The broken pieces of me

Scattered all around my feet

All I’m left with are memories of you

And have nothing left to lose

My scars remind me

Love never comes free

So here’s goodbye to you and me

Charlie’s pen tapped on the paper of her notebook.  She glanced around the nearly empty bar as she sat on her normal perch on the back bar.  Two people.  Two whole people were there tonight.  She checked the time on her cell phone, showing it was only ten PM.  It really shouldn’t have surprised her.  It was a cold Thursday night.  As the days moved deeper into the fall, creeping closer to winter, the nightly crowds tended to become leaner.  Saturday’s were the only busy nights these days.  

Four more hours until closing.

No matter how few people were there, the bar was always open.  The owner’s philosophy was that business was business and the locals always needed a place to unwind.  Since starting her employment there, Charlie could count on one hand the number of times the bar closed other than a few holidays each year.

Truthfully, nights like these didn’t bother her.  The other bartenders hated it but she rather enjoyed the quiet.  It was likely because it perpetuated her recent actions over the last few years of secluding herself from nearly everyone.

Charlie’s eyes moved back down to the paper in front of her.  She re-read the words she had jotted down a few minutes prior.  One name popped into her mind when seeing her words: Owen.  The thumb of her left hand was wedged between her middle and ring fingers.  She was rubbing her now naked ring finger.

These words along with many other entries in Charlie’s notebook were about her ex-husband, Owen.  She never expected to be thirty two and divorced.  Their last conversation face to face, which had been the day they signed divorce papers, seemed to constantly play in her head.

“Can we talk just you and I for a minute?”  Charlie pled with Owen.

“I don’t advise you to speak without your legal representation present, Owen.”  The stuffy, uptight prick that Owen hired glanced at Charlie while speaking to his client.

“Fuck you, I’m addressing my HUSBAND!”  Charlie’s lawyer placed his hand on her arm at her outburst.  “Sorry.  Please Owen.  This can’t be what you want.  This can’t really be the end.  Just talk to me!”

A long silence stretched between Charlie and Owen.  His hands were crossed in front of him on the shiny conference table.  Her eyes skimmed over his dark blond hair that was buzzed short.  His dark blue eyes were focused down on his hands.  His wide, chiseled jaw had a few days of beard growth.  His broad shoulders slumped slightly.

“Look at me, damn it!”  Charlie’s hands slammed the table top.  Both attorneys jumped as did the court appointed judge and stenographer.  Owen drew in a deep breath before raising his eyes to meet hers.  Her gaze pled with him this time.  “Please Owen.”

“Let’s just get this over with.  I’m ready to sign.”  Owen turned to face the judge.  Charlie felt like she had been punched in the gut.  She had no tears left to shed.

Charlie still had no tears to shed when it came to her ex-husband.  There wasn’t much these days that could make her cry.  The year leading up to the finalization of her divorce had been the worst year of her life.  Everything spiraled out of control after one night and one bad decision.  

One minute, Charlie was finally living the happy life she had always wanted.  In an instant, it was all taken away in one violent swoop.

Her eyes were still downcast to her notebook in her lap when a peanut landed on the page.  This shook her from foggy thoughts.  She raised her head to see JC standing on the other side of the bar from her.  He smiled genuinely at her.  She smiled back weakly.

“Hey space cadet!  Where were you just now?”  JC had briefly seen a pained look on Charlie’s face before her ever present mask was firmly back in place.  He was glad he was seeing more of what was under her facade but the pain of a few moments ago was one he hoped to never see again.

“Daydreaming from extreme boredom.”  She hopped down from her perch, tossing her notebook under the bar.  Her previous thoughts pushed away for the moment.  “Beer?”

He nodded and took a seat while she fetched his beer.  

It had been three weeks since JC had shown up again on Charlie’s doorstep.  They had made an agreement to be friends and he wondered how long she would keep her word.  He expected her to pull another disappearing act but so far she hadn’t vanished.  He too had managed to stay planted in Cannon Beach for the time being but he knew it was only a matter of time before he had to leave again.

JC had managed to handle most business over the phone or via Skype.  He had gotten numerous requests for club appearances and a few charity events.  He really could have given a shit about the club appearances but the charity events were harder to say no to.  His manager had actually pitched him a fundraiser that was coming up the following week up in Seattle at a children’s hospital.  He told him he’d consider it and get back to him.

He was also getting offers on producing gigs.  He never really had an issue with steady work but this was one time he had kind of hoped for a drought.  No such luck though.  The offers were coming in steady and his calendar was filling quickly.  His time was limited with her.

Charlie had been more receptive to JC hanging around.  He finally took her out for the lunch that he had previously bailed on though it took a bit of convincing.  They had also made a few return trip to go fishing which he enjoyed tremendously.  Most of their time spent together was while she was working.  Whether manning the front desk at the hotel or tending bar, he usually found a reason to be in the general vicinity of her.

When Charlie was working the front desk of the hotel, he would sit in front of the fireplace of the lobby with his notebook.  He’d sneak glances at her while she worked and jot down lyrics as they came to him.  Even just looking at her was proving good for his song writing.  A couple times he brought his keyboard with him and managed to pull her away from her work to play.  There was a lot of dead time where she had nothing to do anyway.  He liked listening to her sing and play songs from the radio.  He encouraged her to sing some of the stuff from her notebook but no such luck yet.

While JC was having a hard time of it, he managed to keep their physical contact playful and not too forward.  He hadn’t kissed her again though he was dying to because he had written nearly a whole song back at the hotel after leaving her house when he had kissed her.  Aside from that, he liked kissing her, songwriting muse or not.

The handful of times they had been out and about together, he would link his pinky finger with hers to guide her along.  Each time, the contact didn’t last too long but she wasn’t recoiling either.  

JC was unaware but his small touches, linking pinkies, brushing the side of her arm, placing his hand on the small of her back to guide her, had been a comfort to Charlie.  A comfort she hadn’t experiences since her ex-husband.  While there was nothing sexual about the touches, it provided a security she missed and didn’t realize she craved.  She also appreciated that he wasn’t too forceful.

Most nights that JC would hang out in the bar with Charlie, they passed the time playing cards or random games on each other’s phones.  They discovered that each had a pretty serious competitive side.  They were constantly trying to one up each other.  It was all in good fun and they were enjoying each other’s company.

Their conversations weren’t too serious either which suited Charlie just fine.  They talked a lot about music, specifically songwriting and playing the piano.  JC enjoyed that while she had learned to play via instructional videos, she was much the same as him that she was able to play by ear as well as sheet music.  She had a fondness for 70’s rock music that she would play often on the piano.

He also discovered that she had two younger siblings like he did, though there was a much larger age gap between her and her siblings than between him and his.  She spoke fondly of her brother and sister, claiming she missed them dearly.  She also spoke fondly of her grandmother who seemed to be more of a mother to her.  

“Here’s you go.”  Charlie placed the beer on the bar top.  Since it was so deathly slow, she decided to have a beer herself.  “How’s the songwriting coming?”

JC took a slow pull from the beer, kind of surprised that she was actually joining him for a drink for a change.  He wasn’t aware what the laws were in the state for bartenders drinking on the job.

“You sure you should be drinking behind the bar?”  Charlie took in his amused expression.

“One’s not gonna kill me.  You didn’t answer my questions.”

“It’s coming along pretty good.  Almost finished an entire song.  Hopefully inspiration will strike again soon.”  He took in the two other patrons in the bar.  Both were seated at the far end of the bar, nursing cocktails, looking pretty lit.  “Those two look a few sheets to the wind.”  She glanced down at her only other two paying customers.

“Yeah, they haven’t realized their last two vodka tonics were made with water.”  She snickered before turning back to him.  “So, are you trying to find another way to work the word ‘masturbate’ into a song and the just not finding the right flow?”  The evil grin on her lips was hard to conceal.  He immediately knew what she was referencing.

“Oh, you have jokes tonight.  And you told me you weren’t a fan.”  JC’s eyes playfully narrowed on Charlie.  “That song never got any airplay.  Admit it, you were boyband crazy.”

“You wish, popstar.”  She rummaged under the bar to find their usual deck of cards.  “So what card game am I kicking you ass at tonight?”  He cocked an eyebrow at her.

“Careful, honey.  I’m pretty sure I murdered you last night at ‘Go Fish’ numerous times.”  His eyes moved around the bar again, landing on something not far from his seat.  “How about darts tonight?  Switch it up a little.”  He wasn’t a pro but he could handle some darts.

Charlie’s eyes fell on the electronic dart board that sat against the wall.  She turned back to him and gave a pitiful look.  She saw JC’s eyes light up at her anguish.

“Darts?  Really?  I think I’d rather stick to ‘Go Fish’.  I’ll even let you win again.”  His head fell back with a throaty laugh.

“Let me win?!?  You are mouthy tonight.  I’m gonna enjoy kicking your ass at darts.  I’ll go set it up.”  JC slid from his barstool and began to fiddle with the choices on the dart board.  Charlie checked on her other two customers before grabbing the glass of darts and joining him at the board.

“So what are we playing?”  He pushed a few more buttons before sliding next to her.

“The game is 501.  The premise is the first to clear all their points from the board wins.  We go in rounds, each throwing three darts at a time, standing behind this line.”  He pointed to a stripe of tape on the floor.  “You gotta get to zero.  If you go over, you bust and I get another chance to throw.  We just keep going until one of us wins.”

“Seems easy enough.”

“Ladies first.”  JC motioned for Charlie to go first.  She plucked three darts from the glass and stepped up to the line, trying to line up her throw.  She lobbed the three darts at the board hitting a 13, a 5, and a 3.  “21’s not a bad start.”

They switched places.  JC went through a small ritual of placing his foot precisely on the line, he shook out his throwing arm to loosen it up, took two deep breaths, and lined up his first shot.  He threw each dart hitting a triple 10, a 15, and a triple 2.  He turned on his heel, giving her a toothy grin at his score of 51.  He put a little extra swagger in his step, moving back to allow her to throw.

“Okay, simmer down with the sassy attitude, popstar.”  Charlie toed the throw line once again.  She did some exaggerated moves, mocking JC’s previous ritual.  She quickly glanced back at him.  “Did I do all that right?”

“Just throw the damn darts.”  He motioned for her to face back to her task.  She took another second before thrown the three darts at the board.  This time she hit a triple 20, triple 19, and triple 18.  

“A 173 is good right?”  JC blinked a few times at her, dumbfounded by the score.

“Lucky throw.”  They switched spots and his next throw netted him an 85, one dart had hit a bullseye.  Charlie grinned as she moved to line up her next throw.

“Let’s see if I can get lucky again.”  Her next round landed two bullseyes and another triple 19 giving a total score of 157.  “Wow, I’m really lucky tonight.”

“You shark!”  Charlie broke into a fit of giggles at JC’s mock angry expression.  He poked her sides a few times which produced more giggles.  He was enjoying seeing and hearing her laugh.

“I tried to warn you and play cards instead.  Your loss, dear.  I played league darts for a few years.”    

“You are just full of all kinds of surprises.”  At that moment, he had a strong urge to kiss her.  His right hand came around to rest on her lower back as he leaned in to capture her lips but she quickly turned her head, his lips landing on her cheek instead.

“It’s your throw.”  He placed a few more kisses along her jawline and neck before moving to take his next throw.

Charlie gulped down the rest of her beer in an attempt to calm her heart rate.  She figured it was only a matter of time before JC tried to kiss her again.  She’d be lying if she said she didn’t want him to but she chickened out at the last minute when she turned her head.  The memory of the tickle of his week old facial growth gave her a tingly feeling that she quite enjoyed.  

The internal battle going on inside her was raging pretty heavily.  There was so much hidden inside of her that she was afraid to tell people, especially someone she had only met a little more than a month prior.  She knew that if she shared even half of her secrets, he’d run for the hills screaming.

Charlie was beginning to regress back into her previous thoughts of how she could drive JC away.  She didn’t want him to get caught up in someone as screwed up as her.  He hadn’t been pushy about her opening up about her personal life.  She shared a few details but not much.  He had done much of the same, likely due to his life being picked apart in the past by the media.   

She was beginning to enjoy having him around but knew their time was limited.  She had been present a handful of times he took phone calls from his manager.  While she appeared to make herself busy and not listening, she heard him turning down appearances and work or trying to schedule things for future dates.  She knew he could disappear again at a moments notice like before.

Charlie grabbed herself and JC another round of beers while they finished out their game.  The night wore on as they continued playing darts, cards, and even a couple rounds of pool to pass the time.  Her two bar patrons called a friend to pick them shortly before midnight, leaving Charlie and JC alone.

Once alone, she tried to make herself busy with small tasks of cleaning and restocking the bar.  He noticed when he tried to kiss her that her demeanor changed.  She grew quiet and seemed to be deep in thought at times.  He cursed himself for moving too fast again.  He occupied his time with reading emails while she moved about the bar.

The deafening silence between them grew to be too much for JC.  He grabbed Charlie’s hand on one of her passes by him.  He twisted in his seat to face her, positioning her between his legs.  Her hands rested on his upper arms, his rested on her hips.  She didn’t meet his gaze, looking anywhere but his face.  

“Hey.”  His voice was gentle.  Her eyes finally met his.  “I feel like I have to keep apologizing to you.  I obviously scared you again.  Don’t shut down on me.”

Charlie didn’t say anything, she just held JC’s gaze.  Her head was waging war with her heart at the moment.  His hands resting on her hips was causing electric currents to shoot through her whole body.  She raked her teeth over her bottom lip; her heart was winning the war at the moment.

She slowly moved her hands from his arms to around his neck.  Her fingers played with his hair at the nape of his neck.  She watched as his tongue peeked out long enough to moisten his bottom lip.  Her breathing shallowed and her heart rate began to increase.  

This time, Charlie made the first move.  Her lips gently pressed to JC’s.  He drew in a deep breath through his nose at the contact.  He pulled her closer, pressing her chest flush against his, deepening the pressure of their lips.  His fingers slipped just under the hem of her sweater, causing her to moan into his mouth.  The skin to skin contact increased the feeling of electricity coursing through her body.

Charlie’s tongue ran along the seam of JC’s lips, silently requesting access which he immediately granted.  She leaned more into him, the intensity of the kiss increasing.  His hands continued to roam the small of her back and hips.

The sound of the front door slamming caused the two them to pull apart from each other.  Charlie turned to see who had interrupted them.  Her gaze fell on Deputy Matt.  Her eyes closed and her head rested on JC’s shoulder.  She unwillingly removed herself from his grasp and approached the deputy.  She stood a few feet in front of him.

“What can I do for you, Deputy?”  Matt’s eyes blazed with jealousy.  He had obviously caught quite a bit of their kiss.  Charlie was confused why he had used the front door and that he showed up earlier than he had in past visits.

“Since when did we become so formal in our interactions, Charlie?”  His words dripped with venom, moving in closer to decrease the distance between them.

JC couldn’t hear the words being spoken between the pair conversing across the bar, but he could see the hostility between them, especially from the officer.  He even received a few dirty glances from the man as he was speaking to Charlie.  He cautiously kept an eye on the pair as it appeared their exchange became more heated.

Matt reached out the short distance between them, grabbing a hold of Charlie’s upper arm roughly.  JC reacted immediately.  His barstool toppled over as he moved quickly in their direction.

“Fucking let go of me, you prick!”  Charlie grasped Matt’s thumb and bent it backwards until his grip loosened enough for her to yank her arm back.  She stumbled back a few feet, running smack into JC’s hard chest.  His hands gently grasped her shoulders to help her steady.

“Is there a problem, officer?”  JC’s voice was firm, his face stony.  

“Charlie and I were just having a conversation.”  Matt’s eyes never left Charlie, glaring at her with hatred.

“There’s no need to have a conversation with your hands on her.”  This caused Matt to move his gaze to JC.

“I’m going to ask you to step back as this doesn’t concern you, sir.”  Matt gestured for JC to shoo away.  Charlie moved to lunge at Matt but JC caught her around the waist.  She kicked a leg in Matt’s direction but missed due to the restraint of JC’s arm around her.   

“Go fuck yourself, Matt.  Just get out of here and leave me alone.  Go home to your wife and kids for Christ sake.  Just fucking leave me alone!”  She squirmed in JC’s arms, trying to get free.  She finally managed after a small struggle and pushed Matt hard.

“Charlie--”  JC’s voice caught in his throat when Matt drew his weapon, pointing it directly at Charlie.  JC moved slowly to grasp her waist and put himself between her and the gun.  Charlie swatted at his hands, pushing them off of her.

“No, he won’t fucking shoot me.  This bastard is a coward, aren’t you Matty?”  Charlie stared Matt down, walking towards him.  JC was dumbfounded at how brazen she was being with a police officer pointed a gun at her head.  “Just go.  Don’t ever come back.  If you do, I’ll call your fucking wife, you piece of shit!”

A long staredown ensued between Matt and Charlie.  Matt finally lowered his gun, holstering it.  JC let out a breath he had been holding.  He had felt frozen in place.

“You’re not worth it you stupid bitch.”  Matt pushed the door open, disappearing into the cold, October night.  Charlie rushed to the door, pulling it closed and locking it.  There was still almost an hour until closing but she didn’t care.  She didn’t turn to face JC.  Her shoulders heaved as her breathing became labored.

“Charlie…..”  She jumped at the sound of his voice directly behind her, feeling his breath on her neck.  The familiar tightness of anxiety began building in her chest.  She needed to get away from him.  

Charlie briskly walked to the back office located behind the bar.  JC followed behind her a few moments later.  When he entered the office, he found her bent over, frantically digging in her purse from the bottom drawer of the desk.

“Charlie, talk to me.  Are you okay?”  She didn’t look up when he addressed her.

“I will be.”  He pulled her arm until she was in a standing position.  She had something gripped tightly in her hand but he was unable to tell what.  He brushed her hair out of her face, resting a hand on her shoulder to comfort her.

“I know he frightened you but it’s over.  He’s gone.”  She shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans, depositing the small tin container.

“I know.”  Her voice was so small.  His heart ached for her at that moment.

Unexpectedly, Charlie’s arms circled JC’s neck, her forehead resting against his neck.  His arms came around her waist to pull her in for a tight hug.  She pulled back a few moments later, meeting his gaze before crashing her lips into his.  There was a desperation in the kiss that caught him off guard.  It wasn’t like the one they shared earlier.

Charlie’s fingers moved up into JC’s hair, fisting it as their tongues danced together.  When she felt she would pass out from a lack of oxygen, she moved to kiss down his neck, giving them both a chance to catch their breath.  This time, his head and heart were at war with each other.

“Please touch me Josh.”  His hand had been resting on her hips.  He was debating whether he should stop what they were doing.  He could feel her trembling.  Her teeth took his earlobe between them, tugging gently.  “Touch me,” she whispered again.

JC’s hands slid under the hem of her sweater, swiftly moving up to her bra covered breasts.  A pleasure-filled gasp tore from Charlie’s throat when his thumbs grazed across each of her nipples.  His hips pressed her into the desk as their lips found each other again.

He continued massaging her breasts as her hands fumbled with his belt buckle.  The tremble of her hands on his belt caused him to break the kiss.  It was then that he realized how violently her whole body was shaking.  He removed his hands from under her shirt, stilling her hands with his.

“Stop Charlie.  This isn’t how we should be doing this.”  Charlie appeared to wilt like a flower in JC’s arms.  She was humiliated.  A soft sob escaped her lips.  He hugged her close, allowing her to cry out all her frustrations.  “Shhhhhhh, it’s okay honey.”

They stood holding each other for several minutes, her cries finally ceasing when she felt completely drained.  He had almost forgotten but JC remembered that Charlie has slipped something into her pocket.  He slid two fingers into the front pocket of her jeans.  He produced the small tin that she so desperately relied on.  He stared into her hollow eyes.  She made no movement to grab the container from him.  She was completely blank of any expression or emotion.  He opened the cover to find the small silver blade inside.

Charlie bowed her head in shame.  She knew this was the end.  JC looked back and forth between the top of her head and the object in his palm.

“What is this?  Were you--”  The realization seemed to hit him in the face.  He thought back to their day at the piano at her house a few weeks back.  He drew in a sharp breath.  She moved away from him, cowering in a corner of the small office.  She slid down the wall until she was huddled in a ball, her knees pulled against her chest.

A small voice inside JC told him to run.  He had seen some of his friends get involved in crazy shit over the years but this was a first for him.  He didn’t have the first clue how to handle this or help her.  He felt helpless.

His gaze fell on Charlie’s trembling frame in the corner.  While that small voice told him to run, an even louder one told him not to give up on her.  She needed someone at that moment.  He couldn’t deny her that.  He crouched down next to her, his hand rubbed her back.

“Come on, sweetie.  Let’s get you home.”