"I knew I forgave you a little more than four years before that, but I was also very hurt and bitter until I said it. I could feel the weight lifting as I said it." I sigh.

"I'm just so glad that you were willing to do the same and even more so when you said you were happy I left dipshit and got with Eric." 

"Yeah. Look at you two now, five years in: still happy, still love each other, trying to have your first little one or ones together, and raising your older kids together. He's been a great dad since before you got together and the kids proudly call him their dad. You should just get married already." 

We laugh for a few moments together before my 15 year old daughter knocks on my open bedroom door. "Yes, honey?" 

"Mom, I'm going to Jason's tonight, right?" 

"Friday night. It's only Tuesday." 

"I mean, to get costumes." 

"Oh, yeah!" I facepalm myself. "Yes, for costumes, but then straight home. Also, little girl, make sure daddy agrees." 

"Yes, mom. Hi, Uncle Dan." 

"Hey, Aaliyah." 

She walks away before I look at the smirk on his face. "What?" 

"She's turned out to be a good kid, just like the boys have." 

I widen my eyes. "Thank God she wasn't like me. I think Eric and his family have something to do with that." 

"He helped and I think that the other one stepping out of your lives had a huge impact on the whole situation, too." 

Yes, he means their biological "father". "Most likely. You've been there for the past five years and that helps as well." 

"Eh, no biggie. You welcomed me back with open arms and I appreciate it." 

I shrug, grabbing my shirt and disappearing into my closet for a moment to slip the shirt on over my tank top. "Forgiveness is something friends do when they want to keep the best of the best with them." 

"Sometimes one will chase waterfalls instead of trusting the lakes and rivers that they know best." 

He took that from TLC's "Waterfalls", thinking he's slick. "You just basically jacked the chorus of a song," I comment, shaking my head as I exit my closet. "You need to understand that you're part of the rivers and lakes that I'm used to because I know you so well." 

He smiles warmly, slightly blushing. "Yeah. Same goes for you. You're still the same girl I knew all those years ago, just much happier and actually in love with the man who was by your side for the entire ride." 

"The man that I'm willing to give a child to and maybe just say those vows for and take his last name and spend eternity with. Someone his family has loved for almost as long as he has while the other person felt the same way without having even a beginning of understanding the meaning of the word "love"."  

I sigh, happy to have said it to someone I count as one of the five closest friends I'm happy to have. He's the only friend I see nearly everyday, one that Eric trusts nearly as much I do. "I still can't believe I haven't found anyone that's been able to take my breath away like you did, but I knew right off the bat that your heart was taken and that it was your best friend's." 

He sighs, dejectedly. I throw my arms around him, comforting him, gently rocking side to side with my cheek resting on the top of his head. "Dan, sometimes it takes time, patience, and an open mind on top of an open heart. You know I say it from personal experience. I love you like a favorite cousin or sibling, but you tried so hard to keep me from drowning in my sea of despair when I wouldn't even wade water." 

"I know I love you, but from afar. I know he has your heart. I respect that, but it hurts to see you so in love with someone else when I can't find that." 

"You need to stop searching for love and just allow it to find you. I did. I wrote about it, and then, the least expected person became the one I've always loved was so obvious to me. It was like someone smacked me with a bat full of obvious things that finally made sense." 

"Every day, it's like you fall more in love with him." 

"Christina said it best in one of her songs, 'I'm amazed by all your patience/Everything I put you through'. I mean it toward you as much as I mean it for Eric, it might be in different ways..." I trail off, trying to word it just right so that he doesn't get the wrong impression. 

"I mean it all just the same because the people I mean it for, have helped me mold myself into the woman I am today." 

"If I never met you, neither of us would be who we are." 

"Yeah. Love is a confusing and comforting thing; you just have to configure a way to navigate it." 

"I never once thought that someone younger than me would be giving me advice about love and relationships." 

Now, don't get the wrong idea about Dan... He's a smart guy when it comes to everything else, just not when it comes to relationships and emotions. Some people are just amazing at pretty much everything, some are barely keeping their heads above the water, and the rest can survive in one part of life and not so much about the rest. Dan is the last, I'm the middle, and Eric is an anomaly. Why do I say that about Eric? He is smart about certain things, guarded when it comes to emotions, but got through life pretty easily... but that's in my opinion, if you don’t count the emotional pain he's suffered. I've always had to fight for everything, sank when I should have been swimming, struggled to breathe, got my head above water, sank again, then he rescued me, and now I can't ask for anything more. Dan was one of the lucky ones, considering he's had the experience of a broken heart spared more times than I can count because he was almost as smart as Eric by having much fewer relationships than I have. I've had the most broken heart in my lifetime, but I'm also the youngest out of the three of us. There was about nine different times I've had my heart broken and most of them were ones that destroyed me more on the inside than what I showed. The number of times I've been entirely torn apart emotionally, well, one was when I lost my Gramma, then there's Shosey, then my failed marriage, and of course, TJ Williams. Two were my first tastes of bitter love and a broken heart, one was an asshole in armor who shattered my fractured heart and tore every fiber of my being to the tiniest shreds which left me broken and beaten and an emotional mess that was so afraid to say the three words that mean the absolute most, and the most important one was what helps me define how strong of a person I've become since that Thanksgiving in 1998 (I was only 12) when I fell into a hole of heartbroken emotional hell and began fighting my way back to the strong person that I am today with the encouragement of the two wonderful men and my children and my mother. 

If not for Eric and Dan standing beside me when they have, I wouldn't have seen the damage others had been able to do. Hell, there's two other people I have to also thank and I will do it now so that they know that they're always in my heart and on my mind as not only friends, but as family as well-Bekah and PJ.  

My Youtube tab on my laptop decides it's the perfect moment to play Mayday Parade's "Save Your Heart", something I must agree with cuz it is what he needs to hear. He's aching to be in a relationship, but he needs to realize that love can't be rushed or forced. "I'm younger and been through so much more heartache and many more broken and shattered hearts," I remind him. 

My phone sings a part of a song that applies to Eric and I, indicating who it is before I can even get to my phone. I read, 'You home? Dan there?' 

'Yes and yes.' 

'Omw home now.' 

'Okies. See you in a few.' 

He stands, slowly walking out onto the porch attached to the back of the house, and holds onto the railing that Eric and I had painted a beautiful ocean blue earlier this year when we moved to the house we're now renting near the old FHS building. It's a matter of a five or ten minute walk from there to our house. Our house is a five bedroom, two bathroom, large kitchen with all appliances and an island, a dining room, a large living room, a basement, and two car garage. We have a working car and a project car that he and I work on when we get the chance to. Of course that only happens when we both have days off or are on vacation, either happen very rarely. He also works on it with the kids, mainly the boys. I have my football player in middle school, my little girl is in her sophomore year, and my oldest is still living with us and working his tail off working for the same company as I do on first shift (7a-3p). I catch him coming out on my way in, hugging him close and tell him to be good for Eric (it's an old habit of mine).  

I lean on it, beside one of my few best friends for more than a total of 15 years altogether, and sigh. "My mom isn't doing too good as of late, man." 

I feel his eyes burning into the side of my head. "How?" 

"She has been in the hospital off and on since Chubb's birthday. From a chest cold to dehydration to ear infections to tachycardia; she just has been having the absolute worst time health wise." 

"Uh, wow. I'm sorry." 

I shake my head. "It was something I've always been afraid of happening, but I had come to terms with it when I'd been with Eric about a year. It's something that's just been looming over me and why I tell her that I love her as much as I have for the past six or seven years as often as I get the chance to." 

"It sucks, but with the two of us and the kids, I know you'll come out of it and it'll all be okay," he tells me, putting his hand on mine to comfort me. 

"Hey, hey, hey!" Eric classically calls through the house around 1:15ish. Why is my daughter home, but not Chubbs? It's Tuesday and both Dan and I have to work today, but she had been given a skip day due to a special test being run that her doctor is running. Chubbs is at school, making things simple for everyone cuz Aaliyah knows the bus route to get to their Tio Jason's. Chubbs is most likely having a blast hanging out with his friends on the way home, avoiding all the short cuts to take longer to get home. He's most likely going to stick to his cousin, Niko's, side cuz they're like they're slued to one another's sides from the armpit down to the hips.

"We're on the back porch," I announce loudly through the back door, not wanting to have him see me so emotionally distraught.