“Excuse me beautiful.” I turned around looking at the extremely buzzed man that was waiting for me to acknowledge him.

“What can I get for you?”

“First of all you can start with getting me your number and then I’ll get a Smirnoff.” I reached behind me and grabbed a bottle of Smirnoff Ice and handed it to the pig that was gracing me with his presence. He slid 5 bucks across the bar to me and raised his eyebrows as if to tell me if were my turn. Guess again buddy.

“Now can I get your number?”

“Yeah here,” I slid a business card across the bar at him, a business card with Marquee’s number on it, “I’ll be waiting, jackass.” He scoffed and walked away from the bar area and back over to the dance floor. I braced myself for the lame attempts to pick me up that were to come.

Don’t ask me what possessed me to work at this damn place; who actually wants to stare at sweaty bodies gyrating against each other all night? Who in their right mind would actually want to contribute to alcoholism? Well, you might but not I, so I’m not really too sure about why I decided it was time to stop living off of Daddy’s dirty money and get a job as a bartender.

My life is so redundant; every night I got hit on by drunk men (and sometimes drunk women), listened to garbage music that DJ David(pronounced Dah-veed he claims, well all just call him Dave to piss him off though) is ‘feeling’ at the moment, and provided ammunition for late night rendezvous. You may be asking yourself why I just don’t quit if I hate my job so much; if not, oh well then you are now. You see I can’t just up and quit my job because at 23 the only secondary education I’ve had is New England Bartending School (in Boston); college is not for this girl. Living off of my dad’s money for the rest of my life is very tempting, but considering the circumstances I can’t and won’t let him support me until I’m old and wrinkly. It was time to start doing for myself…at least attempting to.

“Hola Mami, can I get a Rum and Coke por favor?” Not again, you’d think after a year I’d be used to these lames. I was hoping this guy noticed the obvious eye roll I shot in his direction, but apparently not because he continued to butcher the Spanish language attempting to speak to me.

“Whatever.” I made my way down the bar to the soda gun before grabbing the bottle of Bacardi and pouring a generous amount.

“Gracias. Que es la costa?” Wow, someone needs to head back to Spanish 1.

“The cost? Just because you massacred that I’ll give it to you on the house.” I couldn’t help but to be embarrassed for this asshole.

“So, what’s someone as pretty as you working in a place like this?”

“Living isn’t cheap, work is work.”

“Nice, a woman who provides for herself, I like you already. Cuantos anos tienes? You don’t look a day over 18.” Finally he got something right.

“I’m 23, and you can cut the Spanish bullshit, I’m not Hispanic, and F.Y.I you’re doing a horrible job at speaking it. And if you’re making this small talk to try to get me to go home with you, it’s not going to work.” I turned back to him after mixing a drink for another alchie in the making.

“Do I look like the type to sweet talk girls into coming home with me?”

“You really want me to answer that question?”

"No. Anyways, since we’ve established that I’m getting nowhere near those panties of yours, do you have a name that I can attach to that beautiful face” Not only can he not speak any language other than pig, he couldn’t read either.

“You’re just on a roll today, aren’t you? Give up, please.” I pointed to the name badge that I was wearing and walked down to the opposite end of the bar to attend to male customers that my coworker was ignoring for bitches, pervert.

“Well Lani, I’m Justin. It was nice meeting you.” He walked away from the bar, leaving his phone in the process. I attempted to call out to him but he couldn’t hear me over “Bartender” by T Pain, damn you Dave, now I had to see this lame later. I shot a glare across the room at Dave, who coincidentally did his “point and wink” routine at me (that he clearly choreographed himself). Who hired this freak? Apparently he doesn’t pay attention to detail, because the song clearly said “she gave me a wink”, someone needs to learn his shit if he’s going to try to be Rico Suave and seduce me with his DJing skills (or lack thereof if you ask me).

It was definitely the beginning of a long ass night; 4 o’clock couldn’t come fast enough, and it didn’t...

I was perched against my BMW during the let out when I saw her signature curly burgundy hair with blonde highlights weaving through the crowd; I knew that it was time to make my move.

“Excuse me beautiful; I think I accidentally left my phone at the bar. You wouldn’t happen to know where I could go to get it back do you?” Without saying a word she reached into the unusually large purse she was carrying and pulled out my gold and white Sidekick.

“You should be more careful next time.” She started to work her way through the crowd that had formed on the sidewalk and sauntered her way up towards 10th Ave towards West 28th, in the direction of her apartment I assumed.

“Did you plan on taking it home to stalk me?” I followed right after her, I am not a failure.

“Don’t flatter yourself. Maybe you should go back and follow Bimbo Barbie home, you’d get further. Trust me Justin, I’m not one to mess with so I’d quit while you’re behind.” What? Isn’t it quit while you’re ahead?

“I think you have it wrong; it’s quit while you’re ahead.”

“No I have it right. You’re behind, not ahead, so quit. I’m not one of these easy girls that you’re going to penetrate through so get real. I know your type and I’m not interested.” For someone who didn’t want any sort of penetration(somehow I don’t think she was referring to penetrating her in the way I wanted) the look she shot me as she carried her long ass toned legs down the subway steps was saying otherwise. Tease.

Walking back to my BMW I made a much needed phone call on my previously ‘forgotten’ Sidekick. Like I said, I’m not a failure and I'm sure as hell not a quitter either; I was getting some that night no matter who it came from. If I couldn’t get through to Lani, I would have to resort to a backup.

“I didn’t think you’d be calling me tonight.” What? No hello?

“Yeah well plans change. Listen, I’m on my way over there. Be ready for me Nina; I’ve had a few drinks and I’m loose. You know how much better that makes things.”

“Okay. I’ll see you in a few, the door’s unlocked.” I didn’t even have to say bye before hanging up the phone; she knew the deal, I was gonna get mine.

But mark my words, I knew that Lani would be mine; it was only a matter of time until she was putty in my hands.