I sit in the car, comfortably waiting to turn onto my old street. Thinking to myself that there’s nothing I want more in life right now then to pull into my driveway and get into my house and just bawl my eyes out in my old bed. That’s really all I want, nothing more. Knowing my mom though, I’ll probably have a conversation that will last until midnight about how much boys suck.

I know what makes me comfortable

And I know what makes me tick

And when I need to get my way 

I know how to pour it on thick

When I actually pull into the driveway I realize something isn’t the same. I have an awkward feeling come over me and suddenly I think that maybe coming home wasn’t the best of ideas. 

Cream and sugar in my coffee

Right away when I awake

I face the day and pray to God 

I won't make the same mistakes

All the rest is out of my hands

I turn the key into the lock and open the door. And there he is with Trace, head in his hands.

“Diana, wait.” He pleads.

“Go home, Justin. Just go.” I say walking up the stairs and the tears continue to flow down my face.

I make my way to the top of the stairs and head into my bedroom. I just want to slam the door and hope it’s loud enough to wake me up from this nightmare. I reach the old bed and collapse into sobs. Pulling the covers over my body, I attempt to ignore the knocking at my door.

“Justin, seriously, just GO!” I scream. 

“No,” he replies back. “Move over a little.”

He takes off his shoes and crawls into bed with me. I feel even more disgusted with myself and move to the edge of the bed as far away from him as I know humanly possible.

“Di, listen, it’s not what you think,” he starts.

“Really, Justin, it’s not? Because that’s the same girl I walked in on with you making out on your sofa. I really didn’t think you’d go for her again, but once again Diana’s wrong.”

“Trust me, Diana. She was just there. I wanted absolutely nothing to do with her, she kept trying to make a move on me, but it really wasn’t happening.”

I will learn to let go what I cannot change

I will learn to forgive what I cannot change

I will learn to love what I cannot change

“Sure,” I say.

“I promise. Nothing happened.” 

“Justin, you have me wrapped around your little finger and I fucking hate it. I can’t stand not being in control.” I say in between sobs, “I can’t stand the feeling I get when you tell me it’s all going to be okay, because hey, you’re always right. I used to be the one in control of my life, and today, today just proves that clearly, I’m not.”

But I will change, I will change

Whatever I, whenever I can

“You have no idea what it’s like for me, Di. I sit around every moment of the day, waiting for a phone call or a text message, just letting me know you’re still okay that you’re still happy, that you still care. Don’t you get it? You have me tied on a leash. I never wanted to be the steady boyfriend or hell more than that when I had the life I did. You have no idea how I needed to run back here as soon as I saw those magazines, how shitty I felt knowing that there was that slim chance you might see it and think something actually did happen. You made me want to change, you made me want to be better. But you’ve got to understand, I’m in the same boat you are. I’ll never hurt you, I promise.”

He moves over on the bed and pulls me into him and the tears well up in my eyes again. I suddenly realize that throughout all of this, the only thing that I can change is me. I can’t change the fact that my boyfriend happens to be every tabloids dream cover or that he has girls like Macy running around him or that through all of this, the only place he wants to be is right here with me and that, in and of itself, is good enough for me. 

Leann Rimes- What I Cannot Change