t hide her smile.  While still tired, she was amused at his reaction.

“You were holding a gun to my head!”

“You showed up unannounced!  Jesus, you Backstreet Boys are so damn temperamental.”  With that statement, Charlie turned on her heel and re-entered the house.  JC stayed planted a few steps off the porch, slack jawed at what had just transpired.  Her head popped back out the door a moment later.  “You just gonna stand out there or are you gonna feed me?”

JC shook the cloud of confusion out of his head and cautiously entered the house.  He peered around the wall near the front door, looking into the open space of the family room and dining room.  The curtains were drawn closed over the large picture windows leaving the space mostly dark.  Charlie was standing behind the peninsula of the kitchen counter, watching him amusedly.

“You’re safe.  I put the gun away.  Besides, I never took the safety off.”  JC moved more into the space, placing their breakfast on the dining room table.  “Have a seat.  I’ll be right back.”  Charlie disappeared down a hallway.  Both dogs sat on the kitchen floor, wagging their tails at him.  He knelt down to pet both of them.

“Your mom tried to kill me.”  After a few licks from both dogs, JC opened some of the curtains to brighten the space.  He placed both breakfast sandwiches in the microwave to bring them back to temperature.  He sensed Charlie’s presences when she rejoined him.

“Well you’re sure making yourself at home.”  He turned to face her.  Gone was the tank top and low slung linen pajama pants.  She had pulled on jeans and grey t-shirt.  Her once messy hair was tamed into a simple ponytail.  Her feet remained bare, her toes painted a dark color.

“Are you normally this mouthy in the morning?”  JC removed their sandwiches from the microwave, handing one to her.  They sat down opposite each other at the table.

“You interrupted my sleep.  Mouthy Charlie is what you get.”  Charlie prepared her coffee to her liking with a sweetener and a touch of cream.  She groaned when she took the first sip.  “I don’t know what Maggie does to this coffee but it’s the best in town.”

JC was amused by the sudden change in her.  She was playful, witty, and bantering masterfully with him.  He wanted to keep it going but he was dying to know why she did a one eighty with no warning.

“So what have you been up to the last few days?  Haven’t seen you around anywhere.”  He bit into his sandwich, waiting for her response.  She paused mid-bite at the inquiry.

“Keeping tabs on me now?  It comes across a bit stalkerish.”

“I wanted to apologize for obviously alarming you with my sudden presence.  I know I laid a lot on you when I got caught up in the moment.  I’m sorry.”  Charlie shook her head as she finished the bite in her mouth.

“No need to apologize.  I got my revenge with my shotgun.”  A wide smile spread across JC’s face followed by a low chuckle.  Her blank eyes were still really bothering him.  He didn’t understand how she managed to keep her eyes so expressionless all the time, even when she was in this playful mood with him.  “I went camping for a couple days to clear my head.  Got in late last night when I couldn’t take the cold anymore.”

“You went camping by yourself?”

“Yeah.”  She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly as if it was nothing.  She motioned to the two dogs lying at her feet.  “I did take Laurel and Hardy here with me for protection.  I know they seem harmless but I felt safe.  It’s not the first time I’ve gone alone.”

A new wave of admiration washed over JC.  Each time he interacted with her, he discovered another aspect of her that amazed him, in a good way.

“Who are you?  Do women like you really exist?”  This time Charlie chuckled.

“Have you never met a woman who knows how to live independently before?  I’m sure in your line of business you have met many women that would make me ashamed of my fellow hormonal gender but come on now.  There has got be more like me out there.  I pray there is for the sake of the human race.”

They ate in silence for a few moments.  JC crumpled the paper from his sandwich, throwing it into one of the discarded paper bags.  His curiosity got the best of him regarding her change of attitude.

“So I have to ask.  Why the change in attitude towards me all of the sudden?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m rather enjoying our witty banter but it’s truly unexpected.”  Charlie followed suit of finishing her sandwich and placing the wrapper in the bag.  She took a slow drink of her coffee, delaying her answer.

“Truthfully?”  JC nodded.  She took a deep breath before continuing.  “I figured I’d let you get whatever it is in your system out with needing to act like a normal person.  Hang out with a normal person, do normal, mundane things.  Then you’d go back to you celebrity life and forget about me.  I could go back to my normal life.”

He said he wanted her to be truthful and she had most definitely been that.  A long silence stretched between the two of them while he chewed on her response to his questions.

“That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?  You make it sound like I’m looking for a plaything to occupy me until I’m tired of you.  I don’t know what you may have read about me but that’s not who I am.  If I make the time and effort to interact with someone, it’s not to use them until they no longer serve me.  I promise that I’m genuine in my sincerity of wanting to be your friend, beyond however long I plan to stay in Cannon Beach.”     

And Charlie had done it once again.  She felt like she should just surgically have her foot inserted into her mouth permanently.  The pained expression on JC’s face and his words cut through her chest.  Her arms folded in front of her on the table and she dropped her head to hide her face.  She knew she was bright red from embarrassment.

“I’m sorry.  I’m not used to this.”  Her response was muffled by her still buried face.  She raised her head but quickly covered her eyes in shame.  “I wasn’t meaning to be harsh.  It sounded better in my head.  I’m not trying to be a bitch.  I’ve just become so accustomed to this small little life I’ve created for myself over the last few years.  I finally have a structure and stability that I really haven’t had before.  You threw me for a loop.  I’m deeply sorry.”

Another silence stretched between them.  If Charlie hadn’t known better, she would have thought JC left he was being so quiet.  She raised her hands to peek at him.  He had that devilish smile on his lips again.

“You ramble a lot.”  He threw her previous observation of him back at her.  Her hands fell loudly against the wood of the table and she gave him a bored look.

“Unreal.”  Charlie scooped up their trash and moved into the kitchen to discard it.  JC was in the middle of a full fledged laugh.  She leaned her hip against the counter near the sink watching him.  Her embarrassment was gone and she enjoyed watching him laugh.  Her eyes grazed over the crinkle of his eyes and the slight scrunch of his nose during his giggle fit.  It warmed her that she caused this reaction in him.

“I think we’re even now, honey.”  It took him a few moments to pull himself back together.  She rolled her eyes and moved around the corner into the living room.  He jumped up from his chair, following behind her closely.

Charlie was startled when JC halted her movement to sit on the couch.  He loosely grabbed her left wrist and place his right hand on the small of her back to guide her to the piano in the corner of the room.  He helped her onto the bench and settled in next to her.  He lifted the fallboard from the keys.

“Is this thing tuned?”  She cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Of course it is.”  She placed her fingers on the keys, feeling the cool ivory on her finger tips.  She began to play “Blackbird” by The Beatles.  Her eyes closed as her hands glided over the keys.  He watched her in awe.  He sang the first verse of the song as she continued to play.

A chill ran down Charlie’s spine hearing the smoothness of JC’s voice.  She stopped playing abruptly.  It was at that moment she noticed how closely they were sitting to each other.  Her left thigh was pressed firmly against his right thigh.  He was resting his right hand on the bench behind her, leaning in to her.

“Why’d you stop playing?”  She shrugged shyly.  “You know anything more uptempo?”  She nodded slightly before repositioning her fingers.  She played the opening bars to “It’s Gonna Be Me”.  He snorted a chuckle as his head fell to her shoulder.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”  His head raised to meet her gaze.  A shy smile lingered on her face.

“So you’re a fan?”

“I never said I was fan but as I said before I don’t live under a rock.  I was turning eighteen around the same time your guys ‘No Strings Attached’ album was released and you couldn’t turn on the TV without seeing you guys.”  He quickly did the math in his head to figure out her age, figuring she was around thirty two .  “Why don’t you play something?  You’re a songwriter and musician.”

JC ran his thumb nervously down the wide bridge of his nose a few times.  He repositioned himself on the bench, pushing the sleeves of his sweater up to his elbows and placed his fingers on the piano keys.

“I haven’t been writing too much lately and even less playing.”  He played a few quick notes.  Charlie played the opening notes of “Chopsticks” which brought back the memory of him doing the same thing just a few weeks prior before taking his road trip.  He joined in.

“Why haven’t you been writing or playing?”  They continued playing the song in the round before he answered.

“I’ve had a pretty gnarly case of writer’s block and haven’t had much luck with melodies lately either.  It’s gotten better but still a struggle.  That was actually my reason for ending up here.  I decided to take a road trip to clear my mind.  Reset myself.”  

Charlie switched gears and began playing Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer”.  JC immediately fell in step playing the song on his half of the piano.

“How long have you played?”  His eyes were fixated on her hands as he became mesmerized at how beautifully they glided over the keys.

“I’ve tinkered with playing the piano on and off since high school.  I really got into learning and playing when I moved here.  I had a lot of free time so I taught myself.  I bought a couple at-home lesson programs and YouTube’d a bunch of videos.”  She turned to smile at him as they continued playing.  “How about you?”

“My mother put me in lessons when I was a child.  At first, I hated it but quickly fell in love with it.  I also play guitar but the piano is my first love.  There is just something about it that calls to me.  You can produce a quiet, soft melody that soothes the soul or bang out a loud, aggressive tune to cleanse the stress of the body.  It’s done well for me over the years.”

“I would say so, popstar.”  Charlie bumped JC’s shoulder with hers.  He smiled widely but kept his eyes on her hands.

“You play any other instruments?”  His eyes traveled up from her hands to her forearms.  He noticed scattered bruises and small cuts in various stages of healing.  Most of the cuts looked to be faint scars.  The bruises were mostly yellowed and nearly invisible.

“I also play the violin.  I started in fourth grade and played all the way through high school.  I haven’t really played much since I graduated.  I gave it a rest because it tore up the tips of my fingers on my left had.”  She turned her left hand over to show the calluses that appeared on her index, middle, and ring fingers.  He noticed more random scars on the underside of her arm.  He stopped playing and ran his fingers lightly over her marred skin.

“What happened?”  JC pulled her right arm towards him to see similar markings and bruising.  Charlie’s heart began to beat fast.  How would she explain her need to harm herself when she couldn’t handle stress and pressure?  She had to think quickly.

“The joys of being a bartender.  Between beer kegs, beer and liquor boxes, broken glassware, and the occasional bar fight, my arms take a bit of a beating.  Occupational hazard.”  This wasn’t completely untrue.  The bruises and some of the marks were from bartending.  She was nowhere near capable of explaining the other marks.

“You really throw yourself into your work.”  He seemed satisfied with her explanation which was a relief.  They both resumed stroking the ivories of the piano, competing to seeing who could play fastest without messing up.  Her fingers faltered and she played a sour note.      

“You’ve had more experience than me.”

“You can hold your own.  You write any of your own music?”  JC’s fingers left the piano, again watching her hands move as she resumed playing, slower this time.  She played “Seasons of Love” from the Broadway musical “Rent”.  “I’ve seen you writing in that notebook of yours.  No song lyrics in there?”

“I guess there are originally writings in there that could be song lyrics.  There are also quotes and song lyrics from other people that struck something in me.  I think the way you feel about playing the piano is how I feel about the written word.  The way someone’s compilation of words can move your soul, tear your heart out, make you fall in love, and enrage you all at the same time.”

Charlie began to play a song that JC didn’t recognize.  It was a slow ballad that was slightly haunting.  Her eyes closed again and she slowly swayed.  

“Did you write that?  I don’t recognize it.”  

“I’ve been playing around with it for a few months.  No words to go with it but it seems to play in a constant loop in my head lately.”  She turned her gaze to him and raised an eyebrow, give him a playful angry face.  “Don’t go taking my melody.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, honey.”  He focused his eyes on her lips this time which she realized immediately.  She quickly turned her head away, concentrating on her fingers playing the melody.  He gently gripped her chin between his left thumb and index finger, bringing her to face him again.  A shaky breath escaped her lips; her fingers stilled on the piano.

“I don’t think your girlfriend would appreciate the lack of space between the two of us right now.”  Charlie was trying to lighten the mood and prevent what she was sure was going to happen next.  A smile crept to JC’s lips.

“That was slick fishing but I don’t have a girlfriend.”  His eyes slammed into hers and she felt her mouth dry instantly.

“Well, how do you know I don’t have a boyfriend?”  He instinctively licked his bottom lip, she subconsciously followed suit.  

“I don’t but you gotta tell me to stop if you do.”  The little bit of space between them closed and JC closed his lips over Charlie’s.  A quiet moan sounded in her throat.  His lips were soft and she tasted the faint remnants of his coffee.  His right hand moved to her hip.  The additional contact snapped her out of the moment.  She pulled back.  He was disappointed in the halt of the kiss.

“This isn’t something friends do.”  Charlie’s breathing was slightly labored.  Her mind was reeling and she was cursing herself for allowing the kiss to happen.  She hated herself more for enjoying it.  Her mind flooded with memories of her last serious relationship.  She could never seem to forget them completely but had done a pretty good job of pushing them to the back of her mind over the last few years.  Kissing him brought them to the forefront.  

She began to feel a familiar burn of anxiety in her chest.  Her lungs contracted, no longer from the brief kiss but her building need to escape; a need for release.  She slid off the bench and put a fair amount of distance between them.  Her hands ran down her face.

“I apologize Josh if I gave you mixed signals or made you think I was coming on to you.  I’m trying to become okay with the friends thing.”  Charlie’s use of his name made him feel warm again.  “We shouldn’t get ourselves into something we’re both not ready for.  I…..I…..”

“Charlie…..”  JC rose from the bench and moved towards her.  She shook her head vigorously, holding her hands up for him to stay back.  There was pain and fear in her eyes, two things he never meant to incite in her.  “Charlie, don’t apologize.  I’m the one who came on too strong.  I pushed it too far.  I’m the one who’s sorry.  I scared you and I’m sorry.”

“I don’t….I can’t…..this….”  Charlie couldn’t form a complete sentence.  Her anxiety was wound so tight at the moment.  JC slowly closed the distance between them.  He rubbed his hands up and down her upper arms but kept her at arm’s length.

“It’s okay.  Charlie, look at me.”  Her shifty eyes made their way up to meet his.  “You did nothing wrong.”

Charlie maintained eye contact with JC.  His eyes shone bright with warmth and concern.  A genuine sense of care appeared and a calm washed over her.  She hadn’t seen that kind of look directed at her in a very long time.  It settled the tightness in her chest, relieving her of her need to seek release through self-inflicted pain.

JC saw the relief calm her eyes.  For the moment, he was okay with them appearing blank and hollow.  It was better than what he had just seen.

“Friends?”  He placed his hand out for Charlie to shake, he offered a smile to comfort her.  A blush colored her cheeks.  She placed her hand in his, gently shaking their joined hands.

“Friends.”